Saturday, April 12, 2025

No Regrets

“So what about you? What have you been up to for the last 30 years?” Little did my well-meaning friend know this is the question that would freeze my brain and induce an old, familiar anxiety and sense of my own inadequacies. To be fair, we haven’t seen each other in 30 years, having been friends in college, our husbands having kept in touch through the years and following each others’ Army careers, and now we were sitting across the table having dinner since they happened to be in town for another event and kindly wanted to meet up and touch base face-to-face after all these years. An even sweeter meet-up since our school’s team had just secured the NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship the day before, and so we were already feeling college nostalgia. My sweet friend was just being nice, it was a fair question designed to draw my quiet self into the conversation and reconnect and she had no way of knowing how vulnerably that question hits sometimes.

The answer to the question is, “I’ve been raising three amazing people to adulthood, and now I’m feeling a little unmoored with the first year of empty-nesting in progress.” Not that I dumped that on my friend who I haven’t seen since we moved away from Florida all those years ago. But in giving the answer I did give, it set me down a familiar path of feeling like I am….well….boring. How does one sum up all those happy years of the mundane, yet oh so fulfilling days of raising littles, shuttling kids to youth sports, church activities, band, school, conversations with teenagers in the car and in the kitchen and wherever they wanted to talk  – all the things that filled my stay-at-home mom days, and all the mundane yet fulfilling things that still fill my days as a stay-at-home empty nester without sounding like it’s not much at all? Thirty years, and what have I to show for it, really? But what’s even more angst producing is, through the years, I’ve felt that little sense of inadequacy not only when a working friend asks what I do, but also from my church communities too, because, though I stayed home to raise my kids, we didn’t homeschool.  My kids went to public school, no less.  And they thrived. But I always have felt that I didn’t really fit in anywhere – with my working friends and with my homeschool friends. With both I suspected I wasn’t quite up to snuff.

All of that is faulty thinking and I know it. I’m not defined by what I do or don’t do, what career I did or didn’t pursue, how we schooled our kids, or any of that. I’m defined by who I am in Christ. I know this.

When this question comes up, I always feel this need to justify my choice not to finish my graduate degree.  I didn’t know myself very well back in the day, and the pre-professional major I chose wasn’t a good fit. I still don’t know what I should have chosen to study that might have been a better fit, but I ended up quitting graduate school when we got back from our honeymoon, and even though my husband and I both agreed it was definitely the right choice for me, I’ve battled through the years with feeling I may have wasted my college education. I didn’t. There were a lot of intangibles that enriched my life just from spending that time studying and graduating and I’m better for it.

Would I change my decision to stay at home with my kids and never pursue a career? Do I even have the desire to pursue more of a career right now? Absolutely not.  I have loved being a wife and mom. With how often we moved through the years, it was a joy to make our home and family a safe, warm, loving environment that was stable for my husband and our kids, no matter what house in what state of the country we were. Home was the people, not the location, and I am convinced it helped keep all of us sane. And it was good work, even if the world doesn’t see it that way. I have been able to read good, gospel saturated books and listen to excellent Bible teaching podcasts that have deepened my walk with the Lord in a way I would have missed had I made different choices, too.

So anyway, while I was feeling that familiar angst and sense of boringness, I talked to a wise friend about it the other day when we met for our weekly prayer time together.  She said, “Do you believe you were doing what the Lord wanted you to do?” “Yeah, I do,” I said. “Well, ok then,” she smiled and said she’s felt so much of the same things. Sometimes, it’s just nice to feel heard and understood, you know? I am so thankful for Christian sisters who come alongside us in each season of life and encourage us and put us back on our feet when we need reminding, aren’t you?

Spending almost thirty years raising children to adulthood, keeping the home, supporting my husband, and helping and supporting my church, this is good and important and life-affirming work. It is not boring, it is not wasted. It is beautiful, and truly I do not regret a bit of it. These amazing people we spent all these years raising still want to talk to us and spend time with us when they can, and they love Jesus and have found their own church families where they live. How can I ever let myself think this is boring? It may not look like much from the outside to try to relate what I do each day, but in eternal perspective, this is the good stuff. And I’m grateful for the beautiful life God has given us.

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, January 01, 2025

My 2024 Reading List

As is my annual habit, here is my reading list from 2024. Looks like I was a little lazier this year about writing much about the books - some years I share my impressions more than I did this year, but as I always caution, just because I read it doesn't necessarily mean I recommend it.  If you want to know what I think about any of these, feel free to ask. 

January 2024
  • The Kingdom, The Power, and The Glory: American Evangelicals in an Age of Extremism - Tim Alberta (NF)
  • Before We Were Yours - Lisa Wingate (F).
  • None Greater: The Undomesticated Attributes of God - Matthew Barrett (NF).
  • Promise of Blood (The Powder Mage Trilogy, Book 1) - Brian McClellan (F).
February 2024
  • All the Light We Cannot See - Anthony Doerr (F). My daughter was reading this for school and wanted me to read it, too, so I did.  I have seen this recommended in various places, but wasn't really all that interested in yet another WWII historical fiction.  Wow. I would have missed out for sure. It was not at all what I expected and I'm glad I read it, and I've really been enjoying discussing it with my daughter. This was a beautiful book and I loved it, but it did leave me feeling a little melancholy at the end, sort of a bittersweet feeling, so be warned if you want to read it - the ending is very satisfying, but not necessarily "happy," which is true to life, especially in war time. 
  • The Book of Lost Things - John Connolly (F). While I mostly liked this book and appreciated the themes examined through the story and the growth arc of the main character, even finding myself tearing up at the final chapter, I don't think it's one I would recommend. It is marketed for ages 11+, and I definitely wouldn't have given it to any of mine at that age, especially not my youngest.  There are several scary elements and disturbing body horror type things that would have really disturbed her at that age. Also, I have a feeling an adult would better be able to appreciate the layers and deeper exploration of loss that permeates it than a child might. Just because a book is about a child of the middle grade age doesn't necessarily mean the book is best suited for a reader of the same age. 
  • The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store - James McBride (F).
  • The Midnight Library - Matt Haig (F).
  • The Deconstruction of Christianity: What it is, Why it's Destructive, and How to Respond - Alisa Childers, Tim Barrett (NF).
March 2024
  • The Crimson Campaign (The Powder Mage Trilogy, Book 2) - Brian McClellan (F).
  • The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains - Nicholas Carr (NF). One of the most disturbing things I've read - maybe ever.  This depressed me a bit. I have another book addressing this topic from a Christian focus waiting on my Kindle that I will be reading soon which my pastor recommended to me after seeing I had read this one and how it had affected me.  
  • The Autumn Republic (The Powder Mage Trilogy, Book 3) - Brian McClellan (F).
  • The Unquenchable Flame: Discovering the Heart of the Reformation - Michael Reeves (NF).
  • Forsworn: A Powder Mage Novella - Brian McClellan (F).
April 2024
  • Digital Liturgies: Rediscovering Christian Wisdom in an Online Age - Samuel D. James (NF).  My pastor recommended this book to me after he saw how disturbed I was after reading The Shallows. It was a perfect recommendation.  Though I still have many of the same concerns I had after reading the first book, this was encouraging, while still sounding a much needed wake up call.  As I said in my post on Facebook about the other book, we Christians are not thinking deeply enough about how the internet is affecting our brains and how we process knowledge and the world around us. We are embodied people, and we need to experience the world as embodied people, with other people, and the internet is a disembodied space, and we need to be careful in this age we are living in. I appreciated this book very much.
  • Servant of the Crown: A Powder Mage Novella - Brian McClellan (F).
  • Seasons of Sorrow: The Pain of Loss and the Comfort of God - Tim Challies (F).  This book is a treasure.  It has cost Tim Challies greatly, but I believe God will use these words to comfort many. Though not long, this is not a book one can sit and read through all at once.  My own copy is drenched in tears, as I read Tim's honest, often raw, but deeply faith-filled and Christ-honoring labor through the first year of grief following the loss of his son. Many of the hard and anguished questions he is honest enough to leave on the pages are questions I, too, have found myself struggling through and wondering as I work through the grief of my mom's passing, and I am extremely thankful for his willingness to honestly pen them and publish them, as it has helped me to realize I am not alone in the questioning, and not alone in thinking them, and I don't have to feel guilty about them, either, as long as I ultimately entrust them to my loving, all-wise, compassionate Savior. I am sure many people have the same questions and wonderings this side of Heaven. It was not an easy read, but it was a deeply meaningful and worthy read. The theology and deep trust and love for Jesus underpinning his wrestling is something we must all come to grips with now, so that when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and when we are so broken with grief that we almost cannot breathe and it is almost impossible to see, we can most certainly rest in the Shepherd we know and love, and who so greatly loves His own. I highly recommend it. 
  • The Book That Wouldn't Burn - Mark Lawrence (F).
May 2024
  • Wimpy, Weak, and Woke: How Truth Can Save America From Utopian Destruction - John L. Cooper (NF).
  • Murder at the Kinnen Hotel: A Powder Mage Novella - Brian McClellan (F).
  • Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries - Heather Fawcett (F).
  • The River We Remember - William Kent Krueger (F).
June 2024
  • Motorhome Prophecies: A Journey of Healing and Forgiveness - Carrie Sheffield (NF).
  • In the Field Marshal's Shadow - Brian McClellan (F).
  • The Christian in Complete Armour: Volume 1 - William Gurnall (F).
  • Ghosts of the Tristan Basin - Brian McClellan (F).
  • A Trial of Innocents - Michael Swiger (F).
July 2024
  • The Skeletons in God's Closet: the Mercy of Hell, the Surprise of Judgment, the Hope of Holy War - Joshua Ryan Butler (NF). I wanted to really like this book.  I found much that was compelling and worth pondering, but I also found some parts that make me uncomfortable recommending it to others. Where it is good, it is quite good, but there are enough points that I felt were a little confusing or questionable, or at the least not clear enough, that, again, I can't recommend it. And as I was reading, in the back of my mind I kept thinking I recognized the author's name and it seemed like it was something concerning, so I looked him up and was reminded of a controversy I had read about over a more recent book he had written, and for that reason I can't recommend him without caution. This review from Trevin Wax spells out what some of my discomfort with this book was very well, better than I can state it. I agree with the points of caveat and concern Trevin notes in this review, and his take on the whole matches my take away as well. So, while there are things I found helpful, I would recommend discernment in reading this one. Interacting with Joshua Ryan Butler's "Skeletons in God's Closet" (thegospelcoalition.org)
  • The Siege of Tilpur - Brian McClellan (F).
  • The Mad Lancers - Brian McClellan (F).
August 2024
  • Gardens of the Moon (Malazan Book of the Fallen, Book 1) - Steven Erikson (F).
  • Ask Not: The Kennedy's and the Women They Destroyed - Maureen Callahan (NF).
  • Shepherds for Sale: How Evangelical Leaders Traded the Truth for a Leftist Agenda - Megan Basham (NF). 
  • Doing Life With Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out - Jim Burns (NF)
  • 100 Proofs That Jesus is God - Curt Daniel (NF)
September 2024
  • FAST: 10 Easy Steps to Success with Intermittent Fasting for Women Over 50: Lose Stubborn Belly Fat, Balance Hormones, Regain Mental Clarity and Finally Feel Like yourself Again - Heather E. Carson (NF).
  • Misled: 7 Lies That Distort the Gospel - Allen Parr (NF).
  • Deadhouse Gates (Malazan Book of the Fallen, Book 2) - Steven Erikson (F).
October 2024
  • The Extinction of Experience: Being Human in a Disembodied World - Christine Rosen (NF).
  • Recovering from Losses in Life - H. Norman Wright  (NF).
  • What it Means to Be Protestant: The Case for an Always Reforming Church - Gavin Ortlund (NF).
  • We Solve Murders (We Solve Murders, Book 1) - Richard Osman (F).
  • God's Big Picture: Tracing the Storyline of the Bible - Vaughan Roberts (NF).
  • The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness - Jonathan Haidt (NF).
  • The Reckoning - John Grisham (F).
November 2024
  • Skunk Works: A Personal Memoir of My Years of Lockheed - Ben R. Rich (NF).
  • The Answer is No - Fredrik Backman (F).
  • Pilgrim Prayers: Devotional Poems That Awaken Your Heart to the Goodness, Greatness, and Glory of God - Tim Challies (NF). I feel kind of funny including this in my reading list, as it is not a read-straight-through kind of book, but it is so good I wanted to go ahead and include it so I could remember and talk about it here. I love the format of this book as a daily devotional that includes poem prayers to spark my own prayer for the morning. It really is a beautiful little treasure of a book, and I'll be using it in my daily quiet time routinely from here on out. 
  • Sowable Word: Helping Ordinary People Learn to Lead Bible Studies - Peter Krol (NF)
December 2024
  • Memories of Ice (Malazan Book of the Fallen, Book 3) - Steven Erikson (F).
  • I Cheerfully Refuse - Leif Enger (F).
  • Recapturing the Glory of Christmas: A 25-Day Advent Devotional - R. Albert Mohler, Jr. (NF)
  • The Rise of BlueAnon: How the Democrats Became a Party of Conspiracy Theorists - David Harsanyi (NF)
  • The Best Christmas Pageant Ever - Barbara Robinson (F). One of my favorites to read at Christmas!