Where I Am Right Now, Thoughts on Moving and Where We Are Planted This Year

Moving to a new community is always interesting, and each move brings with it challenges, joys, sorrows, and struggles. The community where we are planted for this year is no exception. It is interesting, challenging, but also has some good. One thing that’s added to the mix this year is that the city we live in, in the greater Cleveland area, is, on some measures, one of the most liberal cities in Ohio, maybe even the country. We in our family have been known to call it the USSR of (our city name). It’s definitely the most liberal school system we’ve ever encountered. It is also a totally IB-infused curriculum from elementary to high school throughout the entire school district. Those of you who love that curriculum, please don’t be offended or feel the need to convince me otherwise, I’m glad for those who like it, but that wasn’t actually a draw for us. I wouldn’t choose it for my kids if I’d had a choice. At least we really, really, really love our church, even though it’s kind of a drive to get to it several little cities over.

That said, there are some great things about this community and school system, IB and all. I’ll start with that before I get to my rather short point. First of all, this is probably the most diverse community we’ve ever lived in, and that is a really good thing. I love that my daughter is completely race-blind. She truly wants to befriend anyone that will be her friend, whether black, white, brown, or whatever, we are all descendants of Adam, created in God’s image. I love this for my kids. May their tribe increase. I also think it’s great that they get to meet people who aren't necessarily just like them and don’t think like them. I am very encouraged by the discussions we have at home as they work through what they believe and why they believe it and learn to embrace the faith as their own and also learn to respectfully discuss issues with people who hold very different beliefs. Our Sunday School class is studying the book of Daniel, and last week we discussed the balance between being resolute in our convictions and what we hold to be true, and know to be true, and respectful in how we seek to follow them and talk about them. I found it quite helpful in light of some things we face daily. 

Another thing I like about the schools here is that academically they are quite rigorous, and when I went to the elementary school open house, I liked some of the strategies they shared for how they are teaching math and reading and other things. Musically we could not ask for better education. Both of my boys have top-notch private lesson teachers. And the band totally rocks. 

That said, there is a feel here, for lack of a better word, a kind of smug sense of self-righteous superiority that pervades the atmosphere here that I find a little creepy, and it’s mostly from the IB stuff. First of all, people are NUTS about scores and tests and stuff. One of the first things high school parents ask when they meet me is, “What classes is your son taking?” And there is an underlying arrogance about whose kid is taking the hardest classes. It’s creepy.

Then, another thing that defines our experience here is that there is a group-think mentality I find off-putting, even as they stress characteristics like independence and learning to think critically. However, listening to my older boys talk when they come home from school, there’s a subtle subversiveness to the learning to think thing. It’s great when they learn to think ‘critically’ as long as it matches the teacher’s liberal bent, and as long as their reasoning sounds like good little communists socialists liberals globally aware IB students in the mold approved by the curriculum, but my very conservative, very Christian sons are finding that their contributions aren’t always what the teacher is looking for, and sometimes aren’t very welcome. They haven’t had any outright negativity, but they have been told, “Yes, well, we won’t be going there,” with certain discussion topics. 

Case in point, my high schooler’s text book for Honors English is The Bible As/In Literature. I wasn’t thrilled with that choice, but what I have been thrilled with is listening to the things my son has been telling me as he’s asked me questions and we’ve discussed things and as he’s been sharing in class. He said there is one boy who now asks him, “What do you think about that?” after certain discussions, and he’s able to open up the Bible and show him there is so much more to what they read than the curriculum line they are given in class, which definitely is subversive to our high view of the Bible. That’s been pretty neat to watch. I kind of feel like, if they choose a book like that for a high school class, then they invite the discussion. You use our holy book for your text, don’t get mad if a Christian kid goes deeper with it than you maybe intended. While the Bible is literature, and great literature at that, it is so much more than just literature, too, and if we’re really going to be tolerant, he has just as much right to share his insight as the atheist kids who are so antagonistic to his view. TRUE tolerance implies disagreement. So, all that said, I’m pretty excited to see God working in this situation and how my sons are learning to make a reasoned defense for what they believe. Even when they may not speak up in front of the class or directly to the teacher, other kids notice and they listen to them and even ask them. I’m also planning on giving him the book I’m reading just as soon as I finish it, which is Jesus Unmasked by Todd Friel. After being exposed to the discussions in his English class and the discussions we’ve had at home about those discussions, I’m very excited for him to read Todd Friel’s most excellent look at how all of the Old Testament points to Jesus, finding Jesus in the types and shadows of the Old Testament. The timing of that book coming out is spectacular for our family. My son will get to see how truly awesome the Bible is, how inspired and how much more its message is than what was discussed in class. I pray daily for my children in the midst of all this.

Which leads me on a little rabbit trail. What I see very much here in this community is the classic liberal redefining of tolerance. Tolerance today is not actually tolerance. To be ‘tolerant’ according to the common wisdom of our whacked out culture today means to be totally accepting of everything, and especially of everything that we might be prone to voice any disagreement about, if that makes sense. It means calling evil good and good evil. It means nothing is EVER wrong, unless it’s something that doesn’t mesh in lock-step with the prevailing secularist view. THAT is wrong and intolerant.  These days, calling something wrong is just about the biggest cultural sin you can commit. Problem is, it just doesn’t work. I’m supposed to be totally accepting of homosexuality or evolution, for example, but my view is taboo and ignorant. Tolerance only goes one way in the tolerance-not tolerance camp. TRUE tolerance, however, is acknowledging disagreement, but believing you don’t have to be disrespectful or go to war over the disagreement. TRUE tolerance allows for people to strongly hold their beliefs and convictions, strongly defend them, on all sides, and learn to coexist peacefully in spite of disagreement. That’s when true dialogue can happen, too. A truly tolerant person will not insist on everyone else changing everything they believe or going against their strongly held convictions just to suit them. However, that’s not the culture in which we find ourselves.

So, anyway, back to the point all this was leading up to, last week I went to the elementary school open house, and during the principal’s remarks at the end of the evening, she was discussing the new program they’ve implemented for recess. It used to be, she said, that you would have a group playing football, very competitive, which led to arguing, a group playing kick ball, also very competitive, and then everyone else. Well, now they’ve done away with the football and kickball, because the competitive nature of them was not good, in their opinion, and implemented these non-competitive games that can include everyone. No more bad competitiveness. And it really was presented as if the problem was that being competitive is a bad thing. So, we spend all day teaching these kids group-think, then we don’t ever let them think it’s ever okay to compete at all. We all have to get along, and we can’t ever compete. Being competitive on the recess field is BAD. I think that’s unwise. It’s not bad to be competitive, per se. What about teaching them to be competitive in a sportsmanlike way? Rather than making competitiveness an evil, why not teach how to do it well, and offer the non-competitive games, too, as an alternative for kids who don’t want the more competitive option?

I get that they are trying to crack down on bullying and trying to build team work and cooperation and diversity. Those are admirable goals. I just disagree about how to get there. Teaching the wrong view of tolerance isn’t it - that just breeds a whole new kind of bully, and neither is obliterating any semblance of competitiveness. There needs to be balance. Teach kids to compete as sportsmen, teach real tolerance - the balance between being resolute and respectful, and teach proper competition, and I think we’d have a better mix. Just going around chanting the IB characteristics all day doesn’t make them true, it just makes for a creepy kind of group-think, parrot environment. (Just ask my daughter who came home in tears on Friday because of the ‘mean girls’ (my term) at lunch. Those ‘IB learners’ weren’t acting very ‘open-minded’ or ‘caring’ toward the new girl. My mama bear instinct grizzled up a little as she told me about it and I had to swallow it and talk her through it wisely.)

When I got home from that open house and was telling my husband about all this, it suddenly occurred to me: “Maybe that’s why the high school football team is 1-3 so far this year.” Growing up in the SEC south, this whole being on the always losing team is a new experience for me, I must say. ;-) When you spend their whole elementary school years telling them competitiveness is a bad thing, don’t expect a winning high school team later. Just saying. 

At least the band rocks half-time. :-)

Ramblings of a Klutzy Cook

I just made a rather extraordinary mess in my kitchen, and that is saying something considering I am kind of a master at extraordinary kitchen messes and disasters. In my sad history of kitchen messes, this one probably tops it. First, this kitchen in the house we are renting at the moment was truly not designed for someone who cooks much or for a big family. It’s a small kitchen, too small, with almost no counter space whatsoever and really awkward positioning is what I am saying. We live in a house that was built in 1931, and, like all the houses in this neighborhood, it was designed to be a two-family house - with one family living on the entire bottom floor, and the other family on the top two floors, while sharing the basement. Our family currently lives on the top two floors of this wonderfully creaky, nooks-and-crannies house. You can see why I’ve mentioned before how thankful I am for a good downstairs neighbor, yes?

Anyway, I was attempting to salvage the pitiful bananas that were not going to survive one more day on the counter, so I started up a batch of two loaves of banana bread. I won’t attempt to describe what happened when the too-full bowl of batter tipped over, dumping melted butter all over the counter and dripping to the floor. I managed to rescue enough of it to continue baking, but, well, I’m glad my dog likes butter and I hope I got enough of it mopped up before he came running in to lick up the rest or his evening walk may be kind of…..interesting……tonight. I’m thinking I don’t really want to be the dog-walker tonight. :-) 

So, there are two loaves of banana bread just freshly out of the oven, and I am once again reminded that I truly need to start wearing an apron, especially when I spur-of-the-moment decide to bake banana bread while wearing my favorite Cedar Point Snoopy sweatshirt. Did I mention it’s nice and cool out today, finally? Another quirky thing about this house is….no central AC. This Florida girl is NOT used to that. So, I’m enjoying the natural AC today. NICE. Speaking of which, yesterday while driving to pick up my son from high school, I saw a guy waiting to cross the road wearing a heavy winter coat, knit cap, hood, scarf up over his nose and mouth, hunched over with hands in his pockets like it was the blizzard of 2014 or something. It was 62 degrees out. I was just finally feeling cooled off from the stifling, sweltering heat of no AC in my house for the past several hot days. Dude, if you’re that cold now, winter is going to be rough. Or so, I’m constantly being told. I met a new friend the other day, and as we were chatting she asked where I was from originally. I told her I grew up in Florida. She grinned ruefully and said, “You’re really not going to like winter here….” Yes, I hear that a lot. I can only imagine the tundra-like conditions awaiting us here this winter. And my brother-in-law told me once that we won’t see the sun after Labor Day. Turns out he wasn’t actually kidding. Gray and drizzly again today….

But, I digress. Back to my kitchen adventures, while I was cleaning up my colossal, greasy, buttery mess, I was reflecting on how I really wasn’t in the mood for baking today, and maybe I should have just stayed with that thought and let the bananas go rather than get into this this afternoon. So, word to the wise Sweet Tea people in my home, the proper response to this freshly baked banana bread this afternoon will be, “Why, Mother! You made our favorite! This is the most wonderful banana bread in all the world!” Even if it isn’t. :-)

Then I got to wondering if I really and truly had the energy to go on to the next cooking project on my agenda for today……homemade salsa. I really didn’t. But, my 10th-grade son made the comment the other day that for some reason he always craves salsa and chips when he comes home. “Spanish is last period, isn’t it?” I said. Little grin and, “Yes. Yes it is,” he answered. Then he made the comment that he hoped I would make more of my salsa soon because we were almost out and mine is just the best, so much better than the store-bought kind. How can I refuse that? So, salsa is simmering on the stove now, too. And I managed not to make a mess with it. Yet. The day is still young.

Now that I’m done cooking for a bit, I think I’m going to take a break and read a book. I’ve got some good ones going. I just finished True for You, But Not for Me: Overcoming Objections to Christian Faith by Paul Copan. Now I’m reading something purely for fun because my 8th-grader and I were super happy that the seventh book in Margaret Peterson Haddix’s The Missing series, The Revealed, came out this month. It arrived at our house on Wednesday in a little box of happiness from Amazon, and I am reading it and loving it as much as I’ve loved the rest of the series. And, yes, I’m reading it first. Kiddo has to read a lot for school. I do not. I get to read it first. And I can hardly put it down. Next I’m planning to read Kindred by Octavia E. Butler. This one my high school boy had to read for school and he wants me to read it so he can discuss it with me. I love that. I’ve also got Jesus Unmasked by Todd Friel and The Hole in Our Holiness by Kevin DeYoung waiting in the wings. And all of them are real books, not on my Kindle, so I could actually call this a what’s on my nightstand paragraph. The books really are stacked around the house. It’s been a while since I’ve read non-Kindle books. 

So, that’s a glimpse at my Friday. Hope you’re having a good Friday, too. :-)

Finding My Song Again

I may have mentioned a time or two that our family moved this summer. Moved right out of my comfort zone into a new city, that is. We are a military family. We move often. I have gotten somewhat used to this, but you never really get used to moving, I don’t care how often you do it. At least, I don’t. Until I went to college, I lived in the same house in Florida since I was a year old. My parents still live there. 

Moving is listed among those major life change events, and there are certain stresses that go with that, even when you are prepared. We’ve been through several of those recently, what with my husband being away all of last year for Army school, us selling the house we really liked, the kids and I living in a small cavelike apartment while he was gone, then moving immediately when he got home. In fact, once he got ‘home’ the movers came and packed us up. We didn’t get much time to reconnect before we were facing the stress of a major move, not only moving house, but moving to a big city I had never even set foot in before we pulled up in front of the house we rented, sight unseen, ready to move in. I could go on, but suffice to say, it’s been a stressful summer, and it hit me harder than I anticipated. 

One of the reasons this move is harder than some is that we lived in Kentucky for four years and had to leave some close friends who I very much miss today, and we know we are only here for a year, so we will be doing this all again next summer, and mentally it’s really hard to settle in and want to connect with people when you know you won’t be here long. It’s a hard thing to ask your high school sophomore to leave the high school and friends he dearly loves, along with the marching band program that was such a big part of his last two years and all the awesomeness that went with that, knowing we’re going to uproot him again next summer. Poor guy is going to have to be the new kid again next year. But in spite of it all, he’s been attending band camp at his new school this week, and though it’s very different from what he’s used to, I think it is proving to be a good experience for him. He plays the trumpet, and there are 65 trumpets, out of 374 kids on the field! That 65 trumpets is almost as big as all the winds combined in his old school. Wowza. These schools are ginormous. My middle school son was ready to go, but now that he’s seen how HUGE his new middle school is, I think we’re all feeling a little bit antsy as we think about how daunting it feels to be starting there next week. My little daughter, who cried for MONTHS before we left Kentucky, bounced the whole way home from her school open house last night. She can’t wait to start school. I think one of the hardest things about moving is seeing the kids hurting, but it’s such a joy to watch them adjust, and adjust well. God is so kind to us. I really believe He has given them the fortitude they need for all this upheaval, and my aim is for our home to be a safe place in the midst of the storm.

We live in this quirky community just outside Cleveland, OH, that is very diverse and is the weirdest, most difficult place to drive in I’ve encountered yet. Whoever designed the intersections here had to have been high on something. At least, that’s what I’ve been known to say in my more frustrated moments. But, in the midst of having to take my oldest to band camp every day this week and various orientations and venturings out, I’m finally feeling a little bit more competent about driving here. At least I know how to find the schools now, and can get from one to the other. It was a bit iffy there for a while whether I’d ever be able to even leave my driveway. I hate to drive in a normal situation, and here it kind of terrifies me, but I’m coming along. All in all, it is going to be quite an interesting year. We’ve kind of entered bizarro world in a way. We were told that here the cool kids are in the band, and the football games, well, people pretty much come for the band. It’s a very music-centered community. 

Another minor thing I don’t think I’ll ever get used to, having grown up in Florida, is most places have no central AC. We haven’t really needed it most days, but there have been a few hot ones. Wowza. Of course, this means that we all have our windows open, and as the house next door’s windows are seriously only a narrow driveway’s width away, when my neighbor over there watches inane daytime TV all day long and keeps it turned up a little too loud, sometimes I can feel my brain melting. But she doesn’t do that every day. Thankfully. We live on the top two floors of this nifty, creaky, nooks-and-crannies old house, shared with the downstairs neighbor who has the bottom floor. Thankfully, again, she’s friendly and we sometimes go walking together. 

Then again, I hesitate to complain about the heat too much, because people seem to take a perverse joy in warning us just how much snow we can expect this winter. Yeah, that doesn’t make me feel any better about driving.

We have found a great church, one which I knew as soon as I heard that we were moving to Cleveland that I hoped we’d get to attend. I only wish we could have found a house a bit closer, but it’s totally worth the drive to hear such a feast of great Bible teaching and gospel-saturated worship. 

So, I say all that to say that I kind of hit a patch of the blues this summer. Moving is HARD, and as I keep saying, this one’s had its own peculiar challenges. Through it all, I’ve tried to keep positive, but those blues did hit even as I pushed through them. And in the midst of those blues, I lost my song. I still sang at church, because sometimes worship is singing through the blues and offering a sacrifice of praise, but at home and in the car, I lost my desire to sing. I just didn’t feel like it. 

Until today. Today, while driving somewhere, and feeling the most competent I’ve felt yet about driving here, a song came on my iPod, and I just had to sing along. We’ve been introduced to the music of Keith and Kristyn Getty at our new church, and I just had to sing when one of their praise songs came on in the car today. Then it occurred to me, I think the fog is finally lifting, and I have finally found my song again. Thank God, after the past two months of singing through the fog, I finally want to sing again, a song of worship to my King.

Aren’t you glad that we serve a risen Savior, Jesus Christ our Lord, our great High Priest, our Advocate who allows us into the very throne room of God. Aren’t you glad that even when the fog descends, He allows us to praise Him, because of what we KNOW, even when our feelings don’t seem to want to catch up. Hallelujah, what a Savior!

Psalm 40:3 

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.

Psalm 96:1

Oh sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth!

Psalm 98:1

Oh sing to the LORD a new song, for he has done marvelous things! His right hand and his holy arm have worked salvation for him.

A Little Summer Stream Of Consciousness to Keep the Blog Alive Another Day

I found a seeded watermelon at the store!! Hooray! We can now teach our kids the joys of spitting watermelon seeds, which should really be a part of every kid's summer, Don’t you think. (Just so you know, the only reason there is not a question mark there where one should be is because that key is not working since a nameless child spilled Gatorade on the keyboard the other day. I’m guessing we will be shopping for a new keyboard shortly.) Besides, seedless watermelons are just NOT as tasty, and there's GOT to be something just WRONG about a seedless watermelon. It's just not natural. :-) So that was a good thing about shopping at my new grocery store yesterday. On the other hand, I looked up and down the canned vegetable and fruit aisle for canned tomatoes and all I could find were a measly few cans of organic which cost a lot more for negligible benefit (DO NOT even start with me on organic vs. regular, please. I don’t buy into all that, and you won’t change my mind, and I shop on a budget, so let’s just agree to disagree before we have the discussion), but I took a can since I needed it to make my homemade salsa which I'd been craving (store bought salsa just does NOT compare. Mine is immensely more tasty, as my husband and children will tell you). Anyway, later I ended up by accident on the 'Italian' aisle, and low and behold, there were shelves and shelves of…..canned tomatoes. Because OF COURSE that's where you would naturally think to look FIRST for canned tomatoes because it's not like you might want them for something OTHER than Italian food, like, say…..salsa, or something. I have yet to find pepperoni in this store, by the way. And, yes, I have checked the Italian aisle, which actually MIGHT make sense. One of the goofy things that makes the nomadic life of an Army family which means moving all the time a pain is you no sooner figure out all your everyday things when you have to go find and figure out new ones in a new place. I REALLY need to find someone to cut my hair. I'm starting to look like the shaggy dog. On the other hand, I had gotten myself into a right blue funk the other day about how I don’t really like it here and can I really live a year here, blah, blah, blah, blah.....when I got a wake up call just by reading my newsfeed. Then I realized I have NOTHING to complain about, shape up, already, and my heart has gotten so heavy for the REAL heartache in the world. I am praying for Iraq, and Israel, and Africa, and so many others who really are suffering. Who am I to complain about the goofed up organizational skills of my local grocery store, for crying out loud. And one really incredibly good thing about where we live is that we have an awesome church we’ve been attending and are moving toward joining. That is a blessing that far outweighs the angst over moving to a new place. This is a church where the Word is opened and read and preached WELL every week, and the Gospel is central to all that happens there. We are encouraged and challenged and that is amazing, and I’m grateful.

So, all told, it’s been an interesting summer round the ol’ Sweet Tea household. I really do intend to start blogging again one day. Until such a time, however, this will have to do, and by the way if you haven't checked it in a while, I've updated my current reading list for 2014, so you can see what I've been reading lately if you're interested in such things. Ciao!

Status Report - July 2014

Blog status reports are usually written at the beginning of the month, but seeing as I seem to have dropped any semblance of regular blog posting for quite some time now, I figure halfway through July isn’t a bad time to pop in for a status report, since so much in my world has changed recently. So, this will be the July 2014 Status Report - ‘Just Moved’ version.

Sitting...in my new computer area off the kitchen in my new house in Ohio. Yes, we’ve moved again. Army life, you know. This time we’re only here for a year, so we get to do all this fun again next summer. Woo and hoo.

Reading….The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare. It's one I had heard of but never read before, but someone in a book group I belong to on Facebook mentioned reading it and loving it,  so I'm trying it. Like it so far. I also just finished a series by Terri Blackstock that I LOVED. (Last Light, Night Light, True Light, and Dawn's Light). I'm not usually all that fond of Christian fiction, but I really liked this series. I want to read more by that author.

Thankful....most of the unpacking is finished, and we actually got rid of a lot this time around. Goodwill and the half-price bookstore have seen a great deal of my husband over the past two weeks. I’m proud of him for letting go of so many books and things! This move was one of the most difficult yet, since we had the stuff I and the kids lived with last year in the cavelike apartment in Kentucky after we sold the house, the stuff that was in storage for a year after moving from that larger house to a small apartment, and the stuff my husband lived with in his ‘van down by the river’ for his year of Army-Baylor school in Texas all coming here together at once. But we’ve purged better this time than we ever have before, so next move should be a little easier, at least as far as ‘stuff’ goes.

Happy....to have my husband home again, even though that meant we had to uproot and move for a year. It is so right to be together as a family again. Last year was HARD for all of us. Glad it’s behind us. 

Sad, but excited...for my kids who will start new schools here in this city this fall. It’s going to be quite an adventure, that’s for sure, and I’m especially sensitive to how hard it is for my high school son to have to uproot not once, but twice during high school - this summer and next. But all three kids are facing this with remarkable grace. God has truly blessed us in how He is working in their lives, and it’s a joy to watch.

Out of my comfort zone.....with living in this city in the greater Cleveland area. I’m not a city girl at all, but with my husband doing a one year stint on loan from the Army to Cleveland Clinic, we didn’t want a huge commute for him, so we’re learning how to live the city life.  Driving makes me nervous. It’s not really that bad except for the crazy intersections and weird no turn signs. Seriously, there’s one intersection that says no right turn, no left turn, and straight is a confusing road to find. We laugh about that one all the time. “You can’t go left, you can’t go right, and there doesn’t seem to be a straight. Where do I GO???” And the honking. Seriously, people. Honking does not make the light change faster and it doesn’t make the car in front of me go faster, either. Give the guy time to move his foot from the brake to the gas pedal when the light turns. And my husband has introduced us to this thing called riding the train into the city. There’s a station within walking distance of our house. I don’t so much like it, but I’ll do it if he’s with me. And the garage behind our house? We joke that I may be stuck in the house all year because I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to back out of it. It’s a long, narrow driveway, and I’m not the best parker or backer. We’ve also decided our little city state here is a socialist state. If there’s a rule to be made, they’ve thought of it and made it. Don’t, Don’t, Don’t everywhere you look. Wowza. But there is a lot good, too. We live in the top half of this really cool old house, and our neighbor is a nice lady. Good to have a good neighbor if you have to share a creaky old house. This is the first time I’ve ever lived in a house with no central AC. I grew up in Florida, y’all.  But it hasn’t been all that bad. It’s only a year, and we plan on making the best of it, finding lots of neat things to do - the symphony is supposed to be one of the very best, museums, restaurants, shopping, and lots more. They say it snows a lot here in the winter. Oh boy.....

Listing....some of the hard things about moving:

• Getting over my culture shock and learning my way around
• Finding a new church. We’ve visited two, but we are pretty much in agreement about where we want to go, I think. When I first heard we were moving to Cleveland, there was one church I really wanted to go to, and now that we’ve visited another good church too, it’s really neat that as my husband and I talked and prayed, though both are good options, the one we really wanted to go to seems to be the one we both are sensing a real peace about going to, even though it’s quite a drive from our house. I have listened to the pastor there for years on podcast and learned so much, that it will be a joy to be able to attend this church for a year with our children.
• Losing sentimental things along the way. This is kind of a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but as we were emptying a dresser for my husband to use, I realized that a stack of cards I had kept that friends had sent after each miscarriage has gone missing. I know it’s just cards, but they have meaning to me, and I hate to lose them. I’m sure they were in that drawer, but I’m hoping maybe somewhere along the way I put them somewhere else and we will come across them. I don’t rehash those sad memories all the time, but those cards were special to me in the acknowledgement that the loss of those children and the grief we have over them is real and valid, and the kind words shared by my friends at those times are things I treasured.
• New things. I’ve never been very good with change. I’m getting better, but this one has been harder than some.

Thinking....this may end up being kind of a lonely year, but I want to be constructive with it and do some writing. We drove past a Panera today, and I reallly, really, really miss my special girl friends from Kentucky and our marathon lunches there. You know who you are, and you’re special ladies. I miss y’all, and I’m thankful we were in Kentucky at the same time. 

Thankful...for God’s amazing grace. I know that He is with us, wherever we can go. I know that He has placed our family together and placed us here for this season, and what I want most to do is seek to glorify Him and grow closer to Him throughout this year, and the years to come. And I’m thankful we do have a solid, gospel-preaching, Bible teaching church with which to join ourselves.

Alternative Medicine, Some Thoughts After a Book I Just Finished Reading

As I write this post, I am aware that several of my friends and probably family think I am over thinking this topic, or that I am alarmist or legalistic about it. No one’s said much to me directly, but I know there are people who this think way when I often voice the concerns I have with many practices that would fall under the umbrella of alternative medicine or exercise that are linked to New Thought/New Age/Contemplative/Mindfulness/Vital Energy types of thinking. I assure you, however, my intentions in posting and bringing it up so often are not from a legalistic mindset. I am genuinely concerned that there is a danger involved in these practices that many people who consider themselves to be theologically conservative and evangelical and biblical just do not see or have not adequately investigated. My plea is that if you are interested and involved in yoga, chiropractic, mindfulness or contemplative meditation, alternative medicine of various stripes, holistic worldview - medicine/food/etc., homeopathy, reiki, certain types of massage therapy, and anything that is presented as ‘spiritual’ but not ‘religious’, please at least investigate the worldview and assumptions that the practitioners are bringing with them as you participate in them. 

Just because something is said to be ‘spiritual’ but not ‘religious’ does NOT mean that it is not, in fact, religious. And it does not mean that it is necessarily wholesome or innocent or harmless. Just because wording is changed from ‘spiritual’ sounding or ‘religious’ sounding terms to make it seem more scientifically bent, does not necessarily mean that the practitioner isn’t influenced spiritually in a way that would and should disturb a Christian participant. As the author of the book I am going to recommend below argues, participating in alternative medicine and activities that are based on certain worldviews and assumptions can change your thinking and religious understandings and attitudes in subtle ways that you might not even recognize for a long time. I do not believe I am just being alarmist or over thinking things. Truly I’m not. 

Christianity is a thinking faith. Think with me for a moment - if a practitioner is taught to seek ‘spiritual guidance’ as they manipulate energy or prescribe activities and ‘medicines’ that IS religious. Not everything that is spiritual comes from a good source. What are you opening yourself up to? Do you know? What spirit guides is that provider contacting and bringing with them? Do you know what the terms being used in your exercise/meditation/holistic medicine, etc. program really mean? Not how you interpret their meaning through your lens, but what is actually meant? If the root is questionable or from a worldview that is not biblical, can the fruit be something you really want yourself open to? 

I know, I know, you love your chiropractor, he’s even a professing Christian. I know, I know, your yoga program is just exercise, you aren’t buying into the spiritual stuff. I know, I know, your ‘natural’ homeopathic medicine works for you. Please, at least do some homework and look into the root of these things. Please at least give this serious, considered investigation. 

I recently listened to an episode of Thinking in Public with Albert Mohler titled, “Are we all syncretists now? - A conversation about evangelical Christianity and alternative medicine with historian Candy Gunther Brown.”  Because the topic deals with something I am increasingly interested and concerned about, I got the book they discussed, The Healing Gods: Complementary and Alternative Medicine in Christian America by Candy Gunther Brown, for my Kindle and have just finished reading it. Dr. Brown, to the best of my knowledge, is not an evangelical writing from the inside. She is a professor of religious studies writing this from the outside looking in at evangelicals, and she makes a good observation about how astonishing it is that evangelical Christians seem to unquestioningly accept alternative medicine. She also makes a good argument that providers of these forms of medical help and exercise should have an ethical obligation to be upfront with the nature of their interventions so people can make an informed decision about using them. Often providers obscure the religious nature or the worldview assumptions underlying the treatments/programs in order to make them seem more acceptable for people who might otherwise not participate. 

I found this book important, fascinating, and disturbing on some levels, and I highly recommend it to my friends who may use or are thinking about investigating alternative medicine, mindfulness meditation, contemplative spirituality, yoga, holistic medicine, homeopathy, chiropractic, and other complementary and alternative medicine/stress relief/ exercise, etc. Please at least be informed about it. 

I really do not believe I’m being alarmist or legalistic. I’m just saying do your homework and be aware that just because something is called ‘spiritual’ doesn’t mean it isn’t ‘religious,’ and the religious ideas you’re opening yourself to may not be something you want. Just because someone ‘in the know’ assures you it is compatible with Christianity is NO guarantee it is something that it is wise for a serious Christian to join with.

Zombie Apocalypse, Anyone?

This sign is prominently displayed at the front of the radiology clinic waiting room right by the TV, but looking around the waiting room, every single person had his or her head buried in their own little cell phone world, fingers swiping. Does it bother anyone that our generation is incapable of sitting still with our own thoughts at all, not even for a short moment? That the minute we sit down anywhere for even a second we must have the stupid smart phone out and lose ourselves in that insulated little zombie world of the tiny screen? Does it even phase anyone how rude it is to pull out that dumb phone and show the top of your head to the person sitting across the table from you at a restaurant? Does anyone else feel a profound sadness when you're out somewhere and you see a family or a group of friends tecnhnically together, but effectually separate, not conversing with each other and barely even acknowledging each other, as they all hover over their individual little screens?

For all the talk about a zombie apocalypse, I think the time for fearing it is gone - we are already zombies. 

And the irony of the fact that I took this picture and am writing this post  with my phone is not lost on me. But at least I waited until I was home alone. :-\

Spring Joys

I think Spring is finally springing here in our town. I went away to Texas for a week during spring break and came back to beautiful white pear trees, daffodils and green grass. Ahhhhh. And allergies, sore throat, stuffy nose, dizzy head, stuffy sinuses. But that kind of goes with the territory, I guess.

Here are some things I love about Spring, in no particular order:

Birds singing in the morning. LOVE the birds. I didn't realize how much I'd missed them in the early morning until I heard them the other day when I was walking my dog in the dark hour before sunrise. There was a robin sitting on the corner of the roof just chirping and singing and I loved it. It's just such a HAPPY sound.

Green grass. It's amazing what a luscious, welcome sight green grass is after all the brown, brown, brown and white, white, white of the dead grass and snow. Every spring I'm amazed how quickly the grass greens up when the weather starts warming.

Daffodils and tulips. How I love the simple joy of seeing those cheerful flowers blooming. I drove by my old house yesterday just to see if any of the bulbs I've planted the past few years bloomed this spring. I'd forgotten just how happy those daffodils looked. It was lovely. I am thankful our house sold when it did since we have to move away this summer, but I do miss my yard and flowers and my warm, sunny back deck.

Mornings sunny and warm enough to sit on my little back porch before the sun goes over the building and leaves our back yard in shadow for the rest of the day. I've been having a lovely morning today sitting in a rocking chair on the back porch enjoying a cup of Irish Breakfast tea and reading my Bible. How I've missed sunny, warm weather.

The newness of watching the trees and flowers and grass come back to life. That never gets old. What a beautiful reminder of God's mercies, which are new every morning.

Getting to wear my capris again.

Celebrating Easter. Thinking about our Savior's great love and mercy and grace.

Talking with my little girl about how every season has it's joys when she asks me which one is my favorite. I honestly couldn't say any of them were my favorite. I love Summer with it's warmth and freedom; I love, love, love Fall when the weather cools and the air turns crisp and the leaves turn glorious colors, and camp fires and the indefinable something in the air as I walk the neighborhood and enjoy the scarecrows and corn decorations and everything that goes with Fall (ok, maybe I'm a little partial to Fall) - having grown up in Florida where we didn't really have a true Fall, I never get tired of that season; I like the first snow and the anticipation of Christmas, but I will say that winter is the one season that I do feel seems to drag on toward the end, especially in February, that longest of all short months, it's the one that I probably tire of quickest because of its overabundance of gray and dismal and COLD days, even though I'll never get over the joy of watching snow fall (Florida girl again); and back to Spring, which seems ever so much more of a relief after the harshness of winter. Florida girl again, but I didn't really appreciate the absolute joy of Spring and the anticipation of waiting for it until I experienced the real winter of the Midwest. Florida, for all the complaining about the few 'cold' days we had each year, does not experience WINTER.

And of course I mustn't forget walks with my little girl and her beautiful weed bouquets. She thinks they are beautiful flowers, and I'm not going to try to convince her otherwise today.

Happy Spring!

I'm Thinking Our Family is Going to Sit These Movies Out

There is always so much buzz when a movie that seems positive to the Christian worldview comes along. There are several out or coming out recently that I wish I could have supported, but I've come to the conclusion that as for me and my house, we're going to pass on them. I'm really not trying to make anyone angry or to be a jerk, but I find myself perplexed, and at the risk of being thought a curmudgeon or worse, I'm sharing this post. I always feel like I'm so out of step with pretty much, well, everyone, and I almost didn't even post this, but here are three movies that I'm hearing from lots of people that they are just awesome and we just have to see them but that I am not planning to see or take my kids to see. I'm not dictating to anyone else what you should or shouldn't do regarding watching these, so see them and like them or not if you wish, but please at least be discerning about them and understand what some concerns with them are, and at least understand why I can't join you and why I'm not joining in with the celebration of them on Facebook and elsewhere. The first two fall into the category of I wish they had been something I could have supported but I just really can't and don't, the third falls into the category of I thought the book was concerning and disturbing, so I sure am not going to support the movie.

1. Son of God….based on the miniseries that I also couldn't, in good conscience, watch. Putting aside for a moment that I am squeamish about Passion Plays and movies like this anyway ever since many years ago I had to start sitting out of certain choir Easter productions because for months afterward I would see the actor who portrayed Jesus in my head when I prayed and that just was not something I wanted and because there were always things I found problematic in our portrayals which is probably something for another post and beyond what I want to delve into here, there are even graver reasons I don't want to watch this one. I'm linking to some reviews, and they spell out why I don't want to see this thing. Please, why is God's Word not enough for us? Why do we feel we need a movie? Why are we not satisfied that God gave us the information He wanted us to have in the way He wanted us to have it through His word? I felt the same way about The Passion of the Christ, and I chose not to see that one, either. Even though at the time we were being told we'd never really understand the crucifixion if we didn't. Really? And I sure don't want to fill my head with an anemic portrayal of Jesus that misses the mark of the gospel, so I sat this one out.

Answers in Genesis' review
"Writing Checks to Mel Gibson"
"Son of God Will Show Crucifixion, Not the Cross"
Movie Review: 'Son of God' Is Most Certainly Not The Son of God

2. God's Not Dead…..When I saw the trailer months ago, I so much hoped this would be one I could support, though I have to confess that even then I didn't hold my breath and didn't join the band wagon of linking to the trailer, since I couldn't endorse something like this without knowing more about it. Now that I've read some reviews, I'm glad I waited. I'm not saying it's wrong to go see it if you want to, but I am saying I think we will pass and just sit it out, and the more reviews I read, the stronger I am in that decision. I don't think I will be taking my kids to it right away. I guess with this one, I might not put my foot down and say they can't see it, but I don't believe we'll go out of our way to, either, and we'd have to have some discussions about what they see. Wish they had done better. I really, really do.

God's Not Dead Review: A 'feel-good' movie that sadly did not make us feel good at all!
God's Not Dead Movie Review (Answers in Genesis)
God's Not Dead…But Christian Films are on Life Support - Movie Review
God's Not Dead but Christian Screen Writing Is

3. Heaven is For Real…..No. Just no. Not going to this one and really do not understand why this book is all over our Christian bookstore in various formats. I'm sharing reviews of the book, which should be enough reason to know why we will not even attempt the movie. (And for good measure I'm also sharing a review of a similar journey to Heaven book that I did read and was very concerned at how popular it had become also).

Heaven is For Real - Book review by Tim Challies
90 Minutes in Heaven - Book review by Tim Challies
Heaven Tourism
Books I recommend: Heaven Tourism - Tim Challies

This blog is, obviously, me sharing my opinions. I'm not looking for an argument or a fight, but I'm just sharing what I honestly think here. I really do think that movies like these can actually be more detrimental to the sharing and understanding of our faith than others that are more obviously not biblical, like, say, the awful Noah movie that is coming out soon. We aren't going to that one, either, emphatically not, but at least the director is honest enough to say it's not even meant to be biblical in its portrayal. I'm more concerned, however, with movies that intend to be 'Christian' but which do not present the gospel correctly. In my opinion, that is more damaging than watching a secular movie that we don't expect to get spiritual things right. So, that's why I shared this. Like it or not, this is where I've come to in my thinking on these movies. It's not that I want to be hyper critical. I really don't. I would love to like and support movies that are done well from a Christian perspective. Really, I would. Problem is, I just can't with these. It's the same problem I have with a lot, not all, but a lot of Christian fiction I've come across. It's often hard to do Christian fiction well. I understand that. But I have qualms about these movies and that's just how it is. Do with them whatever you will.

A Helpful Cleaning Tip

We have shiny black appliances in our kitchen, and one of my frustrations with them is that no matter how often and well I wipe them down, they always have streaks, which drives me a little batty because no matter how clean the kitchen is, it doesn’t LOOK clean if it’s all streaky. I have found something that does a very nice job of cleaning and taking care of the streaks, and it’s not a store-bought cleaner.

A few years ago a friend spoke at our MOPS group and shared some homemade cleaners she uses that are not as harsh as store bought cleaners can be. In the long run, it’s cheaper, too. Now, before I go further, I’m not weird about essential oils and homeopathic stuff or anything. There’s nothing spiritual or mystical or redemptive about essential oils and so-called natural cleaners, etc.  But I do like to look for cheaper ways to clean, and I have found that vinegar and lavender have antiseptic and antibacterial properties, plus I like the way lavender smells, so I think this cleaner is a safe way to go if you’re interested in saving a little money and making your own cleaner. Anyway, to take care of my kitchen counters and appliances I use the all-purpose cleaner she taught us to make, and if done properly, it leaves my kitchen clean, fresh, and shiny. I just spray some of this cleaner on the appliances and counters, scrub with a clean sponge ( you do know to clean your sponges or they become little germ spreaders, right?), then go over it once more with rinsed sponge, then use a clean dry towel to wipe away any excess cleaner. When you use the towel, make sure to put a little elbow grease into your wiping and when it dries, the appliances are clean and shiny, no more streaks. If you see a streak or two, just go back over with dry towel and it takes care of it. I love it. 

Also, if you spray it in your stainless steel sink and use a scrubby sponge, it easily takes care of coffee and tea stains, leaving you with a nice, shiny sink, too.

And it works really well in the bathroom, as well. Fresh, clean bathroom without the harsh smells of store bought cleaners.

Now, I said it’s cheaper, but when you first buy your ingredients it may seem expensive, but when you figure how many bottles of cleaning solution these ingredients will produce in the long run, I think I do end up saving some money. I need to say a word of caution about buying some of the ‘natural’ ingredients, but I’ll save that for the end.

Here’s the recipe for the homemade all-purpose cleaner I’ve been using:

2 Tbsp white vinegar

1 tsp Borax

10 drops lavender essential oil

2 cups hot, filtered water

1/4 cup liquid Castile soap

Mix vinegar with borax in a 32 oz clean spray bottle. Fill with hot, filtered water and shake until all the Borax has dissolved. Add the liquid Castile soap, followed by the essential oil and shake well.

Now, a word about buying liquid Castile soap and essential oils. Unfortunately there is a whole fad market out there that is just plain weird about essential oils and ‘natural’ things that tends to make all kinds of unfounded, and dangerous spiritually, ‘wellness’ claims. Stay away from companies like that. Unfortunately sometimes when you go to buy these things you might end up having to go to new-agey kind of places to find them, so be careful. Especially with the liquid Castile soap. I had to stop making my cleaner for a while because the only liquid Castile soap I could find was the Dr. Bonner’s brand, and I bought it once without looking at what all those words on the bottle were saying. When I got it home and read the strange religious philosophies the company puts all over their bottle, I felt kind of sick. I don’t want my money going to something so overtly new age and just plain spiritually wacky as that, so I had to not buy it. In such cases, I've used other kinds of mild liquid soaps with success. I finally found another brand, and our Walgreens here carries it. It’s even lavender scented. Now, this company may be weird too, I don’t know, but at least they don’t have stuff all over their bottle that I don’t want my kids reading. Yes, it is that important to me. 

This is what I found at Walgreens, and I've been happy with it: 

And that’s my little cleaning tip for the day. Enjoy!

When a Good Book Ends

Do you ever finish a book and find that you just aren't ready to move on to a new book yet? I am a constant reader. My favorite thing to do when I have a moment of down time is pick up a book and read. In fact, I can't imagine not reading. I must read. So usually when I finish a book I immediately move on to the next one.

However, every once in a while, a book comes along that so involves me emotionally that when I finish it I feel almost bereft, and the thought occurs, "What am I ever going to read now?" I've read two books like that so far this year, Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese, and the one I just finished, The Orphan Master's Son by Adam Johnson. Some books just leave you needing a little breathing room space before you can jump into another book because the story so grips you you're not ready for it to leave just yet when you turn that last page. You need a little time to think it through and process it, and it feels kind of lonely if you try to go wander the library stacks too soon after in search of something else to read.

How to describe my listless wandering at the library today? Well, suffice to say I left empty handed. It would have helped if our library had had the specific book I went there looking for to replace my latest read, but, alas, they did not. I may have to break down and buy it for my Kindle.

About The Orphan Master's Son. I don't know how accurate the portrayal of North Korea is, but I suspect it probably is fairly accurate. That's not a part of the world we read much about, and this was a powerful story of the harshness and fragility of life under that oppressive regime, but more than that it was a powerful look at people, and love, and sacrifice. To say I like the book seems strange for such an emotionally heart breaking book. I did like it. Very much. Though it wasn't a happy, happy, happy story. But it was satisfying, and in the end, that's what makes a book good to me. Excellent writing with a story that gripped me and will stick with me for a long time.

But sometimes when you finish that kind of book, it's like saying good-bye to people you're not quite ready to leave. And you don't want to settle for something less than that with the next book, if that makes any sense. Or maybe I'm the only one who ever feels this way.

So, what good books are you reading?

Learning to Dance

I had a few deep thoughts occur to me this weekend as I took my little girl to her first school dance at her elementary school on Friday. Before I go any further, let me say from the start that this is in no way a criticism of the dance itself. The people who organized it did an outstanding job and it was well done, good, clean fun with lots of security measures in place and I appreciate all the hard work that went into it, and I know people had a great time. So don’t read this as a criticism of the event at all. It is not. This is more an insider’s look at the life of an introvert. Now on with the blog post, which I warn you is a long one.

One thing about my little 7-year-old girl is that in some ways she reminds me a bit of the beloved Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables. She builds things up in her mind and gets so very excited about them that, as Marilla tells Anne at one point after a broken hearted experience, 

“You set your heart too much on things, Anne, “ said Marilla, with a sigh. “I’m afraid there’ll be a great many disappointments in store for you through life.” 

Though I do love Anne’s response, 

“Oh, Marilla, looking forward to things is half the pleasure of them,” exclaimed Anne. “You mayn’t get the things themselves, but nothing can prevent you from having the fun of looking forward to them.”

I think there is some wisdom in both quotes, but I think I also share Marilla’s caution when I watch my little girl.

Boo was terribly excited when the announcement came home about this school dance, and she pleaded with me to take her. She chattered about it all week and planned what to wear, and come Friday she was so ready to go she was practically floating.

And then we arrived. 

The school gym was filled with kids and their parent chaperones and loud music. My poor girl froze and looked at me in terror. “It’s not at all what I thought it would be like. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do." We attempted to stay, but we ended up leaving early because she felt so out of place since none of her good friends had come and what she calls the ‘girly-girls’ who never seem to click with her were the only ones she could find there. Then all my old insecurities from my youth came crashing in around me and I realized my poor little apple hasn’t fallen far from her mommy’s tree, and it broke my heart because I truly do not know how to help her. 

My girl loves to dress up all pink and sparkly, and she’s not a tomboy, but she’s not what she calls a ‘girly-girl.’ She’s not into shopping and the coolest fads or clothes or name brands or squealing and talking in that ‘girly-girl’ way. I’ve tried to figure out what it is that makes her girly, but not a ‘girly-girl,’ and I realized it’s that some girls seem like little mini teenagers and are already concerned with fads and pop culture things that my girl just isn’t interested in yet. She doesn’t know or even like the popular music - just ask her how much she despises “What Does the Fox Say?” or One Direction. And I am SO okay with that. I don’t want her running her life by the peer pressure to be just like everyone else or giving up her own personality to be part of the in-crowd, or trying to grow up too fast. I like that she doesn’t feel the need to be someone she’s not to fit in and is perfectly willing to like what she likes because it’s her thing. I don’t want her growing up too fast. I like that she’s not ‘seven-going-on-fifteen.’ 

But. Watching her at that dance, seeing how out of place and uptight she felt with the crowd and the noise and the ‘girly-girls,’ I thought about what a torture I’ve always - still today - found dances and parties to be. No matter how much I wish I could let out my playful side, no matter how much I may be dancing and easy-going and fun-loving on the inside, no matter that in a small group or at home I can ‘let go’ and sing and dance and be, put me in a crowd and I just can’t.  It isn’t that I don’t want to. But for some reason I find crowds leave me feeling unsure, awkward and alone. I am so much more alone in a crowd of ‘girly-girls’ and extroverts - those fortunate ones who are able to let loose and have a naturally bubbly personality - than I am in a smaller group. Parties, even Sunday School parties, are hard for me, though truth be told I’m always glad I went when all is said and done. 

All my life I’ve felt a bit like I’m on the outside looking in, wanting to be a part, but never quite feeling like I fit in, never quite peppy or ‘fun’ enough. As much as I wish I could let loose, I just can’t. I’m reserved and quiet by nature, and when I try not to be, it often comes off as false and not who I am, trying too hard to be something I’m not. As much as I’d like a crowded party to be something I enjoy, as soon as I walk in my brain shuts down and it’s all I can do not to run away. But I have learned not to run away, and most of the time I’m really glad I stayed.

So that’s why it broke my heart when I saw that familiar deer-in-the-headlights freeze up in my daughter, and all I could think was, “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.” Seeing my sweet, sensitive little sweetheart, who I know has oodles of personality in just her little thumb be ignored and pushed past by the acquaintances who have naturally bubbly personalities that allows them to be in the moment and let go and feed off the energy of a room that only serves to paralyze a more introverted personality, was hard. 

She had looked so forward to this event, and her hopes were crushed when she got there and didn’t have anyone to connect with. It is not that anyone was unkind to her. Not at all. It’s just that she seems to have inherited some (though not all) of my reticence and inability to function in such an environment. I don’t know if I’ve somehow projected this onto her, though I’ve tried so hard not to, or if people are just wired this way. She is sensitive and wants to be a friend, but she seems to have a hard time connecting to the ‘girly-girl’ world. 

I hate it for her because I know how hard it is to feel like you don’t really fit in. She wants real friendship, and she does have some good girl friends, just not at that dance. That would have made all the difference in her case, I know. Had any of her good friends come, she would have been able to shut out the rest and let loose with her friends.

I told my husband how hard it was to see her just like I always was, uptight in the crowd. I told him about the giggly ‘girly-girls’ and how they just seem to be able to have fun and let go. And you know what he said to me? He said, “I’d rather have Boo’s personality than the girly-girl personality any day.”

And that’s when I realized something huge. He wasn’t just saying that about Boo. He was saying it about me, too. We have been together a long time. I know, and have known, that he loves me, I’ve never had any reason to doubt that. He demonstrates it in so many ways. But I did not realize until he made that comment that somewhere deep inside me I’ve harbored this unconscious lie of a suspicion that though he really does love me, maybe he really wishes I were different, maybe he wishes I weren’t so introverted and more like the extroverts who have those bubbly personalities. But the truth is he doesn’t wish that. He loves me. He chose me. He didn’t choose an extrovert. He chose introverted me. And he loves me for me, not for someone he wishes I were, but me. And that undid me. 

My husband showed me something in that comment as he demonstrated to me his real love. He pointed me to Jesus and how He loves the Church. That’s what that pointed me to, when my husband made that innocuous comment that he had no idea would prove so profound to me. Jesus created me. He knows my insecurities and introvertedness and sinfulness and He loves me even still. He died to save me. There is room in the Kingdom for the introverts and the extroverts. He made both types of people, He saves both types of people, and He has things for both types of people to do in His Kingdom. More important than being an extrovert or a 'beautiful person' I need to focus on being a woman who loves the Lord and let that make me useful and beautiful in the ways that really matter. And that's what I want for my girl, too, to learn to be a woman who fears the Lord more than she wants to 'fit in' or idealize worldly charms. May it be so.

And I found that to be a very comforting reminder indeed, and maybe, just maybe, it could give me the courage to dance a little, and to help my little girl do the same. 

Hoping for Spring

So, I was driving down the road a few days ago, and a flock of robins flew right in front of my car as I hurtled down the road at 45 MPH. Only the last robin wasn't as fast as the rest of the group and smacked into my windshield and landed on the road, dead I am sure. That was a bit traumatic for me, and my heart sped up and I thought, "Wow, usually the first robin you see means spring is on the way. That wasn't nice at all." 

And then, not many days later the groundhog saw his shadow, unhelpful, there, Phil, and winterpocalypse seems to have descended upon my part of the country. We've had a full week of snow/ice days with kids out of school, and the trees are beautiful diamond ice sculptures, a winter wonderland that is breathtakingly pretty but COLD, and more predicted snow on the horizon. Aside, I don't think I've ever seen anything quite as coldly beautiful as the sun shining on those icy trees with the rainbow colors sparking through the ice prisms on their branches. Didn't so much enjoy the 1/2 inch coating of ice that froze my car doors shut, though. 

All that to say, I think I killed spring. 

Book Recommendation

It is freezing outside. This Florida girl is having a hard time staying warm. I'm talking, 10˚ and Antarctica-cold windchill freezing. I had to get gas in my car today, and it was SO cold waiting for the tank to fill my hands are still red and icy cold. I had to break open some Hot Hands yesterday even though I was doing all indoor activities, that's how hard a time I have warming up my cold fingers. Cold hands = warm heart, right? We've had several snow and cold days, and while that's a tad miserable for people like me who have a hard time staying warm, it does mean I've had more time for reading.

I often will have a fiction book and a nonfiction book that I read at the same time. Typically I'll read a chapter a day from the nonfiction book and considerably more of the fiction book. This time, however, I got so involved in the nonfiction book, I had to put the fiction book down for a day and half until I finished reading the nonfiction one.

The nonfiction book I'm talking about is Resisting Gossip: Winning the War of the Wagging Tongue by Matthew C. Mitchell. I must recommend this book highly. I had bought it a few weeks ago for my Kindle and have put off starting it for a while because I was reading some other things, but I knew I needed (and kind of dreaded) to read this book. Gossip is such an insidious thing, and I really do want to put it to death in my life, and I was so interested when I saw Tim Challies' review of this book, that I bought it right away.

This is a book I need to pull out and read again several times a year. Very convicting, but full of hope and gospel-saturated truth. It got up under my skin and I found myself having to put it down often to examine my heart and cry and repent over what I found there. Quite challenging, but written in a pastoral and loving style that offers hope and encouragement in the best way. I found the section discussing sinful judging versus right judging very helpful and convicting and difficult. How deceitful my heart is! Sometimes it's just so easy to justify a sinfully judgmental heart attitude and gossipy speech, but when you think, really think, about the fact that God hates gossip, it is very important to think and act biblically about this topic. As the author points out, all speech is heart speech, meaning that out of the heart our mouths speak.

I've been thinking quite a bit today about how gossip doesn't just start when we're tempted to share something we shouldn't. It starts way back with what we allow our hearts and minds to dwell on and think about long before the temptation to gossip presents itself. It's a heart issue.

I am glad I read this book. I knew I needed to, but I didn't realize just how much. I prayed before reading it that I would honestly listen and look at my life and habits as I read it. Like I said, I think this is a book I will ponder for a long time and would do well to read more than once as time goes on.

Highly recommended.

And When You Walk By the Way

Ephesians 6:4

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Obviously, reading in context, the command in Deuteronomy 6 was specifically given to Israel. That is clear. But in light of the New Testament, it is also clearly a principle to be followed by all of God’s people, including those of us on this side of the Cross in the New Covenant today - to train up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. As Christian parents, we have a high calling, obligation, and privilege to teach the faith to our children. We must instruct them about who God is, and tell them of His Holy Law, and tell them that they have broken that Law and are sinners, as are we all, and tell them over and over and over about the great Good News that God sent His Son to redeem a people to Himself, that for those who repent and trust in Jesus, there is salvation, and in Jesus alone there is salvation. As parents, we are to make sure that our children know God’s Word and know that Jesus is precious, and that He alone can save and that He is mighty to save and that in Him there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who understand that they deserve God’s wrath, but who repent and place their trust in Jesus who is the great Passover Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. And we are to teach our children what it is to live in that Light.

What has me thinking today, as it has often, is the part of the verse that says, ‘and when you walk by the way.’ As important as times of formal teaching are, and they are vitally important, because it is by hearing the word that faith comes. How are they to know if we do not tell them? But as important as formal teaching time is, I think equally important for our children is that they see us believing and living and talking about the faith day in and day out as we walk along the way of life. They need to know that this faith we teach them matters. And it matters deeply and profoundly in how we think and live and move and act. Our children learn by watching us every bit as much as they learn by hearing us. When we sin, and we will sin, do our children hear us confess and repent of sin? Do they hear us preaching the gospel to ourselves and to them as we go about living life? If someone were to ask our children what matters most to their mom or dad, would ‘Jesus’ be the answer? Do they see that in our daily lives? I’m not saying this as a guilt thing, heaping up laws to follow. I’m looking deeper. Does the gospel so matter to me that it is the warp and woof of my life, that other things, while important and a part of life, just aren’t as important in comparison? Do I talk about Jesus? Do I love Him so much that obeying Him is what I want to do out of gratitude, not legalism? Is the fruit of my lips gospel talk, not just on Sunday, not just during conscious Bible-teaching times, but as the overflow of life?

I had a glimpse of grace the other day. I brought home the music for Sunday so I could pull out the keyboard and try to plunk out the alto part in an attempt to be ready for Sunday morning. One of the songs I was working on was “There is a Fountain,” one of my very favorite hymns. As I was plodding through the alto line, my 12-year-old son, my middle child, looked up and said something along the lines of, “I really like that one. It’s one of my favorites.” I smiled, and immediately remembered why that song might be special for him, whether he knows it or not.

I was taken right back to the days of new motherhood, hours and hours and hours of rocking a crying, sleepless baby, desperate for sleep myself, crying out to God for the grace and patience to get through the sleepless nights with a baby who just did not want to sleep, and the song that I sang, through tears sometimes, but over and over and over, because sometimes it was just the only song that would come to my sleep-deprived mind, was “There is a Fountain.” I sang that thing to our oldest, our middle, and finally our youngest, wearing out the rocking chair, turning sleep deprivation and sometimes despair to praise and worship in the quiet of the nightlit nursery room to the strains of that cherished hymn, which often was the only prayer I knew to whisper when a colicky baby needed comfort. 

So it’s no surprise to me that my boy, now 12, no longer a baby, would look up and recognize and love that song. It’s been a part of the warp and woof of his life as long as he can remember. And I am so thankful to God for the grace that allowed my mind to turn to Jesus in the midst of those oh-so-short-in-hindsight sleepless nights. That is a gift that He supplied to turn my heart to Him. And I also pray that as these children are older now, that I would be faithful in teaching them the gospel, both formally and informally as we walk along the way. May they know that Jesus is precious and that I believe what I’m teaching them with all that I am, these are not just words to me, they are life. When I fail, and I do fail, I do sin so often, please, Lord guard their hearts and their minds and help them to see that Your Word is true, and that You will never fail, and help them to learn the power of the gospel to forgive our sin. Help them to know that we are accepted in Christ, not on the basis of anything we could ever do, but solely for the sake of Christ, on the basis of what He has done on the Cross and the Resurrection. Jesus is the Light of the world. He is the Lamb that takes away the sin of the world. By His blood, we lose our guilty stains and rejoice to have our sins washed away. He is Lord. He is worthy. Please, Lord, let me live a life and use the words that tell that to not only my children, but please let the overflow of Your grace tune my heart to sing Your praise and to tell others about You, about their need for the Savior. Help me to share it first to my children, yes, but outside the walls of our home as well. Loose my tongue, and let us be gospel people who are quick to share it.

I think this is a small part of the ‘as you walk along the way’ that we live. Turning our eyes to Jesus, and sharing Him with the people in our lives, making the music of our home be the gospel, most of all. 

There is a Fountain

There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emmanuel’s veins; 

And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.

Lose all their guilty stains, lose all their guilty stains;

And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.

The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day;

And there have I, though vile as he, washed all my sins away.

Washed all my sins away, washed all my sins away;

And there have I, though vile as he, washed all my sins away.

Dear dying Lamb, Thy precious blood shall never lose its power

Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more

Be saved, to sin no more, be saved, to sin no more.

Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more.

E’er since, by faith, I saw the stream Thy flowing wounds supply,

Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.

And shall be till I die, and shall be till I die;

Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.

Then in a nobler, sweeter song, I’ll sing Thy power to save,

When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave.

Lies silent in the grave, lies silent in the grave;

When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave.