Some Thoughts At the End of My Study of Matthew

Yesterday was our last CBS meeting until we start up again in September with Genesis. (Small aside – I am so excited about studying Genesis next year!) We had share day, and I eventually shared, but like usual I was a babbling person and didn’t say all I really meant to and babbled more than I would have liked (I don’t like talking in front of people, and should have prepared my thoughts better, I think), but it was a good day, nonetheless. I needed this Bible study group, and I really wish I had known it was there four years ago, but I know it now. With finding CBS and with moving to our new church, I finally do not feel like this place I'm living in is such a wilderness. I finally feel like I'm home.

Boo is going to be sad it is over for the summer, too. Every time we are in that part of town where our meeting was held, I start hearing her in the backseat saying, “Katie, Katie,” because her teacher was Ms. Katie, and Boo gets quite upset if we do not turn into the parking lot there because it isn’t Thursday and we aren’t there for CBS. I am so glad she likes it there, and that she is learning, too.

I’ve been thinking about what I’m taking away from our study of Matthew, and I can’t nail it down to one specific thing. I have noticed that with so much discussion about being Kingdom citizens throughout the weeks, I have begun examining my motives and why I do things more often. This hasn’t been a conscious change, but I have noticed that I’m becoming more aware of this, and it is something I want to continue. I want to be a true disciple of Christ, usable and fruitful, not merely an outwardly clean vessel that tries to hide inner dirt. I want to be a surrendered follower of Christ, not just following lists of do’s and don’t’s but serving Him with honest devotion. He is so very worthy of whole-hearted devotion.

Thinking again about the temple veil that was torn top to bottom was very meaningful, too. It is absolutely amazing to think that when Jesus cried with a loud voice, a victory cry, “It is finished,” that the holy of holies in heaven was opened to those who would place their full trust in Him. His victory there on the cross is our gain. He paid in full the debt I owe and has reconciled me to God through His blood. My sin is forgiven and I am freed to worship and love and obey Him. What a difference this makes in how I pray. At least, it should if I will keep in mind what a great sacrifice was made so that I could approach Him with confidence because Jesus has made that way and is ever interceding on my behalf. What an incredible, amazing God we serve! He loved us when we were still sinners far from Him with no thought for His glory. His compassion and mercy and grace are overwhelming.

And when we discussed the Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20, it was pointed out that when Jesus said He will be with us always, even to the end of the age, that ‘always’ literally means, “all the days.” You know, what struck me differently this time, and the thing I sort of babbled my way through yesterday is that when we’ve studied this passage, so often we stress the “Go” part, and we should! But somehow I haven’t thought enough about the, “and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age,” part. I said yesterday that I have felt such guilt because I tend to be a very shy person, almost like a hermit at times, and I have a hard time talking to anyone about anything until I warm up to them, so I’ve struggled with knowing we have this awesome call to share the gospel and knowing I want to do this because people need to know the truth, but I’ve felt like such a failure because I’m not one of those outgoing people who never knows a stranger and can somehow start up a conversation with just anyone and turn every conversation to the gospel. In the teaching on this, we learned that the word go is literally, “as you are going.” That has been bubbling around in my mind ever since.

Here’s what I’m taking with me, we are to be living in this world as Kingdom citizens, learning what it means to live out the beatitudes and the teachings of Christ and His apostles as we read His word. We need to hide His word in our hearts and pray for His Spirit to grant us understanding so that we will faithfully apply that word to our life – or as my pastor often says, “Obey what you know.” I like that. When I learn it, I need to learn to obey it, not just file it away in my mental “Correct Doctrine” folder, but really think about it and chew on it and repent when my pattern of thinking doesn’t line up with it, because right thinking will produce right behavior – something else my pastor often says. And, as I go through life, I need to be living such a life that I will have opportunity to give a reason for the hope that is within me. I was very reminded this time of the command Jesus has given us to be alert, be ready for His coming, and to watch and pray lest we enter temptation. I need to love my neighbors as myself, be willing to not be that hermit and get to know people so they will see the light of Christ and I’ll have opportunity to witness to His amazing grace. In other words, I want to be living with an eternal perspective, not a temporal one. I may not ever be one of those people who is gifted at walking up to people cold and starting in on a serious conversation. But I can be faithful in my day to day life to impact those people He places near me and willing to take the time and effort to warm up to people and be available and open to opportunities to talk about Jesus. And I can be faithful because Jesus has all authority in heaven and on earth and He is with me all the days. I don’t have to do it in my own strength. I don’t have to rely only on my faulty personality. I can pray that He will unlock my shy and shrinking violet tongue and open and widen my self-centered vision and broaden my view away from me and my small, comfortable circle of people who are already my friends to see the needs around me. I can pray that He would grant me the desire and eyes and heart to see and love people as He would have me do.

He is with us, all the days, even to the very end of the age. How I want to be found faithful to the end of my days. How I want to grow in the knowledge and application of His word. How I want to be investing in eternity with my children, my husband and people I meet along the way. How I want to love Jesus with all I am, and to obey Him well in the life He has given me and in the way He leads me.