The Santa Thing

Warning, minor rant ahead. I don't seem to be able to write short posts, and this one, long as it is, probably doesn't say everything I want to or say it as well as I should. Take it for what it's worth, I guess.

At the bus stop about a month ago, some of the moms stayed a while talking after the bus took the kids to school. One of the moms filled me in on an ongoing discussion that was apparently being continued from the day before. She told me that her (third grade) son came home the day before telling her some things he had heard on the bus about s*e*x and that Santa Claus wasn’t real. I keyed in on the first concern because that’s a big deal but kind of blew off the second because that’s a non-issue to me. However, as the conversation continued, it became obvious that several of the moms were as concerned, if not more concerned, about the Santa Claus revelation than they were about the other topic. That kind of surprised me. In fact, I told them that my boys don’t believe in Santa because we never really made a big deal about him at our house. It’s not that we’re legalistic or anything, the boys know the Santa stories and have seen some of the movies about him, but we never played up believing in the fairy tale. That’s just not Christmas to me. So I told the moms that I knew my guys weren’t participating in the s*e*x talking because they are still pretty innocent there, but that they very well could shatter illusions about Santa.

Let me back up and say what this post is NOT saying. I’m not making any judgment on a family’s decision to ‘do’ Santa or not. I don’t really care one way or the other. I think it’s one of those things you can do if you want or not do if you don’t want and not something to get all hyper about. I’ll share our opinion and convictions regarding our own decision that we made early on in our family, but it doesn’t bother me if other families play the Santa game or not. I don’t think it makes us more or less spiritual than anyone else because of our decision not to do much with him, it just is what it is, and I don’t really care if anyone else agrees or not. So don’t get all offended if you just love the Santa thing. Cool beans. Go for it, I won’t intentionally Grinch it for ya.

But, here’s our philosophy at our house. When I was growing up, we had stockings and Santa presents, but the game was never played to the extent where my brother and I really believed that some fat, jolly old elf man truly came into our house on Christmas Eve and delivered presents. I don’t remember ever taking it seriously, and my parents didn’t make a big deal out of Santa. It was just a story. The real point of Christmas was to celebrate Jesus. Drew says it was pretty much that way for them, too. So, we kind of decided that when we had kids we weren’t going to do the Santa thing, either. We put up stockings and all, and my kids knew the stories, and we even put out reindeer food for fun when M brought some home from school, but they never believed it was anything real. We thought it through and realized that at Christmas we wanted the focus to be on Jesus and the fact that He came to earth, stepped into time and took on human flesh, to reconcile us to Himself. Christmas, to us, is really about the Cross. So we didn’t see the point in muddying up the celebration with an over-the-top fantasy world Santa myth. In fact, my kids didn’t even really know who Santa was until they went to school. M called him “Ho, Ho Man,” when he was little and we thought that was funny.

Anyway, when the kids went to school, I told them that some kids did believe in Santa, so just don’t make a big deal about it and try not to spoil their fun. That has not been a problem, as far as I know, until this year.

A few weeks after the bus stop conversation, one of the moms very apologetically asked me if she could talk. She said, “You guys don’t do Santa, right?” And we talked a little about that. Then she hesitantly said that her son told her that J had told him that there was no Santa and could I talk to him? Ugh. I told her that we had already told him not to bring it up, but if someone point blank asked him, he shouldn’t lie, either. But I told her I’d talk to J. One of the other moms said, “Yeah, I know it’s Jesus’ birthday and all, too, but we just want to preserve the magic of Santa for our kindergartner. She just has so much fun with it.”

So I talked to J. Turns out this kid had asked him. So, J didn’t lie. The other mom and I talked again today and she asked if I’d talked to J. I told her it looked like her son was asking. She said this was probably his last year anyway, because he’s asking all those logical questions, but she wanted to give me a heads up because the other mom will be upset if her kindergartner finds out. I said that we weren't trying to be jerks or anything and I'm sorry if my son's answer was causing problems but I also didn't want him lying. And then we kind of joked about, well, if you’re that upset about it, show them The Polar Express. Whatever. She laughed and admitted that they were probably going to have to talk to their son this year since he's pretty much figured it out and since he's going around asking all his friends. By the way I HATE that movie. It totally shows what Christmas without Jesus is. Depressing empty vanity – ultimately it’s all about the presents and 'believing.' But 'believing' in what? DEPRESSING. And the North Pole scene where everyone is worshipping Santa really, really bothered me, and no, I do NOT think that I’m being hyper sensitive. No wonder people get so depressed during the holidays. Just sharing my honest opinion. Feel free to differ, but that’s how it struck me.

Anyway, I’ve kind of gotten tired of being looked at funny every year for not making much of Santa. Every year someone at church or somewhere will ask the boys if Santa brought them anything, and my concrete thinker J will look confused and say, “No…” and the kind hearted soul will give me this weird look, to which I apologetically explain that yes, they did get presents and mumble about not really doing much with Santa, which doesn’t usually erase the weird look they’re giving me. There’s some version of that conversation every year.

I’m trying to be understanding, but, really, why is it that our family is the bad guy here? I don’t care if other people want to play the Santa game, but to get all bent out of shape when your kid hears on the school bus or from a neighbor kid the TRUTH that Santa is just a fairy tale is just, well, life. Sorry. I’ve told my guys not to be jerks or obnoxious about it because we don’t want to hurt our witness by being unkind or coming across in a legalistic way, which is NOT how we look at this, but, at the same time, it isn’t my responsibility to keep the lie alive for everyone else. I’m responsible for how I raise my own kids. We decided in own family to try to downplay the materialistic, secular side of Christmas as much as we could, though I still think there’s too much emphasis on the presents, truth be told, and put more emphasis on the Savior. We did nothing wrong in the way we handled Santa with our boys. I’m tired of the judgmental attitude we’re getting for not lying to our kids. So there. Play the game if you wish, preserve the magic, whatever. But you’ll have to figure out for yourself what to tell them when they bump into people who opted out. What really bothers me is that we’re being treated like we have destroyed someone’s faith in something real. You’ve got to know that if you play the Santa game, the day of disillusionment will eventually come. That’s what happens when you take the fantasy that far. Sorry to be so blunt, but, that right there is a major reason why we opted out in the first place. I wanted them to believe what really matters, not be confused with the fake stuff. I want them to be able to discern the difference and not intentionally tell them confusing things along the way.

And, just for the record, the fact that God stepped into time and became a man and reconciled those who believe in Christ to Himself is wondrous enough for me. I don’t need the headache of jumping through a bunch of hoops to make my kids believe in a made up elf in order to keep the wonder alive for them. I’d rather they be impressed with a sense of wonder at the awe their mom and dad feel toward a God who would condescend to the humility of the Cross on our behalf. That’s where I want our energy to be focused.

But I also understand that many of my neighbors are not believers, so they do not have that sense of wonder about the Savior. I hope I can look at this as an opportunity to be a gracious witness, and teach my children to be the same.