Friday, May 06, 2011

Math Makes Me Cry

My husband and I were talking today about how long it looks like we may get to stay here if the Army decides the way we think it will regarding his career path. Yeah, that sentence is clear as mud....I don’t know how else to express it.

Anywho...he was saying a certain time frame looked likely (no promises just thinking out loud, this is the Army you know), and I started doing the math on how old the kids will be, because that’s basically how I measure time these days. Then I choked up and started to cry while we were on the phone together, because it doesn’t really seem all that long, but when you start putting the kids’ faces on it, it makes you realize how fast time flies, and my little girl is turning 5 on Wednesday, and she’s the baby. That means the older ones are not babies, either. In fact, the oldest boy is almost as tall as me and entering that awkward stage boys do when their voices get all crackly and they still are kids but....not so much anymore. He really, really doesn’t want Mom to hug him anymore, and that makes me cry, too. He still likes Legos, though, and our read-aloud-together time in the evenings. The middle son still likes hugs, but don’t tell his friends, okay? I’m hugging our youngest girl every chance I get, because, well, did I mention she’s turning 5? It’s really been five years already?

I have much joy over the people they are growing to be, and I find that I enjoy them with every stage they grow through, and I find joy as I pray for them that the Lord will continue to draw them to Himself and teach them to have a heart for Him. I pray, too, that my husband and I are teaching them well and using the time we have well. I don’t want to waste the short time we have, but I also know that one thing I grieve deep down in my quiet heart is that too often in the busyness of the everyday we don’t always remember how short those everydays really are, and I know we've missed some things we should have been more on top of, and I know we've been impatient over things that really aren't all that important, and we've made mistakes along the way, and we've been, in short, sinners who have had to confess such to each other and to our children at times. In those moments, I pray for mercy and grace and wisdom, and I pray for the wisdom to use well the time we do have. And our God is so kind, so good, so very, very kind to us. And I am grateful.

So, math makes me cry. Anybody have a tissue?

1 comment:

Kay said...

I so hear you. I remember not that many years ago it seemed like the "little kid" years were going to stretch out there forever. And now conversations come up about college and I have to remind myself that it's only two years away. Yes, time flies. *have a tissue*