Today is Sunday. In the rush to get to church this morning, I didn't take the time to prepare my heart. And it was evident. No, I wasn't in a crummy mood - quite the opposite, in fact. But my service and thoughts were less than worshipful, because I never really engaged my mind in the worship. How many times do I squander the chance to sit in awe of my Creator? How much time do I waste in busyness? I think I'm more like Martha and trying so hard to get things done, but how I'd love to learn to be more like Mary and sit at the Savior's feet feasting on His very Word. This would be the more important thing. I really believe that if I will stop and spend time in His Word and spend time praying, the other things will fall into place because He is in control. I confess that much too often my prayer life consists of little spot prayers offered up hurriedly, and seldom do I sit and take the time to fellowship with the LORD. I think too often I am not reverent in my praying and I just take for granted the incredible grace I've been shown.
Also, as I said before, we had a Lay Renewal team leading us on a special weekend. According to the testimonies we heard this morning, it has been meaningful to many, but I sat and cried because I feel such a disconnect. Perhaps I feel out of things because I was not as able to participate as I would have liked because of the season of life I'm in with my daughter being only 5 months old and needing to be home in the evenings. I need to remember, again speaking to the Martha me, that this is my calling at this moment. Instead of thinking that I'm missing a blessing, I realize that the blessing is in being obedient in doing what I'm called to do today. And I have enjoyed my daughter these past few days. She had an awesome night last night and has been so pleasant all day, that even my friend who keeps nursery said that this is the baby we all know and love. She's been so patient as we've worked through her crankiness (and she was a very cranky baby until she reached about 3 months), that I'm glad she got to enjoy my girl today the way we do. And I did get to sit in on the meetings yesterday morning, as well. One of the most encouraging things to happen this weekend is that people who don't normally spend time together got to know each other better. I'm hoping this will continue. Since we moved to the Lowcountry 3 years ago this month (I can't believe it's been that long!), I've had a hard time finding a close friend. In Anne of Green Gables, Anne is always looking to find a friend who is a kindred spirit. That's something I relate to. I have always been very serious-minded naturally in my temperament, and I think that may have pushed people away as well - my husband's favorite phrase to me is "lighten up, Beck." In fact, when I look back, especially on my college years, I wish I could have been a better friend to the girls I roomed with. I see now, as I've matured, how much I kept people at arms' length, and what I've missed by letting myself lose touch with them. I am learning to be serious about the important things, but to laugh about those things that are not. I pray God will give me the courage and wisdom to be a good friend.
On a lighter note, the guest speaker this morning talked about not letting the fire of our enthusiasm for the Lord go out. My 8-year-old son turned to me and asked if the fire went out would it mean you can't tell people about Jesus anymore? He is a very literal kind of kid, so this was neat to see the wheels turning in his mind. I told him they just mean to keep the excitement for the Lord and remember what we've learned this weekend and that he can always tell people about Jesus.
Lord, I am amazed that You would love me. Your grace is astounding. Teach me to remember and feast on Your Word. When I read it, let me pay attention and learn what You would have me learn. Teach me to be a friend. And teach me to recognize the blessings You so generously shower on me each moment of every day. I love You, Lord, and want to obey today.