Okay, okay. I know I just ranted a few posts ago about how much I don’t like e-mail forwards, but this one really was funny. And I just really needed something light to post at this moment. I’m sharing this that my friend sent to me and adding a few annoying comments of my own. I’m working on some heavier stuff for later, but for now, enjoy a bit of a laugh on me:
The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!! (Keeping in mind, I’m not really a GRITS, but this is funny, I don’t care where you call home.)
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. (No, I don’t really have a pickup truck – but most of my friends around here do!)
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 goes east and west, I-95 goes north and south. Pick one. (Hee, hee! Living in Florida, we called the snowbirds who complained about everything Southern “Floridiots.” Not nice, I know…..)
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. (Constant cell phone use, one of my biggest pet peeves – no offense meant if you just love your cell phone, but don’t get me started…)
8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi &caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey. (For some reason, I found this one hysterically funny. Perhaps it was just too late in the evening when I read it.)
11. When we fill out a table, there are 3 main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! (Yep, almost no meal is complete without ketchup at our house.)
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! (Okay, I’ll admit I really do like Skyline Chili – it’s just yummy. But, when I’m craving CHILI, I’m wanting the red, spicy, chili powder real stuff.)
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Football are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a lot more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays. (Go Gators! Sorry, just had to get that little cheer out of my system for a moment.)
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
18. The south is the greatest!! If you are from the south you are part of the best people in the USA!! (Okay, I’m not part of the whole “the South will rise again,” mentality, but I will agree that people are generally pretty nice around here. It’s not so bad living in the South. I’m learning to bloom here, so to speak, even though the other day I realized my soon-to-be-6-year-old is beginning to pick up the slightest trace of a southern accent. Considering D and I do not have that accent, we find that a little disconcerting, but to be expected. I can only wonder how Boo will escape those broad vowels when she learns to talk! But there are worse things, I think.)
4 comments:
I love South jokes/funnies! I didn't always appreciate it like I do now because I was born and raised in Oklahoma--which is kinda like Switzerland, neutral for the most part! Ha!
My Texas friends say that Okies are technically Yankees, but I remind them that my ancestors (I'm a card-carrying Cherokee) were minding their own business in Indian Territory during the War of Northern Aggression.
My appreciation for "things Southern" began when I married my Louisiana Cajun--talk about a colorful heritage and some GREAT cooks!!
Anyway, thanks for the laughs today! I don't normally care for email "forwards" either. :-)
We live in the same state, and I've lived here for 29 years. We moved from San Diego, and I cannot say that I like it here. But, I've finally accepted the fact that this is home, and I'm here permanently. My children talking Southern is where I draw the line though, lol.
My dad was in the Navy, so I wasn't born and raised in San Diego. We've lived in several states, with San Diego and Norfolk, VA being the two places we lived the longest.
I had to laugh when I read this, but kept thinking "I know I've seen this somewhere before". Sure enough, it was a version of an email forward I received several years ago that made me laugh and ended up here.
:-)
I am a GRITS and proud of it! Thank you for a fabulous laugh on a day that most needed it!
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