Getting Beyond Feelings

I guess my last several posts have basically been fluff - and that's really okay, I've enjoyed it! It's because my brain is feeling kind of like it’s filled with fluff from several nights with too little sleep. I may have mentioned before that I get a little loopy when I don’t get enough sleep. Those are also the times when my emotions begin to play havoc with me and the crummy blues are more likely to descend.

Boo decided she needed to have a little conversation last night at about 2AM with her toy lion (it plays music and sings to her, no less) that lives in her crib. It went something like this: “AAAAAHHHHH. Booooo. BLPRBLPRLPBRLPBLPRLP. (How would you write out the little raspberry noises a 9 month old makes?) RAAAAAHHH. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Duh-duh-duh.” For a really long time. It was awfully cute, but would have been oh so much cuter at, oh, say 6AM or so. Our baby monitor is old, having joined our family when J was born 8 years ago and survived several moves and several storage times in the attic. So, it basically has one volume now – LOUD and sometimes staticky. Therefore, it resides in our bathroom with the door closed where I can still hear it, but it doesn’t keep D and me up all night, either. With Boo being, probably, the last baby, we didn’t think we needed to buy a new one and just decided to live with this one.

Anyway, Boo finally got herself and her lion settled again and back to sleep, but she was up before 5:30 this morning singing away again. And then J, followed soon by M, was up, too. J is feeling crummy with a nasty sinus infection, which Boo also shares, and I just got a call from the pharmacy that their prescriptions are not ready yet, but they’ll call us when they are. Now, what in the world does that mean, I wonder? I hope they can get the antibiotic today, but, it totally wouldn’t surprise me if they can’t, this being the “island,” and all.

You know what I’m thinking about with all this going on? It’s a good thing my everyday life isn’t run by feelings. What if I just quit being Mom whenever I didn’t feel like being Mom? That wouldn’t be very good, would it? My kids would certainly suffer, that’s for sure. My mother once told me that most of the world goes to work feeling crummy. That’s probably true. Sometimes we just have to suck it up and do the right thing, whether we feel like it or not. Do you think Boo would understand if I just took the day off today because I’m too tired to fix her bottles or her food or change her diaper? Nope. Life goes on. I’m still Mom whether I feel like being Mom or not. And I can choose to do it well, or I can choose to ooze my tiredness all over everyone and let everybody know I’m not feeling up to snuff. I’m hoping I’ll choose well and choose to be joyful, even when tired, through Christ's strength.

This is true in other aspects of life as well. Ever get weary in doing ministry? Ever feel weary of staying in the Word? Ever feel physically so tired that you just read the same passage over and over but it doesn’t seem to sink in? Ever feel stale when praying? Ever fall asleep when you meant to be having a concentrated time in prayer? I do. But you know what? My feelings aren’t all that important to anyone. If I allow dry times in my spiritual life to stop me from doing what I ought, then I hurt my church family, too. And if I spend all my time and energy seeking after or trusting in a spiritual feeling or high, I’m thinking too much about me and not nearly enough about loving others and, more importantly, glorifying God. In other words, I'm making an idol of me, me, me and my feelings. I serve by obeying and being a doer of the Word and studying the Word and praying with His glory in mind, not my own feelings. I need to carry on, deny myself, plug in and minister to those I’m supposed to anyway. My obedience in pressing on is what matters, not so much how I feel about it all. And that comes from trusting the Holy Spirit to continue His work in me. I am submitting to His ministry in me to produce spiritual fruit – even when I don’t feel like I’m on a mountain top. Because He uses the valleys every bit as much as the mountains. If there weren’t valleys, the mountain top times wouldn’t seem nearly as special.

So, even when tired, even when feelings betray me, I choose to press on. My hope is in Christ; because of His righteousness and redemptive, sacrificial death on the Cross and His resurrection, I have the assurance of eternal life. Because of the salvation He has granted me, I'm free to serve Him beyond how I feel - I'm not bound to my feelings or emotions. His Word is refreshing and prayer is sweet – even if it takes my emotions a while to catch up. And the tired feelings fade, too. And the sun comes out after the stormy days. None of these things are the bedrock for my faith. Though they may have a superficial influence on how I feel in the here and now, Christ alone is the bedrock for my faith – the hope that anchors my soul, the true source of my joy – and that surpasses any feeling. Thank God for persevering faith that sustains us to the end, for His glory alone!

Psalm 71:1-3
"In You, O LORD, I put my trust;
Let me never be put to shame.
Deliver me in Your righteousness, and cause me to escape;
Incline Your ear to me, and save me.
Be my strong refuge,
To which I may resort continually;
You have given the commandment to save me,
For You are my rock and my fortress."