New Year's Day

I know there is nothing magical about January first and the turn of the calendar to a new year. But there is something about the idea of a new year that lends itself to thinking about new beginnings and evaluating our lives. I don’t usually make a formal list of resolutions at the first of the year, but I do find that I am often reflective at this time of the year.

Last year, our church had available a daily Bible reading program, and I eagerly took one. By reading the suggested daily passages, I was able to read through the Old Testament once (except for Psalms and Proverbs which I got to read twice), the Gospels, Acts and Revelation twice and the Epistles three times. I liked the accountability of having a daily assigned passage and the encouragement of being in the Word daily.

However, something I noticed about myself and my own lack of discipline was that, though I did keep up with the reading throughout the entire year of 2007, I found that there were some days when I was reading purposefully and paying close attention, but others it was a struggle just to get through it. I tend to be very task oriented, and I have to fight the temptation to treat daily Bible reading as a task to complete rather than to slow down and really let it soak in. It is important to read the Bible, but if I’m not really thinking about what I’m reading while I do it, it isn’t so helpful. There is nothing magical about making my eyes read over the words each day. What is significant is actually thinking about and learning what those words are saying, what they mean in context and in application to my life.

Something else I have noticed this past year is that, though I believe prayer is extremely important, I find that I do not devote nearly as much time to it as someone who believes it is important ought. I find that I am in a season of life where some days it can be challenging to find quantity time to be quiet and still and concentrate on prayer and Bible reading. I am not complaining because I know that this is just the season of motherhood that I am currently living at the moment. Young children are needy. They demand time and energy – even though I am not homeschooling, they still need my time and then all the other demands of a busy household like laundry and cooking and cleaning and so on are also many. But, as important as all of that is, I do not want to fall into the too easy trap of allowing those things to become an excuse to be lazy about my walk with Christ. I am just saying that because of the season of life I am in, if I do not actively decide to read my Bible and pray and make the time for this, it will not just happen. Something that has worked for me in the past year has been to get up when my husband does to leave for work and start my day in those early hours. Most days the children sleep later than that and I can get my Bible reading done. But the main thing is to purpose to do it. Children and busy household demands being what they are, I have found that I must decide to make the time to read and pray throughout the day. Sometimes I have to grab moments when I can rather than take a long, uninterrupted time, but I must decide to do it, even if it means finishing before I go to bed at night.

I do not want my reading of the Bible to be just a discipline that I legalistically follow to check off my list of ‘to do’s’ each day, but I do like the accountability of a daily reading plan. I would like to use the same reading plan this year, but I would like to add something. I am also going to take a book from the New Testament each month and spend that month looking at that book in depth, reading it, following cross-references, thinking about it, studying it. I want to hide God’s word in my heart and know Him better by better understanding what He has said in His word.

As for prayer, first of all, the main thing is to just do it. Take the time to fall on my knees and focus on my Savior. I have just started reading the book When I Don’t Desire God: How to Fight for Joy by John Piper. I have a feeling I will write more on my blog about it later. I read Desiring God a few months ago, and I found the teaching about Christian hedonism, finding our delight and joy in God, to be, as Piper has described it in this book I am reading now, both liberating and devastating. Liberating because it is such an incredible gift of grace that we can desire God and enjoy Him forever. But devastating because I find that I do not actually desire Him with all my being. And I want to.

I used to worry that I would come across as too spiritual if I wrote some of these things on my blog. I since have realized that what I was actually worried about was that I didn’t want to seem to be something I am not. I know my inmost thoughts and struggles. I am, in fact, most wretched at times. I am finding that it is impossible to be too spiritually minded if you consider that none of us consistently desire God as He ought to be desired. None of us truly, consistently seek Him as the deer pants for the water. I know that, though the things I write about the Lord are the most important things to me, they aren’t nearly important enough to me. I want to grow in my walk with Christ. I want what I know and read from His word to be evident in how I live. I am not perfected, yet, but sanctification is a process. I want to find my joy in Christ alone. I want to press on and keep walking, persevering in faith, having my life match my profession of faith. So, what I am praying for is that God would grow that desire in me. I know that I am not as consumed with adoring Christ as He deserves. But I believe that as the Holy Spirit uses His word to conform me to the image of Christ and transform my mind, the process of sanctification will move me closer and closer to having the mind of Christ and a mind less and less enthralled with the things of the world. I want to glorify Him by living in this world in a way that brings Him honor and growing daily in my love for Him. I want to be an ambassador for Christ and a light to people around me who are still groping in darkness.

I want to hide God’s word in my heart that I might not sin against Him. His word is a lamp to my feet and the light to my path. This means it is more than just reading it, but understanding it and searching it and knowing it.

I want to have this as my one thing I seek, to know Him. And to do so, I must spend time with Him and adore Him on my knees in prayer.

These are some things I would like to grow in as I think and evaluate on this first day of 2008.

Psalm 119:11
“Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.”

Psalm 119:105
“Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path.”

Psalm 42:1
“As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So pants my soul for You, O God.”

Psalm 27:4
“One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek;
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.”