Thursday, July 24, 2008

Battling the Blahs

Last night as I sat with my boys in church, while we were singing wonderful worship music, I felt this heaviness in my heart. It hit me that I was feeling really low, and that I’d been feeling really low for several days but had been staying really, really busy cleaning the house to avoid it, and this was one of the first times I had had my hands still for long enough for the feeling to sink in. “Lord, I want to mean what I’m singing tonight,” I prayed. “But I’m just feeling so low at the moment. And there is no reason for it, please help me, Father.” At times like that, you know what I do? I keep on singing. Because it’s true no matter how I feel at the moment. My feelings are warped and lying when I’m tired, and I am tired, though I’m not going to whine here about all the little whys that sometimes add up to make one bigger why, but my God is faithful and true and worthy of praise.

I hesitate to share that. So many people I know are facing real struggles, and here I sat trying to fight a downward spiral into the darkness of the malaise that hits every once in a while out of nowhere. Not really depression, but something, anyway. I feel somewhat guilty admitting that I struggle with that malaise because there is nothing in my life that warrants a descent into the depths. Well, maybe not the depths, but the deeper than usual, perhaps. I know I really just needed to perk up and get on with things. I have to admit that I think I’ve been under some kind of spiritual attack recently. That’s the only thing I can figure that it is. There is no physical reason for the blahs that have come oozing in recently. There are days, though, that it is hard to just do what has to be done and to get my brain focused to write a blog post is just hard on those days. So, the blog has been quiet, and I feel like I should give some explanation. I won’t share the specifics of the doubts and fears that have tried to creep in unawares over the past few days as I have prayed through the darkness and looked to the Light. But I will tell you that the prayer I kept coming back to and will keep coming back to is this, “Lord Jesus, sanctify me in the truth. Your word is truth. I will take You at Your word and I will trust You. It doesn’t matter what I feel like today. I will remind myself of what Your word says on this and there I will stand, by Your grace and through faith in You alone. You are my sure foundation.”

There’s a song we sing at church sometimes that has become a comfort to me – especially the second verse. You all probably know it. Read these words and reflect on what a magnificent, merciful, gracious and powerful savior we serve:

Before the throne of God above,
I have a strong, a perfect plea,
A great High Priest whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands,
No tongue can bid me thence depart,
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there,
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the Just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me,
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the Risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I Am,
The King of glory and of grace,
One with Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high
With Christ my Savior and my God,
With Christ my Savior and my God.

One with Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high
With Christ my Savior and my God,
With Christ my Savior and my God.

I have a great High Priest who is ever interceding on my behalf. I do not have to despair, no matter what thoughts the accuser of the brethren may fling at me. I look up and see Jesus, who made an end of all my sin. All of it. I cannot sing that song without crying. To think that God is pleased to look on Christ and pardon me is almost more than I can take in.

So, I’m still here, all is well, just haven’t been blogging much. Maybe in the next post I’ll actually get to what I meant to be writing about when I sat down and started this one, and I’ll share how what the pastor spoke on last night was exactly what I needed to hear. Isn’t God good?! (Smile.)


Heather said...

I love that song.

"Blahs" happen. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Praying for the Lord to lift your spirit. And maybe taking some evening primrose oil would help. It helps me.

Elle said...

The first time I heard that hymn, I wept. It still deeply affects me--the doctrine of those words. I'm having my own set of blahs as well, and I appreciate that you posted that hymn. Now I'm going to go and listen to it. Praying that the praise of the Lord will more greatly fill your heart and mine!