Taming the Tongue

Proverbs 14:1
“The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”

Proverbs 15:1-2
“A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly,
But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.”

Proverbs 15:7
“The lips of the wise disperse knowledge,
But the heart of the fool does not do so.”

Have you ever noticed just how often the subjects of wise use of the tongue and the foolishness of a quick temper come up in Proverbs? I think often I am very prone to brush off careless speech or quick temper as something I do need to work on, but I can fool myself into thinking that it isn’t as big a problem as it actually is. It’s tempting to brush off an impatient, hasty attitude with the excuse that I just don’t have much patience with childishness. The frequency of the topic leads me to believe that I will be wise to take it a lot more seriously than I often do. Lately I am becoming increasingly aware and convicted that I am not patient enough with my sons in the way I talk to them. I am ashamed of how often I find that I’m having to stop in the middle of a sentence and rephrase or take a minute to tone down, when I realize how I must sound to the little ears hearing me. Usually it isn’t so much what I’m saying, but how I’m saying it that is not right. This is probably why those verses are hitting me so hard as I read Proverbs each day.

I have been praying for the past several days that God would put a guard on my tongue and that I would learn to measure and consider my speech before I give an answer. I’m too quick to answer impatiently, when it wouldn’t hurt me at all to slow down and give a reasonable, quiet, kind response. In fact, it would do much good to slow down and think first about the child asking the question and what it is they are truly asking than to quickly answer what I thought they were asking and have to apologize for hasty words later. Something I’ve had to do a lot over the past few days as I have become increasingly aware of my tendency to be too hasty with my words and not patient enough.

I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t enjoy my children. I really do. But there are days when I just don’t want to hear one more thing about Bionicles, etc.or have to stop one more silly, childish argument that breaks out between them. But it doesn’t matter if I’m feeling stressed or tired, what does matter is that every time I act unapproachable or snappy when they just want to talk, I’m sending a message I truly do not want to be sending. A lot of times the question itself isn’t really all that important, they just want to talk, and I miss that when I am distracted or distant when I need to be approachable and listen. I want these boys to know they really can talk to me about the things that interest them, especially as they grow older.

To invest in that, I’m going to have to spend a little time now listening to boring discussions about Bionicles, or whatever the obsession of the day happens to be, and showing them, in love, that, while Bionicles may be extremely boring to me, my sons are not boring at all. I want to build my house with patient and godly speech, not tear it down with impatient answers or quick temper or half-hearted attention and distracted listening. Because to downplay impatience by saying it’s just not my nature to be very patient with childishness won’t cut it. It is no excuse at all. Because, you see, love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I am no longer a slave to my sin nature, but I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, including retrain my sinful speech habits. To the glory of God, I must daily submit to the teaching of His word and obey what He is so graciously bringing to my remembrance as I read His word.