To Whom It May Concern:

Dear clothing manufacturers: I really miss pants that fit at my natural waist, not below it, and were made of looser fitting cotton, not this weird stretch stuff that plasters itself to my more-generous-than-I-would-like thighs and belly, which after having three children and coming up on my 39th birthday in just days now will never, and I mean never be flat again and I’m really okay with that except that your stupid stretch fabric and below the normal waist pants end up making me look and feel even fatter even than I really am, which makes me discouraged and frustrated and I hate it. I don’t feel that way in the older pants I have that I keep wearing because I won’t wear these crazy things you make now. Even when I was 20 I didn’t really want to share every curve, and certainly not my underwear, with the world, and I sure don’t now, I'd much rather leave it to the imagination. Trust me, you'd rather I did, too. Honestly, I’m also tired of seeing....let’s just say much more of other people than I should ever see of a stranger’s rear view. I just accidentally ruined my last remaining sane pair of black pants when there was bleach on the counter I didn’t realize was there, and I must say I cried harder than that would normally warrant because I know that I won’t be able to find any that fit like that in any stores that I have found yet these days, which I was reminded when I was foolish enough to get excited today when I found a pair that looked exactly like my favorite black pants and was made by the same company, but, sadly, when I tried them on were not like my old pair and fit below the natural waist and clung to me in all the wrong places, meaning they went back to the rack and I went home without new pants. Again. So, seriously, please please please please get a clue and a heart and make clothes that normal people who give a fleeting thought about modesty will feel comfortable wearing. Thank you.