Taking a Personal Moment to Reflect

Psalm 139:14-16
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.”

Psalm 139:23-24
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.”

I am 36 years old today. Thirty-six. One year closer to 40. I’m closer to 40 now than I am to 30. I don’t get too hung up on age, but 36 is a funny number for me. For some reason, the year my mom turned 36 was the first year I remember knowing and thinking about her age on her birthday. I remember making her a card that year. And for years afterward I always thought of her as being 36. She stayed that age in my mind for a long time. I don’t know why. Thirty-six seemed such a long way off for me then. And I thought my Mom and Dad knew everything.

And now here I am at 36. Amazing that I don’t feel I know much of anything. Especially as a parent. I feel often that I’m flying by the seat of my pants and learning as I go along and hoping I don’t mess up my kids too badly when I make mistakes. I guess my parents probably felt much the same way. And by God’s grace they were (and still are!) good parents. I’m thankful for them. I’m thankful I can still talk to them, get advice, and, most importantly, discuss the things of the Lord with them. What a blessing.

When I was younger, I got a little annoyed when people would tell me how time would fly when I got older. I just wanted high school to hurry up and be over, and it seemed such a long way off. And now, here I am, and it’s been 14 years since I graduated from college! How is that possible? Now I’m the annoying one telling people how much time will fly when they get older. As a kid, the months between birthdays seemed to take forever. Now, it’s a blink and I’m another year older.

And my kids! How in the world are they growing up so fast? I want to enjoy them. I don’t want to allow myself to get so swamped in getting through the everyday stuff (or so involved in blogging, perhaps??) that I don’t take time to imprint this time in my memory and spend quality, quantity time listening to my kids and investing time and energy and love in them. I want to love and cherish them now, before they are grown.

And my sweet husband. What a good man he is. He is so incredibly patient with me. I don’t think I’m all that easy to live with, but he loves me and shows it in so many ways. There’s a little more gray in his hair than when I met him, and sometimes I wonder if I’m helping put it there! What a blessing to grow in grace alongside this man as we, together, grow closer to Christ and grow as parents. He’s really my best friend, and I am truly thankful for him. I love you, D.

I pray that however many more years the Lord grants me here that I will be a good steward of the time I’m given. May I learn more to live a life of praise for the glory of my Savior. May I share my love for Jesus with my children, my husband, my family, my church and with others. Jesus is the center and Lord of my life, and I want the days of my life to be lived for His glory that I may reflect Him to others. I have been so very blessed.

Thank You, God, for saving me and keeping me. Let me live sold out to You. Fill me and use me and let my life be a symphony of praise to You, for You are the only One who matters most. Thank You for another year of life. Help me to be a blessing to my family, my church and anyone You put in my life, and let me sing Your praise faithfully all the days of my life.