Utter failure: What I felt like yesterday. Words fail me now to describe how pathetic and fleshly and self-centered my attempt at mothering is too often. 1 John 1:9 is my comfort and I had to humbly confess to my God and also to my boys that I was not a good example of how to deal with frustration yesterday. I could try to excuse away my foolishness in losing my temper and failing to provide a proper tone in our home by describing the several sleepless nights recently and general tired-of-being-single-mom-while-Drew’s-away malaise, but that would be just excuses and such a waste of time. Really, it is sin, pure and simple. Proverbs 29:11 tells me I acted like a fool. And I have confessed it. With grateful tears I thank God that His mercies are new every morning. Today I have new faults to confess, but I thank God for His mercy and His grace in revealing the heart issues and hurtful ways in me as He searches my heart and graciously leads me to cast aside the weights which so easily entangle as I strive to run the marathon and finish well.
Frustrating: The fighting and one-uping and tattling and on and on and on. Constantly. I feel so woefully inadequate to mother these boys some days, and much of it stems from mistakes I’ve made in not disciplining correctly when they were younger, which I see now and am working to correct, but wish I’d recognized sooner. And even more of it stems from the fact that we are a houseful of sinners.
Humbled, repentant and tearfully grateful: I am woefully inadequate, but my Savior is more than a conqueror. He is my Rock and my fortress, in Him I will trust. Again, with tears, I thank God for His grace and mercy and salvation. Apart from Christ, I can do nothing, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He has clothed me in His righteousness by His grace through faith in Jesus alone. Positionally I am right with God, what amazing grace! Experientially I desperately want to live out the calling to run the race well, submitted to the conviction of the Holy Spirit as He teaches my heart.
Sharper than a two-edged sword: God’s Word. What I’m praying for myself and my children is that God would do heart work in us. Just changing the outward behaviors is not the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal is to have hearts that are surrendered to Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit uses His Word to convict us and teach us. I’m learning to use scripture when disciplining and teaching the children – and myself - and trying to teach them (and myself) to apply what we learn from the Bible to everyday life. Had I focused more on that yesterday and less on my selfish indulgence of my tiredness, things would have been different.
Thankful: M has not had to take asthma medicine since his surgery last week. And with that, I feel like I have my son back. The medicine makes him hyper and just not himself, but these past few days, it’s been a joy to have my boy back.
Sweet: Hearing a seven-year-old singing along in the back seat as “Lifesong” plays in the car.
Proof: Anyone who doesn’t think that we are born with a sin nature and in desperate need of God’s grace and salvation ought to spend a little time with a two-year-old who is angry that she’s not getting her way at the moment. Just sayin’ is all…..
Done: with this post. Lord willing, I will learn from my failures and daily submit my own selfish heart to Christ. What a glorious, kind, merciful Savior!