The End of the Slump is in Sight

It’s proving to be an interesting summer around here. I think the reason I bumped along through a big blog slump, besides that sudden onset of insecurity I mentioned earlier, is just plain tiredness. I had to try very hard not to just give up the blog completely while feeling run down. I knew I’d have things I wanted to write about soon, and I think the worst of it is about over. I didn’t realize how much of my blogging I’d been doing while the boys were at school and Boo was napping. Corralling all my favorites into Google Reader and only checking that when I actually have enough time to sit and read for a bit has helped a great deal in curbing the obsession to be on the computer too much of the day. And I also have found that sitemeter is somewhat addictive. It’s fun to know where people are coming from to look at the blog, but it’s not a good idea to get too hung up on looking at it too much or worrying too much about how many (or how few) hits there are on any given day. It can be really intimidating to realize that there are more people reading now than when I first started, so sometimes it’s better just to not look at the sitemeter and write or not write as I have something to say. I also need to quit worrying that not every post is all that electrifying. As my husband tells me often, it’s my blog, I can write what I want to write about.

Anyway, with the boys home all day, I’m trying to still get up early before Boo does and have time to pray and read my Bible before the day starts. Otherwise, I don’t get to do much thinking in quiet until the boys are in bed at night, and by then most evenings I’m just too tired to try to think through anything more taxing than a chapter or two of the book I’m reading. I’ve been letting them stay up a little later than I would during the school year just because it’s summer and they are having fun. But I’m not a night owl, I’m usually very much a morning person. So once they’re in bed, I’m pretty much done thinking and writing, too. Time to just read and go on to sleep, because I know the next day will start early – Boo still gets up early, early and raring to go, and I really do better if I get most of what needs to be done for the day finished in the morning.

And the main, most pressing reason for the tiredness, general blue feeling and slump is this: D has been gone for 6 ½ of the past seven weeks. There have been quite a few times in our marriage when, due to D’s second career with the Army reserves, I’ve had to function as essentially a single parent for a while. We’ve had various separations that have lasted a year, six months, many scattered weekends, and many 2-3 week periods during our 13 ½ years of marriage. He has been to all kinds of places I’d rather he never have had to be and which I tried very hard not to think too much about while he was there. I try not to complain too very much about it because I knew when I married him that he was an Army reservist. However, at the time we got married, the world seemed fairly peaceful as far as we were concerned, 9-11 had not happened, and I pretty much assumed that D would be gone one weekend a month, two weeks a year and maybe, just maybe, would have to report for hurricane duty if a bad one hit. He was in the Reserves, after all, not a full-time Army man. Things are different now, and he is gone more often than that.

D was gone three weeks for training in June, and after being home less than a week, the Army decided they needed his services again for a while to help a unit get ready to deploy and he was gone again. Whenever I’ve gotten discouraged with him being gone so much over the past several weeks, I’ve had to remind myself that he gets to come home at the end of the month, the guys he’s been working with are just getting started on a long deployment to Iraq. But, being a single mom is exhausting. Emotionally and mentally, I’ve been just worn out recently. Hence the ongoing blog slump.

But, I’m finally feeling more like myself again. Blogging is a rewarding and enjoyable hobby, but I tend to be kind of intense when I have a hobby, so I have finally learned to cut myself some slack. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter how many or how few people ever look at my blog. I can write what I want to write, and that’s really okay, I don’t have to worry too very much what someone else is going to think about it, as long as I stay within the bounds of scripture when writing those serious things. I don’t have to post super important things every time I post. I don’t have to post something every day! Whew. That’s a relief. And, D is on his way home as I type this right now today. Hooray!!

And that’s enough rambling for today, too. I think the blog slump may be resolving itself, and I’m feeling much less self-imposed pressure to post every day. When something that should be just an enjoyable hobby becomes too time-consuming, out of proportion in importance or stressful, it’s time to re-evaluate. When put in perspective, it can be enjoyable again. And that’s a good thing.