Summer Slump

Psalm 63

O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.
So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips shall praise You.
Thus I will bless You while I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches,
Because You have been my help,
Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.
My soul follows close behind You;
Your right hand upholds me.

But the king shall rejoice in God;
Everyone who swears by Him shall glory;
But the mouth of those who speak lies shall be stopped.

I’m not sure if I really need a complete break from blogging or just a slower posting pace, but I’m in a real slump at the moment. Not only am I slumping on thoughtful posts, but I’m even having trouble coming up with fluff to write about. I don’t know how much of that may have to do with the fact that I’m still not feeling 100 per cent after this weird cold virus I’ve had, some other things that are going on in real life at the moment which are draining me emotionally and physically, or if I’ve just run out of things to say. Probably the first two, I know. But there’s a slump going on here anyway. For example, I’ve rewritten this post at least 15 times, twice almost published it and then deleted it. I had a long, reflective (okay, whiny) post I almost published. I’m glad I didn’t. Nobody needs to know all those thoughts. I’ve also attempted several posts that are sitting in a Word file on my computer because I just can’t get the thoughts out right.

I'm also all of a sudden experiencing a lack of confidence in what I try to post. As someone who is not the most outgoing person in the world (my husband is probably laughing over the understatement there), the publish button can be intimidating. It wasn't nearly as scary when it was just me, my husband and my parents reading my ramblings. I'm still amazed anyone who doesn't already know me would be interested in reading my scribbles, but there are a few of you who have kindly told me you do, and some of you may never know how you've blessed with your comments. But, it's still a little intimidating, and I struggle with a sense of hypocrisy at times. I write what I truly believe, but if you only knew how much I mess up in real life! Thank God that my hope rests in Christ's righteousness, not my own. What amazing grace!

If you’ve been reading for a while, you know that there are times I’ve likened the 3+ years we’ve lived here to a desert wilderness time of my life. Like the Psalmist, at times I feel my soul is thirsting for God in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water. I do have to share the joy that there have been a few hints of rain on the horizon recently, but it’s still quite dry here. But, oh what a joy to know that Jesus offers us Living Water! The point of the Psalm is that, though the land may be barren, God is the source of my joy! I have been reminding myself that I need to remember that I belong to God and He is the source of my joy, not the circumstances around me. In fact, He is sovereign over those circumstances, and He will not leave or forsake those who belong to Jesus. His lovingkindness is better than life. So, perhaps I need to take some more time away from the blog and get alone in the Word and in prayer to replenish the well.

I like that this Psalm says I will seek God early. I’m sure this means early in the morning, obviously, but it can also be applied as early in a situation. Rather than trying to handle things all on my own and drive myself to frustration and then going to God in prayer about something as a sort of last resort, I’m trying to learn to surrender everything to Him early. Even my desert. So, I’m trying to start the day in the Word and in prayer, and to keep that focus throughout the day. Some days that’s easier than others depending on how early the baby decides to start her day, but I very much want to be a woman who rejoices in God in everything, and in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, brings her requests to God, morning, noon and night – all day. And I want to make sure my focus is where it needs to be – on Christ, not on me.

So, I’m not sure if I need to continue my break for the rest of today, another day, or for several days, but it does appear that the tea may need a little more time to steep.