Some More of Those Thoughts You Don't Say Out Loud

*I had a version of this post up for a little while yesterday and then took it down again. These are things I'm thinking through, and they are hard thoughts, so I made some edits before putting it back up today. I'm still thinking through some of this, and probably will be for most of my life as I continue to grow in Christ, so I don't claim that this post is an exhaustive treatment of the topic by any means.

While Drew and I were looking at the promotional material for something called ‘The Truth Project’ put out by Focus on the Family, we came across a question that has stuck with me for the past month or so and I have been thinking about it. The question was this:

“Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?”

Think about it for a moment. I do. Believe that what I believe is really real, that is. But the obvious follow up question is, “Do I live like I do?” That one is a little harder to answer sometimes. I want to live it. Sanctification is a process, and the direction of my life should be towards the standards Christ laid out in the Sermon on the Mount. The direction of my life should be toward His righteousness and His holiness, ever growing in love for Him. Through the power of the Holy Spirit living in me, God is pruning away those things in my life that are not right and He is producing the fruit of the Spirit in me. And I want to live like I really believe what I confess I believe.

So, that’s some of the thoughts I’ve been pondering since reading that question. And as I ponder, I’m beginning to apply those thoughts to areas of my life and to assumptions I find that I’m holding and to the way I think about things. And in the midst of those thoughts, I began reading, and have just finished reading the book Desiring God by John Piper, as I’ve mentioned on a few other posts. I don’t often recommend books on my blog, but I think this one is definitely one I would heartily recommend. In fact, I’m kind of reeling a little from some of the things this book has left me thinking about. Reeling in a good way, but it has shaken up my thinking on some things.

I’m about to talk about one of those topics we don’t like to discuss out loud very often. In fact, it’s a topic I have to honestly confess I am very, very uncomfortable with. It’s the idea of suffering as a Christian. The last chapter of Desiring God deals with this topic. The main discussion of that chapter isn’t so much natural suffering (like sickness, natural disasters, losing a loved one, that kind of thing), but really the focus is on suffering for the sake of the Gospel, though the other kind of suffering is mentioned, too. I have to tell you that this particular chapter shook me up, woke me up and helped me to realize something, and I confess that I am still quite uncomfortable with the things I’m thinking about and struggling to take them to heart. I’ll try to keep this post as short as I can, but I see a tie in to that question I quoted at the beginning if I can figure out how to put into words what I’m struggling to come to grips with here.

First of all, I want to back up and be extremely candid and say that one of the hardest things I had to come to grips with in truly understanding that God is absolutely sovereign is the idea that He does not owe me anything. I am not more special than anyone else to be granted a ‘free pass’ from suffering in my life. And that scared me. A lot. I first started really, really thinking that through when Drew was in Iraq two years ago and I was praying mightily for his safe return. And I realized that I needed to pray in faith for his protection and safe passage home to us, yes, but I also needed to pray that should that request not be granted that I would have the faith to persevere and trust my Savior even then. I did not like to think that way. Those are still difficult things to think about. But what I’m trying to come to grips with is that if I let anything, or anyone, be more important to me than Jesus Christ, then I have made that person or that thing my idol. Of course I do not want harm to come to my loved ones, but do I really, truly trust God enough to believe that His grace is sufficient….even then? I am not saying, however, that we are to live in fear of all the ‘what ifs’ in life. I do not go around saying, “What if this or that happens, will I still believe?” No, I do not live in that kind of worry. Jesus said for us not to worry about what tomorrow will bring.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34 And why should we not worry? The verse right before that is Matthew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." Paul found that to be true, for he said that God told him His grace is sufficient for him. And God's grace is sufficient for us, too. We've got to trust Him, in fact, our joy is found in trusting Him, seeking Him first.

But I do think there comes a time in every Christian’s life when we need to examine ourselves and pray for the persevering faith that we will not be moved.

Those are the kinds of thoughts that are difficult to say out loud, and difficult to express adequately. But, I just finished reading Job, also. He said in the beginning of the book that the worst had happened and he even wished he’d never been born. But, he did not lose hope in his Redeemer. He knew, with certainty, that his Redeemer lives. We can know that, too. At the end of the book, Job puts his hand over his mouth and confesses that when he had questioned God he was talking about things he did not comprehend, and he repented and acknowledged that He is God.

Since reading that chapter about suffering and since reading Job again, I have been hearing and reading a lot of pastors and bloggers and other sources talking about suffering in the Christian life and the role it plays. But, something else I have been thinking about is this: we are never told to pursue a life of ease and comfort. For people who would recoil at the word-faith, prosperity gospel type of teaching, I think it is wise to take a very careful look at our own selves. We believe that that kind of teaching is wrong. But I wonder if we ever seriously think that we have actually bought into some of it, on a smaller level. I complain and whine when my dishwasher breaks. How much complaining and whining do you see on blogs when someone just doesn’t like what a blogger has to say (“Why can’t you just be nice???”)? I tend to complain about a lot of things that aren’t even real hardships, just minor inconveniences, and even let them ruin my day, no less, at times.

But if you read missionary biographies about people who, for the joy of serving Christ and for the joy of sharing the gospel with unreached peoples have chosen to sacrifice many things, that really shines a light on how petty so many of our moanings really are. During our Wednesday morning Bible study, we are looking at the life of the apostle Paul. He did not choose a life of leisure. He poured out his life for the sake of the Gospel. He had a passion to see unreached people hear the words of life. He also lived such a life that if the hope he had in the resurrection were not true, he would be of all men most pitiable. Piper points this out in the chapter on suffering. The reason Paul could joyfully walk the hard road in this life was because of the hope of the much greater joy of eternal life with Jesus, and for the joy of serving Him here until he was called home.

So, I’m not exactly sure where I am going with these thoughts, except that I am beginning to realize that my view of joy has been too small, and too self-centered. We may not all be called to sacrifice in the same ways, but I do think we are all called to pursue our joy in God alone. We are called to hold lightly to the things of this world and not make anyone or anything into our idol. At the very least, I am asking myself if I really believe what I believe is really real, then shouldn’t I be willing to get out of my comfort zone and sacrifice time and comfort to not be such a hermit? This is where I am at the moment. I have been asking myself some hard and uncomfortable questions, and I have had to confess that I really am not yet where I want to be in the answers I am able to give. These are difficult things to grasp, but if I truly want to live what I believe and live for God’s glory, I think they are important things to think about. After all, since Jesus said we are to take up our cross and follow Him, and Paul said that we are to offer our lives as a living sacrifice to God, which is our reasonable service, it’s a good idea to be exploring what that really means. Crosses and sacrifices are hard things, not comfortable things.

But the joy in these hard thoughts is that God is not capricious with the sacrifices in this life that He asks of His children. He always has a purpose in it. He is good, and His plans for us are good and ultimately for His glory. So, for the joy of knowing and loving Him, I think it is good to think about these things, as difficult and uncomfortable as it may be.