"In You, O LORD, I put my trust;
Let me never be put to shame.
Deliver me in Your righteousness, and cause me to escape;
Incline Your ear to me, and save me.
Be my strong refuge,
To which I may resort continually;
You have given the commandment to save me,
For You are my rock and my fortress."
For all my teasing of my son for his hatred of change, I have to confess that I'm worse. I hate change. Even good change is HARD for me. Friends, I'm having a hard time with this move. I hate moving. We have pretty much settled in, but there are still quite a few boxes downstairs that my husband is still sorting through. Did you know that it can be depressing to have too much stuff? It is. We do. I am. Depressed, that is.
Even though we know this move is a good thing, the right thing, in fact, it's still HARD. I hesitate to post this because I think it will probably sound so whiny, but it's where I am at the moment, and it helps me work through it to write about it. It's hard to not know anyone yet. It's hard to send my boys off to their first new school since kindergarten five years ago. It's hard to find my way around a new city again. It's hard to be the 'new people' at church again. It's good, but it's hard. But one really awesome thing about being a child of God is that we know we can find kindred spirit people anywhere we go. It is awesome to walk into a Bible-teaching, Bible-believing church and be right at home - not a stranger among strangers, but a family member who just hasn't been met yet. Sunday was like that. The Sunday school class we attended was full of people who obviously love the Lord, and we were made to feel right at home, and Sunday evening I went to a women's Bible study and was, again, made to feel like I was among, not strangers, but sisters. God is good.
We knew this move would be hard. We did not, however, shy away just because it is hard, because we also knew it was, and is, right. I know that, as hard as it is, it won't be long before this all feels normal and like home again. Then it will be time to move again, but I'm trying not to think about that yet. It's been good to have Drew home so much already. I hate to admit this, but it was nice to have a little peace and quiet yesterday when the boys went back to school. They have been climbing the walls with things being still somewhat unsettled, not everything is unpacked or found yet, and not knowing any kids to play with and cold weather on top of it all. They really liked their new school, too. I think I'm having a harder time with the change in school than they are, and for that I am thankful. One thing I like is that we are close enough to walk to school, and that gives me some good time with the boys when we walk there and back, as well as some good exercise, too. I have a ready made thirty minute walk each morning and then again each afternoon. Boo didn't like the cold this morning, though. I told her if she would keep her hat and mittens on it wouldn't feel so cold. She is such a GRITS baby - no hat, no shoes, no problem.
Speaking of Boo, I had to cut her hair the other day. That was heart-wrenching, since we've been waiting so long for her to have any hair at all. Anyway, now that she has a little hair, she's so thrilled with that fun stuff up there that she has developed a habit of twirling her fingers in it, creating knots. Last week she had such a monster knot twirled up that neither Drew nor I could work it out. I even washed her hair with conditioner and tried to brush it out - she has a really tough little head, I would have been screaming if someone pulled my hair as hard as I was pulling - but there was no untangling the mess. I had to cut it. You can't tell it, thankfully.
Back to the learning curve of the move, I ventured out today, and I feel kind of silly for being so proud of myself for finding Target, shopping, and finding my way home with no problems. It does help my overall malaise to start feeling like I can, in fact, find my way around on my own. Baby steps, Beck, baby steps. Another thing about me you may not know is that I am very uncomfortable driving in new places. I'm glad Drew had a lot of time off to drive us around before he had to go back to working all day. But I'll get through this learning curve. It just takes getting out there and exploring on my own.
Anyway, I was kind of surprised by the depressed state of mind I've been working through the past few days. And one thing I realized was sending me into that depressed spiral was that in all the hustle and bustle of trying to settle in and unpack and keep my boys from killing each other in their boredom and pent up energy, I have not spent much time reading my Bible and praying. I miss it. I can tell it when time with the Lord loses priority. Why is it that this usually is happens just when I need that time with Him most?
So, the other day I picked up my CBS book and worked through the lesson in Genesis my class will be doing tomorrow back in SC. I'm planning to keep up even though I had to leave my core group and class behind. God is so good, friends. In this week's lesson, we studied Abraham's test of faith when he was asked to offer his son, Isaac. During the course of the week's lesson, we were asked to look up several scriptures containing promises that God confirms to those who trust in His Son, and then we were asked to take one and discuss what it meant to us personally this week. What a blessing, and how I needed it right now.
Two spoke right to my heart this week:
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
"In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory."
I've said it before, and I'll keep on saying it. I am so grateful that my security in Christ does not rest on my own efforts or on my feelings. If it depended on how I feel, then I am, indeed, most hopeless. But, praise His glorious name, my hope rests in Christ alone. I have been sealed by the Holy Spirit, and though I may stumble at times, He never stumbles. He is the guarantee, and nothing, not even momentary feelings of depression, can pluck me out of His hand. And this is why, even when temporal things seem hard, there is joy. Hallelujah.