Because Real Life Doesn't Rewind

Sometimes I wish my life had a rewind button that would take me back about 10 minutes or so. I’ve said before that I struggle with patience. Losing my temper is one of the biggest temptations I find myself giving in to far too often. I really want to learn to take a few minutes to think before I open my big mouth with my kids. On a blog, you can consistently put your best face forward, because you can edit and edit and edit until the words sound just right. Or you can hit the delete button and it all goes away. Real life is not like that. In real life, the words I say are out there the minute they are said. And when those words are said in anger to a sensitive child who then dissolves into tears because I’ve overreacted or made a wrong assumption about something he did in childishness rather than actual defiance, my heart breaks because I’ve once again spoken hurtful words rather than helpful ones. And once they are out there, I can’t delete them or take them back. I can apologize sincerely and profusely, and the child can forgive, but the words or angry tone of voice are still there in his mental tape recorder. The apology, while demonstrating that I’m aware I did wrong and I’m learning and want desperately to make it right, does not erase all the hurt the initial outburst caused.

Because life does not have a rewind button, it is so important that I learn to put a rein on this evil, critical tongue of mine! I need to start the day in prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to give me the strength to guard my words carefully. Just as I edit what I put out on my blog, I need to be mentally editing what I am to say to my children. And that is so hard! I need to learn to step back when I feel that familiar, fleshly frustration starting to build up inside and think before I speak.

James 1:19-20
“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

James 3:2-11
“For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh.”

With such a powerful tool at my disposal, I must learn to be more careful in how I wield it. My words can build up or tear down, and what mother wants to tear down her precious children? Yes, they must be corrected and disciplined, but, oh, how much more effective I am when I speak kindly - even when they've done something that needs correction or attention. No frustration I'm feeling at the moment is more important than modeling for these precious children what self-control looks like. And no feeling should dictate how I interact with my children; I am responsible to act in a way that brings glory to my Savior, no matter what I feel like.

O, most gracious Heavenly Father, please teach me to be much slower to speak and to think before I react. Help me to remember, in the moment, how my words can either build up or tear down, and teach me to put my hand over my mouth before I tear down! Please teach me to look to You for the patience and wisdom to know how to teach and speak in love rather than simply react to what the kids do. Help me to remember they are still children, and they are learning from all I say and do – rightly and wrongly. Thank You for the grace to change and to guard my tongue. Amen.