Where I Am Right Now

*Just so you know, this is the kind of post I often rethink, so if it disappears later, you'll know I decided it was too whiny. So there.*

I may have mentioned that I don’t really like where I live. Honestly? I hate living here. And I don’t use the word “hate” often, mind you. I hesitate to mention this, but I had myself quite a pity party this afternoon. We’ve been here a little over 3 years, and I’ve never lived in a place like this before where it was so hard to make friends. This is a heavily active-duty military town, so people tend to have a short-term mentality here. They know that they are only here 3 years at the most, and most that I meet hate it here, too. We are military also, but the Reserves is a whole different breed. The active duty people have their squadron or unit here for support. Hubby’s unit is stationed an hour away, and it’s his civilian job that has us here. It’s also his civilian job that will keep us here. I tend to be pretty shy, too, so that doesn’t help. And I guess I'm weird because, though I love to laugh and have fun like anyone else, I really like to talk about doctrine as well. And apparently, that makes me weird to most of the other women I know - it always has. I don't get it, because if we say we love Jesus, why wouldn't we want to talk about biblical things? So, anyway, right now, I’m lonely. There. I finally said it. I have tried to reach out to a few other ladies who are home during the day, as I am, but how many times can you ask someone to meet you for lunch and have the answer always be that they are busy, but they’ll get with you soon before you realize they just aren’t that interested? Or maybe they are as wrapped up in their own lives as I tend to be, and we just aren’t able to get out of our little routine boxes. It doesn’t help that I live way out on “the island” while our church is 20 minutes away in town, where most everyone I know lives. And it doesn’t help that we don’t really have very many young families at our church with stay-home moms. My poor boys are sometimes the only kids in their Sunday School classes. I am struggling greatly right now, because there is a larger church we could attend (and, no, it is not Purpose Driven or seeker-sensitive, or any of that ugliness) where there would be women in the same stage of life as me and more kids for our boys to interact with, but D. doesn’t feel a release to leave our church right now. So, I’m praying that I will have the grace to bloom in the place God has me for now.

I have an ambivalent relationship with my blog at times, too. I’m able to articulate what I believe pretty well in writing, but I feel like such a hypocrite in my real life. I want so much to put into practice what I know is true. But so many days I find that I haven’t talked to anyone, other than my husband, who is over the age of eight. And I know that I need to get out of the house more and find a place to plug in. I know all the clichés: to have a friend you have to be a friend, etc. But I’m just saying, I’ve never found that to be as hard anywhere we’ve lived as it is here, for some reason.

So, I’m holding onto my verse: “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3. And I continue to confess what I believe and know is true, no matter how I feel today. Because, honestly, I don’t always feel like I do right now, and it is not about how I feel anyway.

And I’m praying that I will get over myself and reach out, again, and find a place to plug in here, in this town, where God has planted our family. And I know He will lead me where He wants me to be, and He will never leave or forsake me – even if I’m in the wilderness for this season.

Psalm 34:1
“I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.”


Psalm 33:20-22
“Our soul waits for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
For our heart shall rejoice in Him,
Because we have trusted in His holy name.
Let Your mercy, O LORD, be upon us,
Just as we hope in You.”