After a Monday Night Phone Call

D and I have been married for 13 years, during all of which he has been with the Army National Guard or Reserve. This has led to some need for flexibility when making plans at times. In fact, quite often I’ve had to learn that a phone call can change things in a moment. Most of the time I’m able to just go with the flow about it, but not always.

I blew it Monday night. My fallen sin nature was on display. I’m saying I wasn’t patient or kind, not enduring all things, and I most definitely was rude and provoked.

Here’s the thing: We were supposed to be going to visit my grandmother this weekend. The kids are on spring break, so it’s a good time to take a weekend and go to see her. This had been planned for several weeks.

Then the phone rang Monday evening.

Out-of-the-blue phone calls from someone asking to speak to Captain (our last name) are something I have come to dread. Well, it turns out that this weekend is a planning meeting out west for the big two-week training mission coming up this summer, and D’s superior officer who was supposed to go to it has been called to active duty elsewhere and cannot attend. Therefore, they need D to go. He was to call back Tuesday morning to confirm.

I am ashamed to admit this, but I pitched a fit. Well, okay, that may be an exaggeration. D read this post last night and said, “You did not pitch a fit. You were really quiet, and I totally knew you were upset, but you didn’t pitch a fit.” I think it is a good thing he can’t read my mind. There was one big fit going on in there. It was not pretty. I sulked and pouted while D said that he probably could technically say no, but that really wouldn’t be the best thing for him to do. I complained that I’m so tired of the Army so often pre-empting plans we’ve already made – and, coincidentally, it seems to fall at times we’ve been planning something with my family. I laid on the guilt trip, I’m sorry to say.

Then the guilt set in for me as I was reading my Bible and praying on Tuesday morning. I wept in prayer yesterday morning when it hit me how wrongly I had handled the disappointment the night before and how unkindly I had treated my husband. Because even though D cannot read my mind and may not have known the extent of the rude, unloving and frustrated thoughts I was nourishing, God does know my thoughts – even before I think them. I say I believe in respecting my husband. I say I want to honor and cherish him. But Monday night, when I was given an opportunity to demonstrate that I really respect him and how hard he works to support our family and the fact that this Army career is his second job (in addition to his full time civilian career) and helps pay the bills so I can stay home with our kids, what did I do? I sulked and complained and insisted on what I wanted. I wasn’t even taking into account how hard it was for him to have to tell me he needed to spoil our plans once again. He so much didn’t want to change the plans, and I sure didn’t make the situation any easier for him.

I called my husband at work yesterday and tearfully apologized to him for being so selfish in the way I handled his news and told him that I understood that we would have to postpone the trip a few weeks, because I finally realized that, while he technically could say, “no,” it really would not be good for him not to go when the Army says, “Go.” And my anger about this call was a bit out of proportion. At least he wasn’t being called up to active duty again; it was just a weekend meeting.

I hate that I had to call my grandmother and postpone our trip at the last minute, causing her inconvenience. I really do. I did not want to do that to her. That’s really the main reason I was so very upset about the plan change. The most frustratingly maddening thing about these kinds of situations is that it doesn’t just affect our plans, but it affects everyone who has been planning for and counting on us, too. But, she seemed to understand, and we are going to try to plan to go up there in a few weeks when my parents are also planning to visit, which seemed to please her, as well. She just said to be thankful it’s just a weekend in another state and not another deployment to Iraq. Perspective is everything, I guess. I’m so thankful she understood.

I also really, really hate that my attitude was so rotten Monday night. I should have been more understanding and gracious to my husband, even while feeling frustrated and disappointed. It is not his fault he got the phone call that night, and being angry at the Army for once again intruding on my plans doesn’t make it right for me to take it out on the one I love so much.

When I apologized to my husband yesterday, he even said he didn’t think there was anything to forgive. Boy, am I glad he can’t read my mind! I’m also glad he was understanding enough to chalk up my bad attitude to disappointment and frustration rather than true anger at him – see, he was disappointed about the change in plans, too. He didn’t want to have to disappoint my grandma any more than I did. So he chose not to take my bad attitude personally. He said he understood how disappointed and frustrated I am and that he hated that this call came when it did, too. But when I insisted on apologizing for my cranky, sulky, pouty attitude, he forgave me. He loved me even while I was acting unlovable and when I was angry at him for something that wasn’t his fault. I’m so thankful for the man I’m married to – even though being married to him means I have to accept the Army commitment and the frustration of broken plans (again!).

And I’m thankful for the way God is working in me, because, not too long ago, that fit wouldn’t have just stayed in my mind. I would have been a lot more vocal with it not all that long ago.

I just pray I will handle the disappointment in a more God honoring way next time. I pray I will use these situations to learn to act right no matter how frustrated I feel. Because, being married to an Army Reserve man means there probably will be more next times.