Friday, November 14, 2008

The Santa Thing

Warning, minor rant ahead. I don't seem to be able to write short posts, and this one, long as it is, probably doesn't say everything I want to or say it as well as I should. Take it for what it's worth, I guess.

At the bus stop about a month ago, some of the moms stayed a while talking after the bus took the kids to school. One of the moms filled me in on an ongoing discussion that was apparently being continued from the day before. She told me that her (third grade) son came home the day before telling her some things he had heard on the bus about s*e*x and that Santa Claus wasn’t real. I keyed in on the first concern because that’s a big deal but kind of blew off the second because that’s a non-issue to me. However, as the conversation continued, it became obvious that several of the moms were as concerned, if not more concerned, about the Santa Claus revelation than they were about the other topic. That kind of surprised me. In fact, I told them that my boys don’t believe in Santa because we never really made a big deal about him at our house. It’s not that we’re legalistic or anything, the boys know the Santa stories and have seen some of the movies about him, but we never played up believing in the fairy tale. That’s just not Christmas to me. So I told the moms that I knew my guys weren’t participating in the s*e*x talking because they are still pretty innocent there, but that they very well could shatter illusions about Santa.

Let me back up and say what this post is NOT saying. I’m not making any judgment on a family’s decision to ‘do’ Santa or not. I don’t really care one way or the other. I think it’s one of those things you can do if you want or not do if you don’t want and not something to get all hyper about. I’ll share our opinion and convictions regarding our own decision that we made early on in our family, but it doesn’t bother me if other families play the Santa game or not. I don’t think it makes us more or less spiritual than anyone else because of our decision not to do much with him, it just is what it is, and I don’t really care if anyone else agrees or not. So don’t get all offended if you just love the Santa thing. Cool beans. Go for it, I won’t intentionally Grinch it for ya.

But, here’s our philosophy at our house. When I was growing up, we had stockings and Santa presents, but the game was never played to the extent where my brother and I really believed that some fat, jolly old elf man truly came into our house on Christmas Eve and delivered presents. I don’t remember ever taking it seriously, and my parents didn’t make a big deal out of Santa. It was just a story. The real point of Christmas was to celebrate Jesus. Drew says it was pretty much that way for them, too. So, we kind of decided that when we had kids we weren’t going to do the Santa thing, either. We put up stockings and all, and my kids knew the stories, and we even put out reindeer food for fun when M brought some home from school, but they never believed it was anything real. We thought it through and realized that at Christmas we wanted the focus to be on Jesus and the fact that He came to earth, stepped into time and took on human flesh, to reconcile us to Himself. Christmas, to us, is really about the Cross. So we didn’t see the point in muddying up the celebration with an over-the-top fantasy world Santa myth. In fact, my kids didn’t even really know who Santa was until they went to school. M called him “Ho, Ho Man,” when he was little and we thought that was funny.

Anyway, when the kids went to school, I told them that some kids did believe in Santa, so just don’t make a big deal about it and try not to spoil their fun. That has not been a problem, as far as I know, until this year.

A few weeks after the bus stop conversation, one of the moms very apologetically asked me if she could talk. She said, “You guys don’t do Santa, right?” And we talked a little about that. Then she hesitantly said that her son told her that J had told him that there was no Santa and could I talk to him? Ugh. I told her that we had already told him not to bring it up, but if someone point blank asked him, he shouldn’t lie, either. But I told her I’d talk to J. One of the other moms said, “Yeah, I know it’s Jesus’ birthday and all, too, but we just want to preserve the magic of Santa for our kindergartner. She just has so much fun with it.”

So I talked to J. Turns out this kid had asked him. So, J didn’t lie. The other mom and I talked again today and she asked if I’d talked to J. I told her it looked like her son was asking. She said this was probably his last year anyway, because he’s asking all those logical questions, but she wanted to give me a heads up because the other mom will be upset if her kindergartner finds out. I said that we weren't trying to be jerks or anything and I'm sorry if my son's answer was causing problems but I also didn't want him lying. And then we kind of joked about, well, if you’re that upset about it, show them The Polar Express. Whatever. She laughed and admitted that they were probably going to have to talk to their son this year since he's pretty much figured it out and since he's going around asking all his friends. By the way I HATE that movie. It totally shows what Christmas without Jesus is. Depressing empty vanity – ultimately it’s all about the presents and 'believing.' But 'believing' in what? DEPRESSING. And the North Pole scene where everyone is worshipping Santa really, really bothered me, and no, I do NOT think that I’m being hyper sensitive. No wonder people get so depressed during the holidays. Just sharing my honest opinion. Feel free to differ, but that’s how it struck me.

Anyway, I’ve kind of gotten tired of being looked at funny every year for not making much of Santa. Every year someone at church or somewhere will ask the boys if Santa brought them anything, and my concrete thinker J will look confused and say, “No…” and the kind hearted soul will give me this weird look, to which I apologetically explain that yes, they did get presents and mumble about not really doing much with Santa, which doesn’t usually erase the weird look they’re giving me. There’s some version of that conversation every year.

I’m trying to be understanding, but, really, why is it that our family is the bad guy here? I don’t care if other people want to play the Santa game, but to get all bent out of shape when your kid hears on the school bus or from a neighbor kid the TRUTH that Santa is just a fairy tale is just, well, life. Sorry. I’ve told my guys not to be jerks or obnoxious about it because we don’t want to hurt our witness by being unkind or coming across in a legalistic way, which is NOT how we look at this, but, at the same time, it isn’t my responsibility to keep the lie alive for everyone else. I’m responsible for how I raise my own kids. We decided in own family to try to downplay the materialistic, secular side of Christmas as much as we could, though I still think there’s too much emphasis on the presents, truth be told, and put more emphasis on the Savior. We did nothing wrong in the way we handled Santa with our boys. I’m tired of the judgmental attitude we’re getting for not lying to our kids. So there. Play the game if you wish, preserve the magic, whatever. But you’ll have to figure out for yourself what to tell them when they bump into people who opted out. What really bothers me is that we’re being treated like we have destroyed someone’s faith in something real. You’ve got to know that if you play the Santa game, the day of disillusionment will eventually come. That’s what happens when you take the fantasy that far. Sorry to be so blunt, but, that right there is a major reason why we opted out in the first place. I wanted them to believe what really matters, not be confused with the fake stuff. I want them to be able to discern the difference and not intentionally tell them confusing things along the way.

And, just for the record, the fact that God stepped into time and became a man and reconciled those who believe in Christ to Himself is wondrous enough for me. I don’t need the headache of jumping through a bunch of hoops to make my kids believe in a made up elf in order to keep the wonder alive for them. I’d rather they be impressed with a sense of wonder at the awe their mom and dad feel toward a God who would condescend to the humility of the Cross on our behalf. That’s where I want our energy to be focused.

But I also understand that many of my neighbors are not believers, so they do not have that sense of wonder about the Savior. I hope I can look at this as an opportunity to be a gracious witness, and teach my children to be the same.

11 comments:

Ruth said...

Totally agree. Thanks.

faithfulfemininity.blogspot.com

Lisa Spence said...

I'm so with you. Santa, he's just one big HASSLE! :-)

Charlotte Cushman said...

very unfortunate.... but sounds like you handled it well... char

Anonymous said...

Well said.

We've had to give our kids "the talk," too. Not about s*e*x, about Santa. Every year we have to explain that they can't tell other kids that he isn't real. I think this year we're going to have to add adults to the list. You know, coach the kids to answer the "What did Santa bring you?" question with "Lots of stuff."

A couple of years ago, one woman in a store asked my kids if Santa brought them any presents. My 6 year old (at the time) son said, "Um, Saint Nicholas is dead." To which the woman gave me a horrified look and tried to explain to my son that Santa's spirit lives on. But was too quick for me to respond. He said, "Yeah, he's in Heaven with Jesus." She just looked at me with her mouth hanging open -- I kid you not! She thought I was a monster or something. I explained that we try to keep Jesus the focus of our Christmas, and not to worry because we still gave our children gifts. She didn't know what to say -- she was petrified.

Laura said...

Well said as always. Our challenge is with our parents/grandparents who think that Santa ought to be a big deal. The weird looks we get are from family.

Unknown said...

We do a "modified santa" thing. santa "brings" a couple of presents but the rest come from us and family. We do the cookies and milk thing simply because it makes for a priceless photo, that's my fault. I am picture taking addict. BUT that being said, our focus is the birth of our Lord. Our son knows for sure santa isn't real, took it real matter of fact, "I always knew that Mom". Hannah is 5 and somewhat knows but is caught up with her friends who do believe. BUT she is also TERRIFIED of SANTA! "he can just leave my presents at the door and stay out of my house". She said this last year. Our 2 year old, she really doesnt care anyway. We do play santa but my kids have been told its a game we play and NOT to tell other children. We make a cake for Jesus' birthday and try to give someone less fortunate a gift as our present to Jesus. With the economy, that might not happen this year. But I plan to have the kids do something for someone else in the spirit of "giving Jesus a birthday present". Our best present is ourselves given to Him, but giving a present or a deed is a tangible way my children can give Jesus glory for His birthday. My husband's birthday happens to fall on Christmas day. Therefore, Christmas for us is a huge celebration, Jesus birthday and Daddy's to boot. So if you ask my kids whose birthday is Christmas they are as likely to say Daddy's as Jesus' but always add the other one after saying whose birthday it is. (okay not sure that made sense). See Rebekah, you aren't the only long winded one around here. I figure we will get to play the santa game only a couple of more years but if they show no interest we dont and will not push it. And we will continue to put Jesus birthday celebration above all else. As for us, we thing there is nothing more "magical" then the fact Jesus was born in a manger and the angels sang in the skies of the birth of a Savior and a star led the wisemen (arrival at a later date of course) by a star to see the King of Kings. What greater "magical" story is there?

Unknown said...

wanted to add we had to emphasize to my kids NOT to tell others simply because my son is a talker, (hm wonder where he gets that?) and unless I am adamant about it, he'd blab it to the world. He has not a shy bone in his body about his beliefs either. When it comes to blabbing about santa, I have to be careful, cause people do get irate about it. You'd think you'd murdered Christmas or something when your child blabs such words. And you suddenly became the worst mother in the neighborhood.

Pam said...

We never did it either.. for the same reasons as you said! We talked to our daughter when she was really little and told her that he's not real and that people like to play a game and act like he's real b/c it's fun and that ppl will ask her what Santa will bring and what they really want to know is what she wants for Christmas, so just tell them what you want. We told her that ppl like to pretend a lot about it and to just let them and not say anything about it. So that's what she did. But yes, strangers and ppl we know thought we were freaks for not 'doing Santa'. I have never regretted it for a second. Although I know ppl that *have* done Santa and they're now in a pickle trying to figure out a graceful way out. good luck!

We've tried to keep our focus on Jesus and not on all the weird fantasy that goes on at this time of year. A Godly Sunday school teacher mentioned to us before we had kids... how can we expect kids to buy into something so amazing as Jesus' love for us and also feed them the lie of Santa? They didn't do Santa either, in case you can't tell! lol They never regretted it either.

But very well said! :-D

Christy said...

I completely agree. We decided to tell the kids the truth this year about Santa and we're glad we did. Thanks for speaking so candidly about it - great job!

Unknown said...

oh and I wanted to add..........the santa game.....puts way too much pressure on us parents...LOL. I think teaching kids the real meaning of Christmas is awesome. I wish I had never really started the santa game with my kids. At least they know it IS a game, but sometimes....I wish I'd never started it. My 5 year old said this weekend when I said you can't have that toy.. "Barbie Jeep" the drivable one......well santa can bring it.......I am like NO santa is just a game....you are NOT gettting a barbie jeep! So yeah.......right now the whole santa game just bit me in the rear and I am ready to stop the whole fiasco........but .........at the same time....it is fun to play. sigh....parenting is not easy and right now I come off feeling like the meanie....and not so in the mood for santa.......sigh.

Although I did have some friends that made Jesus into santa...and I quote (hopefully I am not offending anyone here)..."Baby Jesus comes and leaves presents under the tree".......uh that one......yeah it bothered me a LOT! Cause the Lord is not santa and He is not a slot machine.....but the kids were threathened with "if you aren't good Baby Jesus will not leave you anything"......uh.......wrong message in my opinion......but I bit my tongue and said nothing cause I did NOT know what to say. Anyway......I hope my post earlier wasn't too pro santa or made anyone feel like I dont agree with them not teaching their kids about santa. I think its great. And you dont have to have your 5 year old try and one up you with santa....LOL.

Mrs. H said...

I am right there w/ you regarding your convictions on the whole Santa thing... we have not made a deal out of him to this point. (When my daughter was 2, she saw the big Santa statue at Wal*mart and said, "Look! It's Jesus!" It was like she associated the figure of Santa w/ Christmas but had only been taught Jesus w/ Christmas so she put the two of them together and assumed he was Jesus, it was funny. But, now she's five and last year we kinda skirted the issue w/ Santa just filling her stocking, but now it's like, what's the point w/ even that? But, she's already coming home talking Santa talk b/c of friends in kindergarten....