A bit of friendly, unsolicited advice for new moms and dads:
Fill your homes and cars with singable music. Trust me, it will bless you now,
and continue to bless you in years to come.
One of my favorite precious memories is how my little middle
boy would sing out this song from the back of the car in his car seat, precious
toddler slightly-offkey voice praising God. Whenever this song comes on my
playlist today, I feel the same joy I felt then, and it keeps close how much
I’ve loved being his mom through all the stages of his life, and helps me
remember the ‘little years’ and keep them close in my pondering nostalgia, too,
even as I am filled with wonder to watch him as a new dad with his own little
one.
Another precious
memory is as a brand new mom with our first born son, you know how in those
early first few months you can be so tired and the middle of the night
wakenings can be so exhausting, but I remember rocking my sweet boy, too tired
or emotional to know how or what to pray in those early morning hours, and
singing the first hymn that would come to mind, which for some reason was very
often, “There is a Fountain.” I remember so many nights singing, sometime
though tears, loving my little newborn. Well, many years later, when this
little guy was no longer little, but taller than me and standing next to me in
churchas a teenager, and we sang this
song and he turned to me and said, “I love this song.” That filled my heart,
this song, whether he consciously remembered it or not, had been planted into
him and it was good.
And then there’s our youngest, our daughter, who when she
was little loved to twirl and dance to whatever praise music I had on at any
given moment. Music has been a sweet part of our lives.
So, young moms and
dads, sing. Fill your homes with song. When you feel like it, and especially
when you don’t. It’s sweet in the moment, and it will turn your heart to Jesus
when you need Him so much, and it will fill your heart in years to come when you
remember those sweet days fondly. I cherish the memories and sometimes miss my
days of parenting little ones, even as I’m so incredibly thankful I get to be
part of their lives as they blossom into the precious adults God is molding
them to be, and how excited I am to get to be Grammy to this new little one,
and those who will one day come into our family. What an amazing gift it is to
be mom to these incredible people.
When I started this blog in 2006, I had three littles running around, our youngest not even a year old yet. Back in those early days of blogging I wrote more about my kids, but as they grew older, I wrote about them less and less, beginning to come to understand that the older they grew, the more their stories weren't mine to tell on my blog. The focus of the blog, such as it is, changed over the years. Back when blogging was a new thing, we formed little communities of similar interests and we shared each others' posts and encouraged each other, 'meeting' people in our blogging communities we might never have otherwise known. Sometimes I kind of miss those days, but you really can't "go home again." Things changed, we changed, the world changed, our kids grew up, the nature of blogging drifted into more of developing your brand and specific focuses rather than the lonely musings of Christian moms seeking community and connection, we drifted away to more personal social media platforms or left the blogging world all together and let the younger, hipper, more brand-conscious influencers have at it.
I've kept my little blog-journal open through the years, not because I think anyone is still reading, and not that I even want to build that kind of platform anymore, but because I still find it a useful place to hash out thoughts, and share them, just not as often, and not for nearly as many people - if anyone besides my parents and a few Facebook friends even see it anymore. That's been freeing, too. No pressure to post often, and now it's mostly a place for me to keep track of what I'm reading. The downside is that with the change in the way we blog, I've also dropped off from making very interesting content, hardly ever.
Anyway, the thing I got to thinking about today is that in a few days one of those children who was little when I started this blog, what doesn't feel all that long ago, but when you look at the dates is longer ago than I can wrap my head around, is turning 20. As of Friday, I will have two who are no longer teenagers.
That little cliche you hear all the time has truth to it: The days are long, but the years are short. Back when I was a lonely stay-home mom starting this blog, there were plenty of days I couldn't imagine anything other than those long days, and I even got a little bit irritated with people who constantly said things like, "Enjoy every day, every moment, they just go so fast." I knew that was true, but it felt burdensome to be constantly asking, "Am I really enjoying this moment as much as I should? Will I regret that I didn't do more?" And yes, there are things I regret. There are many more things I'm thankful for, though. I've learned through the years not to beat myself up about wondering if I'm making the most of every little thing, and just learning to live and to love Jesus and know Him more, whatever comes that day. And most of all, I'm thankful for the grace God has lavished on our life as I look back and see how He guided me through all those long days and short years.
I can honestly say that I've enjoyed my kids, all along the way. And I really and truly enjoy them immensely today, now that two of them are adults and the youngest is quickly catching up to them. I may look back and lose my breath at how quickly these years have slipped away, but I will never say they weren't full. And what a blessing it is to have children who are growing into really cool adults, who are just plain fun to talk to now.
I've shared this song before, but I just love it. I think of it whenever I think of my boys who are no longer my littles, but who have grown to be my friends.
I have a new favorite song that I’ve been listening to on repeat lately, The Lord is My Salvation by Keith and Kristyn Getty. I was thinking that every once in a while I come across songs that make me think maybe I should compile of list of songs that I wouldn’t mind having played one day at my funeral. I guess that sounds like a weird thing to think about, but given that we don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I do know Who holds tomorrow, and I know that some songs very eloquently express the kind of faith I have in Him, this is one of those songs that will go on my list if I ever write one.
As I’ve listened to this song recently, I’ve been thinking about the names of my children. All three of our children have biblical names. The first born’s name means, “YAHWEH is salvation,” the second means, “Who is like the LORD?” and the third means, “Ewe,” and we’ve always told her she is our little lamb.
I truly long for my children to know, really and truly know, that God is their salvation, JESUS is Lord and He delights to save sinners, to know that there is NO ONE like God, and to know that Jesus is the Great Good Shepherd, who loves His sheep, saving to the uttermost those who trust Him alone, that they can run to Him and cast all their burdens on Him and He is mighty to save. Jesus is the only name given among men by which we must be saved.
I have always liked the Simon & Garfunkel song, “The Sound of Silence.” Until recently, if you had asked my opinion, I would have said I don’t think anyone else could do it justice, but then I heard the version that the band Disturbed has recorded. My teenage son assures me I would not like Disturbed’s other music, and I’ll just go ahead and take his word for it, since he knows about these things. :-) One other version I loved recently happened during a marching band performance from one of the high school bands at the one and only competition we went to this year. The band played some of “The Sound of Silence,” and then, with the echo and overtones of the last chord played ringing in the stadium, stood on the field in complete silence for several seconds before playing again. It was musically and emotionally very powerful. But I’m digressing far from my point. I do like this version of “The Sound of Silence” that I’m posting under this paragraph very much, as it captures well a sense of heart wrenching alienation as it begins softly and builds in intensity. Something about the pathos of his voice and the musical arrangement captures the angst of the alienation that I think we are seeing more and more in our culture.
Paul Simon wrote this song in the 1960’s, capturing his own generation’s angst and alienation, but I think he was sort of a cultural prophet, too, because every time as I listen to the words and tone of the song, I can’t help but think of the whirlwind of alienation we are reaping upon ourselves with our smartphones/devices and social media.
Look at this stanza:
“And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.”
Does that not describe what happens on Facebook and Twitter a hundred thousand times a day? We are more connected than ever in this generation, yet the depth of those connections is superficial at best in most cases. When I first joined Facebook almost nine years ago (I actually had to go check because I can’t believe it’s been that long), it was only after resisting for a long while and I only joined because people from my old high school were working on a reunion and looking for people and someone (my brother, I think) said someone had contacted him looking for me. So I joined, thinking it might be a neat way to keep up with people from the past, especially since we move so often. And that part has been pretty cool. But, one of the griefs of my life is that I’ve found, while it’s cool to stay in touch, the closeness of the friendship is just not the same when we aren’t able to be face-to-face friends anymore. People I was very close to when we were able to go to lunch together and spend time in each other’s homes, just aren’t able to seem as close and well-known once we move away, even though we all post on Facebook and like each others’ statuses. Something is lost. And then when you factor in the ‘friends’ or people you follow on Twitter (or any social media platform) who you don’t actually know in real life and watch the way conversations tend to go on social media, you begin to see that there are an awful lot of people talking without speaking and hearing without listening, when you see how quickly such conversations can go sour. The silence that ensues from that kind of communication is the alienation of misunderstanding and talking past each other and the depression that can cause to descend, because the nature of the medium just does not lend itself to true conversation and understanding. It just doesn’t. And it is frustrating, because I believe we all long to be heard and understood and known and truly connected, not this false connection that social media fosters. It makes promises it just cannot deliver, like clouds that never bring rain.
But that’s not all. My thoughts as I listen to this song drift along in other directions, too.
Take a look at this phrase:
“And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.”
I bet you can guess where I’m going with this one, but what comes to mind every time I hear this is the generation of smartphone zombies we’ve cultivated. When was the last time you were in a room with random strangers when the majority weren’t lost in the glow of a personal screen? When was the last time you were sitting in a restaurant and you didn’t see people sitting at the same table together, but lost in their own little private worlds, looking at their phones, not talking to the person right at the table with them? Do you even remember a time when you could strike up a friendly conversation in a waiting room or grocery store line because people weren’t consumed with their own private little world? Do you remember people actually smiling at each other or just noticing someone else was even there in such cases? Have you ever been walking along in the grocery store and seen many someones oblivious to the fact that anyone else was there because they were so engrossed in their private little smartphone worlds? In moments when we have to wait, what’s our first inclination? Pull out that phone and start scrolling or texting, right? It’s unthinkable that we might take that time and let boredom steer our minds to actually have to think on our own, or, gasp, actually talk to someone else.
And then there is this: Want to try a scary little experiment? Take a walk down one of the busier streets in your neighborhood and count how many of the cars that drive by have a driver who is looking at a phone. I do this regularly and It’s quite terrifying. We’ve allowed ourselves to become addicted and enslaved to the dopamine hit of ever constant ‘new’ information. Only most of what we’re so enthralled with isn’t all that important, but we’re addicted, nonetheless. Try leaving your phone at home sometime, or, hey, just leave it in the other room. See how long you can stand it.
We’ve opened a Pandora’s box with our constant connectivity that I’m not sure we can close again. And I’m right there in the thick of it, too, I’m not pointing any fingers that aren’t coming squarely back at me.
I’ve seen studies that seem to point to a correlation in the rise in depression and suicide among our youth to the incidence of most people owning a smartphone. I think this bears some serious consideration. Is it possible, likely even, that with our constant connectivity we have sacrificed real, deep friendships for shallow ones, which means we are actually more alienated than ever? Is it possible that in the name of being more social, we’ve actually become much more consumed with ourselves, our image? We’ve become so consumed with taking the best selfies and posting the very best about ourselves and making sure our image is attractive that we aren’t really thinking about much of anything else, except maybe how offended we are about the current issue of the day and how we can best virtue signal how aware we are and how in tune we are with the current politically correct opinions. Are we more consumed with what we want to say than with how our words may affect other people? Are we more concerned with seeming to be in step with the culture than we are in thinking deeply about issues and searching the Bible to inform our thoughts rather than what the latest social issue people demand our thoughts should be? Don’t you see how quickly a social media thread can degenerate into unkind and unfair accusations and assumptions? Do you often walk away from reading social media feeling better about people?
Granted this is anecdotal, but I heard a story the other day that shocked me and made me very, very sad. I was talking to a realtor who told me that when she shows houses, very often her clients would prefer to text her their questions rather than ask them in person. I looked at her funny, and said, “You mean when they are right there in the room with you?” She said, “Yes.” I don’t know how common this actually is, but it is something she has experienced often enough that she was telling the story, and that just seems heartbreaking to me. Are we truly raising a generation that has lost even the barest minimum of social skills necessary to carry on a real conversation? Are we truly raising a generation that has lost the ability to have face-to-face, true relationships? Are we truly raising a generation that can’t enjoy a special moment without posting it, without having to seek the affirmation of their thousands of social media ‘friends?’ Are we truly raising a generation that has lost the skill of making genuine, deep friendships that do not have to be validated and upheld by Snapchat? Are we becoming so lost in our own little private worlds that we are missing the in-the-flesh people and needs all around us?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and I think part of what we lost in the Fall is the ability to truly be transparent and real with each other. No longer can we be naked and unashamed, not even emotionally. And now instead of being God-focused and others-focused, we are consumed with ourselves. Yet, don’t we long for true community and real connectedness? Don’t we long to know and be known? Isn’t that the draw of social media, that we can feel that what we have to say matters to someone, anyone? Isn’t that why we overshare the mundane details of our lives all over social media? Getting real and personal here, but perhaps, isn’t that why I’m writing this blog? To share my thoughts with someone who might listen?
A few of us ladies were having a discussion recently about friendships among Christian women. One lady was lamenting the fact that it is hard to get past the surface where everyone seems so ‘perfect’ to where you can share what’s real with other women. That is part of what we, as the church, should be able to do better than anyone else. We are called to love one another. That involves getting to actually know one another. We have to let down some of those walls and actually speak and listen, even and especially when it’s uncomfortable. We need community. We long for it. We may not ever experience it perfectly this side of Heaven, but we who love Jesus should be striving for it among our brothers and sisters. Have you noticed how very often believers are described as family and as a Body together? Together. I think we need to think long and hard about how important it is to put down our personal screens, spend less time cultivating our online pseudo community, look up, and expend the energy and even the sacrifices to get to know the few people we have in our real life circles, face-to-face. We are created for community. The second greatest commandment is to love our neighbors as ourselves.
One way I’ve found that is refreshing and beneficial in building this kind of face-to-face community is to sit with a few friends and share scripture together and pray together, sharing our deepest heart desires as we pray fervently. This builds deep, Christ-centered friendship in a way social media never can. Taking a meal together and sharing our hearts over coffee and biblical wisdom, phones carefully tucked away, leads to much richer connection than hours staring at a glowing screen ever can. Another way to build the kind of true connection we long for is to serve together, striving side by side for the sake of the gospel - the good news that Jesus came to save sinners and reconcile us to God. He lived a perfect life and fulfilled God’s law for us, He died on the cross and rose again. By His blood we can be declared righteous and freed from the penalty of our sin, freed from the curse, and freed to love God and love others. We need flesh and blood friendships. We don’t need hundreds or thousands of ‘likes’ on our social media posts to affirm us. We need to be looking out, away from ourselves to others, to serving and loving others well, as we talk face to face and share real life experiences together.
So, while I like that song, I don’t so much like the alienation masquerading as connectivity that so clearly marks this world my kids are growing up into. May I be one who seeks to look up and out and love well the people God has placed near me. May I be more concerned with loving others than I am with feeding my own pride. And that very well may mean posting and reading less and less on my social media platforms, and learning to be wise and teaching my children to be wise about how we use those platforms and not asking of them more than they can deliver. So be it.
Reading Proverbs today, this verse stood out to me:
Proverbs 28:26 “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.”
I believe some of the most dangerous advice dished out by our culture, especially in things aimed at children, is to follow your heart. It’s the gospel of Disney, if you will. You also hear it expressed as, “follow your truth.” This is dangerous, because our hearts, in our natural state, are deceitful and desperately wicked. Things that seem right to us, quite often are treacherously wrong. That’s expressed in another Proverb, by the way. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” I must, must, must know, trust, believe, and obey God’s Word, not look to my own heart or understanding as my guide. What I think and feel can deceive if my thoughts, feelings, and conscience are not informed deeply by God’s Word. His Word is truth. He will sanctify us in the truth. I know this, because Jesus prayed for it in John 17.
This is why that verse in Proverbs 3:5-7 that is so well known, but I wonder how well we actually follow it, is so important to ponder deeply and apply. It says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and turn away from evil.” This is the opposite of ‘follow your heart.” When my heart seeks after the things the world values and when my heart is convinced that what God’s Word calls evil is good or that what God’s Word calls good is evil, I must trust God’s Word, not my heart. I must be seeking first HIS kingdom, not my ‘truth.’ My one aim must be seeking HIS truth and living in its light, and loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength who died and rose again to reconcile me to Himself and enable me to die to myself and die to my sin and to live to love Him in spirit and and in truth.
I’ve been thinking on these things in light of a book I’m reading, called Growing up Christian by Karl Gaustein with Mark Jacobsen. This is a wonderful tool, first for me as an adult who grew up as a ‘church kid,’ as I’m reminded how very grateful I am for the blessing of growing up in the home I did where my parents lovingly taught me God’s Word and modeled for me what it is to love Him, and how very grateful I am that God brought me through the navigation of the many dangers, too, and allowed me to emerge believing and growing in Christ, for granting me a faith that is real and alive. I am looking forward to sharing this book with my children, too, who are no longer little ones, but with one in college, one in high school, and one in middle school, they are people who have grown up as ‘church kids’ with all the blessings and dangers, too. May they learn to appropriate the faith as their own, to learn not to be complacent, to learn to trust God’s Word, not their own hearts, and see how amazing the grace of God that has been showered on us all truly is.
I called my parents the other day and tearfully thanked them for raising me as they did, and tearfully confessed how selfish I was as a young adult, not fully realizing how much they loved me. As the parent of a college aged young adult now, I see things I just did not see then, and I’m so grateful I had the opportunity to see and thank God for the blessing of growing up in a Christian home, for the grace of saving faith, and for my parents’ love. I’m also thankful for their grace-filled response to my tears when I talked to them the other day.
I listened to this song by Andrew Peterson this morning, and though I’m pretty sure I’ve probably shared it before, I just love this song, especially as I watch my children grow older. He captures well that tug in the heart as we learn to let them go as they grow. I do pray they will know the joy of trusting God with all their hearts as they grow into the adults they will be.
Here are some scriptures I am using to inform my prayers for my children as they enter the confusing and challenging worlds of middle school, high school, and young adulthood:
Jude 24-25 “Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time, and now and forever. Amen.”
Philippians 1:9-11 “And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”
Philippians 4:8-9 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
Proverbs 29:25 “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.”
Proverbs 28:26 “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.”
Proverbs 9:10 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.”
Psalm 119:9 “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.”
Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the springs of life.”
Proverbs 23:15-18 “My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad. My inmost being will exult when your lips speak what is right. Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the LORD all the day. Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”
How I pray that where we have been faithful, God will continue to embed the truth in their hearts, and yet, where we have been inconsistent, that God may have mercy and teach them to love Him in spite of our failings. He is a gracious and merciful Savior, and He is mighty to save!
"Your statutes have been my songs in the house of my sojourning."
Psalm 119:105
"Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path."
Psalm 119:144
"Your testimonies are righteous forever;
give me understanding that I may live."
Every time I think I'm going to get back to more regular blogging, I seem to let life get in the way. I am in a different season of life than I was when I started this blog almost 11 years ago. And that is ok. Once I discovered Facebook, I tended to drift over there more and more, finding it more 'social' to a point since the people I interact with there are people I actually know, and somehow in the midst of that, and in the midst of several moves and my children getting older and myself getting older, blogging here has fizzled. I didn't intend that, but here we are.
Anyway, something I'm noticing recently is that I spend too much time scrolling through Facebook and I haven't always been as careful about sharing there as I'd like to be. Between the tremendous time waster I've allowed it to become and the fact that my Facebook feed is often filled with questionable theology and frustrating things to read, I've decided it's time for me to turn it off more often and check it less. I've also found myself in rather a bittersweet time of life as my oldest child is just about to graduate from high school, and in spite of all the wonderful things that come along with that, I am also finding that sometimes at odd moments I'm brought to tears and I struggle to fight for joy in the midst of it all, knowing that God is good and so very kind to His people and that He loves my son oh so very much more than I ever could. I know that every mother probably knows this odd tug at her heart that I am suffering, when her children begin to spread their wings - between the joy of watching them succeed and the memory of all the joys along the way (and sorrows and struggles, too - all the things that have gone into making him who he is today) as you sort through the pictures and memories of the boy he was and the man he is becoming, the tears will fall, but they are good tears, and I think even they are tears stored up in the Lord's bottle. (Psalm 56:8 "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?) Oh, how the Lord knows of my 'tossings' as I've cried out in the night when sleep is fleeting at times.
While thinking all that, I realized I need the discipline of actively putting off time-wasting thoughts and putting on more fruitful thinking. I've noticed that as I've grown more comfortable with my smartphone, I've grown much less able to concentrate on reading or anything else for longer periods of time without 'needing' to check that stupid phone. This is not good. I want to retrain my brain to think more deeply than a Facebook meme and longer than the next 'hit' of scrolling through what people are saying - quite often nothing all that important, it turns out.
I was remembering fondly the time I spent a few years ago memorizing the book of Philippians. At the time I was following a blog that encouraged its community of readers to Partner to Remember and we spent four months together memorizing Philippians. That was such a neat thing. I had never before tried to memorize a long Bible passage like that, and the tips and techniques I learned made it a very enjoyable and challenging experience. While I was working actively to memorize that book, I was constantly going over and over the verses, thinking scripture all the time, and praying scripture, and it was just a sweet thing to be filling my heart and mind with God's Word, and it was also a time of discipline to commit to the long haul and train myself to spend hours and hours memorizing, as I woke up, as I sat, as I walked along the way, and I want that again. It was amazing how often the very verses I was learning would come to mind as counsel and comfort and wisdom in prayer.
So, here's what I've decided to do. I just spent about a week memorizing Psalm 1, and now I'm ready to start working on Colossians, and I thought it might be helpful to type out my plan and share it and encourage anyone who may still be around reading this limping-along little blog to join me.
First, I bought a notebook like this. It doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive, just a cheap little spiral notebook small enough to carry around with you:
Then I copied Psalm 1 into it like this:
I wrote the date I started at the top, and the date I finished that page at the bottom. The method I use for memorizing longer passages is I start with the first verse and read it 10 times, making a mark to the left to keep count. Then I say it over and over until I can say it without mistake before moving to the next verse. Once I have the next verse where I can say it, I put them together until I can say them with no mistakes before moving to the next verse, and so on. When I was memorizing Philippians, I would take a week to work on one page. Once I'd been through the initial process of learning it as I spelled out here, I'd spend the week reviewing that page by saying it over and over anytime I thought of it - while cooking, cleaning, taking a shower, driving - pretty much whenever my brain was idling, I'd spend some of that time reviewing that week's passage. As the weeks went on, I would keep saying the previous weeks while adding the new weeks, so I never let the earlier weeks slip away. By the end I was able to quote the whole book of Philippians. Sadly, I cannot still quote the whole book of Philippians, but it is still very precious to me, and it is one of my long-term goals to review and remember.
Anyway, now that I've worked out Psalm 1, I'm ready to start Colossians.
Memorizing longer passages is such a great way to get into God's Word and ponder and think through it deeply. I would caution, however, not to take it on merely as a project or a thing to pat yourself on the back for doing or to merely fill your head with knowledge. This isn't a legalistic, check-the-box, do-this-and-you'll-be-some-kind-of-super-saint sort of exercise. It is simply one way to hide God's Word in your heart, to spend time praying as you think about what you're studying for many weeks and to ask God to help you to love Jesus more and apply His word as you spend much time learning it. All with the goal to love Jesus more and to bring Him glory as you take in His word and let it inform your thinking and how you talk with other people, and to lead you to love following Him and obeying that word more fully.
Anyone want to join me in memorizing Colossians? :-)
Anyone who knows
me well knows that we are a ‘band’ family. Two of our boys march in the high school
band, and this is not for wimps, mind you. If you are not aware of this, there
is a whole subculture devoted to competitive marching band, and when I say
‘competitive,’ I mean it. Our high school band competes at the state level and
in Bands of America competitions, and they do very well at them. I say all that to set up this post to share
something that got me to thinking about something more important than band this
morning.
Last night our
boys and over 200 of their closest friends, their marching band, had their
first competition of the year. They came off that field feeling great and we
parents were so proud of their performance. For the uninitiated, let me just
say there is something special about the camaraderie that develops over the
hours and hours of hard work these kids put into learning a very difficult
show, and the high that comes from a performance well done is incredible.
There’s not much else quite like it. They had a terrific night last night.
However, while
talking to one of my boys today, he told me about something that happened that
has led me to thinking a bit. He said that in the restroom after competition
while waiting for finals results, some of the members of the band that ended up
winning the entire competition saw the school he and his friends were from and basically cursed them out with language and
a rude gesture. Hmmm. My son didn't think anyone from his group had said anything to provoke it, and I sure hope that's true. When my other son heard that, he said that sometime
during that same time period, he and his friends had seen some other members of
that band and congratulated them on a job well done and he said they completely
ignored him. Not cool. Our band members have been taught not to trash talk
other bands and to be encouraging and congratulatory, no matter how
disappointed they may personally feel. Our band members have been taught that
when they have that uniform on, they represent the entire band program and
their school, and they need to act in a way that honors that. I can only hope
our kids act according to how they've been taught and do better than these kids did as reported by my sons.
We talked
together this afternoon during lunch after church about how they really need to
be careful not to respond in kind when treated that way, and certainly NEVER
initiate that sort of interaction with someone from another band, especially when in uniform. They seem to have
handled it ok last night, but I acknowledged how hard that is when all you’re
feeling is you’d like to punch the guy in the nose, but that their actions
reflect on the whole band’s, even the whole school’s, reputation. We talked
about how they (and now I, too) now feel about (that school band).
Unfortunately, though intellectually we know it was just dumb kids being dumb, the actions of a few taint how we feel about the whole, right?
Don’t be that for your band. They may win, but no one will like them if that
becomes their reputation. You want to be the band everyone likes. Character
matters a lot more than winning stuff.
All of that got
me thinking deeper, though. I started thinking about, and also talked with my
sons about, the fact that we who are Christians wear the ‘uniform’ of Christ at
all times, no matter where we are or what we ‘feel’ like. We are His
ambassadors, always. We represent Him to a lost and dying world. We who love
Jesus ought to be the kindest, most gracious of people. When we speak the truth,
even hard truth, it should be obvious we speak from a heart that wants the best
for people. Our words, our actions all reflect on people’s understanding and
perception of Him, whether we realize it or not. We need to be careful that we
fight for the right things, not the wrong ones. We need to be Kingdom minded. We
need to guard our words and our language and our hearts and our actions. Because
we are in the midst a very strange (and depressing) election season right now,
my mind went this way, but I see some professing Christians online get all spun
up about politics and some of the most hateful, desperate-sounding, unbiblical
way of thinking stuff can be said. I hear people being Americans first rather
than Christians first. I love my country, don’t get me wrong, but patriotism
and Americanism ought not to be equated to and elevated above the same level as
being a citizen of the Kingdom of God for those who follow Christ. In lots of
situations, not just politics, I hear professing Christians use language that
isn’t God-honoring. This ought not to be. We bow the knee to Christ alone.His kingdom transcends all else. We need to remember that people see how
we act and they see what we think is important. We need to make sure what they see is a
life that makes Jesus precious. That is our number one aim. To glorify God and
enjoy Him forever. We need to guard how we represent our Lord with our words
and actions and primary affections, not just in politics, that was just one
example, but in everything we do. We need to make sure that what we say about Him - with our words and also with our actions - is truthful, and that we represent Him well and truthfully, biblically. Once
you’ve made a negative impression and garnered a negative reputation, that’s hard
to recover.
So, as important
as it is for my band kids to represent their school and band well while in
uniform, and it is, even more we who belong to Christ need to set as the high
priority to represent Him well.People
notice. Character matters.
Colossians 3:17
“And whatever you do, in
word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God
the Father through him.”
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.”
My oldest son is taking AP Biology this year. He loves it. He has that kind of a brain that gets science and math and really, really enjoys learning it. I don’t have that kind of brain, but he does, and it’s been fun watching his eyes light up as he learns things and tries to share them with me. I say tries, because, honestly, lots of times I don’t actually understand all the intricacies of what he’s trying to explain, but sometimes I get just enough of the idea of it to be able to join in his excitement, and that’s pretty awesome.
For example, we had a true ‘awe’ moment the other day. As I’ve said here before, ‘awe’ is not a word to be used lightly, and I’m not using it lightly here. I’ll try, in my limited way, to explain, because it really was a moment of AWE for both of us.
My boy was struggling with a chapter on genetics and DNA and having a bit of a time truly grasping what he was studying, and feeling a little nervous because he had a big test coming up at the end of the week and he wanted to have a firmer grasp of the concept than he felt he had on the first several reads through the material. The light finally went on, though, and I saw it in his eyes when he brought his book downstairs and said something along the lines of, “I think I finally get this! I’m finally understanding it!” What he was studying about was the process of meiosis and reproduction. As he just explained to me when I asked while writing this, “It’s the process of splitting DNA - both parents producing half of their DNA to produce a brand new human being.” Those individual cells formed through meiosis in the mother and the father come together to form a whole new little person with his or her very own unique DNA combination. I’m NOT going to get all technical in this blog post, because, frankly, I can’t because the whole thing kind of blows my mind, but what we discussed that afternoon was how complex our DNA actually ends up being. My DNA comes from both sets of my parents, which comes from each of their parents, which had also been through this meiosis process for all the successive generations of parents upon parents, meaning my DNA isn’t JUST from my two parents, but a combination of everyone in my family history, and their histories, and their histories, and so on and so on. We know this, of course, being that we know about our family trees, and all, but thinking about the extreme complexity of the chromosome pairs that intertwine in each parent to create a whole new pair of chromosomes, meaning, well, it gets very complicated, but the process of combining all those sets of genes involves complex crossing over,even more complex than I can even try to hint at in this limited blog post, and I thought, “Wow. The Bible says we are knit together in our mother’s womb,” and I said that. My son said, “Yeah! The picture in the book looks a lot like knitting in a way.”
Awesome.
I’ve always loved the poetry of that verse in Psalm 139, but, listening to this excited teenager trying to explain something, that, frankly, is so complicated I barely grasp the edges of it, made me realize, “It’s not JUST poetry.” God DOES, indeed, knit us together, and He knows exactly the combination of all that DNA that He wants to put together to make you the you that you are. He meant those pairs to combine exactly in the way they did to create you just as He did, just as He knit you together in your mother’s womb, He meant it just that way. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. And that is true for every human being. His thoughts are SO much higher than we can even comprehend. That was a WOW moment, and tears stung my eyes as I thought about how very intimately our Creator knows each and every one of us. He knits us together in our mothers’ wombs, just as He intends.
And that Creator is right now upholding all that exists by the word of His power. He holds all things together. That Creator is our Savior and Redeemer. He is not the Deist’s god who spins up the world and stands far off and aloof from us. He is Immanuel, God With Us. He came to redeem His people and save us from our sin. Colossians 1:15-20, speaking of Jesus, says, “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.” This God, the only wise God, created man in His image, and is not a God afar off, but He has numbered the very days of our lives, He knows every single one of them. He is sovereign over every single molecule, down to our DNA and the very knitting together of it.
I sat there thinking about how awesome this all is and how offensive the notion that we evolved by random chance truly is. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by Yahweh, the very God who spoke all of creation into existence. My son’s biology teacher and the authors of his book may have eyes blinded to that glorious truth and would probably roll their eyes at what I’m saying here, but I am so thankful for opened eyes to see and for the moment I had to rejoice with my son over our Creator who really has knit us together in just the way He intended us to be born, and who has demonstrated His great love to us in reconciling us to Himself, delivering those who repent and believe in Him from the domain of darkness and transferring us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Jesus is Lord! My son and I were brought to that remembrance once again that afternoon as we shared that moment of awe at the sheer and immense complexity of His Creation.
Moving to a new community is always interesting, and each move brings with it challenges, joys, sorrows, and struggles. The community where we are planted for this year is no exception. It is interesting, challenging, but also has some good. One thing that’s added to the mix this year is that the city we live in, in the greater Cleveland area, is, on some measures, one of the most liberal cities in Ohio, maybe even the country. We in our family have been known to call it the USSR of (our city name). It’s definitely the most liberal school system we’ve ever encountered. It is also a totally IB-infused curriculum from elementary to high school throughout the entire school district. Those of you who love that curriculum, please don’t be offended or feel the need to convince me otherwise, I’m glad for those who like it, but that wasn’t actually a draw for us. I wouldn’t choose it for my kids if I’d had a choice. At least we really, really, really love our church, even though it’s kind of a drive to get to it several little cities over.
That said, there are some great things about this community and school system, IB and all. I’ll start with that before I get to my rather short point. First of all, this is probably the most diverse community we’ve ever lived in, and that is a really good thing. I love that my daughter is completely race-blind. She truly wants to befriend anyone that will be her friend, whether black, white, brown, or whatever, we are all descendants of Adam, created in God’s image. I love this for my kids. May their tribe increase. I also think it’s great that they get to meet people who aren't necessarily just like them and don’t think like them. I am very encouraged by the discussions we have at home as they work through what they believe and why they believe it and learn to embrace the faith as their own and also learn to respectfully discuss issues with people who hold very different beliefs. Our Sunday School class is studying the book of Daniel, and last week we discussed the balance between being resolute in our convictions and what we hold to be true, and know to be true, and respectful in how we seek to follow them and talk about them. I found it quite helpful in light of some things we face daily.
Another thing I like about the schools here is that academically they are quite rigorous, and when I went to the elementary school open house, I liked some of the strategies they shared for how they are teaching math and reading and other things. Musically we could not ask for better education. Both of my boys have top-notch private lesson teachers. And the band totally rocks.
That said, there is a feel here, for lack of a better word, a kind of smug sense of self-righteous superiority that pervades the atmosphere here that I find a little creepy, and it’s mostly from the IB stuff. First of all, people are NUTS about scores and tests and stuff. One of the first things high school parents ask when they meet me is, “What classes is your son taking?” And there is an underlying arrogance about whose kid is taking the hardest classes. It’s creepy.
Then, another thing that defines our experience here is that there is a group-think mentality I find off-putting, even as they stress characteristics like independence and learning to think critically. However, listening to my older boys talk when they come home from school, there’s a subtle subversiveness to the learning to think thing. It’s great when they learn to think ‘critically’ as long as it matches the teacher’s liberal bent, and as long as their reasoning sounds like good little communistssocialistsliberals globally aware IB students in the mold approved by the curriculum, but my very conservative, very Christian sons are finding that their contributions aren’t always what the teacher is looking for, and sometimes aren’t very welcome. They haven’t had any outright negativity, but they have been told, “Yes, well, we won’t be going there,” with certain discussion topics.
Case in point, my high schooler’s text book for Honors English is The Bible As/In Literature. I wasn’t thrilled with that choice, but what I have been thrilled with is listening to the things my son has been telling me as he’s asked me questions and we’ve discussed things and as he’s been sharing in class. He said there is one boy who now asks him, “What do you think about that?” after certain discussions, and he’s able to open up the Bible and show him there is so much more to what they read than the curriculum line they are given in class, which definitely is subversive to our high view of the Bible. That’s been pretty neat to watch. I kind of feel like, if they choose a book like that for a high school class, then they invite the discussion. You use our holy book for your text, don’t get mad if a Christian kid goes deeper with it than you maybe intended. While the Bible is literature, and great literature at that, it is so much more than just literature, too, and if we’re really going to be tolerant, he has just as much right to share his insight as the atheist kids who are so antagonistic to his view. TRUE tolerance implies disagreement. So, all that said, I’m pretty excited to see God working in this situation and how my sons are learning to make a reasoned defense for what they believe. Even when they may not speak up in front of the class or directly to the teacher, other kids notice and they listen to them and even ask them. I’m also planning on giving him the book I’m reading just as soon as I finish it, which is Jesus Unmasked by Todd Friel. After being exposed to the discussions in his English class and the discussions we’ve had at home about those discussions, I’m very excited for him to read Todd Friel’s most excellent look at how all of the Old Testament points to Jesus, finding Jesus in the types and shadows of the Old Testament. The timing of that book coming out is spectacular for our family. My son will get to see how truly awesome the Bible is, how inspired and how much more its message is than what was discussed in class. I pray daily for my children in the midst of all this.
Which leads me on a little rabbit trail. What I see very much here in this community is the classic liberal redefining of tolerance. Tolerance today is not actually tolerance. To be ‘tolerant’ according to the common wisdom of our whacked out culture today means to be totally accepting of everything, and especially of everything that we might be prone to voice any disagreement about, if that makes sense. It means calling evil good and good evil. It means nothing is EVER wrong, unless it’s something that doesn’t mesh in lock-step with the prevailing secularist view. THAT is wrong and intolerant. These days, calling something wrong is just about the biggest cultural sin you can commit. Problem is, it just doesn’t work. I’m supposed to be totally accepting of homosexuality or evolution, for example, but my view is taboo and ignorant. Tolerance only goes one way in the tolerance-not tolerance camp. TRUE tolerance, however, is acknowledging disagreement, but believing you don’t have to be disrespectful or go to war over the disagreement. TRUE tolerance allows for people to strongly hold their beliefs and convictions, strongly defend them, on all sides, and learn to coexist peacefully in spite of disagreement. That’s when true dialogue can happen, too. A truly tolerant person will not insist on everyone else changing everything they believe or going against their strongly held convictions just to suit them. However, that’s not the culture in which we find ourselves.
So, anyway, back to the point all this was leading up to, last week I went to the elementary school open house, and during the principal’s remarks at the end of the evening, she was discussing the new program they’ve implemented for recess. It used to be, she said, that you would have a group playing football, very competitive, which led to arguing, a group playing kick ball, also very competitive, and then everyone else. Well, now they’ve done away with the football and kickball, because the competitive nature of them was not good, in their opinion, and implemented these non-competitive games that can include everyone. No more bad competitiveness. And it really was presented as if the problem was that being competitive is a bad thing. So, we spend all day teaching these kids group-think, then we don’t ever let them think it’s ever okay to compete at all. We all have to get along, and we can’t ever compete. Being competitive on the recess field is BAD. I think that’s unwise. It’s not bad to be competitive, per se. What about teaching them to be competitive in a sportsmanlike way? Rather than making competitiveness an evil, why not teach how to do it well, and offer the non-competitive games, too, as an alternative for kids who don’t want the more competitive option?
I get that they are trying to crack down on bullying and trying to build team work and cooperation and diversity. Those are admirable goals. I just disagree about how to get there. Teaching the wrong view of tolerance isn’t it - that just breeds a whole new kind of bully, and neither is obliterating any semblance of competitiveness. There needs to be balance. Teach kids to compete as sportsmen, teach real tolerance - the balance between being resolute and respectful, and teach proper competition, and I think we’d have a better mix. Just going around chanting the IB characteristics all day doesn’t make them true, it just makes for a creepy kind of group-think, parrot environment. (Just ask my daughter who came home in tears on Friday because of the ‘mean girls’ (my term) at lunch. Those ‘IB learners’ weren’t acting very ‘open-minded’ or ‘caring’ toward the new girl. My mama bear instinct grizzled up a little as she told me about it and I had to swallow it and talk her through it wisely.)
When I got home from that open house and was telling my husband about all this, it suddenly occurred to me: “Maybe that’s why the high school football team is 1-3 so far this year.” Growing up in the SEC south, this whole being on the always losing team is a new experience for me, I must say. ;-) When you spend their whole elementary school years telling them competitiveness is a bad thing, don’t expect a winning high school team later. Just saying.
