Church Sign and Bumper Sticker Theology

It’s become a fun little game in our family whenever we’re driving anywhere to look for and notice church signs and/or bumper stickers....the more abominable the better to add to our growing collection of wretchedness. Some leave us scratching our heads wondering what, exactly, is meant, some leave us sad and/or disgusted by the triteness or abominable theology, and a few leave us saying, “Okay, that was pithy,” or, “Yeah, that was pretty good.”  In an effort to limp my blog along another day and share the joy, I’ve compiled a few of our most recent finds to share. If I comment, my comments are in purple italics. Some probably need no comment as they could stand alone in their wretchedness. My opinion, for what it’s worth: I think when we try to be too cutesy with our church sign/bumper sticker/T-shirt theology, it makes us seem silly and dumbs down the majesty and beauty and seriousness and importance of our message. Y'all know, I hope, that I love to laugh and I'm not against funny things. But Christians ought not to be silly about the faith. It doesn’t really make us more culture-sensitive, it just makes us silly. Like I said, my opinion.....So, having said that, enjoy. Or not.....

“Cold church is like cold butter...It doesn’t spread well.” 

What does this mean? No AC during the church meeting this summer? (That was snark, if you missed it). Yeah, yeah, I guess I understand what’s meant, but sounds goofy and makes you wonder who they're lecturing.

“America is free. So is salvation.” 

Urg. On a lot of levels. Just, urg.

“Jesus died for Myspace in Heaven.”

Yes, ‘myspace’ was one word. Blurg. In an effort to be trendy, it’s just dumb. Does anyone even use Myspace anymore? I don’t know, but the sign is dumb, dumb, dumb. Myspace, Facebook, social networks basically feed our inner narcissist, and yes, I see the hypocrisy of that comment seeing as I’ve been as guilty as anyone else about my overuse of Facebook and I recognize the temptation to get too hung up on caring too much what other people think of me that it feeds. So let’s just baptize that insidious self-centeredness with this silly sentiment on a church sign. Worshipping Jesus isn’t all about me! We are too prone to that kind of thinking. Getting off the soapbox now.....

“Laughter is music for the soul.” 

Kind of apathetic about this one. Not bad, I guess, just not sure what it means, exactly.

“Come inside. We’re prayer conditioned.” 

Doh!!!! I can’t even read this one without hearing it in a cheesy, mocking tone in my head. In fact, we have a friend from our Florida days who I just picture saying this in that cheesy, mocking voice. He was really good at it. Think Brian Regan if you’ve ever seen his stand-up comedy routine. I hear it in his voice, snarkily, in my head.

“Be ye fishers of men. U catch them, He will clean them.”

Urg. Face palm. And yes, it was ‘U’, not ‘you.’ Even my inner grammar nerd was tweaked, thanks a lot.

“Beth Moore, ‘Free’ simulcast.” 

Yikes.

“God reigns, the Son shines.”

We actually had to miss our turn off the highway just so we could turn around in the parking lot to see this one. Worth it? Punny, punny, punny....

“People are lonely because they build walls not bridges.”

Barf. Psycho babble AND guilt right there. If I had been feeling lonely but had NOT been building walls, not so sure I’d feel welcomed there, I’m sayin’. 

“The Ten Commandments are not ten suggestions.”

Yeah.....

“Lost? Free directions in the Bible.”

Sigh.....

Then there was the one my husband saw and told me about and we actually called in to a radio show, but now we think he remembered it wrongly. He originally told me it was, "You need sin screen for the Sonshine," which made no sense, but which I didn't question because we've seen so many horrible ones and that's the one we called in. Later he remembered it as, "You need Sonscreen for sin burn," equally wretched but makes more sense in a goofy church sign kind of way. I asked him which it really was, and he honestly doesn't remember, maybe he saw both. Maybe. Nothing much surprises me anymore where evanjellyfishism is concerned.


These next ones aren’t church signs, but they fit here somehow, too:

Saw this sign on a roadside Fireworks Tent before July 4th: “Church Fund Raiser,” and my husband and I started laughing so hard, and I don’t even know why it was so funny. It just seems like an odd thing for a church to sell for a fundraiser. 

And I saw this today, (In case you can't see it well, it says, "It's the God in me."):

Not exactly sure what it means, but it’s got a New Agey, Oprahific kinda feel that made my eyes cross and I just had to take a picture. Shudder.

And now I’ll end with the few church signs we’ve seen recently that weren’t abominable or wretched or puke-cutesy:

Any sign that simply listed the service times, we liked a lot. Simple, informative, good stuff.

“We love because He first loved us.”

Nice. Biblical, even. (1 John 4:19)

“Jesus is King of Kings.”

Truth.

“Hebrews 13:15-16.”  

Of course, then I had to look it up to see what it says: ‘ Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name. But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.” 

“No man ever spoke like this man. John 7:46.” 

I liked this one best of all the church signs we’ve seen recently.

And there you have it. Happy Tuesday, y’all.

Saying It Is So Doesn't Make It So

My three-year-old is a stubborn little thing. We had an interesting “conversation” this morning in the car on the way to the Y. As we drove along, she asked if we were going to Awana tonight. I told her, that, no, it is Friday. We go to Awana on Wednesday. Upon which she began crying and yelling that it is Wednesday, it is not Friday, and we are going to Awana. And she got progressively more upset about it and more insistent that it was Wednesday. I told her I wasn’t going to continue the conversation. She can yell as loudly as she wants that it’s Wednesday, it won’t make it so, and I had no intention of getting myself all worked up trying to reason with a 3-year-old who was being unreasonable. Which is pretty much what 3-year-olds do, act unreasonably when they do not get their way, that is. They aren’t capable of adult reasoning and it is foolish to try to engage in it when she’s like that.

The thing is, adults can be just as unreasonable. We live in a day and age when tolerance (as defined by our postmodern culture, not in the truest sense of the word), political correctness, pluralism, and niceness (defined as don’t you dare ever talk as if you are sure about anything or as if there are absolute rights and wrongs) are valued much more than truth. There is a bumper sticker I see often that sums it up. I’m sure you have seen it, too. It says, “COEXIST,” and all the letters incorporate symbols of various religions, worldviews, etc. That bumper sticker breaks my heart. Sure, we should be kind to people, no matter how different we are from each other, and yes, I hate that there are people who kill in the name of religion. That is shameful. That is the fruit of ‘religion’ which is devoid of a true knowledge of the One True God.

But the problem with the coexist idea and pluralism and ‘that’s fine for you, but my truth is different’ type of thinking or ‘all religions lead to the same end’ or any of that kind of thinking is that it just isn’t true. You can scream it, yell it, discuss it, have conversations about it, insist that it is so all you want, but it does not change the fact that there is only one way to God, and it is a narrow way. Ultimately to buy into the “all roads lead to god” or “all religions are just as valid and have just as much truth and lead to the same end,” you actually buy into a form of idolatry or atheism. Because to buy into that line of thinking is not to believe in the true God, who has revealed Himself and has said that the way to Him is very narrow. It is not through man-made religion, man-made thoughts about who God is, man-made ideas about how to approach God, it is only through His way, through relationship with Jesus Christ. And not just your or my idea of who Jesus is, but HIM, as He has revealed Himself.

Jesus said that He is the way, the truth and the life and no one comes to the Father but through Him. The fool has said in his heart there is no God. I heard a great sermon on that verse, by the way. The pastor said a clearer translation of that is that the fool says, “No, God.” As in, even if You are there, I don’t want You.

So, for all the voices telling us that all religions are the same, all roads lead to the same end, soft or loud, no matter how they say it, it does not make it true. Just because they want it to be so doesn’t make it so. People want to settle for “god-to-me” rather than submit to the only wise God who is the Lord, and as Christians, we have a calling to speak the truth into that darkness in love. And in doing so, we are called “intolerant, hateful, arrogant, etc.” But it does not make our message any less true or any less necessary. We have the only hope of reconciliation with God. We have the hope our culture desperately needs to hear, no matter how much it keeps telling us that tolerance is the thing and pluralism is more important than discovering the truth. Insisting that we can believe whatever we want as long as we are sincere doesn’t make it true, just as my daughter insisting that today was Wednesday didn’t make it any less Friday. What we believe matters. It matters in that it determines how we live and behave here and now, and it matters for eternity.

“The fool has said in his heart,

‘There is no God,’

They are corrupt,

They have done abominable works,

There is none who does good.”

Psalm 14:1

“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”

John 14:6

A Mug With an Attitude

This is what my husband bought for me when he went to Washington D.C. for the Army 10-mile run. Pretty much sums it up.

Not Funny

I saw this bumper sticker today:

“Men are idiots. And I married their king.”

NOT funny. SO not funny. My heart kind of sank when I saw that driving along in front of me today. You know what went through my head? “So, honey, why did you marry him if you think so little of your man? I doubt you were forced into this.”

You know, a huge part of respecting our husbands has to do with the kinds of thoughts we allow ourselves to think and ponder. And thinking things like that bumper sticker, even in jest, does not help to foster a respectful attitude. I do have a sense of humor. I know that sticker is meant to be funny. But, it just isn’t.

My husband and I determined early on in our marriage that we would not make jokes at each other’s expense, especially in public. We had seen a lot of couples we knew say mean things about each other in public settings and say them as jokes, but you could tell the words hurt anyway. We always kind of wondered if someone could joke like that and hurt their spouse in front of friends and acquaintances they didn’t know very well, if there might be deeper problems going on behind the laughs. I also am careful not to say things about my husband that would hurt him or what other people might think of him. Though I share a lot (sometimes too much) about myself on my blog or with friends, I try very hard not to share things about our relationship that should remain private. Like when discussing The Excellent Wife (which I’ve kind of slacked off on recently, I know) – I don’t think it appropriate to share a lot of specifics from our marriage, especially areas we may be working through (not that there are really all that many, but don’t we all have things we’re working on improving? There is no perfect wife or husband, after all, we're all sinners. Those of us who are in Christ are growing in sanctification, but none of us are perfected yet, so, if we're honest, we all have things we need to work on.) because that’s for him and me to work out between the two of us and the Lord, not to be aired on the blog or in a Sunday School class or any other public setting.

And here’s another thing. We live in a culture that increasingly insults men and acts like men are buffoons who either have to be rescued by the oh-so-sarcastically intelligent woman or just laughed at as idiots. Have you watched many sitcoms or commercials lately? If you ever watch TV, do this: start noticing how many of the male characters are portrayed as childish, foolish, idiotic, inept, stupid, sex-crazed, only interested in sports, etc. and then look to see how many examples of real, decent, wholesome, intelligent, capable, good fathers and good family men are portrayed in the TV shows you watch (especially those trying to be funny) or the commercials you see. A few years ago I read James Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Boys and attended a corresponding video study. It was pointed out during the course of that study what a warped picture is presented today for our boys of what it means to be a man. Ever since then I have become increasingly aware of how often the role models offered up for young men these days are boy-men who never grow up and the women are always rolling their eyes at them, lecturing them, showing the men no respect because they never seem to be mature, capable or worthy of respect. That’s what our boys are increasingly inundated with in our culture.

I, for one, am tired of it. I hate movies and TV shows that capitalize on idiotic male characters in order to garner a cheap laugh. As a mother of boys, I want them to learn how to be real men. I want them to learn that it is good that they are male, for one thing, not something to be somehow apologetic about, and to know that it is good that God created them to be leaders. I want them to learn to be biblical leaders, not wimpy, idiotic, effeminate, lazy, only interested in sports or beer or video games or TV or other empty and immature pursuits, or all the other false pictures our culture inundates boys and men with. I’m thankful for my husband who is a real man who our boys can look up to, and he is neither an idiot nor a boy-man, but he is a man I find it very easy to respect.

Another Bumper Sticker Post

While running errands this afternoon I spotted a bumper sticker that caught my attention. The last time I wrote a post about a bumper sticker I had seen, it was to disagree with the sentiment it expressed. The one I saw today expressed a true and serious thought. The car driving along in front of me as I took the boys to their Gram and Grandad’s house to spend the night had this blazoned across its bumper in stark black and white:

“God said it
That settles it
Whether you believe it or not.”

That is certainly better than the more common one I’ve seen that says:

“God said it
I believe it
That settles it.”

When I’ve seen that more common one, I’ve often thought, “What God says is true, whether I believe it or not, it’s still settled. Get the ‘I’ out of there, it’s irrelevant to God’s word being settled.” (This is one of those things to which people will probably say, “Lighten up, Beck,” again, huh?) The sticker I saw today was apparently written by someone who also got irritated by that other one.

While I know I wouldn’t put that older, more common bumper sticker on my car, I’m not so sure I’d put the one I saw today, either. It somehow seems to trivialize great truths to see them puttering around town as a pithy phrase on the car in front of you. I’m not a huge fan of bumper sticker evangelism. That’s just my opinion, for what it’s worth. I’m also not at all comfortable with being flippant about or trivializing the concept of the sovereignty of God. To be fair, I’m pretty sure that was not the intention of the owner of that car and I appreciate the correction to the other kind of bumper sticker. But, the fact that there is, in fact, coming a day of accounting, a day when God will judge the earth, both the living and the dead, is an awesomely serious thing. It is most definitely true that this is a certainty, whether one believes it or not. It is also true that there is only one way to be reconciled to God, and that is through faith in the atoning work of Jesus Christ who is the way, the truth and the life. The Lord said that the way is narrow that leads to life and there are few that find it. He also said that there would be many in that day who would say, “Lord, Lord…” thinking they were okay, while all along they were deceived and He did not know them. This is a sobering thought that brings me to my knees often, praying for others, examining my own self to be sure my faith is in Christ, and praying for the boldness to be a faithful witness for Christ.

I can even see using that argument on the bumper sticker that the fact of God's word being true and settled doesn't depend on your belief that it is in a face-to-face, caring conversation with someone who is struggling with that kind of understanding. There is objective truth, whether our culture wants to accept it or not. But, somehow, it just comes across as smug and cliché and somehow dismissible on a car bumper. But, maybe that’s just me being too serious (too critical, even, perhaps) again. After all, that bumper sticker did what was intended – it got me thinking, right?

Thoughts While In The Sonic Drive Through

While sitting in the drive through lane at Sonic today after a fruitful trip to Wally World WalMart(s), I noticed the bumper sticker on the car in front of me. It said, “Cats NOT kids.” Okay, this is why people say I’m too serious all the time, but that made me cry. No, I’m not judging anyone’s decision not to have children, nor do I think parenting is something to be entered into lightly,and yes, I know we live in a fallen world and most people do not hold a biblical worldview, and I wouldn’t say anything to these people in front of me or get all weird about a bumper sticker. We live in a free society and they are free to hold their opinions and put them on a bumper sticker if they wish, no skin off my nose, blah, blah, blah, blah. It just got me thinking, is all.

In our culture we are inundated with the message that children are a burden. This is wrong. I know, raising children is expensive (I won’t tell you how much I cringed at what I had to pay today to buy clothes for Boo and J – but when J comes downstairs telling me none of his pants fit anymore it is time to shop!), challenging – frustrating at times even, messy, inconvenient, you name it. But it is also one of the biggest blessings and privileges I can think of in this life. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that God has allowed me to be a wife and a mom, even when I feel frustrated or overwhelmed at times. Yes, even then it is a blessing to be mommy.

When we first got married, I was freshly out of college and a Christian young woman who sincerely wanted to live for the Lord and honor Him as a wife and mother. But I had bought into the pervasive and sometimes very subtle mindset that was all around me that we needed “our” time before we had children. We needed to “grow as a couple” before we added the “burden” of children. I so regret that now. Sure, we enjoyed the almost 5 years of marriage together before our first son came along. But I think we were also arrogant to think that we could plan to the month when we would have our kids. At that time, I did not know that it would take me almost a year to get pregnant with our first child. At that time, I did not know I would suffer three miscarriages. At that time, I did not know my husband would have several long deployments as a captain in the Army Reserve. The arrogance entered in by thinking we had all the time in the world to “enjoy our freedom” before we added the burden of parenthood, and assuming that there would be no problems conceiving and carrying the babies once we decided we were ready. I wish now that I had not viewed children as a burden that would add stress, but as a blessing to cherish. I see it now.

And I’m not denying that parenting is hard. It’s the hardest and most frightening thing I’ve ever done – and my guys are still young. But it is also infinitely rewarding. Watching the light go on in their eyes when they understand something we’ve been teaching them. Listening to their ideas and dreams. Cuddling with them. Learning to care for and about someone other than me, me, me all the time. And as I learn to give of myself to my husband and children, it begins to spill over into learning to care about other people, too. I have to confess that I am a really selfish person. That is a daily, minute-by-minute struggle for me. I am learning, oh, so slowly it seems, to prefer others before myself. And my children are a big tool God is using to teach me this. What greater honor is there than to teach the next generation to fear and love God? I am extremely thankful God has allowed me to be a wife and a mom. That is my ambition right now. Not a career to build a name for myself. But to love my husband and cherish him, and to parent and love my children well, as I submit myself to my Lord, Jesus Christ.

In a world where evolution is the underlying root of the dominant worldview, children are devalued because human life is seen as no different from animal life, just higher on the evolutionary chain. In a worldview that says these children are created in the image of God and are blessings to a family (whether they are born to that family or adopted in), we come to see them for the blessings they are. We begin to see that our selfish view of children as burdens melts into a gratitude that we get to share our lives with these little people as they grow in the knowledge and understanding of God’s grace. Oh, may I run the race of parenthood well! May I teach these children the truths of God’s Word. I pray God, in His mercy and grace, will grant to them saving faith as we obey Him to train up our children. Please, Lord God, don’t let our faults and failures be a stumbling block to them!