Completely Known, Completely Loved

Have you ever had someone believe or say something about you that wasn't true, and they persist in it even when corrected by someone who knows you well and cares about you? Have you ever had someone in your life you found it hard to love, or even like very much? I think we've all had that at one time or another. 

I was recently talking to my wise friend who counseled me to live in the Psalms when this kind of thing happens. Psalm 34:22 says, "The LORD redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned." That's a good promise to camp out on when you feel wronged or alone. Because I'd much rather camp out on God's word and let my feelings take a back seat. But sometimes that's easier in principle than in practice. That's why we need to practice it.

I had a situation not too long ago that I just couldn't quit thinking about all the wrong I believed was real, and because writing and words are how I process things, I finally wrote it all out in a confidential, very well worded paper. I shared that paper with my son who is currently studying at seminary, and he read it and texted me that it would be stronger if I leaned into the scripture to address the wrongs and my hurt, otherwise it could be perceived as personal grievances. I read that text right before going into church yesterday, and that young man is wise beyond his years. During the last song before the pastor came up to bring his sermon, I fell apart in tears, realizing I had to let go of all my personal grievance and do what God has called me as His child to do, and that is to love. But, that person just doesn't look much like Jesus, it's hard, I really have been wronged, what they continue to do really is wrong! But I'm not called to love people only when they look like Jesus. Who would be left, if so? And, what brought me to tears there in the pew was, I realized my anger and brewing bitterness and lack of love didn't look at all like Jesus, either. So I metaphorically laid that paper out before the Lord like Hezekiah with his letter from the Assyrians and said all that is merely personal grievance I must leave at the feet of Jesus. He can handle it. He is my defender. I do not have to make my case, He's got it. He was kind to Judas, knowing what was about to happen, He knows, more than anyone else, what it feels like for people to say unfair, unjust, unkind things about Him. What He suffered for me in making the way for me to be made a precious child of God was way more than any grievance I may face here. Puts that in perspective.

 I've been reading a book about the fruit of the spirit in the life of Jesus, all about His character, and I've been praying that He would chip away at the things in me that don't look like Jesus. The first time I prayed that I stopped and thought, that's a hard thing to pray. It's going to hurt. Pruning the rebel out of me hurts. And the Holy Spirit graciously showed me a little bit of His pruning yesterday. And in the pruning I had such an overwhelming sense of freedom. I can rest, I can wait on the Lord and just see what He's going to do in this situation. I can rest in my Savior. 

Later in the day yesterday, a friend told me about this song and oh, wow, what a song. This is who I am. Not what anyone else who doesn't really know me says about me or lies about me. This is who I am. 

"Completely known, completely loved
I'm covered by my Savior's blood
I'm robed in white, and God is pleased
To see His Son when He looks on me."

By God's grace, this is who I already am. Not who I will be when I try harder, do better. When He looks on me, He sees Jesus. And Jesus is so beautiful, I want to lean in to this truth and live in such a way that I find freedom when He chips away everything in me that isn't like Him. I want to live in such a way that His beauty is far more valuable to me than holding on to a personal grievance. Yes and amen.

 

Meditating on The Word - Navigating Our New Life Season

 While reading Genesis 1-2 yesterday morning, I got to thinking about Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” It had never occurred to me before that this is before the fall, before sin entered the world. Which is significant. This means that this concept of a man leaving his father and mother and joining his wife is inherently good, good by design, which also means, if we think this through, that the so-called “empty nest” is a good and proper and expected thing, good and designed to be the way families work before the fall. It means that this is something that is in how our Creator has designed us and our relationships with each other. The thing is, though, that the fall and our now sin nature taints everything. We tend to take something beautiful and good and right and forget how to live in it as good and beautiful and right.

My husband and I are entering the phase of life where we are about to be empty-nesters, with one son having gotten married last May, one son who, having become recently engaged and will, Lord willing, most likely be married before the end of this year, and our youngest daughter about to graduate high school and, again, Lord willing, planning to leave for college in the Fall.  As I meditate on this biblical thought here at the beginning of a new year and at the cusp of our new season of life, I want to think and behave righteously.  Also, as I meditate on this, I find myself thinking about it from a different angle than I did as a newly wed just starting out and learning how to start our new family together. Now I’m thinking about it, not from the standpoint of the one leaving, but of the one being left.

How often do we see the “empty nest” concept as a negative thing, as something to mourn and complain about, among our friends and on our social media and in our entertainment?

 In our fallenness, we are prone to a self-centered, selfish way of viewing life, and we often don’t even realize it. I know for a fact, as I sit here at the beginning of this season of life, that I did not consider my parents and in-laws enough in how they might be experiencing our leaving and cleaving.  I think, through the years, we have had a pretty good relationship with our respective parents, and I am very grateful for that. But there can sometimes be a tendency as we spread our wings to see our parents more as adversaries as we break free rather than as allies to help us fly. It can be especially hard for the in-law relationship if we, as young people, forget that these people loved and raised our spouse, have sought the best interests of our spouse, loved them as a tiny baby and loved them as they grew to adulthood, and love them still now that they are leaving the nest to go start their own nest.  

On the other hand, we parents can have just as much of a tendency to be self-centered and selfish, because we, too, are sinners. Again, how many times have you known people in real life and in our movies and TV shows who cling too hard to their grown children or who meddle too much or make demands/expectations or offer too much unsolicited/unwelcome comments or who just make it difficult for adult children to leave their parents and cleave to their spouses? There is a reason the meddling, difficult in-law joke is a common trope.

What I’m getting at is that as we navigate different life seasons, we would do well to remember that this notion of children growing up and leaving father and mother to form their own home and family is not an evil, not a thing to mourn, but to embrace, celebrate, and handle wisely. It is good. But as we remember this, we also need to remember that in our sinfulness, we can ruin that good thing if we do not have the right attitude about it and forget that all good things are meant to glorify our God and help us to enjoy Him in this life.

While pondering these things, I also read Proverbs 1 yesterday, where I came across verse 8-9, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching; indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments about your neck.” So, I got to thinking about this in light of the Genesis 2:24 verse, that leaving and cleaving doesn’t mean forgetting all that came before. Our parents loved us, taught us, raised us, and, hopefully, if done well, we still want them to be part of our lives. They don’t stop loving us and wanting what’s best for us when we grow up and leave the nest. The training and instruction they instilled in us during our growing up doesn’t lose its importance when we leave their home. But the relationship does change. Hopefully, if we are both wanting to seek God and honor Him, we can move from having the authority relationship of parent to child to having more of a friendship of parent to adult child. 

So, as I follow the encouragement my pastor gave us on Sunday to meditate on God’s Word, and as I enter this season of parent to adult children, having once been that young adult child and now the parent of young adult children, here are a few thoughts I would like to consider, for the young just starting out and for me, the older person wanting to honor the Lord and love my sons and daughter well (and the new daughters who love my sons and the, hopefully one day, young man, who will love my daughter) as they learn to spread their wings.

As a young person, try really hard not to start out viewing your parents and in-laws as adversaries who you need to immediately set up boundaries against.  Try seeing them as allies who love your spouse and want very much to love you. We parents will make mistakes. We won’t want to, but we will. Please be patient with us as we seek to be patient with you. Please choose to assume the very best motives you can, rather than assuming bad motives. How you choose to see your parents and in-laws will very much color how you are able to hear, see, interact, and love them. This is something I wish I had understood better when I was young.

As a parent, God helping me and looking to Jesus, my Savior, and trusting the Holy Spirit as He conforms me to the image of Christ, I intend to choose to treat my children and their spouses as allies, not adversaries, and to try very hard not to give them reason to feel we are adversaries rather than allies. Again, how we assume motives goes a long way to how we then interact with each other. I must always put the best construction on comments and actions that I possibly can, assume the best and choose never to hold a grudge. Our family is not shrinking because our kids are flying from the nest, it is expanding. We get to love new people who, though different, are very, very special and worth knowing well. I intend to see the empty nest, not as a time to grieve what was when the kids were little and life was very busy with all their activities, but as a new season in which to find new interests and new traditions and new places and people in which to serve God’s Kingdom.  I intend to encourage my kids in positive ways, and to try very hard not to put undue expectations or burdens on them. Of course I hope in the years to come that they will want to spend time with us, so I am praying often that I will invest in being the kind of person they will want to spend time with. I don’t want to hinder that for them or make it difficult to love us, and I also very much want them to be free to start their lives together, with our blessing, not our complaining.

May we seek to honor God in how we love each other. May we be loving, forgiving, full of grace and understanding as we navigate new seasons of life together, because we have been forgiven so much by our loving Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am entering this new year of 2024 very grateful for the people God has graciously brought into our lives through the years. May we love them all well. 

Time is Weird, Sing for Joy

I was on my way home from dropping my daughter off at high school the other day and I saw a sign advertising for a local flag football team.  Out of the blue tears threatened and I thought, “We don’t have anyone in our house that can apply to anymore, and we haven’t for a while now.”  Here’s the weird part, do I want right now to be running kids around to flag football, upward basketball, and all the other stuff we were busy doing when they were little? Not really. But sometimes I am hit with a kind of wistfulness that we are past having kids that age now. 

Time is so weird. When I started this blog, my youngest was not even a year old. That little one is the 15-year-old high school student I was dropping off the other day, and her brothers are basically mostly out of the nest, away at college, the oldest just starting grad school this semester. In some ways the me I was when, with trepidation and trembling fingers, I hit “post” on that very first tentative venture into the great unknown of sharing my thoughts from my little corner of the internet and I started this blog seems a lifetime ago - so much growing, maturing, and so many moves and packings and unpackings and joys and sorrows and more great unknowns and just living were still ahead of us then. And even blogging was a whole different thing back then. The lonely mom with three busy littles at home needed that little blog community we had back in the day. That kind of blogging doesn’t really exist anymore, and sometimes I miss it a little.  

This song came on my play list yesterday and it took me back to when my middle boy was about 4 years old and he would sing this thing with joy while strapped in his carseat in the back of the minivan. I would be lying if I said there weren’t moments when I miss that little guy singing in the back of the minivan. One of the weird things about time is that when I get these wistful feelings I can sometimes spiral into wondering, did I make the most of those years? Did I enjoy them enough? Was I too serious about things I should have been able to laugh about more? Did I do all I should have done to train up my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? But those wistful moments don’t last long. They don’t last long because I look at the young man that little guy has become and the young man his older brother has become and the sweet young lady their little sister is becoming, and I realize that these precious people have moved from being my littles who I got to raise to being friends I get to enjoy and to enjoy watching them spread their wings and shine, and I’m thankful.  So incredibly thankful.

Time is weird because in some ways it goes so slowly when we are in the moments, but when we look back it almost takes our breath away to see where we’ve come and how quickly it seems to have gotten here, and how different we are today from yesterday. I really can’t wrap my head around the fact that this little blog has existed on this little corner of the web for 15 years. I really can’t even wrap my head around how fast those 15 years seem to have gone. And I can't really wrap my head around how different I am from the me I was in those yesterday years. The days are long, but the years are swift. 

As I’m thinking about these things, I am also remembering a dear friend who went home to be with the Lord this week. She was one of the most joy-filled people I’ve ever known.  She loved Jesus so deeply, and she took her walk with Him very seriously, and man, she knew how to live.  She just overflowed with the fragrance of Christ and she lived and loved and laughed so well.  I want to remember my friend and I want to be more like her. 

I heard a sermon several years ago that very much has stuck with me, from Ecclesiastes talking about how we can enjoy the portion God has given us. My friend did that so well. 

When I was younger, I struggled a lot with some not great teaching from certain Christian circles about how we need to do big things for God, do more, try harder, do better. I wasted much time worrying about missing my calling and that I didn’t know what big thing I was supposed to be doing and I felt so much pressure about that.  Then one day I realized, my big thing was right here, raising my littles, being the wife my husband needed, taking care of our home so he was freed to do the things he needed to do to take care of us, and I realized, the big thing I need to be doing is to honor God in all I do, to live full out for Jesus right where He has planted me. As I look at my kids who aren’t littles anymore and who have become treasured friends, I realize this is has been, and still is, a good portion. 

So, as I’m thinking about the weirdness of time and that weird wistfulness I feel sometimes, I’m reminded again of the joy of knowing that I can find joy and glorify God with the portion He has given me today. I can live this life with joy and fullness, loving Jesus every step of the way, and in every season and twist and turn of life. What abundance His joy and grace and new mercies are every single day.  And I’m so very thankful. 

Singing With Thankfulness in Our Hearts

Colossians 3:16

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

After opening with singing Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee and prayer, we got to sing this song today in church.  What a wonderful way open worship on this first Sunday of a new year! We were introduced to CityAlight at our last church and we have loved adding their songs into our repertoire of the newer hymns that are being written in recent years.  I’m thankful for the wealth of newer hymns that are rich in biblical language that we can add to our library of psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs we can sing with thankfulness in our hearts to God.

I recently went through a bout of the blues where I felt low and couldn’t really explain it. 2021 was a year with a lot of challenges and griefs one on top of another that felt overwhelming at times. I have found that when that kind of pressure starts building and I may have trouble focusing on reading my Bible deeply and well in some of those moments, one of the best comforts I’ve found is to put good music with Christ-exalting lyrics and thoughts on repeat and fill my heart and mind with them. I am extremely thankful for the gift of music.  Often these rich spiritual songs minister to my soul in a deep and resonant way. I am thankful that God is bringing new hymn writers to us, people like Keith and Kristyn Getty, Stuart Townend, Matt Papa, Andrew Peterson, CityAlight, Sovereign Grace and many others who are writing music we can sing, even when our hearts are broken, which take us out of ourselves and to the very throne of God, bringing light to adorn the darkness and lifting the sprit in times of trouble. 

Today was a good day to start this new year, also, because we were finally able to formally join our new church.  We have known for a while now that this church is to be our new home and church family, but life circumstances kept happening that hindered us from going forward. Today we finally got to make it public that we want Northwest Hills Baptist Church to be our new church family here. We are excited to join in the life and work of this little body of believers and we are thankful for the deep and solid teaching, gospel and grace-centered encouragement, and rich friendships we are already developing here. 

God is so kind to us. And I am grateful. 

The Memory of a Smile

One of the most perfect movie moments I’ve ever seen is near the end of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King when Frodo boards the ship to sail to the Gray Havens after his tearful farewell with Merry, Pippin, and most of all, Sam.  That moment when he pauses and then he turns and smiles at them and his face is truly happy and he all of sudden has color in his cheeks and you realize that you hadn’t noticed how pale and sad and wan he had become and how tinged with sadness and weariness his smiles had been until right at that moment when he suddenly looks like the sweet, carefree Frodo he had been at the beginning, and you sigh as the tears are streaming and think, “Oh. He’s whole again.”

This evening I was making grilled cheese sandwiches and thinking about my mom, specifically thinking about one of the last times I saw her and how she smiled at me while I was making a grilled cheese sandwich for her when she asked for one after she came home from the hospital when we were there in January. Grief is a strange thing, how it hits at unexpected times, but tonight I got to thinking about that scene from The Lord of the Rings and how sweet that unguarded, loving smile from my mom was, and how sick she actually was then and how sick and exhausted she’d really been for a long time even though we didn't realize it and she faithfully kept on and kept on, and I thought how if I were to be able to see her today and she were to smile at me, she would be whole in a way I’ve never known her. 

I know Tolkien didn't mean The Lord of the Rings to be an allegory or anything, but I think that scene and how Peter Jackson chose to portray it in the movie perfectly captures the emotions surrounding the death of the believer in Christ. There is the grief those who are left behind feel so tangibly, there is the sadness the one who is dying feels at leaving, yet there is that sense of relief and joy and wholeness in knowing they go to be with the Lord and enter into a joy that this world can only hint at. And there is also that sense of letting go and moving forward for those who now have to live with the grief of the separation from their loved one and that emptiness we feel when we miss seeing their smile, but also to live the life we still have to live and to live it in joy, even while we often ache with the missing of our loved one and are so often reminded by little things - even things as ordinary and simple as a grilled cheese sandwich.   

Homesick

 

Romans 8:18-25

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”

Proverbs 14:13

“Even in laughter the heart may ache,

and the end of joy may be grief.”

“The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things - the beauty, the memory of our own past - are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshipers, For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.” - C.S. Lewis

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about how in this fallen world how tangled and intertwined joy and grief, contentment and longing, laughing and weeping are in just about everything we do and all that we hold dear.  With my mom passing into glory earlier this year, I’ve been thinking a lot about the strange mingling of joy and grief. On the one hand there is the joy of knowing her, having gotten to be her daughter and have her in my life for as long as I did, and also the ache in knowing how many of the years of her life were marked by some form of suffering through which she grew mightily in her faith, but it wasn’t an easy walk. Even in death there is the grief of separation, those moments when I think, “I wish I could talk to Mom about this, I wish she could have seen or heard this, I wish I could ask what she would think about this,” but then there is the sweet joy of knowing her physical exhaustion and pain are over, her faith is sight, she is in the presence of the Lord.

Another way I’ve been pondering some of these deep thoughts is in the very nature of friendships and relationships. When you have to move as often as we do, you come face to face with the grief of goodbyes. You also come face to face with both the joys and the difficulties of new hellos. It takes time to build up the kind of closeness that breeds deep and intimate friendships. It seems that for many of my adult years I have found myself finally finding people I could grow to have that kind of friendship with, only to have to pack up and move and say goodbye before really getting the chance to let those friendships fully blossom further. It seems that most of my adult life I’ve been torn between missing people we have known, looking forward to knowing new people, and learning to plant quickly in the place where we are at the moment. I told my husband the other day, I haven’t really, truly felt like we are ‘home’ in a long time.  Even when we are settled, in the backs of our minds, we know we most likely will be moving again in a few years, and though we try to plug in and form bonds and bloom where we’re planted, blooming and blossoming takes time, forming real community and trust and friendship doesn’t happen overnight.

Even when we have time, I find that real, deep friendship is a hard thing to come by. I think part of what we lost in the Fall back in Genesis is the ability to truly be open and truly vulnerable with others. Even in the best of friendships, often we are holding ourselves back, there is just something missing. This is why marriage and family are such a unique and beautiful blessing. On earth in our fallenness, marriage and family should be the relationships that come closest to being able to truly just be ourselves.  This is also why brokenness in marriages and families hurt so very deeply. When the people who should be the most able to be open and vulnerable and know everything about us are a safe place, it is a glorious glimpse of some of what we lost in the fall, but when they are not a safe place, it mars the gospel picture in a really ugly and deeply painful way. 

Another place where we ought to be able to find a glimpse of what is being restored for those who trust in Christ and have been joined to Him is in the Church. When people genuinely love Jesus and are seeking Him and His brilliant beauty above all else, it ought to bond them to others who also genuinely love and belong to Jesus. And I have found in all of our moving that if I’m going to find those kindred spirit kinds of friendships that I think we all desperately long for, it is within the local church families we’ve joined. 

But part of the cost of living on this side of eternity is that in loving well, we are also at risk of grieving hard. When a loved one passes away, or we have to pack up and leave cherished friends or friends who would have been kindred spirits had we had more time to develop the friendship, it hurts deeply. Life is hard.  There is so much wrong in the world that we long to see restored and made right. And the real hope for the believer in Christ is the knowing that He is making all things new.  He is sovereign and wrong will not win.  Jesus wins. He has conquered sin and death and He is where our hope finds rest, even as we live with the tension of the now and the not yet of that fulfillment on this side of eternity.

As I told a friend recently when we were expressing sadness that we hadn’t had time to know each other better, one day we will have all of eternity to develop friendships that won’t ever have to end as we worship Jesus together, no more marred by the sin that entangles us here. 

Something else that feeds these thoughts is that as I see the news and how divided people are, how much we can’t trust the voices we should be able to trust, how bad things seem to be in the world, I just feel a sense of homesickness, even when we are settled somewhere. It’s not like I’m wanting to be in some specific place that I’m missing, it’s more that I just don’t feel like it’s home in the deepest sense. I think what I’m longing for is not so much a place, but a Person. I’m longing to know Christ more and to find my security and rest and HOME in Him. This desire grows the longer I walk with Him and realize that the only hope for all of these things I’m pondering about is Jesus. He is the something better which my heart yearns for. It is in Him that we can be freed from the sin and discontent and lack of ability to let go of my self-centeredness and rest in Him and be free to love others and truly enjoy the portion He has granted with all its joys and sorrows combined. 

So, while we sojourn here on this side of eternity, let us seek to pursue Christ wholeheartedly, love others deeply and hold back less and less so we can give more and more of ourselves and make the best use of the time we’ve been given to share glimpses of eternity with others and moments of light in the darkness as we love well. I feel like I’m rambling a bit and not adequately saying what I’m trying to say here, but it’s a start. I’m speaking to myself.  I have such a tendency to hold back, to be shy, to live like a hermit, and then complain because of the ache of loneliness that I often don’t know how to break. Whatever the circumstances, I want to see Jesus for how precious and beautiful He is, and I want to live so full of that grace that I can reach out to kindred spirits and point them to His glory and together to live the life He has given us and enjoy the portion He has for us well, to purpose to fully enjoy the joys while not hiding from the griefs, to join in fully rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep until He calls us home.

“The term is over; the holidays have begun. The dream is ended; this is the morning. “ - C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle

Revelation 21:1-8

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall here be mourning, nor crying, or pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’ And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold I am making all things new.’ Also he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’ And he said to me, ‘It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and  the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolators, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.’”

Revelation 22:1-5

“Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever.”

 

Perspective and Hope

 This poster hangs in our basement.  Today while exercising and facing this poster, a thought hovered and landed, "I wish this were true." I wish I didn't have this pessimism, but lately and increasingly,  I'm sad to say sometimes I do. In this day when an aggressive and vicious from of cancel culture is rising, people seem so prone to view others who think differently and have different opinions as 'the enemy' rather than 'my neighbor.' It seems that with the rise of social media culture, we are becoming people who are so quick to assume the worst rather than the best, to put the worst construction on others' actions rather than trying to assume the best construction, with a growing unwillingness to put ourselves in others' shoes and try to see other perspectives. Take a moment to read through the shaming posts on your local Next Door app and you see so much of this thinking the worst, assuming the worst.  These tools that supposedly are meant to bring us together are doing more to divide and isolate, in my opinion.  

It is a sad day when a neighbor can do something kind and helpful for another neighbor, but that neighbor cannot see beyond the first neighbor's politics and chooses to spurn the kindness and see it as a cynical move for false unity rather than simply a neighborly kindness.  How sad we become as a people, as a culture, if we are going to reduce everyone down to identity politics, and because of that choose to view anyone who doesn't toe the line we set for what is acceptable politically as, not just someone I disagree with, but as a dangerous and immoral enemy I can't cross the aisle to find any common ground with at all.  We are so ugly when we worship at the altar of politics. How is a community supposed to function in this way? How are we supposed to function as a community when we lump people together and make broad assumptions based on who they vote for, or what they look like, or where they are from and refuse to look at people as valuable individuals who have varying and valuable opinions, beliefs, talents, etc.? We have lost the ability to hear an opinion we dislike and just agree to disagree.  Instead of saying, "I don't like what you think, so therefore I don't like you, so you're cancelled and I cannot have any common ground or empathy for you at all," why can't we say, "I don't like your opinion, but could you help me to understand why you think that way and where you're coming from, and we can be friends, or at the least friendly, even if we don't end up agreeing?" Is this the culture we want to promote? 

There is so much more I could say on this topic and a blog post isn't really the format for filling in all the gaps, but that's where my thoughts went as I stared at that poster this morning. 

But that isn't where my thoughts stopped.  You see, I'm not really a pessimist at heart, ultimately.  I love America, don't get me wrong.  Healthy patriotism is ok when kept in proper perspective, and I am thankful for the good things we've had in our country.  It is true that the founding fathers who wrote the constitution and formed our union were flawed men. I have to admit the discomfort and even anger I have felt when I've toured the homes of Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, George Mason, and the various sites around Washington, D.C. as we've lived here this past year and a half and contemplated the complexities of those flaws mingled with the brilliance of the government they dreamed up.  For all its flaws, however, this country had and has so much potential. We have seen progress over the years of our existence as a nation, and I hope we refuse to squander that, and I hope we can celebrate it and continue to hope for better. 

But all that said, I have to continue and say that ultimately, my hope is not in America.  When our leaders do what is just and righteous and generally good for the people, I pray they succeed, and when they govern wickedly, I pray for God's mercy.  America is one of the nations, special in its way, yes, but finally just another of the nations, of whom Psalm 46:6 says, "The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts." Ultimately my citizenship is in Heaven.  I am a Christian first and foremost.  No matter what happens to America, whether it stands or falls, my hope is in Christ.  No matter what I see around me, no matter how many difficult days I suspect may lie ahead, my hope, my joy, my stability, security, and peace come from Christ.  I will not fret when the wicked act wickedly. Though I may feel great sadness in seeing what looks to me like a spiral into foolish thinking all around me, I do not fret myself because of evildoers.  (Psalm 37)  I trust in the LORD, delight myself in Him. He is sovereign over the nations.  He is not surprised when sinners act like sinners.  They act they way they do because they are lost.  And this causes me to respond in compassion and to pray for those who would see themselves as my enemy, and to go ahead and do good, act kindly, even when I know it won't be received well or appreciated or even understood.

Anyway, this is where my thoughts went as I stared at that poster this morning. As Kingdom citizens, living as ambassadors for Christ in the country where we've been placed, let us remember to love our neighbors, even when they seem to be unable to love us back or to assume the best of us, and let us live justly and do mercy, pray for them, pray for our leaders, and then resolve ourselves to rejoice in the Lord always, be anxious about nothing, praying with thanksgiving, and may the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7) Let us resolve to focus our attention on what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, let us think about these things. (Philippians 4:8) And keep in mind, too, that our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, that enables Him even to subject all things to Himself. (Philippians 3:20-21) Let us resolve to make sure that we take every thought captive to Christ, walk in Him, and guard our hearts and minds so as not to be captivated by worldly philosophies and empty deceits, but rooted and established in Christ and view the world through that lens as we choose to love our neighbors well. Let us remember that we who have trusted in Christ are His ambassadors, ambassadors of His light in the midst of a dark and crooked generation and let us so live that the fragrance of Christ is evident in our thoughts, speech, and actions. 

 

Epic

 I can’t believe I will be turning 50 in a few months.  That just doesn’t seem real. I don’t feel like an almost 50-year-old. In my head I think I sort of stopped aging at around 30-35 or so, so it’s surreal to all of a sudden think about attaching the number 50 to myself. I’m not upset about it, mind you, I’m just trying to explain how weird it is to think of myself as middle aged. Whoa.  I should not have typed that.  That is too weird. Side note: we've been watching Cobra Kai on Netflix, and it is so weird seeing these guys who were total teen heartthrobs when I was a teenager looking like middle aged men. We like the show for the most part, and they've definitely aged well, but still. This is what I'm saying.  Ok. This isn’t what I meant to be writing about in this post at all. Moving on. 

So, with being in the last few months of my 40’s, I’ve realized that strange things are going on with my metabolism.  I’ve always been a little sluggish there, but I’m finding lately that losing weight is way more difficult than it used to be.  Like almost impossible.  It doesn’t seem to matter what I do or what I eat or don’t eat, it just doesn’t budge much.  However, I’m trying to rethink how I look at this.  It’s not really the number on the scale I need to worry about, it’s healthy choices and lifestyle I need to aim for. So, I’m trying to make healthier choices and get into better shape.  A few months ago, when I realized I probably wouldn’t keep walking as much as I should when the weather was bad or turned colder, we bought an elliptical for the basement.  I’ve been using it, trying to be more regular about it. Also, I’ve started doing the 16:8 goal for intermittent fasting most days of the week.  What I like about it is it has effectively made us more aware of the bad habit of evening snacking that we’d slipped into, and with this app I’m using, I basically tell it to start my fast not too long after dinner - no later than 7:30 pm, but earlier most days - and then I don’t end the fast until at least 11:30am the next day, pretty much nixing evening snacks and that oh, so tempting bowl of ice cream while we watch TV. This isn’t for everyone, I know, but it’s working for me. The key, however, is not to overdo it during the time you can eat - that defeats the purpose.

Anyway, with all that, I’ve been a little discouraged that the weight isn’t just melting off, but I have noticed some subtle changes, even if my scale isn’t budging much yet. I have started feeling a lot better, more energy, somewhat, and I’m looking forward to the day when my clothes really feel like they're fitting better, knees and joints feel a bit better, and, hopefully, the scale will move the correct direction, too. 

And now to get to the point I meant to be writing about when I started this post.  I find the elliptical to be a great source of cardiovascular exercise, but, frankly, it’s boring down there in the basement.  For a while, I would listen to podcasts, which are quite entertaining when I take walks outside, but for some reason in the basement on the elliptical, they seem less engaging and I’m watching that timer and it’s super slow going. So, I’ve been looking for something else.  And, y’all, I found it.  

Here’s where I share my nerdliness with you. My daughter and I often find ourselves bonding over certain pieces of music when they come on the playlist. I’m talking epic movie music, for lack of a better way of describing it.  When we’re in the kitchen together making dinner and The Chronicles of Narnia music, the Theme from Jurassic Park, music from The Lion King, the Halo theme (yeah, I know, it’s a video game, not a movie, work with me here), or ANYTHING from The Greatest Showman comes on, we geek out and have a music moment together.  So, I was looking for something like that to pump up my workout playlist, and I remembered a friend when we lived in San Antonio had mentioned a group her girls were enjoying. She was so funny, too, when she told me you have to kind of ignore that the name of the group is Two Steps From Hell, which she almost didn’t even want to say, but the music is like movie music and it’s really good. And I get that, it feels weird linking to a band with that name. When you look them up, they've written trailer music for a whole bunch of movies and video games you have probably heard of.  

Anyway, I looked them up and found some of their most popular downloads and I LOVE this music.  We were joking yesterday when I was listening to some of it in the kitchen after dinner. My husband said, “Man even washing dishes is epic when you’ve got that in the background.” Haha.  Truth.  Have you ever thought you’d like to have a movie soundtrack for your life? This stuff would be good.  

So, today I made myself a new playlist and called it “Epic” after I worked out this morning and listened to some of my new music.  What I’ve found works for me is to cover up the timer on the elliptical with a towel so I’m not tempted to look at it, pump up the volume with some good music and before you know it, I’ve done a pretty decent workout and enjoyed it, too. I started with the Epic music and ended with some Worship music at the end and I think I’ve found the push-through-it formula for doing something I have traditionally hated to do. 

Ok. That’s it for this post.  No serious thoughts today, just writing to keep the blog alive.

Here’s a sample of my new find: 

Happy Friday!

Gazing Into a Palantír

This morning as I was reading my social media news feeds, I realized a couple of things:

 First - I MUST stop letting that be the first thing I do in the morning.  My habit for years has been to read my Bible and pray in the morning.  For a long time I tried to make sure I didn’t read anything else before I had read the Bible and prayed, but recently, because I use my phone as my alarm clock, I’ve found myself slipping into the habit of checking my phone after the alarm goes off, before I’ve even gotten completely awake, and I find myself checking news headlines and social media feeds to see what new devilry has happened overnight (I can’t help but think of Boromir in The Fellowship of the Ring whenever I look at my Twitter feed these days). I need to stop doing this.

This morning, I found myself scrolling through the news feeds and I realized I was feeling overwhelmingly discouraged over the fractured nature of our country, how quick to take offense many people on all sides of every issue seem to be, how quick many people on all sides of every issue seem to be willing to ‘cancel’ those who don’t hold to their exact view on any issue, how lacking in common civility and decency we are becoming and how hard it is to have a real and meaningful conversation and attempt at genuine understanding when differences of opinion are present, how unsettled and lacking in peace and hope things seem to be all around us, how even words don’t mean the same things anymore depending on who you’re listening to, how difficult it is becoming to believe anything you hear from any news source or so-called expert, and lots of other things, too. This bled over into my prayer time, as I admitted I don’t even know how to pray about some of the things we’re seeing. More on that in a minute.

Second - It occurred to me that too much poring over social media and a too steady diet of the 24/7 news media first thing in the morning and too much through out the day has just as poisonous an effect on my mind as looking into the Palantír did for Denethor, the Steward of Gondor in The Lord of the Rings. 

The Palantíri were crystal seeing stones in The Lord of the Rings world which allowed people to look into them and see real events and people - future or present wasn’t always clear. This from the Wikipedia article is helpful to describe them: “A major theme of Palantír usage is that while the stones show real objects or events, they are an unreliable guide to action, and it is often unclear whether events are past or future: what is not shown may be more important than what is selectively presented. Further, users with sufficient power can choose what to show and what to conceal: in The Lord of the Rings, all uses of Palantíri influence the action through deception or misreading of what is shown.” 

Stay with me, I think you’ll see the analogy I’m trying to paint. One of the big dangers with using the Palantíri by the time of the events in The Lord of the Rings is that not all of them were still accounted for - some had been lost, meaning you had no way of knowing who else was using one somewhere else and since they are connected, you had no way of knowing who else might be influencing what you were seeing. 

In the case of Denethor of Gondor, he had been looking into a Palantír and it had driven him a bit mad with despair.  He saw the evil that was encroaching as unavoidable and insurmountable. In a word, he felt they and their way of life were doomed.  Ultimately, as the Wikipedia quote suggests, this proves to be an unreliable guide to action as he makes very unwise decisions that not only affect him but many others as well. In the end, in his despair and madness he chooses suicide, very nearly taking his son Faramir with him, were it not for the heroic actions of Gandalf and Pippin who had not yet succumbed to the mind-numbing despair.

I see a parallel here with social media and news feeds.  Often what is in the news stories we read may be true, or at least contain facts that are true, but we don’t know what is being left out or how those facts are being selectively presented, and we don’t always know who, what, or even the why that is driving the narrative being presented. Very often, what is not being said may be as important, if not much more important, that what is being said. It is frighteningly easy to deceive people and twist the truth in a blog post, news story, social media post, speech, etc.  And another parallel is that we don’t always know what powerful person or entity may be behind the decisions to mislead or deceive by choosing what to include and what to conceal with the theory, post, news story, speech, or whatever that we’re reading, or what motives are driving them.  

So, what I’ve been thinking about today is that I need to be careful about how much time I spend allowing myself to gaze into the Palantír of social media.  A steady diet of it isn’t wise or healthy for me.  A sure sign that I’ve gazed there too long is when that malaise and sense of despair and futility begin to descend over me.  

I need to be much more diligent to fill my mind with truth.  I need to be vigilant about news sources and do my homework and check out sources, yes. But even more importantly, I need to start my day and fill my mind with God’s word first.  I need to filter my thinking through the lens of His word, and make sure I’m spending much more time developing a godly worldview, a biblical worldview, than I am soaking up a worldly mindset and listening to voices that do not know Christ.  The more I know Christ, the more steeped I am in His word, the better able I am to discern truth from error when I do watch the news or read social media posts.  

And remember how I said sometimes I just don’t know how to pray about what I’m seeing happening in the world around me, that it just seems so broken? Well, that’s when I take great comfort in knowing that when I don’t know how to pray as I ought, the Holy Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words. (Romans 8:26) I take great comfort in knowing that Jesus Himself is at the right hand of the Father ever interceding for His people and He is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God in Him. (Hebrews 7:25). God is sovereign and He is working all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:29)  Nothing can separate His people from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord - not even the overwhelmingly discouraging and even frightening things we see happening in our fractured and divided country around us. (Romans 8:38-39)  I may not understand what’s happening, but I can trust that God knows and He is working all things for His glory and for our good, and He loves His people. It is in this light, in this understanding that I must decide how to respond and act in the world. 

This is where I need to put my focus and attention, where I need to spend the bulk of my mental and emotional energy, and I need to be very wary how I view the Palantír of social media and the daily news feeds and not let them deceive me or unduly influence how I view the world and how I live and act in it.  

Politically Homeless

Psalm 118:8-9

“It is better to take refuge in the LORD

than to trust in man.

It is better to take refuge in the LORD

than to trust in princes.”

I have been realizing more and more over the past few years that I am increasingly politically homeless in my country.  I truly don’t fit comfortably anywhere in that sphere, and thinking through how to vote has become more and more difficult. 

I am not sure this is truly a bad thing. 

For most of my time on social media, I’ve been pretty careful not to get too political or opinionated about things that are overly divisive which could obscure the main thing I want to be known for, and that is my love for Jesus and His gospel. I just don’t want to be known for my political opinions. It’s not that I don’t have them. It’s not that I don’t think they are important or worth wrestling through.  But I have chosen not to make that my main talking point on my social media feeds. 

I was listening to Todd Friel discussing what it is to live for God’s glory recently on the Wretched Radio podcast.  He was trying to articulate that we need to concentrate on Jesus, draw near to Him, know Him more, and then….live.  Not agonize over decisions, but live.  Repent when we need to, and recognize our solid security in Christ.  Find that sweet spot of loving Jesus and living in that light. He was getting at the concept of abiding in Christ. 

This is where I want to keep my focus.  

And if finding myself increasingly politically homeless means I place less of my hope in whoever does or does not get elected, I think I’m learning to be ok with that. I will think carefully, be as wise as I can, understand the issues as best I can, vote as best I can, and then let go of anxiety over it.  I won’t stress over the fact that no one in the running is what I wish I had as an option to vote for. 

And when elections are over, I will pray for whoever is elected.  I will pray for our elected officials to make wise decisions that are good for the people. I will pray for wisdom for the people to live peaceably and in order. And I will pray for Christian people to be bold in their witness, confident in God’s word, genuinely loving and caring for our neighbors and those in need, willing to stand for what is right even when it’s hard, and most of all willing to gently, reverently, and solidly give a defense for the hope that lives within us. 

And most importantly, I rest in the confidence that God is sovereign over the nations, including this one. God is always working all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, and He is working all things for His glory, and in this we can lay our heads down and rest.  And in this confidence, we can fix our eyes on Jesus and we can live. 

I read Psalm 118 today, and those verses I quoted at the beginning of this stuck out to me. My hope and refuge are always in the LORD, whether I feel good about the politicians, or, like now, I feel so alienated from all of them. My refuge is Christ. And in Him, I will pray for my country, but I will not be anxious. 

After all, we are called to be in this world, yes, and I want to be a good citizen, good neighbor, good friend, etc. while in this world, but still, we are not to be of the world. Our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. (Philippians 3:20-21).

So, while the things of this world are important and we want to live in such a way that our actions are informed and beautified by our faith, it is vastly important to keep them in perspective.  And it just may be that this season of political homelessness could be serving to knock down the idol of thinking that political security is where my security of life rests.  It doesn’t.  No matter what happens in that sphere, Jesus is where my hope rests. Looking to Him, I can live confidently, and I can refuse to let the headlines and other people’s anxiety and rhetoric and click bait spin me up and get me agitated.  

So, maybe being politically homeless isn’t such a bad thing after all.