Seems Right Doesn't Always Mean Right

Proverbs 14:12
“There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.”

God’s word is the final authority for what is right, not what I think, what I feel, what seems good or pleasing. If what I think, what I feel, what seems good or pleasing is in violation of God’s word, it is not right. We do not worship at the altar of our feelings, but we worship in spirit and in truth. God’s word is truth. Therefore, I must spend time in His word and in prayer, asking Him to grant me the wisdom to understand His word and rightly apply it. And also therefore, I must judge everything anyone attributes to God by what His word says. Personally, I'm glad I don't have to trust my feelings. I'd be in big trouble if that was my guide.

I have avoided mentioning this for a long time, but I just have to mention this in context with the chapter in Proverbs I read yesterday because it keeps on coming up in my circle of friends and acquaintances, so I know it must be coming up in a lot of groups, and I just need to get it out of my system and then I’ll move on. There is a book going around Christian circles that a lot of people are saying I just have to read and that it will give me such a better understanding of God and grace. That book is called The Shack. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard it mentioned favorably and quoted from and etc. I cannot tell you how many people, surprising people, have told me I just have to read this book.

Friends, be wary. I don’t care how much ‘good’ stuff might be in that book, there is also a lot that some very biblically wise men and women are saying is not biblical and is actually heretical. If what is being presented fictionally as something God would say doesn’t line up with what He has actually said in His word, run away. Personally, I’ve decided not to waste my time reading it. I’ve heard enough about it from sources I trust that I just don’t want to fill my mind with something I have to wade through to find some snippet among many other thoughts that aren’t right. Here are a couple of reviews I read or listened to that are worth pondering if you have read or are being encouraged to read that book: From Al Mohler and from Tim Challies.

Something I am becoming increasingly aware of in my journey through life is that just because something is in the Christian bookstore or has a Christian label or is on Christian TV or is presented as being Christian, doesn’t mean that it is necessarily theologically sound. Be careful, is all I’m saying.

And one more little pet peeve I just have to get off my chest. I am getting so tired of people saying I need to read a fiction book to gain a better understanding of who God is. Is what He has said in His word and shown us in Christ not enough? Rather I fill my mind with His word than someone’s speculations.

Because there is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. How I feel about something cannot and must not be the ground of my determining its soundness. God’s word must be the final authority.

Taming the Tongue

Proverbs 14:1
“The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”

Proverbs 15:1-2
“A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly,
But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.”

Proverbs 15:7
“The lips of the wise disperse knowledge,
But the heart of the fool does not do so.”

Have you ever noticed just how often the subjects of wise use of the tongue and the foolishness of a quick temper come up in Proverbs? I think often I am very prone to brush off careless speech or quick temper as something I do need to work on, but I can fool myself into thinking that it isn’t as big a problem as it actually is. It’s tempting to brush off an impatient, hasty attitude with the excuse that I just don’t have much patience with childishness. The frequency of the topic leads me to believe that I will be wise to take it a lot more seriously than I often do. Lately I am becoming increasingly aware and convicted that I am not patient enough with my sons in the way I talk to them. I am ashamed of how often I find that I’m having to stop in the middle of a sentence and rephrase or take a minute to tone down, when I realize how I must sound to the little ears hearing me. Usually it isn’t so much what I’m saying, but how I’m saying it that is not right. This is probably why those verses are hitting me so hard as I read Proverbs each day.

I have been praying for the past several days that God would put a guard on my tongue and that I would learn to measure and consider my speech before I give an answer. I’m too quick to answer impatiently, when it wouldn’t hurt me at all to slow down and give a reasonable, quiet, kind response. In fact, it would do much good to slow down and think first about the child asking the question and what it is they are truly asking than to quickly answer what I thought they were asking and have to apologize for hasty words later. Something I’ve had to do a lot over the past few days as I have become increasingly aware of my tendency to be too hasty with my words and not patient enough.

I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t enjoy my children. I really do. But there are days when I just don’t want to hear one more thing about Bionicles, etc.or have to stop one more silly, childish argument that breaks out between them. But it doesn’t matter if I’m feeling stressed or tired, what does matter is that every time I act unapproachable or snappy when they just want to talk, I’m sending a message I truly do not want to be sending. A lot of times the question itself isn’t really all that important, they just want to talk, and I miss that when I am distracted or distant when I need to be approachable and listen. I want these boys to know they really can talk to me about the things that interest them, especially as they grow older.

To invest in that, I’m going to have to spend a little time now listening to boring discussions about Bionicles, or whatever the obsession of the day happens to be, and showing them, in love, that, while Bionicles may be extremely boring to me, my sons are not boring at all. I want to build my house with patient and godly speech, not tear it down with impatient answers or quick temper or half-hearted attention and distracted listening. Because to downplay impatience by saying it’s just not my nature to be very patient with childishness won’t cut it. It is no excuse at all. Because, you see, love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I am no longer a slave to my sin nature, but I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, including retrain my sinful speech habits. To the glory of God, I must daily submit to the teaching of His word and obey what He is so graciously bringing to my remembrance as I read His word.

Oh, To Tame The Tongue!

Proverbs 31:26
“She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.”

Proverbs 15:1
“A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.”

I know I’ve posted these before, but I need to be reminded again. One of the hardest things about being Mom for me is to keep my cool when one of the boys is having a meltdown due to frustration or anger. Before I had children I was under the delusion that I was a calm, patient and rational person. Since having children I have realized much more fully that I am a sinner who is so incredibly grateful for God’s grace and mercy and so desperately in need of His indwelling Holy Spirit to get through each day and learn to demonstrate grace and mercy to others. It is hard, hard, hard not to lash out and spill my own frustration and anger over the situation when one of the boys is spiraling out of control. But that only makes it worse. Trust me. I know of what I’m speaking.

I spent much time on my face today in tears before the Lord asking once again for the wisdom and grace to tame my stupid tongue. The boys need me to model self-control and to love them unconditionally, not to react to their lack of maturity.

Please, oh Lord God, change my heart and help me keep my cool when childish tempers are rising! Let my answers be soft and full of wisdom and kindness, and help me to recognize in the heat of the moment when my own attitude is not pleasing to You.

A Woman Who Fears the LORD

Proverbs 31:30
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.”

I want to be a woman who fears the LORD. I want my thoughts to be more and more on Christ, and less on the temporal, fleeting pleasures of the world. There is so much to distract us in our culture. Lisa wrote a good post the other day that really echoes some thoughts I’ve had rattling around in my mind for quite some time (and I truly hope she doesn't mind me linking to her again). I am in this world. But I am not to be of it. There are things in the world that I enjoy that are not specifically “Christian.” For example, I watch movies, though I’m pretty selective in what I’ll watch, because I do not need to be filling my mind with things that will damage my walk with the Lord or will make it harder to keep my mind pure and live a life that pleases Him. I know when something I’m watching is something that is not edifying, and I’ve learned to turn it off and walk away from those things that cause me to stumble. Not every book I read is a theological or “Christian” book. I like to read novels. Lots of them. Again, I’m fairly selective in the kinds of things I let my mind focus on, but no, not everything is written by Christian authors or even necessarily from a specifically Christian worldview. And not everyone might agree with my choices – these are matters of conscience, so I’m fairly quiet on those kinds of things on my blog. To be honest, much “Christian fiction” that I’ve read is just so badly written that I’d rather read a good “secular” book I’ve gotten from the library. But I am careful in my selections, too. When my heart is devoted to my Savior, I’m able to see moral and spiritual lessons even in books or movies where the author didn’t intend to be giving them. I learned that in school while reading assigned works. My worldview informs how I view everything I read and see and do – whether in work or in play – and I don’t have to pull out into a completely sanitized subculture, but I do find a need to be discerning.

I also don’t blog a whole lot about fads, TV shows, or even the books I’m reading. Not that I never write about such things or that I’m not interested in them or that I think it is wrong for people to write about them, but when I write, I’d rather write about the things that matter most to me, the things I think the most and the most deeply about. It isn’t that I’m trying to hide the more frivolous things, either. They just aren’t all that important to me. If I’m going to take the time to write things out, I’d rather they be more meaningful, for the most part. Though I do watch some TV and some movies and read quite a bit, I want the character of my life to be such that the things I think about the absolute most are the important things. I don’t think there is anything wrong with enjoying a good book or a TV show or a movie now and then, with the exercise of discernment in choosing such things, but the perspective must be that none of those things even come close in importance compared to worshiping the Lord. In light of that, all else is not very important at all.

I was convicted the other day while wasting too much time reading blog after blog that much of what I’m reading is just chatter. Even a lot of the Christian blogging is really just talk, talk, talk that ends up being wasted time. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the more lighthearted and fun part of the blog chatter in and of itself, but it can be wrong when I let it eat up too much of my day that ought to be spent doing more meaningful things. Though not all my blogging is serious, I’d like the bulk of my writing to be something more. I’m trying to determine what I want to accomplish with my blogging. I enjoy the "just for fun" stuff and the friendships that forges, and that is a good part of blogging as long as it doesn't eat up time I need to spend on my real life where I put feet and action to the words I think and type. But I have also learned a lot from having to think through many of my posts while writing them and searching the scriptures to clarify my thinking. I’ve also learned a great deal and been encouraged to think by other bloggers, though I have significantly lessened the time I spend reading them lately. I guess what I’m getting at here is that I don’t want the main part of my blogging to only be adding to the meaningless chatter, but I’d like a good deal of what I’m doing be to help myself to continue to grow in Christ and to be edifying to believers and thought-provoking to someone who may not yet know Christ, otherwise I’m really just wasting time and should just turn off the blog altogether.

So, I want the character of my life to be that I am seeking Christ’s kingdom first. I want the words I say and write to be the overflow of a heart that is devoted to Him. When my heart is longing to seek Him, that is what matters most. I even want my blogging to be an overflow of those thoughts I think most. Even when writing about everyday things, I want to there to be more love to Christ expressed in the daily walk of my life, not compartmentalizing my life into “Christian” and “secular” but letting a biblical, Christ-centered worldview be evident in all I do, even in the everyday stuff of life.

Also, in our culture it is so very tempting to get caught up in the outward appearance. Stand in the grocery store line and you’ll see tons of magazines and so much ink spilled to waste time on the latest celebrity gossip or the latest fad to seek after that fleeting thing called “beauty.” More empty chatter – pages and pages of meaningless chatter. But so much of what the culture sees as beautiful is false. Nip and tuck plastic beauty, diet fads that are not healthy, make-up tips, immodest clothing, expensive showplace homes, fancy cars, boats and toys, and celebrity are offered up as the end-all-be-all of the American dream existence. And too much time spent perusing that empty chatter can skew a woman’s perspective on true beauty. But those celebrities don’t seem very happy to me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone home and cried for them over the emptiness that they seem to mask behind their plastic smiles. So many of the “beautiful people” are so terribly lost. They have “arrived” with wealth and fame and beauty, but they live broken, empty lives that they try to fill with all kinds of activities, relationships, babies, stuff, charities and vices. And that is the lie women buy into. They need a Savior, not the next article on how to spice up a boring life.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. It is all emptiness if all we seek is the approval of the world and outward, skin-deep beauty. True beauty is reflected in the character of a woman who fears the LORD and walks humbly with her God. I heard someone say that if you want to be a godly older woman, you start investing in that lifestyle now. You begin to live godly now. You don’t just wake up one day as that woman, it comes from walking daily with the LORD. I want to be a woman who fears the LORD. I want to be a woman who will bring that hope to others who need to know Jesus. That is a life that has meaning. A life that seeks His kingdom first. I want to be different from all the chatter. I don’t want my life to be characterized by the latest fad or spin my wheels seeking after earthly, fleeting, temporal things. I want to be content and satisfied in the joy of serving the King, Jesus, my Redeemer, Savior, and Lord.

Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid

Proverbs 29:11
“A fool vents all his feelings,
But a wise man holds them back.”

I can see going two directions with this one this week while thinking on it myself and in talking to the boys about it.

First, as applies to me: This would be a good verse to tape onto my computer monitor so I’ll remember it when I’m tempted to spill too much in a blog post or comment. A good thing to learn is that we don’t have to spill all the details of our gripes, frustrations, or bad feelings regarding our own personal situation in order to make a point. Consider the audience and don’t share just everything with just everyone. Something I need to remember.

Sometimes after an opportunity to have a time of conversation with grown-up type people (something that is rather rare for me these days), I often feel like I’ve “said too much” once I come home and think over the evening, especially when there is an issue burdening my heart or that I’ve been struggling through or feel especially passionate about. I think that probably stems from the fact that I too rarely have opportunities to have conversations with anyone, other than my husband, who is over the age of 8, and when I do get to talk about things that matter with people who, theoretically, would understand the kinds of things that are on my heart these days, I sometimes say more than I should have, venting too many of my feelings on a topic that would have been better left unsaid in that particular conversation or with that particular person. Better to consider who I’m talking with and whether what I’m venting is really appropriately shared with that person or if they’ll even understand what I’m so exercised about in the first place and think over something for a bit and not spill more than should be spilled than to just discuss all the frustrations or deep feelings I may have. When I’ve asked D about whether he thinks I “said too much,” usually he doesn’t think so, but sometimes I wonder. Discretion and thinking through the appropriateness of what you’re saying and who you’re saying it to is a good thing. Not everyone needs to know everything I’m thinking on every given subject. The same goes for blogging. Though I have benefited from having this blog to work through some of my own thoughts, better not to vent the personal stuff too much. I’m pretty transparent in that I don’t want to wear a mask and present myself as something I’m not or be afraid to tell the truth when it needs to be said, but I’d rather go back and clarify than wish I had just kept my mouth shut in the first place.

Another direction I can see taking the principle in this verse when talking with our boys who are little people still learning how to deal with their own powerful emotions, is to remind them to keep their frustration and anger in check. And while I’m reminding them, I’ll be reminding myself, too. It is far, far too easy in the comfort and familiarity of home to let down that polite guard we keep up for everyone “out there” and let loose with all kinds of venting when feelings are stepped on or tweaked by those we love most. Sometimes it scares me how quickly a little well-chosen (or not so well-chosen, depending on how you’re looking at it) comment that hits just the right hair-trigger button made by one boy to his brother can escalate into a full-blown shouting and punching match. It’s amazing how quick the trigger to vent is at home, when out in public we seem to put on our best behavior. How much more beneficial to demonstrate that wise trait of holding back while we’re at home! I want to learn to be wise and hold back the worst of my feelings rather than responding in the heat of the moment when something tweaks my frustrations. And by teaching and by example, I want to pass the understanding of the importance of that discipline of self-control on to my children.

Somehow in our culture, feelings have become king. Road rage is an example that comes to mind. Rather than showing the discretion of holding back, we lash out at complete strangers and things escalate so quickly these days. People complain about how we no longer live in a civil society. This venting of any feeling, and not just anger, but anything we feel, in the name of “honesty” is a key reason for that.

And this “feelings are king” mentality that seems to have taken over lately in our culture has seeped into the church among professing Christian people and manifests itself in other ways, too. Decisions are often made based on feelings rather than careful thought and prayer. Even Christian couples are too often terribly quick to jump ship on the commitment of their marriages because they no longer feel like they are in love anymore, rather than understanding that real love is working through the hard stuff even when we don't feel like it and enjoying the deep satisfaction of knowing they are committed to each other for life, through the good and the bad. We often are more interested in feeling good at church than we are in worshiping in truth and teaching the Word truthfully and boldly. Somehow we’ve gotten it all turned around to where we think the church is solely about our feelings and having our felt needs met rather than gathering to worship the One who shed His blood to make us right with Him so that we could be equipped to love and obey Him, and serve our brothers and sisters in Christ, and work together to spread the gospel and disciple new believers. Our opinions often matter more to us than what the Bible actually says. Our taste in music style is more important to us than what the words of the music are actually saying. Experiential feelings are elevated to the same level as, or even placed higher than, the revelation of the Bible in a lot of people’s minds in determining what is true faith. How we feel about faith or the experience we’re having is seen as much more important than searching the scriptures for what is true.

I pray often for the wisdom to hold back when I feel like spilling all the feelings I have all over my family or anyone else. And I also want to remember not to put too much trust in my feelings, which are not a true teacher of what is right. Feelings are subject to all kinds of things and are really not trustworthy. I keep stressing with the kids when they argue that they don’t want to do what I’ve said or don’t feel like doing what is right that it really doesn’t matter what they feel like when they know what is right. They’ve got to do right anyway. Usually the feelings will follow along behind, and this is a major reason it is wise not to vent them all too quickly in the first heat of the moment.

The Fear of the LORD

Proverbs 1:7
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
But fools despise wisdom and instruction."

I believe it is very important to teach our children a reverent fear and awe of God. While Jesus is our greatest friend, and those who are washed in His blood can boldly approach the throne of God, He is not our buddy. I see and hear a lot of talk about Jesus that really borders on the irreverent and flippant at times, and this is by people who say they believe in Him. Though I have great joy, peace, and comfort in knowing that I can approach Him confidently and that my assurance rests in Him, we are wise to keep in our attitude a sense of reverence and awe before Him. So, we need to spend some time thinking on God's holiness.

We'll also be reviewing Proverbs 19:11 from last week with the kids, because, I confess, I didn't spend as much time on this with them as I would have liked with Hubby out of town until yesterday. That's no excuse, but that's what happened, nonetheless.

Proverb for the Week

Proverbs 19:11
"The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger,
And his glory is to overlook a transgression."

D and I want to begin teaching the boys through the book of Proverbs. We are trying to be more diligent in our discipling and training of these blessings that are our children. Because of some attitudes we are seeing in each boy that we want to address early, and because of how practical the advice in Proverbs is, I kind of thought this "Proverb of the Week" might be an interesting new feature to add to my blog, too. We are going to try to choose a new verse from Proverbs on Saturday that we will begin teaching the boys during the next week.

This week, the one we've picked is a good one for me, too. I've mentioned before the struggles I have with my own temper and patience, and we are going to work on hiding this verse in our hearts this week. The boys are being typical brothers lately, and we've had some petty fighting and tendencies to be too easily offended around our house, so D and I thought this would be a fitting verse this week.