Precious Music

A bit of friendly, unsolicited advice for new moms and dads: 

Fill your homes and cars with singable music. Trust me, it will bless you now, and continue to bless you in years to come.

One of my favorite precious memories is how my little middle boy would sing out this song from the back of the car in his car seat, precious toddler slightly-offkey voice praising God. Whenever this song comes on my playlist today, I feel the same joy I felt then, and it keeps close how much I’ve loved being his mom through all the stages of his life, and helps me remember the ‘little years’ and keep them close in my pondering nostalgia, too, even as I am filled with wonder to watch him as a new dad with his own little one.

 

Another precious memory is as a brand new mom with our first born son, you know how in those early first few months you can be so tired and the middle of the night wakenings can be so exhausting, but I remember rocking my sweet boy, too tired or emotional to know how or what to pray in those early morning hours, and singing the first hymn that would come to mind, which for some reason was very often, “There is a Fountain.” I remember so many nights singing, sometime though tears, loving my little newborn. Well, many years later, when this little guy was no longer little, but taller than me and standing next to me in church  as a teenager, and we sang this song and he turned to me and said, “I love this song.” That filled my heart, this song, whether he consciously remembered it or not, had been planted into him and it was good.

And then there’s our youngest, our daughter, who when she was little loved to twirl and dance to whatever praise music I had on at any given moment. Music has been a sweet part of our lives.

 So, young moms and dads, sing. Fill your homes with song. When you feel like it, and especially when you don’t. It’s sweet in the moment, and it will turn your heart to Jesus when you need Him so much, and it will fill your heart in years to come when you remember those sweet days fondly. I cherish the memories and sometimes miss my days of parenting little ones, even as I’m so incredibly thankful I get to be part of their lives as they blossom into the precious adults God is molding them to be, and how excited I am to get to be Grammy to this new little one, and those who will one day come into our family. What an amazing gift it is to be mom to these incredible people.

Meditating on The Word - Navigating Our New Life Season

 While reading Genesis 1-2 yesterday morning, I got to thinking about Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” It had never occurred to me before that this is before the fall, before sin entered the world. Which is significant. This means that this concept of a man leaving his father and mother and joining his wife is inherently good, good by design, which also means, if we think this through, that the so-called “empty nest” is a good and proper and expected thing, good and designed to be the way families work before the fall. It means that this is something that is in how our Creator has designed us and our relationships with each other. The thing is, though, that the fall and our now sin nature taints everything. We tend to take something beautiful and good and right and forget how to live in it as good and beautiful and right.

My husband and I are entering the phase of life where we are about to be empty-nesters, with one son having gotten married last May, one son who, having become recently engaged and will, Lord willing, most likely be married before the end of this year, and our youngest daughter about to graduate high school and, again, Lord willing, planning to leave for college in the Fall.  As I meditate on this biblical thought here at the beginning of a new year and at the cusp of our new season of life, I want to think and behave righteously.  Also, as I meditate on this, I find myself thinking about it from a different angle than I did as a newly wed just starting out and learning how to start our new family together. Now I’m thinking about it, not from the standpoint of the one leaving, but of the one being left.

How often do we see the “empty nest” concept as a negative thing, as something to mourn and complain about, among our friends and on our social media and in our entertainment?

 In our fallenness, we are prone to a self-centered, selfish way of viewing life, and we often don’t even realize it. I know for a fact, as I sit here at the beginning of this season of life, that I did not consider my parents and in-laws enough in how they might be experiencing our leaving and cleaving.  I think, through the years, we have had a pretty good relationship with our respective parents, and I am very grateful for that. But there can sometimes be a tendency as we spread our wings to see our parents more as adversaries as we break free rather than as allies to help us fly. It can be especially hard for the in-law relationship if we, as young people, forget that these people loved and raised our spouse, have sought the best interests of our spouse, loved them as a tiny baby and loved them as they grew to adulthood, and love them still now that they are leaving the nest to go start their own nest.  

On the other hand, we parents can have just as much of a tendency to be self-centered and selfish, because we, too, are sinners. Again, how many times have you known people in real life and in our movies and TV shows who cling too hard to their grown children or who meddle too much or make demands/expectations or offer too much unsolicited/unwelcome comments or who just make it difficult for adult children to leave their parents and cleave to their spouses? There is a reason the meddling, difficult in-law joke is a common trope.

What I’m getting at is that as we navigate different life seasons, we would do well to remember that this notion of children growing up and leaving father and mother to form their own home and family is not an evil, not a thing to mourn, but to embrace, celebrate, and handle wisely. It is good. But as we remember this, we also need to remember that in our sinfulness, we can ruin that good thing if we do not have the right attitude about it and forget that all good things are meant to glorify our God and help us to enjoy Him in this life.

While pondering these things, I also read Proverbs 1 yesterday, where I came across verse 8-9, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching; indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments about your neck.” So, I got to thinking about this in light of the Genesis 2:24 verse, that leaving and cleaving doesn’t mean forgetting all that came before. Our parents loved us, taught us, raised us, and, hopefully, if done well, we still want them to be part of our lives. They don’t stop loving us and wanting what’s best for us when we grow up and leave the nest. The training and instruction they instilled in us during our growing up doesn’t lose its importance when we leave their home. But the relationship does change. Hopefully, if we are both wanting to seek God and honor Him, we can move from having the authority relationship of parent to child to having more of a friendship of parent to adult child. 

So, as I follow the encouragement my pastor gave us on Sunday to meditate on God’s Word, and as I enter this season of parent to adult children, having once been that young adult child and now the parent of young adult children, here are a few thoughts I would like to consider, for the young just starting out and for me, the older person wanting to honor the Lord and love my sons and daughter well (and the new daughters who love my sons and the, hopefully one day, young man, who will love my daughter) as they learn to spread their wings.

As a young person, try really hard not to start out viewing your parents and in-laws as adversaries who you need to immediately set up boundaries against.  Try seeing them as allies who love your spouse and want very much to love you. We parents will make mistakes. We won’t want to, but we will. Please be patient with us as we seek to be patient with you. Please choose to assume the very best motives you can, rather than assuming bad motives. How you choose to see your parents and in-laws will very much color how you are able to hear, see, interact, and love them. This is something I wish I had understood better when I was young.

As a parent, God helping me and looking to Jesus, my Savior, and trusting the Holy Spirit as He conforms me to the image of Christ, I intend to choose to treat my children and their spouses as allies, not adversaries, and to try very hard not to give them reason to feel we are adversaries rather than allies. Again, how we assume motives goes a long way to how we then interact with each other. I must always put the best construction on comments and actions that I possibly can, assume the best and choose never to hold a grudge. Our family is not shrinking because our kids are flying from the nest, it is expanding. We get to love new people who, though different, are very, very special and worth knowing well. I intend to see the empty nest, not as a time to grieve what was when the kids were little and life was very busy with all their activities, but as a new season in which to find new interests and new traditions and new places and people in which to serve God’s Kingdom.  I intend to encourage my kids in positive ways, and to try very hard not to put undue expectations or burdens on them. Of course I hope in the years to come that they will want to spend time with us, so I am praying often that I will invest in being the kind of person they will want to spend time with. I don’t want to hinder that for them or make it difficult to love us, and I also very much want them to be free to start their lives together, with our blessing, not our complaining.

May we seek to honor God in how we love each other. May we be loving, forgiving, full of grace and understanding as we navigate new seasons of life together, because we have been forgiven so much by our loving Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am entering this new year of 2024 very grateful for the people God has graciously brought into our lives through the years. May we love them all well. 

A Few Thoughts and a Book Recommendation

 

A few weeks ago, my husband gently told me that his boss was having a drop-in open house, and knowing how uncomfortable these things are for me, he said that we didn't need to stay long but he felt we really needed to make an appearance. So, because I love him, I didn't follow my first panicky thought and beg him to go without me and we went, and I tried my best to put on my smile and make small talk with people I've never met before, something I really, really, really am not good at doing. Oh, how thankful I was for the kind woman there, who also didn't know many people at this particular gathering, who, whether she took pity on my discomfort or just saw me as a sympathetic ear, engaged me in conversation and kept that conversation going and seemed to enjoy carrying the burden of the conversation and drawing me in in spite of my own awkwardness.  I told my husband later, nothing makes me feel quite so much like the most boring, dull person on the planet as these kinds of gatherings, where there is no structure and I don't know anyone well enough to not have my mind go completely blank.  I am not good at small talk, no matter how much I try to make myself.  I have to consciously remind myself not to cross my arms in self-protective posture that telegraphs discomfort and to smile and to relax. It is all I can do to not show all that on my face and try to make my brain come up with reasonably chatty things to talk about so I don't come off like a complete ninny. At least that's what the angsty agony feels like inside my head.

So, when I came across the book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, and I tried to remember where I heard about it and I'm not sure if maybe it was recommended on Goodreads, or a podcast, or where I saw it, but it intrigued me. 

I love this book. I understand myself and my temperament and so many experiences from my past much better after reading it, and I understand my children better, too. We are a family of introverts, to one degree or another - and that is not a bad thing, not a thing that needs to be cured,  contrary to the constant, and I think often unconscious and well-intentioned, messaging our culture subtly throws at us all the time. Managed, probably so when it manifests as social anxiety like I had at that gathering, learn how to appreciate the strengths and shore up the weaknesses, absolutely, but cured and changed and forced to be something we are not (an extrovert) altogether, no. I especially liked the exploration of whether innate temperament is necessarily destiny, and the investigation of how the different temperaments are wired to process new information in terms of sensitivity. I resonated with a lot of that discussion. I won't rewrite it all here, but read the book. It is fascinating. 

In fact, I resonate with a whole lot of what the author explores in this book.  I found myself crying in the last chapter where she discusses "How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World That Can't Hear Them," especially in the look at how school is overwhelmingly geared and designed for the more extroverted person and how difficult it is for the introverted to shine under that structure and how often their special and unique strengths are overlooked and overshadowed by their louder, more outgoing peers.  I cried a little for how deeply I resonated with her scenarios from my own experiences,  and a lot for how close to home it hits from things my own children have experienced.  I am still struggling with anger towards  a certain teacher my daughter had last year and how her preference for the popular, more extroverted students led to my quiet, sweet, sensitive, intelligent daughter by the end of the year describing her struggle with the class participation part of that class and through heartbroken tears describing how hard she was trying to perform to the expectations and how demoralized she felt everyday and how she hated to go to that class and telling me she hates a subject that usually is a favorite one for her. Class participation grade was more about personality than about actual contribution, and that was obvious from several examples she shared with me. I found myself wishing I could hand this book to that teacher and plead with her to read it and have compassion and understanding for students like my daughter. In that last chapter, the author gives some practical advice for parents and for educators in how to nurture both temperament types rather than defaulting to the pervasive "Extrovert Ideal" which so defines our culture. This quote, from the thoughts for teachers that she lists, "Don't think of introversion as something that needs to be cured. If an introverted child needs help with social skills, teach her or recommend training outside of class, just as you'd do for a student who needs extra attention in math or reading.  But celebrate these kids for who they are," had me ready to jump out of my seat yelling, "YES!" She shared that the typical comment on report cards is how they wish the student would talk more in class, and that is so frustrating to me.  They always want more, but don't recognize when that introspective, quiet kid is trying to be more, it's never good enough.  You can see this is a sore spot for me. Enough on that from me. I appreciated this chapter very much, and I appreciated that the author's tone is much more positive and helpful than my little almost rant here. 

And the conclusion of the book was beautifully written, also making me cry. Overall, though I may not agree with every single jot and tittle, I resonated with almost all of this book. I highly recommend it.  I really wish everyone who teaches or manages or spends time with people at all would read this and understand that both extroverts AND introverts have beautiful strengths and weakness that are worth cultivating, understanding, and nurturing, not seen as a detriment to be fixed.  We need each other, we need the varied ways of looking at the world. A balance of both temperaments is necessary and we need to be better at understanding each other, learning from each other,  and giving each other space to be. This very positive, well-researched and wonderfully readable book is a gift, and I recommend it. 

Time is Weird, Sing for Joy

I was on my way home from dropping my daughter off at high school the other day and I saw a sign advertising for a local flag football team.  Out of the blue tears threatened and I thought, “We don’t have anyone in our house that can apply to anymore, and we haven’t for a while now.”  Here’s the weird part, do I want right now to be running kids around to flag football, upward basketball, and all the other stuff we were busy doing when they were little? Not really. But sometimes I am hit with a kind of wistfulness that we are past having kids that age now. 

Time is so weird. When I started this blog, my youngest was not even a year old. That little one is the 15-year-old high school student I was dropping off the other day, and her brothers are basically mostly out of the nest, away at college, the oldest just starting grad school this semester. In some ways the me I was when, with trepidation and trembling fingers, I hit “post” on that very first tentative venture into the great unknown of sharing my thoughts from my little corner of the internet and I started this blog seems a lifetime ago - so much growing, maturing, and so many moves and packings and unpackings and joys and sorrows and more great unknowns and just living were still ahead of us then. And even blogging was a whole different thing back then. The lonely mom with three busy littles at home needed that little blog community we had back in the day. That kind of blogging doesn’t really exist anymore, and sometimes I miss it a little.  

This song came on my play list yesterday and it took me back to when my middle boy was about 4 years old and he would sing this thing with joy while strapped in his carseat in the back of the minivan. I would be lying if I said there weren’t moments when I miss that little guy singing in the back of the minivan. One of the weird things about time is that when I get these wistful feelings I can sometimes spiral into wondering, did I make the most of those years? Did I enjoy them enough? Was I too serious about things I should have been able to laugh about more? Did I do all I should have done to train up my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? But those wistful moments don’t last long. They don’t last long because I look at the young man that little guy has become and the young man his older brother has become and the sweet young lady their little sister is becoming, and I realize that these precious people have moved from being my littles who I got to raise to being friends I get to enjoy and to enjoy watching them spread their wings and shine, and I’m thankful.  So incredibly thankful.

Time is weird because in some ways it goes so slowly when we are in the moments, but when we look back it almost takes our breath away to see where we’ve come and how quickly it seems to have gotten here, and how different we are today from yesterday. I really can’t wrap my head around the fact that this little blog has existed on this little corner of the web for 15 years. I really can’t even wrap my head around how fast those 15 years seem to have gone. And I can't really wrap my head around how different I am from the me I was in those yesterday years. The days are long, but the years are swift. 

As I’m thinking about these things, I am also remembering a dear friend who went home to be with the Lord this week. She was one of the most joy-filled people I’ve ever known.  She loved Jesus so deeply, and she took her walk with Him very seriously, and man, she knew how to live.  She just overflowed with the fragrance of Christ and she lived and loved and laughed so well.  I want to remember my friend and I want to be more like her. 

I heard a sermon several years ago that very much has stuck with me, from Ecclesiastes talking about how we can enjoy the portion God has given us. My friend did that so well. 

When I was younger, I struggled a lot with some not great teaching from certain Christian circles about how we need to do big things for God, do more, try harder, do better. I wasted much time worrying about missing my calling and that I didn’t know what big thing I was supposed to be doing and I felt so much pressure about that.  Then one day I realized, my big thing was right here, raising my littles, being the wife my husband needed, taking care of our home so he was freed to do the things he needed to do to take care of us, and I realized, the big thing I need to be doing is to honor God in all I do, to live full out for Jesus right where He has planted me. As I look at my kids who aren’t littles anymore and who have become treasured friends, I realize this is has been, and still is, a good portion. 

So, as I’m thinking about the weirdness of time and that weird wistfulness I feel sometimes, I’m reminded again of the joy of knowing that I can find joy and glorify God with the portion He has given me today. I can live this life with joy and fullness, loving Jesus every step of the way, and in every season and twist and turn of life. What abundance His joy and grace and new mercies are every single day.  And I’m so very thankful. 

Long Days, Short Years

 When I started this blog in 2006, I had three littles running around, our youngest not even a year old yet.  Back in those early days of blogging I wrote more about my kids, but as they grew older, I wrote about them less and less, beginning to come to understand that the older they grew, the more their stories weren't mine to tell on my blog. The focus of the blog, such as it is, changed over the years.  Back when blogging was a new thing, we formed little communities of similar interests and we shared each others' posts and encouraged each other, 'meeting' people in our blogging communities we might never have otherwise known.  Sometimes I kind of miss those days, but you really can't "go home again." Things changed, we changed, the world changed, our kids grew up, the nature of blogging drifted into more of developing your brand and specific focuses rather than the lonely musings of Christian moms seeking community and connection, we drifted away to more personal social media platforms or left the blogging world all together and let the younger, hipper, more brand-conscious influencers have at it. 

I've kept my little blog-journal open through the years, not because I think anyone is still reading, and not that I even want to build that kind of platform anymore, but because I still find it a useful place to hash out thoughts, and share them, just not as often, and not for nearly as many people - if anyone besides my parents and a few Facebook friends even see it anymore.  That's been freeing, too. No pressure to post often, and now it's mostly a place for me to keep track of what I'm reading. The downside is that with the change in the way we blog, I've also dropped off from making very interesting content, hardly ever. 

Anyway, the thing I got to thinking about today is that in a few days one of those children who was little when I started this blog, what doesn't feel all that long ago, but when you look at the dates is longer ago than I can wrap my head around, is turning 20. As of Friday, I will have two who are no longer teenagers.

That little cliche you hear all the time has truth to it: The days are long, but the years are short. Back when I was a lonely stay-home mom starting this blog, there were plenty of days I couldn't imagine anything other than those long days, and I even got a little bit irritated with people who constantly said things like, "Enjoy every day, every moment, they just go so fast." I knew that was true, but it felt burdensome to be constantly asking, "Am I really enjoying this moment as much as I should? Will I regret that I didn't do more?" And yes, there are things I regret.  There are many more things I'm thankful for, though. I've learned through the years not to beat myself up about wondering if I'm making the most of every little thing, and just learning to live and to love Jesus and know Him more, whatever comes that day. And most of all, I'm thankful for the grace God has lavished on our life as I look back and see how He guided me through all those long days and short years. 

I can honestly say that I've enjoyed my kids, all along the way. And I really and truly enjoy them immensely today, now that two of them are adults and the youngest is quickly catching up to them. I may look back and lose my breath at how quickly these years have slipped away, but I will never say they weren't full. And what a blessing it is to have children who are growing into really cool adults, who are just plain fun to talk to now. 

I've shared this song before, but I just love it. I think of it whenever I think of my boys who are no longer my littles, but who have grown to be my friends. 

God has been so very kind, and I am grateful. 

Resilient

Resilient: adjective

1. springing back; rebounding.
2. returning to the original form or position after being bent, compressed, or stretched.
3. recovering readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyant.

*This is me being a little raw, so it may not stay up for very long.*

I have come to rather dislike the word, “resilient.” I have grown a little weary of people encouraging us by saying how they have so much respect for my kids and my family and how we are so resilient and what amazing coping skills and wider horizons we’ve developed when I share the grief we experience when we have to move yet again. Yeah, they can be, and we can, but only because we’ve had to be, and in our case, most definitely by God’s amazing grace have we been able to ‘recover rapidly and spring back’ when we’re stretched. 

We aren’t fundamentally made of different stuff from other people.

I think what happens sometimes is that people see how quickly we adapt and jump right in to our new situation, and they assume that we are fine, better than fine. My kids seem so well-adjusted, so we must be used to this life. There’s so much there you don’t see, though.

When I sit crying with my weeping teenagers over the real, deep, wrenching grief of having to sever friendships with people they know they probably will never see again, it cuts deeply and rips my heart along with theirs. When people hesitate to become close with us because they know we’ll be leaving in a few years and we haven’t always been in this place, it’s lonely and it hurts. When people start pulling away emotionally even before we leave, and we unintentionally do the same, again, it’s a lonely place to be. And, contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t get easier with subsequent moves because we’ve gotten ‘used to it.’ No, if anything, it gets harder, because we know how long it takes for the ‘next adventure’ to finally start to feel like ‘home.’ 

That’s not to say there hasn’t been a lot of good that has come with moving often.  There has.  It’s also not to say that I resent my lot in life or don’t accept God’s sovereignty over it all, or that I’m at all ungrateful.  I am so very grateful.  All those things you hear about - that resilience word I’m resenting at the moment, for one, my kids and I have, indeed, learned it. And it’s a good thing. My husband and I and our kids have developed a close-knit love and respect for each other that runs deep and has rich roots in our mutual faith in Christ that I cherish deeply. We have made real friendships with people in lots of places we never would have met if we’d not had to move, some who we still stay in contact with. It’s true that my kids have a much wider understanding of the world and ability to talk to and befriend people who are different from them and who think differently than I did at their age. We’ve had lasting and deep and meaningful friendships with our church families everywhere we’ve gone, and how incredibly thankful I am for this! Christ’s church has been a blessing to us, and Christ is the absolute anchor for my soul, always, no matter where we go. And that matters way more than some ‘stiff upper lip, grin-and-bear-it’ sort of resilience that anyone who moves a lot has to learn. No, what I have in Christ is a real peace that passes all understanding, a knowledge that no matter how lonely, no matter how full of grief, we are not alone, and we are called to glorify and enjoy Him in all things.  There is meaning and purpose in embracing our portion and seeking to honor Christ, even in this.  

But in those moments when I’m struggling with the grief, and even harder, with the grief my kids are experiencing, please don’t comfort me by telling me how you respect our resilience.  I’m not feeling all that resilient at the moment. I’m feeling pretty broken, in fact. I’m feeling pretty empty of words. One of the most meaningful ways a friend ministered to me the other day when I broke down in tears and told her this is the hardest move we’ve ever done was to just stop, open her arms and hug me while I cried, no words necessary. 

What I need to remember again and again and again is how Jesus, my perfect and great and loving Shepherd binds up the broken hearted. Pray for us to love our children well and, while we cannot shield them from the sadness and difficulty of yet another move and all the emotionally difficult things that come with it, we can help them to also know they can cling to the One who perfectly understands all the emotions we can barely put into words. 

Psalm 34:18 

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Advice For My Teenage Sons and Daughter

Over the past several days, watching national news on TV, these thoughts have been heavy on my heart, and I am going to use my blog space to work them out. These are things I most want my not-so-young-anymore children to hear often and hopefully grasp and take to heart. 

Number one, and this is the absolutely most important thing I want to share with my children, if they hear nothing else, please let them hear this: Love Jesus. Know Him. Pursue Christ and His Kingdom first and foremost and most of all. Recognize your need for His salvation. We have all sinned, every single one of us, we have all gone astray, no one is righteous, no not one. (Isaiah 53:4-6, Romans 3:23). Jesus is the ONE and only mediator between God and man. He is the only way to be reconciled, made right and restored to right fellowship with God. While we were yet sinners, rebels against our Creator, Christ died for us and He rose again, just as the Scriptures said. He lived a sinless life, fulfilled all of God’s law, and suffered the wrath of God that our sin deserves on the cross for us. Through repenting of our sin and trusting in His sacrificial death which satisfied God’s wrath against our sin and His resurrection to life, we have Jesus as our High Priest and we can go before God with confidence, forgiven and made a new creation, fit to live for Him.  And knowing this, know that He has demonstrated the greatest love for you! Learn to rest all your hope in that love! Learn to love Him and rejoice in Him, knowing that in Christ there is no longer any condemnation for those who have placed their trust in Him alone, and you have been set free from the power of sin.  (Hebrews 4:14-16, 1 Timothy 2:5-6, 2 Corinthians 5:17-21, 1 Corinthians 15:1-11, Romans 5:8-11, Romans 8:1).

Number two: Never treat any sin lightly, but recognize it for the rebellion it is. “Boys will be boys,” or “Kids will be kids,” or “Aw, they’re just teenagers,” is NEVER an excuse for sin. First of all, sin is an offense against the God you were created to worship. Sin also has consequences, often long-reaching ones. If you ever laugh about sin, it will be that much harder to take it seriously. We are created to worship and glorify and enjoy God forever. When we have surrendered to Him as Lord, we are not our own. He is LORD. He has saved us from sin to live in a manner worthy of Him. Purpose in your heart to represent Him well and to repent quickly when you realize there is sin in your heart, thoughts, or actions. When you love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, you will become a person who hates your own sin. You must put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh. When you do sin, be quick to confess it and repent, knowing that it is God who works in you to will and to work His good pleasure as you work out your salvation, and confident that He is faithful and just to forgive you from all unrighteousness. (Ephesians 2:4-10, Ephesians 4:1-3, Philippians 1:27, Philippians 2:12-13, Colossians 1:10-14, Romans 13:14, 1 John 1:9)

Number three: Do not just “go to church.”  Be a faithful member of a Bible-teaching and believing, faithful, solid church. Go regularly, engage with and love the people, listen well to the teaching and apply it to your life as you search the Scriptures and embrace the Faith as your own, join in the mission of the Church to be a growing follower of Christ and to help others to become growing followers of Christ. (Philippians 1:27-2:4, Hebrews 1:24-25)

Number four: Read and esteem God’s word. How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to God’s word. Remember your Creator in the days of your youth. Set your mind on the things of the Lord and tune your thinking to accord with His word. Learn to discern truth from error and search the scriptures and measure all wisdom by the truth of His word and train yourself to love godly wisdom and discern the foolishness of worldly wisdom. Become very familiar with the book of Proverbs and hide God’s wisdom in your heart. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. (Psalm 119:9, Ecclesiastes 12:1, Proverbs 1:7, Colossians 1:6-8, Colossians 3:1-4, 2 Corinthians 10:5-6)

Number five: Treat other people with dignity and kindness, and live at peace with everyone as much as it is possible and as much as it depends upon you, not quarrelsome but a peacemaker, not seeking to hold a grudge or remember a wrong, but remembering how very much you have been forgiven and what mercy you have been shown by our Savior. The people you encounter are made in the image of God, and your character and how you treat them matters very much. God helping you, practice loving your neighbor as yourself and walk in humility, preferring others before yourself. Again, when you fail, run to your loving Savior quickly and repent, and be quick to apologize and to do what is right when you have wronged others. (Romans 12:18, 1 John 1:9, Ephesians 4:32, Philippians 2:1-11)

Number six: Choose your friends carefully. You very often are like the people you hang around most. Be kind to everyone as much as you possibly can, but make sure your closest friends and those with whom you share your heart are the kind of people who will not lead you into sin or distract you from following closely after Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:33-34, Ephesians 5:1-21 READ THIS!!)

Number seven: Choose who you date even more carefully, and treat them with respect. Character matters. Godly faithfulness matters. A biblical understanding of the gospel matters. Sex and sexual behavior are for marriage only, one man and one woman in covenant for life. You want to marry someone who loves Jesus and is first committed to Him. (Hebrews 13:4)

Number eight: Avoid all appearance of evil. Stay away from parties where drunkenness and sinful and undisciplined behavior are evident. If you find yourself in such a situation, leave! Sure, avoiding the parties may mean you aren’t hanging with the most popular kids. Being popular is not worth losing your reputation or your soul. I can’t help thinking that if the man in the news recently had not been known to frequent the types of parties where alcohol is present, then there would be no doubt cast upon his good name now. But he cannot say he never went to this type of party, only that he wasn’t at the one in question. And though this may not be a popular thing to say, same goes for girls. Protect yourself and stay away from these situations. Even as a teenager, live in such a way that your life is above reproach. What does it profit a man if he gain the whole world but lose his soul?  A good reputation is hard to recover once it is lost. Even more importantly, we are to be Kingdom minded people, sober minded, not wasting our lives frivolously. Cultivate the wisdom you want to be characterized by as an older adult by rejecting foolishness now in your youth and seeking wisdom. Getting drunk is not the character of a wise person. Flee youthful lusts and run toward wisdom. As I’ve watched the news this week, I couldn’t help being thankful for those lonely times when I didn’t fit in with the popular crowd that I thought at the time were a hard thing.  Living a life without that kind of regret is a thankful thing, and a life lived in integrity is a treasure and a testimony to the gracious God who has saved you. If you live from your youth in integrity, you do not have to fear false or other accusations that may surface in later years. (Genesis 39, Proverbs 22:1, Proverbs 20:7, 1 Thessalonians 5:22)

Number nine: Be careful with your words, they reflect on your character, even thirty years later. You don’t have to immediately say whatever comes to mind, and venting is not a virtue. It is my opinion that social media and smart phones have been more of a negative influence than a positive one for many reasons. Be wise and careful how you use them. It is so easy to sin with our words - and that includes typed words. Once our words are out there, we can’t take them back. Once words are typed or put on social media, they may be out there for years and years. Be careful how you present yourself online. Your character matters, and just because online communication feels more disconnected, it’s still your words and your character you’re showing. It is not true that words don’t hurt, but at the same time, refuse to take easy offense at the words of others. More on that in the next point. Avoid crass or blasphemous language, even if everyone else you know talks that way. We are to be light in the midst of a dark world, and one very powerful way to do this is to refuse to be foolish and choose to edify with your speech - spoken and written. But here again, when you blow it, run to Jesus. He is your Savior and your friend and your High Priest. Be quick to repent and quick to apologize for harmful words. (James 1:26, James 3:1-12, Proverbs 29:20, Proverbs 29:11, Ephesians 4:29)

Number ten: Be slow to take offense. Love is patient and kind and does not hold a grudge. You have been forgiven much, learn to be forgiving and treat others the way you would want them to treat you. Being offended is a choice. Assume the best for as long as you can, and put the best construction on what others say and do for as long as you can. Remember, as much as you are able, be at peace with others. Do not assume motives.  You cannot know what is in someone else’s heart. If you have an issue with someone, go to that person directly and seek either clarification or reconciliation, do not gossip to others. Learn not to think more highly of yourself than you ought to think and not to look down on other people.  Remember the parable of the prideful Pharisee and the humble tax collector - the tax collector prayed, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner! - and he went down to his house justified. (1 Corinthians 13, Luke 18:9-14, Matthew 18:15, Proverbs 20:19, Proverbs 11:13, Proverbs 16:28, Proverbs 26.20)

These are just a few morsels of wisdom I’ve been thinking over in light of the constant news coverage this past week. My husband and I were talking together about how much a good understanding and knowledge and application of the book of Proverbs could benefit a young person who determines to love the Lord wholeheartedly. In all these things, a healthy remembrance that we do not live this life in our own strength, but in surrender to the gracious love of God and the power of the Holy Spirit by faith in the redemption bought by the blood of Christ and the power of His resurrection. Hallelujah, what a Savior! 

 I close with this:

2 Corinthians 5:17-21 “17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come. 18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 

In light of all that, God helping you and in grateful joy, seek to live like who you are in Christ. 

The Lord is My Salvation

I have a new favorite song that I’ve been listening to on repeat lately, The Lord is My Salvation by Keith and Kristyn Getty. I was thinking that every once in a while I come across songs that make me think maybe I should compile of list of songs that I wouldn’t mind having played one day at my funeral.  I guess that sounds like a weird thing to think about, but given that we don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I do know Who holds tomorrow, and I know that some songs very eloquently express the kind of faith I have in Him, this is one of those songs that will go on my list if I ever write one. 

As I’ve listened to this song recently, I’ve been thinking about the names of my children.  All three of our children have biblical names.  The first born’s name means, “YAHWEH is salvation,” the second means, “Who is like the LORD?” and the third means, “Ewe,” and we’ve always told her she is our little lamb. 

I truly long for my children to know, really and truly know, that God is their salvation, JESUS is Lord and He delights to save sinners, to know that there is NO ONE like God, and to know that Jesus is the Great Good Shepherd, who loves His sheep, saving to the uttermost those who trust Him alone, that they can run to Him and cast all their burdens on Him and He is mighty to save. Jesus is the only name given among men by which we must be saved. 

The Lord is my salvation. Yes, and amen!

Honoring Our Father and Mother

This past weekend my brother and I and our families had the privilege of gathering together to celebrate my parents and their 50th wedding anniversary. What a blessing this was!  This past year has been full of some rather significant physical challenges, and I am incredibly thankful the Lord allowed us to have this weekend to honor our parents and celebrate together. It was wonderful to have all of us together, as we don’t get to do that very often with my family living so far away from everyone else. 

As we began thinking about what to do for this milestone occasion about a year or so ago, my brother told me of the project he wanted to do as a gift for them. Several years ago, my dad was teaching an adult Sunday School class at their church and working through the book of John, and he began sending his notes to my brother and me to share. My brother thought it would be a great thing to compile all those notes into a book format, and he worked for the better part of the year getting that accomplished.  What he produced was beautiful. We also wanted something to honor my mom’s art work, and we had the idea of taking some of her paintings and making a printed book of them for her. I think they were pleased with our gifts, and I’m so very thankful we got to spend the time with them that we did this weekend, celebrating God’s kindness and grace through 50 years of marriage. 

My brother did me the kindness of asking me, as the oldest child, to write the forward for what became the three volume set of “Lessons on The Gospel According to John.” I thought I’d like to share what I wrote here on my blog, as it is a small token of gratitude for the legacy God has graciously given our family:

The righteous who walks in his integrity - 

blessed are his children after Him!

Proverbs 20:7 

When my brother, Tim, first suggested this project as we were discussing our parents’ upcoming 50th wedding anniversary and what we could do to honor them, it seemed like a great idea.  As I’ve thought about it, what could be more fitting a tribute to what has been a driving and most important theme throughout their marriage than to honor their love for learning and teaching God’s Word? Yes, this project is my dad’s notes from the many months (years!) he spent teaching through the book of John with his adult Sunday School class at Faith Presbyterian Church. We have these notes because of his love for my brother and me and his wanting to share the truths he was learning and teaching with us, but the legacy of my and my brother’s lives is to have grown up with TWO gifted Bible teachers for parents. 

When my parents were a young married couple, they moved to the Space Coast of Florida as my dad began working at the Kennedy Space Center (my husband likes to tell people that his father-in-law is a real rocket scientist). Not only did that begin my dad’s professional career, but they quickly found First Baptist Church of Merritt Island, FL, where a dynamic preacher by the name of Adrian Rogers taught the Bible every week in a way my parents had never heard before. They loved it. They began growing spiritually and learning to study God’s Word and understand it better, and eventually to teach it. I remember my mom teaching children’s Sunday School and VBS for many years, and some of my earliest memories of that church were going over to the old Job building where my dad taught a couples class, and if I close my eyes, I can still smell that building and see some of those faces that I haven’t seen in years. My mom’s love for GA’s led her to teach it for a while when I was at the age to be in her group, and summer GA camp gave me some of my very first tastes of what it means to study the Bible and have my own quiet time in the Word. Later my mom went on to teach a women’s class, and even when I would come home on college breaks, I preferred going to her class than back to the youth and college class. I still remember her taking one lesson to diagram the first sentence of the book of Hebrews - ever the English teacher, as well.

Growing up in our home, my brother and I knew how important the Bible was to my parents because they talked about what they were learning all the time. I used to like to say it was part of the warp and woof of our life. It’s not so much that we had tons of ‘formal’ Bible training times, but that as they learned and grew, they talked about it - either to each other and around us, or directly to us, but always we knew how precious the truths of God’s Word were to them. So much of what I know about the Bible was caught just by growing up in a home where these things were not just something we heard on Sunday then put up on a shelf until the next week, but they were life to my parents. And believe, me, children notice these things. For my mom and dad, the Christian faith is everything. They love Jesus and they love His word, and they talk about what matters. 

When my parents discovered the doctrines of grace as they studied the Bible and prepared to teach, it brought them, eventually, great peace. Though the journey eventually led them away from the church that had been home for so many years, God graciously brought them to a new home at Faith Presbyterian, where my brother and I have watched them bloom. As my mom said, finally the pieces fit and she had been given the key for which she had been looking. God is so kind to His people! 

How thankful I am to have that legacy. The older I get, the more people I meet, the more thankful I am that God placed me in a home where my parents were real. They are not perfect people, there are no perfect families, but they are real and they love the Lord and His Word, and He has granted them both the gift to teach it well, and they have loved my brother and me through all of our ups and downs, and I’m so grateful God gave us these parents and this family. How thankful I am to have heard the gospel early and young and to have the example of two people who weren’t merely nominally interested, but invested in His Word. It is an immense blessing to a child to grow up in a home where Jesus is Lord and her parents are seeking to honor Him, where the faith is a part of who we are, not just an add on or something we do on Sundays. To this day, when I have biblical questions, I know I can go to my mom and dad and they will either be able to answer them or know how to search it out. They have modeled this since we were children, and their counsel and advice was biblical and practical.  For this I am grateful.

With these volumes we get to share the notes my dad shared with my brother and me as he was teaching the rich book of John. John is the book we often counsel new believers to read first, as it is so rich and such a glorious portrait of the Deity and majesty of Christ. My dad was excited to share his notes with us since we were far away raising our own families and couldn’t sit in on his classes except for the rare times we got to visit, and now, my brother has labored in love to set them into a bound series of volumes that we can present as a gift to honor my parents as they celebrate 50 years of marriage. We also felt that a fitting tribute would be to print some of my mother’s paintings on the bindings of these volumes, and for that we chose three that seemed fitting for John, “The Word” with the Greek LOGOS, “The Last Trumpet,” and “Faith Station Church” from her series of church paintings. 

Mom and Dad, from both Tim and me, thank you for loving us and always being ‘on our side,’ and for modeling faithfulness in marriage, and most importantly, thank you for pointing us to Jesus. That is the greatest gift any parent can give their children, and you have done it well, continuing on to your grandchildren, who share in this wonderful legacy.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad, with much love. Thank You, Lord Jesus, for the blessing of a Christian home. I am more grateful than I can ever adequately express. 

Thoughts I've Had While Listening to "The Sound of Silence"

I have always liked the Simon & Garfunkel song, “The Sound of Silence.” Until recently, if you had asked my opinion, I would have said I don’t think anyone else could do it justice, but then I heard the version that the band Disturbed has recorded.  My teenage son assures me I would not like Disturbed’s other music, and I’ll just go ahead and take his word for it, since he knows about these things. :-) One other version I loved recently happened during a marching band performance from one of the high school bands at the one and only competition we went to this year. The band played some of “The Sound of Silence,” and then, with the echo and overtones of the last chord played ringing in the stadium, stood on the field in complete silence for several seconds before playing again.  It was musically and emotionally very powerful.  But I’m digressing far from my point.  I do like this version of “The Sound of Silence” that I’m posting under this paragraph very much,  as it captures well a sense of heart wrenching alienation as it begins softly and builds in intensity. Something about the pathos of his voice and the musical arrangement captures the angst of the alienation that I think we are seeing more and more in our culture.

Paul Simon wrote this song in the 1960’s, capturing his own generation’s angst and alienation, but I think he was sort of a cultural prophet, too, because every time as I listen to the words and tone of the song, I can’t help but think of the whirlwind of alienation we are reaping upon ourselves with our smartphones/devices and social media. 

Look at this stanza:

“And in the naked light I saw

Ten thousand people, maybe more

People talking without speaking

People hearing without listening

People writing songs that voices never share

No one dared

Disturb the sound of silence.”

Does that not describe what happens on Facebook and Twitter a hundred thousand times a day? We are more connected than ever in this generation, yet the depth of those connections is superficial at best in most cases. When I first joined Facebook almost nine years ago (I actually had to go check because I can’t believe it’s been that long), it was only after resisting for a long while and I only joined because people from my old high school were working on a reunion and looking for people and someone (my brother, I think) said someone had contacted him looking for me. So I joined, thinking it might be a neat way to keep up with people from the past, especially since we move so often. And that part has been pretty cool. But, one of the griefs of my life is that I’ve found, while it’s cool to stay in touch, the closeness of the friendship is just not the same when we aren’t able to be face-to-face friends anymore. People I was very close to when we were able to go to lunch together and spend time in each other’s homes, just aren’t able to seem as close and well-known once we move away, even though we all post on Facebook and like each others’ statuses. Something is lost.  And then when you factor in the ‘friends’ or people you follow on Twitter (or any social media platform) who you don’t actually know in real life and watch the way conversations tend to go on social media, you begin to see that there are an awful lot of people talking without speaking and hearing without listening, when you see how quickly such conversations can go sour. The silence that ensues from that kind of communication is the alienation of misunderstanding and talking past each other and the depression that can cause to descend, because the nature of the medium just does not lend itself to true conversation and understanding.  It just doesn’t.  And it is frustrating, because I believe we all long to be heard and understood and known and truly connected, not this false connection that social media fosters. It makes promises it just cannot deliver, like clouds that never bring rain. 

But that’s not all. My thoughts as I listen to this song drift along in other directions, too.

Take a look at this phrase:

“And the people bowed and prayed

To the neon god they made.”

I bet you can guess where I’m going with this one, but what comes to mind every time I hear this is the generation of smartphone zombies we’ve cultivated. When was the last time you were in a room with random strangers when the majority weren’t lost in the glow of a personal screen? When was the last time you were sitting in a restaurant and you didn’t see people sitting at the same table together, but lost in their own little private worlds, looking at their phones, not talking to the person right at the table with them? Do you even remember a time when you could strike up a friendly conversation in a waiting room or grocery store line because people weren’t consumed with their own private little world? Do you remember people actually smiling at each other or just noticing someone else was even there in such cases? Have you ever been walking along in the grocery store and seen many someones oblivious to the fact that anyone else was there because they were so engrossed in their private little smartphone worlds? In moments when we have to wait, what’s our first inclination? Pull out that phone and start scrolling or texting, right? It’s unthinkable that we might take that time and let boredom steer our minds to actually have to think on our own, or, gasp, actually talk to someone else. 

And then there is this: Want to try a scary little experiment? Take a walk down one of the busier streets in your neighborhood and count how many of the cars that drive by have a driver who is looking at a phone. I do this regularly and It’s quite terrifying. We’ve allowed ourselves to become addicted and enslaved to the dopamine hit of ever constant ‘new’ information. Only most of what we’re so enthralled with isn’t all that important, but we’re addicted, nonetheless.  Try leaving your phone at home sometime, or, hey, just leave it in the other room. See how long you can stand it.

We’ve opened a Pandora’s box with our constant connectivity that I’m not sure we can close again. And I’m right there in the thick of it, too, I’m not pointing any fingers that aren’t coming squarely back at me. 

I’ve seen studies that seem to point to a correlation in the rise in depression and suicide among our youth to the incidence of most people owning a smartphone. I think this bears some serious consideration. Is it possible, likely even, that with our constant connectivity we have sacrificed real, deep friendships for shallow ones, which means we are actually more alienated than ever? Is it possible that in the name of being more social, we’ve actually become much more consumed with ourselves, our image? We’ve become so consumed with taking the best selfies and posting the very best about ourselves and making sure our image is attractive that we aren’t really thinking about much of anything else, except maybe how offended we are about the current issue of the day and how we can best virtue signal how aware we are and how in tune we are with the current politically correct opinions. Are we more consumed with what we want to say than with how our words may affect other people? Are we more concerned with seeming to be in step with the culture than we are in thinking deeply about issues and searching the Bible to inform our thoughts rather than what the latest social issue people demand our thoughts should be? Don’t you see how quickly a social media thread can degenerate into unkind and unfair accusations and assumptions? Do you often walk away from reading social media feeling better about people? 

Granted this is anecdotal, but I heard a story the other day that shocked me and made me very, very sad.  I was talking to a realtor who told me that when she shows houses, very often her clients would prefer to text her their questions rather than ask them in person. I looked at her funny, and said, “You mean when they are right there in the room with you?” She said, “Yes.” I don’t know how common this actually is, but it is something she has experienced often enough that she was telling the story, and that just seems heartbreaking to me. Are we truly raising a generation that has lost even the barest minimum of social skills necessary to carry on a real conversation? Are we truly raising a generation that has lost the ability to have face-to-face, true relationships? Are we truly raising a generation that can’t enjoy a special moment without posting it, without having to seek the affirmation of their thousands of social media ‘friends?’  Are we truly raising a generation that has lost the skill of making genuine, deep friendships that do not have to be validated and upheld by Snapchat? Are we becoming so lost in our own little private worlds that we are missing the in-the-flesh people and needs all around us?

 I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and I think part of what we lost in the Fall is the ability to truly be transparent and real with each other. No longer can we be naked and unashamed, not even emotionally. And now instead of being God-focused and others-focused, we are consumed with ourselves. Yet, don’t we long for true community and real connectedness? Don’t we long to know and be known? Isn’t that the draw of social media, that we can feel that what we have to say matters to someone, anyone? Isn’t that why we overshare the mundane details of our lives all over social media? Getting real and personal here, but perhaps, isn’t that why I’m writing this blog? To share my thoughts with someone who might listen? 

A few of us ladies were having a discussion recently about friendships among Christian women. One lady was lamenting the fact that it is hard to get past the surface where everyone seems so ‘perfect’ to where you can share what’s real with other women. That is part of what we, as the church, should be able to do better than anyone else. We are called to love one another. That involves getting to actually know one another. We have to let down some of those walls and actually speak and listen, even and especially when it’s uncomfortable. We need community. We long for it. We may not ever experience it perfectly this side of Heaven, but we who love Jesus should be striving for it among our brothers and sisters. Have you noticed how very often believers are described as family and as a Body together? Together.  I think we need to think long and hard about how important it is to put down our personal screens, spend less time cultivating our online pseudo community, look up, and expend the energy and even the sacrifices to get to know the few people we have in our real life circles, face-to-face. We are created for community. The second greatest commandment is to love our neighbors as ourselves.

One way I’ve found that is refreshing and beneficial in building this kind of face-to-face community is to sit with a few friends and share scripture together and pray together, sharing our deepest heart desires as we pray fervently. This builds deep, Christ-centered friendship in a way social media never can. Taking a meal together and sharing our hearts over coffee and biblical wisdom, phones carefully tucked away, leads to much richer connection than hours staring at a glowing screen ever can. Another way to build the kind of true connection we long for is to serve together, striving side by side for the sake of the gospel - the good news that Jesus came to save sinners and reconcile us to God. He lived a perfect life and fulfilled God’s law for us, He died on the cross and rose again. By His blood we can be declared righteous and freed from the penalty of our sin, freed from the curse, and freed to love God and love others. We need flesh and blood friendships. We don’t need hundreds or thousands of ‘likes’ on our social media posts to affirm us. We need to be looking out, away from ourselves to others, to serving and loving others well, as we talk face to face and share real life experiences together. 

So, while I like that song, I don’t so much like the alienation masquerading as connectivity that so clearly marks this world my kids are growing up into. May I be one who seeks to look up and out and love well the people God has placed near me. May I be more concerned with loving others than I am with feeding my own pride. And that very well may mean posting and reading less and less on my social media platforms, and learning to be wise and teaching my children to be wise about how we use those platforms and not asking of them more than they can deliver. So be it.