I Thank God....

“For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.” - Romans 7:14-15

“I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.” - Romans 7:21-25

I hesitate to share this post today, because inevitably I fear it may be misunderstood. Due to the nature of blog posts I can’t really say everything I’ve been pondering on this topic or give it a full treatment. Have you ever noticed that you can say something, it’s clear in your mind what you mean to be saying, but if you don’t list out everything you are not saying, some people misunderstand the main point? But I’ve been pondering and pondering and I need to write and ponder some more. And I fear the blog just may languish and die a death of disuse if I don’t write something. So here goes.

I find that the longer I walk the Christian life, the more I find I am much more sinful than I had ever realized. Actually, I think it’s that I become more sensitive to the true nature of sin. It’s kind of like an onion. You no sooner have a layer peeled away when your eyes are opened to something else in your life that is ugly and un-Christlike and needs to be repented of. Actually, it reminds me a lot of that scene in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader from C.S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia where Aslan is delivering Eustace from his dragon skin. Aslan tells Eustace to use his claws to scrape away the skin, and several times Eustace does so, and it’s painful, but no sooner does he do it but he realizes he hasn’t gotten all of it yet. Finally Aslan takes his own claws and digs deeply, very painfully, and scrapes away the rest of the vile and ugly dragon skin. I’ve always liked that metaphor. Though it may not be a perfect picture, it is helpful.

Having our eyes opened to the things in our hearts and lives that need to be purged can be painful. More and more I find that I am just sickened at what I find when God opens my eyes to more of my heart and yet another prideful attitude is revealed or I gain a deeper understanding of some sinful thought pattern or habit that needs agreeing with God about the fact that it is, indeed, sin....not a mistake, not an error in judgment, not a “I probably shouldn’t have said, thought, done this,” but sin. It’s agreeing with God and repenting when He graciously opens my eyes in some area. It’s allowing my heart to be broken over the offenses that I now see to be offenses which in the past I didn’t recognize or even realize were there at all.

I’m not talking here about perfectionism. What I’m trying to get at is sanctification. From what I understand at this point, this is the lifelong growing in grace that should characterize a submitted follower of Jesus Christ.

I find it humbling to realize God’s tender mercy that He does gently open my eyes, painful though it often is, and grants me the faith to agree with Him and repent and continue to grow toward holiness, to be conformed to the image of Christ Jesus.

Another thing that kind of sickens me is when you see a fellow Christian honestly confessing that they are a wretch, you often see people coming back and, well-intentioned I’m sure, say, “Oh, you’re not that bad! You’re a good person!” I understand the intent, but really, I’m not sure that’s the right response. It is not a bad thing to recognize our poverty before a holy God. I know enough of my heart to know that, no, I’m really not a good person on my own. I am declared righteous in Christ, and in that declaration I have a future and a sure and solid hope, and I am becoming righteous by His grace. Because it is in His grace that we have hope, not in our pitiful ‘goodness.’ I once had someone I don’t know comment on a blog post I had written about something that I recognized in my own life and was dealing with, and the commenter asked if I was judging myself that harshly did I also judge others so harshly that I saw with the same fault?

This isn’t about judging other people or looking for their faults and holding them up to a microscope. This is about being honest before God and seeking to agree with Him as I grow in His grace. I think we need to be careful when we do find that we’ve wrestled through something big in our own lives that we extend grace to our brothers and sisters who may not have come to the point in their sanctification where they have the same conviction yet. Speak the truth, boldly, unashamedly, yes, plead with them to submit to the Scripture and to read it and know it, but speak it in love and humility, trusting God to work in our brothers and sisters in Christ just as He does in us. It’s a fine balance I’m still needing to practice, I admit. I struggle with the hypocrite in me who would be so quick to be harshly judgmental with others while overlooking or being soft on my own faults. And sometimes I can be quick to judge when I think I know the whole story about someone, but I don’t have all the facts. I recently had my eyes opened to how critical my spirit was toward someone who I should have had compassion for and it broke my heart that I had not even seen it for many years. Rather than looking down on a sinner for being a sinner, I should have had compassion for a soul who is lost and needs the gospel, needs the Savior.

The hope in all of this dragon-skin, onion-layer sickness over my wretchedness is to know that I can rest in knowing that, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1)

The opening of my eyes to the things in my life which are weights that entangle me is not condemnation, but tender mercy and love and compassion and grace. Because it is only by His grace that my eyes can see and my ears hear and my heart repent and shed those things that hinder the race. And for this I thank God.

Books!

Saw this on Facebook and thought it would be fun to share my answers here, too. You can see the influence of two years of thinking I would major in English in college before I changed my mind. :-) If you're reading, consider yourself tagged. Leave me a comment and let me know if you post a list, too.

Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here. Instructions: COPY list. Bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read an excerpt. Tag other book nerds. Tag me as well so I can see your responses!

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34 Emma -Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Inferno - Dante

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo



When Mom Has a Headache

Took sinus meds this morning and headache meds this afternoon, nothing is touching this headache. I'm thinking it must be a doozy of a weather front about to come through.

Worked through the headache and put together the lasagna we're having for dinner in a bit and cleaned the floors and did some other chores all morning.

Head hurts worse this afternoon.

Husband says, "Why don't you go lie down for a bit. Maybe that will help."

I say, "Good idea."

Husband is outside working on a project.

I lie down on the bed.

I close my eyes for one minute.

The boys begin arguing over something stupid downstairs. Name calling ensues. They must think I can't hear them or that I can't figure out who is the instigator. They are wrong. I keep my eyes closed and call the worst offender upstairs. I tell offender to leave his brother alone. He tries to argue, I'm having none of it. I tell him in no uncertain terms to drop it.

Eyes are still closed. Quiet for one more minute.

The dog joins me in my room and proceeds to lick my face. I tell him in no uncertain terms to cut it out.

The daughter joins me in my room and says, "I cover you up, Mama."

I think, "That's so sweet, but my head just hurts so much please just let me be."

She covers me and proceeds to crawl around my bed and lands right on my head.

I decide I'm better off just getting up and writing a blog post.

My head still hurts, but no one is licking my face or stepping on my head.

It was a good idea, though.

Veterans' Day 2010

Thank you to all of our Veterans. I'm thankful for the country I live in and I pray for our leaders to have wisdom. I'm thankful for those who have served and who are serving our country.

My husband is the one in the middle. I'm thankful for him, too.

Monday Mish-Mash

Stream of consciousness writing to keep the blog alive:

It might be time to broaden my horizons. Someone asked me yesterday what I like to do besides blogging and I was hard-pressed to think of anything. You know you’ve succumbed to the blogging black hole at that point, yes?

It isn’t that I don’t like to do anything. It’s just that what came to mind all sounded so boring.

And looking at the sparsity of blogging recently, I’m not sure I like what that may say about me.

I have realized I am a boring person.

Either that, or I’m a tired person who doesn’t think well on my feet.

Maybe both.

I have also realized I am terrible at small talk. See above. Once we get talking about the meaty stuff, though, there’s no stopping me.

I have some very important things I think heavily about. I wonder if I’m too serious sometimes.

Sometimes I put my foot in my mouth, too. I don’t always express what I mean the way I mean it. I am not exactly a sound-bite kind of person.

Went to the library today and spent some time trying to write. Thought maybe if I got out of the house and away from the temptation to blog (see above) and Facebook and clean house obsessively maybe I’d be able to get the writing flowing. Well, actually I spent most of the time I had there looking at some things I wrote in high school. Then spent time with the memories that joined me there in the quiet of the library, memories that had been shelved for a long time.

I didn’t remember my writing being so dark. Funny. Amazing what 21 years and lots of grace can do for your outlook on life.

Yes, I said 21 years. If I were being brutally honest, I’d have to say 21 and a half.

I know, I find that hard to believe, too.

Moving on....

I did make a valiant effort at starting my children’s story. I am afraid to write the word ‘book’ next to that. I think if I admit that’s a deep-seated dream and then go forward, I’m scared about what that might mean. As long as it’s a dream, I don’t have to face the fact that it might not be good enough for anyone else to get excited about seeing it in print.

But I’m writing it anyway.

I say that fearfully.

I read the first few paragraphs to my middle son, who requested I write him a story several years ago. He liked what I read. Wants me to continue. I think I have a germ of an idea.

Then maybe I can write that novel that’s been shelved since high school, too. The one that I pull out of the desk in my mind and mentally dust off every so often and hope to one day flesh out into something wonderful.

I’d settle for something somewhat okay at this point, I think. Maybe.

Did I mention it’s 21 years later?

Must go cook some dinner now. The children and the husband need to eat.

I told you I’m boring.....

I have also realized that maybe there isn’t really anything wrong with being boring as long as what I’m doing is what I’m supposed to be doing right now. Right now, being a mom who blogs occasionally and cleans obsessively, but who is learning to grow in grace and in love for my Savior and hopes to grow in the boldness to share that with others isn’t really all that boring.

There are alternatives to being boring that are not worth the excitement, too. When I ponder that, I am happy to opt for boring.

I do think I’ll make the time to write in the midst of the boringness, though.

After all, as I was reminded when in my papers today I found a 22-year-old list of writing rules from my days with the high school creative writing magazine, “Remember: Variety is the ‘hot pepper’ of life!!!”

Getting the Gospel Right

I’ve been doing some thinking lately. This post is a rewrite of something I tried to post recently but decided needed a little more work. I’m struggling through something that I think I have known for a long time but which is becoming ever more clear to me recently as I’ve had opportunity to hear some devotionals given in public settings. And that is that I am growing more and more concerned that a lot of people who think they know the gospel do not truly understand it or, in some cases, even know it. Recently I have heard several things which have left me pondering and weeping and concerned.

I have made several attempts at writing this post where I’ve tried to say what it is that I’ve been hearing that isn’t right, but it just becomes a long list of things, so I’ll sum it up this way: What I am hearing is a very man-centered, shallow, unbiblical version of the gospel. I hear a lot about faith, but not a lot about what exactly we must be putting faith in. I hear a lot of wishful thinking, a lot about hope, but not much about what true hope must be grounded in to be sure.

What I am not hearing in too many of these settings is the biblical gospel. What I am not hearing is the truth about sin and how very offensive it is to Holy God. What I am not hearing is Jesus being exalted and praised and glorified and worshiped. What I am not hearing is a deeper longing to know Him and love Him. What I am not hearing is a biblical explanation of the Cross. And it concerns me that so many people who think they know the gospel don't seem to understand it very well.

I have just finished reading a little book called, What is the Gospel? by Greg Gilbert. I want to strongly encourage you to get your hands on this book and read it. Even if you think you know the gospel, be encouraged at reading it spelled out clearly and well. I was deeply encouraged while reading and thinking about this book.

I wish I could do a more thorough review but I'll just tell you that through the course of the book, we examine, in light of what the Bible teaches, what is the good news, and near the end Gilbert points out that any gospel presentation that either downplays, leaves out, or does not have the Cross as the center piece is not a faithful gospel presentation. This from page 96 is just true and vital to understand: “The way to be included in Christ’s kingdom is to come to the King, not just hailing him as a great example who shows us a better way to live, but humbly trusting him as the crucified and risen Lord who alone can release you from the sentence of death. At the end of the day, the only way into the kingdom is through the blood of the King.”

I am convinced that what we really, truly need is to be proclaiming Jesus Christ, and Him crucified and risen again. I am convinced that we need to be obsessed with Jesus, Himself. We are created by Him and for His glory.

I am convinced that when we begin to live in the light of the biblical, God-centered, Christ-centered, cross-centered gospel, that this is when we will begin to live lives that are gratefully surrendered to the King. Not responding to the guilt that a recent study kind of emoted up in us, but a real heart response to the work of the Holy Spirit in a life that is surrendered to the King.

I am convinced that we have got to get it deep into our understanding that yes, God loves us with an amazing and incomprehensible kind of love, but it is not because we are so wonderful, but it is because He is so wonderful. There is nothing I can bring but filthy rags. The fact that He loved me and saved me while I was yet His enemy, a sinner, this is incredible love. But it is because He is glorious and wonderful and full of mercy and grace. It is not because I am so lovable. What I am saying is that we desperately need a God-centered understanding of the gospel rather than the shallow imitation offered by a man-centered one. I am convinced that as long as it is about us and how we feel, and not yet about Jesus and the blood that He shed on our behalf and for His praise alone, we are not experiencing revival. And I am thirsty for revival. I want to decrease and see Him increase. I want to be all about talking about Him and proclaiming the true good news to people and not watering it down or downplaying the importance of the cross. I want to love Him more than life. I want to proclaim His praise and to learn to be more bold in this. I have not been bold. I want to learn to be.

I am seeking to lay aside the weights and the sin that entangle me from running the race as one who wants to run to win, running wholeheartedly for the goal of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. I want to learn to enjoy the good gifts God has given, but not to live in the stupor of worldliness that threatens to dull my senses to eternity. I don’t want to make temporal things so important that I forget and think little of the life to come. Jesus has reconciled me to God and I can boldly approach His throne, clothed in His righteousness, washed clean by His blood, freed to live for Him. I want this to be what consumes my thinking and my actions. And when I am tempted to forget, may I turn my eyes back to Jesus and fight against the worldliness that threatens to turn my attention and affection from what is most worth living for.

That book, again, was What is the Gospel? by Greg Gilbert. Read it. I don’t recommend a lot of books here. This one I am recommending. Even better, read your Bible prayerfully and often. Fill your mind with God’s word and think on it and saturate your understanding with a biblical view of the gospel. If there is anything we must get right, it is this.

In Honor of Reformation Day:

"I cannot choose but adhere to the word of God, which has possession of my conscience; nor can I possibly, nor will I even make any recantation, since it is neither safe nor honest to act contrary to conscience! Here I stand; I cannot do otherwise, so help me God! Amen." - Martin Luther

And After the Storm.....

Driving home from an event at Michael's school tonight, we saw a rainbow. This was taken while driving.



We joked that it must end at Ft. Knox....

We were on our way to Sonic....

But when we saw this we decided to pull in at Dairy Queen. I don't think I've ever seen the whole arch of a rainbow before. We couldn't capture how cool it really was.


Who knew the rainbow ends at Big Kmart? That made me laugh a lot.


Vanna Boo....wish we had gotten a picture of the awesome sunset in the other direction.

Calm

“Now when He got into a boat, His disciples followed Him. And suddenly a great tempest arose on the sea, so that the boat was covered with the waves. But He was asleep. Then His disciples came to Him and awoke Him, saying, ‘Lord, save us! We are perishing!’

But He said to them, ‘Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?’ Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. So the men marveled, saying, ‘Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him?’” - Matthew 8:23-27

If you ever need a reminder that we really and truly are not in control, a good, rousing storm can provide just the refresher course you need.

I spent the morning watching the weather steadily deteriorate from remarkably breezy, to windy, to rainy and extremely windy, to windy and stormy enough that I was expecting to see Dorothy and Toto come flying by any moment and I was beginning to get a bit nervous about what the afternoon was about to hold for us. In spite of this, I was still surprised to hear the tornado sirens begin their eerie blast just as I was pulling out of the neighborhood to pick my daughter up from preschool at noon. My adrenaline level increased exponentially. I do not like to hear those sirens.

I grew up in Florida, and hurricanes I understand. I don’t like them and they frighten me, but at least you can sort of know they are coming and evacuate if need be. It’s relatively rare to be surprised by one unless you just are living in a cave or something. Then again, in Florida, it’s so flat and close to sea-level that the caves are probably under water, so you probably wouldn’t want to do that. :-) Tornadoes are something else entirely. The first time I lived in the midwest, our house did not have a basement, and my husband spent most of the year we lived in Indiana in Bosnia with the Army. After today I am glad to know that I can hear the sirens at my house. When we lived in Indiana, I couldn’t. That whole year in Indiana I was alone in my basement-less house whenever those scary and unnerving tornado watch inducing storms would come through. And the power of those midwest thunder storms is something to behold, very different from the afternoon thunderstorms I had been used to in Florida. For some reason, the worst ones were always in the middle of the night that year, too. I spent several sleepless nights huddled in front of the news and packing the boys up into the hallway with their pillows and blankets, the safest place I knew of in that house. After we left there, I told my husband that if we ever lived in the midwest again, I wanted a basement.

Fast forward to today. I didn’t know I needed the basement until I was already in the car on my way to pick up my little girl. I drove as fast as I safely could to the church where she goes to preschool, watching that scary sky the whole way. When I got there I was informed they’d evacuated everyone to the basement and we were welcome to stay, too, until the warnings passed. So, I got to spend 30 minutes in the basement with a ton of preschoolers singing “If You’re Happy and You Know It” and “The Wheels on the Bus” and “Our God is an Awesome God.” I can think of worse places to ride out a tornado warning.

Those teachers and helpers and church staff members did a wonderful job of keeping a whole bunch of kiddos and worried moms calm down there in that basement. And I just have to say this, too, I am extremely thankful that we are finally getting some rain. We are parched here in this part of Kentucky.

And you know what the most amazing thought is? Though storms are real and frightening and I have a healthy respect for them, deep down I know that no matter what, I know the One who can calm the storm. Come what may, He is in control. Even if the storm takes a very real physical toll, Jesus is in control. And in this I can find true calm.

I love that passage from Matthew. I wonder what the disciples expected when they woke Jesus up and begged him to save them? It’s clear from their reaction that whatever they expected Him to do, they did not expect Him to silence the wind and waves. I wonder, did they believe He could save them, but did not realize just who He was and what power He held in control until that moment? It is a fearful and wonderful thing to realize just how awesome He really and truly is. They got a glimpse of His divinity in that moment, and it awed them. It ought to awe us, too, as we ponder the majesty and wonder of just who Jesus really is.

Because of something I’ve been pondering for a while now, more on that in the next post, Lord willing.

Journal vs. Blog

I think if I'm going to keep on with this blogging thing, I need to put myself on a write it and wait a bit schedule. Sometimes I just need to let it stew in my journal for a while. I just have so many thoughts spilling out of my brain sometimes, but I'm too quick to post them. Not necessarily bad posts, I'm just not sure they need to be here. At least not until I've pondered on them a while. Wonder it this means I'm nearing the end of this blogging adventure? I'm finding more and more that I wish I'd waited when I post some of my longer posts.

Thought I'd Try Something New

Well....do you like the new look? I've been playing around with it all afternoon. It is sad, really, how long it took me to figure out how to do this little change at the ol' blog. But it was fun to try my creative juices out. I am not very computer savvy nor am I terribly artistic or crafty at all, but it was fun to try to figure out how to make my own picture and put it up there. And yes, that is my Bible, my glasses and my glass of sweet (with Splenda!) tea with lemon. It's not professional, and I'm sure you truly artistic people will think it's amateurish, but it is the best I knew how to do. Plus, I've been thinking about a change for a little while, but couldn't really justify spending money that we don't really have for splurging to have it redone professionally when blogging is just a hobby that I'm somewhat sporadic about. So, when I had a little brainstorm this afternoon, I thought I'd try it out, and it was free - I even found some free software to download that allowed me to play around with my picture and get it ready to post. My husband was laughing at how excited I got over my little project. It's just so seldom that things like this that I dream up turn out anywhere close to what I wanted. Anyway, I've done something new and I enjoyed it. :-)

Fall Foliage in My Backyard 2010

The view from my back porch. That white concrete area is down the hill in our backyard and then you climb up that concrete ramp and back down a rocky concrete slope to the little creek.



The boys have spent hours exploring along this little creek with their friends in the neighborhood.













I just love the fall. Don't you?

Status Report - October 2010

Seeing as we are more than a week into October now, following Lisa’s example again, here’s my status update:

Sitting.....in my kitchen.

Eating....pumpkin pancakes for breakfast. Liking all things pumpkin now that I have finally found some in the store again. I even roasted my own pie pumpkin yesterday and pureed it. It worked out well. A rather messy endeavor, but I liked the “I did it myself” factor of it all. I’ll need to buy a sharper knife before the next time though. Cutting through the stem and pumpkin was rough with the dull knives that currently inhabit my kitchen drawers, though they have no trouble slicing my fingers occasionally.

Drinking....a glass of milk. My resolve to forego coffee this morning has only lasted until about 8:30, however, so I will probably be making a pot of coffee when I finish this. I have to survive the flag football game at 11:00 somehow, you see.

Pondering......the fact that my son and daughter are having a conversation about how she does not like pumpkin. She opted for Cinnamon Toast Crunch (actually the generic store brand) instead of the pumpkin pancakes. I guess for her there can be too much pumpkin.

Disappointed.....with my homemade pumpkin coffee creamer. I made it yesterday and it wasn’t as good as it smelled. I’ve noticed through the years that I enjoy the idea of such things better than the actuality, and a recipe that looks delicious on paper often does not live up to the anticipation, in my experience. Same with smoothies. They always sound like such a good idea, but very rarely do I enjoy them once I follow the recipe.

Smelling....the coffee brewing. I decided not to wait.

Enjoying....seeing the leaves changing. One of my favorite things about the fall.

Thinking....that I need to make better use of my journal and less use of my blog. I tend to use this space to work out things I’m thinking through. I think I need to do less of that. Last post being a good case in point. That probably should have been written in my journal, not here. It’s so tempting when I’ve got something I’m pondering and praying over and musing over to need to blog about it. I’m thinking that may not be a wise thing to do. I say too much on Facebook, too.

Reading....False Impression by Jeffery Archer. Needed something fiction once in a while so took the kids to the library this week. It was Fall Break for them, and it’s been nice having them home and the weather being so nice to play outside. Should have been out even more than we were. Also reading Our Awesome God by John MacArthur.

Time....to get off the computer and get on with this day. It’s going to be a busy one.

Now That I've Finished the Book:

I don't know why, but I'm a little fearful to hit the publish post button with this one. Every so often I have a post like that where I hesitate before writing and then hesitate before posting. Maybe it's because I'm still working through some of this stuff. It's a long post. If you're interested, might want to pack a lunch or something. Then again, I may just be typing away in the dark for only me, and that's really okay, too.

When I’ve written about the study our church has been going through, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, I’ve clarified that I wasn’t necessarily endorsing it here. I wasn’t sure why I felt that qualm other than the fact that I don’t think we need to put any teacher on a pedestal and need to run everything we read and hear through the Word and think it through, not just assume it’s all okay, and because I am not comfortable recommending things I haven’t read completely first. Though this is a personal blog and I’m not seeking to have a big blog presence or name or following, I do feel a responsibility to be careful in what I promote or endorse here. I do sense a responsibility to anyone who may stumble across my scribblings here to not lead anyone astray when it comes to matters of the Christian faith. If I learn by reading the Bible and better understanding it that I am in error, I pray I’ll be teachable and willing to change as I step heavenward in sanctification.

One reason I’ve been hesitating about writing this post is that I don’t want to write a full review but just share my general impressions now that I’ve finished the book and what I’m taking away positive and negative. Since I didn’t read it with the goal of reviewing it, I know whatever I say here won’t be complete, just what I’m working through as I process what I’ve read, and this post has ended up way too long anyway.

I also should up front mention that I am wary of this type of book campaign. It reminds me of the “Purpose Driven Life” fad a while back when people were getting all emotional and caught up in the hype and group experience, but ignored - or didn’t discern - some problems/potential problems. It was hyped as being “life changing” and “deep” so we all assumed that it must be so and that we had to get that from it. These kinds of campaigns remind me a little of youth camp. You get all emotional, and you know you are supposed to get something deep and meaningful and life changing so you gin it up (sometimes), and it’s very emotional, but once it’s all over and the thing fades you start to discern what was real and what maybe wasn’t so much.

I’m having some of the same qualms and red flags now. And I’m trying to discern where real conviction is occurring, and I think there is some, and where it is just guilt put on us by what someone else says we should feel guilty about. It is scripture that is life-changing. In so far as it is properly studied, taught and applied then we should heed the teacher we are learning from, but always prayerfully search it out and trust the Holy Spirit to open His word to us as well and make sure what we’re taught is right.

That is all a very long build up to say that, though there are good, even necessary things I’m taking away from our group reading of Crazy Love, my ability to hear Chan’s argument was severely lessened when I got to Chapter 9: “Who Really Lives That Way?” I wasn’t familiar with all of the people he chose to give as examples, but one in particular I had read and heard some about and then dug around a little more after reading the chapter because I was surprised he was used as a prime example. When this particular person was presented as an example to look up to as someone who is living out the kind of radical faith Chan is exploring in the book, it gave me pause about the foundation of his whole discernment process.

Because, on the surface, the person does live a radically counter-cultural life, does engage with segments of society that, frankly, we (I) do need to do better about seeking out to love and minister to. But his theology is not sound if you look into it. He is steeped in and committed to, in fact is a fairly known spokesperson for the postmodern, mystical, social gospel, “red-letter” brand of ‘Christianity’ that characterizes the more disturbing branches of the ‘emergent/emerging’ movement. I know that I need to be more aware of the ‘least of these’ in our world and it is a good thing to give oneself and sacrifice to minister to the poor. I need to do better in this, be more intentional about this. I need to do better in knowing and loving people who aren’t so much like me. But, it isn’t enough to seek to end poverty here or reach people if the gospel we seek to win them to isn’t the true gospel. If we merely help here on earth but do not tell them the truth about the life to come, we haven’t really helped. And I’m talking to myself here, too. I need to be much more willing to open my own mouth and hands with the gospel to others, and this is an area where I’m sensing conviction.

Anyway, the fact that Chan had this person as a prominent example of what he’s seeking to teach us toward is a shame, because it taints the good that is in what he’s trying to say. It makes it so much harder to hear what may be good and necessary.

So. Having said all that, here’s what I’m taking away:

I believe that each of us who claims the name of Christ is wise to examine ourselves to be sure we are in the faith and to guard our hearts against anything that steals our joy in Him and causes us to be lukewarm - and there are so many things that pull us in so many directions and make it harder for us to hear and to live a life sold out to Christ and deeply loving Him. And we are wise to be daily on guard against being lukewarm, examine ourselves often, examine what is motivating the decisions we are making. 2 Corinthians 13:5-6; Proverbs 4:23; Revelation 3:14-22

I believe that we must be careful to lay aside any weight that is distracting us and hindering us from running the race well, from running wholeheartedly to Jesus and living life in the light of the truth of His Word and loving Him wholeheartedly. Hebrews 12:1-2; Philippians 3:7-16

I believe that we need to learn to be content with where God has us and seek to obey Him in all we do and in every small or great duty of life as we learn His word and learn to surrender ourselves to it. And in doing this, we need to be learning and practicing loving others well for the sake of the Savior who first loved us. Philippians 4:11-13; Philippians 3:17-21; 1 Corinthians 13

I want to expand on that for a minute. I spent a lot of the reading of this book paralyzed with guilt and feeling beat up because we bought the nice house that we did when we moved here. It is not said, but fairly well implied that you cannot live the radical love for Christ and faith in Him and live in this kind of house.

Through much prayer, thinking on numerous examples in the Bible, trying to look at the whole counsel of the word not only the passages highlighted in the book, and discussions with my husband, I think the way to view it is to commit to hold possessions lightly, to constantly be on guard about being too comfortable with our society’s view of wealth and possessions and to remember that this home, this world, is temporary and we must be Kingdom/Heavenly minded. I am also examining ways in which the way we went about looking for our house when we were in that process a few months ago may need to have a different focus than we have in the past. If our material wealth is a weight that is distracting us from running the race well, we need to examine that and determine what to do about it. We need to be seeking hard after Kingdom living and caring much less about the things our culture says are important. Building up wealth for wealth and pleasure’s sake mustn’t be our aim in this materialistic society where that is what is pumped into us day in and day out. We need to be seeking how to use the material things we have to show hospitality and to bless others. We need to commit to not live right up to our income level so we can free up resources to be used for the furtherance of the gospel and meeting needs. We need to constantly be on our guard and be aware that material blessings and wealth, and let’s face it most people in America are WEALTHY compared to the rest of the world, can be a huge distraction from what is best, what is eternal.

But, I do not think we are all called to sell our homes and live in the New Monasticism way. We are to be faithful bearers of the Name of Christ in the jobs and professions God provides for us to do. We are to be faithful witnesses where He plants us and be aware of needs around us and be prepared to actively seek to meet needs and look for opportunities to do so. We need to see ourselves as stewards of the things we have and use them to honor God and bless others, not be bloated, gluttonous hoarders who are so short-sighted that we only live for what is temporal. But it isn't wrong, either, to live in the house I live in at the moment. It is the attitude of the heart that is important.

In our discussions, we talked about how when you read the Bible you need to look at what is descriptive vs. what is prescriptive. For example, when Jesus told the disciples to take nothing with them on a missionary journey, was that descriptive of that instance or was it prescriptive of how we are to do everything in life? In our discussions we thought of Lydia, who opened her home to be used by the church. We thought of Abraham who generously practiced hospitality - and who was also willing to give up that which was most precious to him when it was God's will that he do so.

The scripture says to be content in want, but also in times of abundance - wherever we are placed at every season of life, be content, and it is only through Christ who strengthens us that we can do all things - be content in all things. It is the Lord who gives and the Lord who takes away, in all things we must learn to say, “Blessed be the Name of the LORD.” We must learn to see it all as His, not just in lip-service but in heart attitude and action. He must be our heart’s desire and focus. We are pilgrims here, and we need to learn to see it that way, to hold lightly to the things of this world.

One more thing I’m taking away from this is that I want to live on purpose, not just let life happen, but determine to live Kingdom minded, asking God to help me to love Him more, asking Him to open my understanding of His Word, asking Him to help me to want to obey and to want to look for ways to serve Him and to want to love others as He commands me to do. One thing I’ve realized that I believe is true conviction is how unwilling I often am to move out of my comfort zone and get my hands dirty for the sake of the gospel. I am far too often complacent to sit at my computer or my kitchen table thinking about these things, but far less willing to act on them. This is something I’m praying for God to change my heart and help me to see how He would have me be. I think one reason that example that I mentioned that bothered me was used is because at least he’s out there acting on what he says he believes. What would it look like if I were to become much more purposeful about acting on what I know is true? This is probably the biggest thing I’m struggling through at the moment to understand and purpose to take to heart, not just keep thinking about. And I confess that even typing that scares me. One of the hardest things to overcome is love of comfort. And that’s where I find myself. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and I need Him to put what He wants me to desire in my heart.

I want to step heavenward as I learn to surrender to Him each step of the way.

So, I did begin and will continue to work through some things as a result of reading the book. I do think American Christians are so steeped in the self-satisfied gluttony of our culture that we don’t even recognize it and need to be shaken up to see it. I think we’ve been fed such a steady diet of the false health and wealth ‘gospel,’ the false gospel of your best life now and how we deserve material and physical blessings rather than seeing sacrifice and even suffering and trials as necessary for our sanctification and that our focus needs to be on our best life later, that we don’t recognize that it isn’t biblical. We need to learn to love God with all of our hearts, souls, minds, and strengths and be willing to be spent in service to Him - not because we want more stuff, but because of WHO HE IS. We do need a much higher view of our God. I loved the advice at the end of the book to stop before we pray and really think about Who we are praying to, how awesome He is, and then begin to pray. That will revolutionize how and for what I pray. I do need to learn more and more how to love my neighbor as myself and how that is to look in my life.

So, though I have concerns about the book, I’m not sorry I read it. I did glean some good, hard things I don’t want to ignore. And I truly believe that He who began a good work in me will complete it until the day of Christ Jesus. I don’t believe He leaves us to spin around and around saying, “How much is too much? What am I supposed to do now?” looking for a sign for some BIG THING I’m to do for Him, rather than realizing it is a heart issue we need to develop of holding lightly to things and developing a heaven-minded view of life. I do believe we need to live every day faithfully for Him, seeking to obey Him in the daily, everyday things, seeking opportunities to meet needs as we are aware of them and acting on the things we know to do. As we do, He will lead us where He wants us to be, big thing or little thing, living faithfully and stepping heavenward throughout a surrendered life.