Pressing On

I realized this weekend it’s been two full weeks since I last posted to my blog. I was quite surprised it had been so long, but here we are. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write or haven’t tried to write or haven’t been thinking about anything worth writing about in those two weeks, but nothing ever made it to the blog. Some did make it to my journal (the spiral bound paper and pen one), and some will just stay there in that private place of reflection and hashing out of thoughts. That is probably not a bad thing.

One kind of silly thing I’ve been doing is that I have been enjoying reading the book series The 39 Clues with my boys during the past few weeks, and trying to get ahead of them in the series so they will quit letting out spoilers, which has occupied not a small amount of time, I have to confess. My oldest boy does not seem to understand just how serious I am about how much I dislike having a story spoiled with plot reveals while I’m still reading along. He’s the kind of kid who will read all about a book on Wikipedia and skip to the last page and read the sum-up companion book at the end of the series because he just has to know. And no matter how often I threaten to quiet him with a well-placed piece of duct tape, he still keeps letting little, and sometimes really big plot twists out. Most of the fun of reading for me is to see if my guesses and theories are right and being surprised along the way. I finally caught up to my son and stole the book he was reading for a day and have now moved ahead in the search for the 39 clues. Equilibrium in the family is restored. :-)

And there are other ebbs and flows of a normal life, some good, some that have made me sad, and some that are kind of neutral but which all occupy a lot of thinking or energy but are not the kinds of things that need to be out here on the blog, and this is how it should be. Blogging is a good hobby, but it needs to stay a hobby and not interfere with the real stuff of every day life. Not only have I sort of involuntarily slowed down with blogging, but I am purposely cutting back on Facebook time this week. That particular little hobby has become much too much of a temptation to waste time, and it’s far more addictive than I really care to admit, so I’m trying to really limit time there this week in an attempt to be a better steward of my time.

And none of that is actually what I sat down to write about this afternoon while I had a few moments.

What I actually meant to write about was the passage in Philippians that I spent last week memorizing and part of this week’s work which I’ll type out here:

Philippians 3:7-16

7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.

8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ

9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith -

10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.

13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,

14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.

16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

Before I took my unplanned blogging break, I was following the blog buzz over two controversial books that have become popular/notorious in the Christian world. It isn’t my purpose to discuss either of those books, and I’ve read enough about them to know I really don’t want to read them. I don’t need any help in adding confusing voices to my thinking. But as I read the discussions I have been examining my thinking and heart in recent days, and I am ever more aware of just how often my thinking has been shaped more by my culture and by the Christian subculture than it has by the Bible at times. I find it sad that some of what I’ve imbibed in the Christian subculture isn’t actually Christian, meaning, it is more man’s wisdom and humanistic psychology than biblical wisdom, and I am finding that I need to constantly be on guard to run any idea or way of thinking through the grid of scripture and examine myself to be sure that the opinions I’m holding are godly and biblical and to learn to shed those that are not. In fact, there are times I find it necessary to step out of blog world and examine myself because I do not want to be immature in my thinking and faith, but want to be ever growing toward maturity and biblical thinking. More on this in a future post, I hope, but I am extremely grateful that the reason I persevere in faith is because it is Christ who is holding me firm. It is not because I am so good, it is because He is so good and faithful that I am still holding firm.

In reading the discussions on those books, I see once again and clearly how important it is to know the Bible and to be committed to the understanding that no matter how interesting an idea may sound to our ears, the Bible is the authority for how we are to think about God. He has revealed Himself to us. We don’t have the right to approach Him just any old (or new) way we think is right, but we must be about the business of knowing Him and believing about Him what is true.

I have also found that any time I start to get puffed up or prideful, thinking I have all my theological ducks in a row, I discover some immature or wayward thing in me or I do something really stupid or sinful that proves that I have not yet attained it, and I confess that sometimes I get downright depressed to find such shallow and selfish thinking still holding sway over me, but I do press on.

And now, finally, I get to the point. In thinking on these verses over the past couple of weeks, I find that I really long to have this mind - that I count all things as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. He really is the something better that we long for. The Christian subculture is not what I long for. What I long for is Jesus. To be found in Him, not having a false kind of outward righteousness that can spout out Sunday school answers or sound really good or 'spiritual' to anyone listening but has a cold heart, but to really know Him. The only righteousness that is true righteousness is that which comes from God and depends solely on faith in Christ. This is the satisfaction for the hunger and thirst of a soul that finds itself weary in doing what I don’t want to do and not doing what I long to do.

And the only reason I can press on to make it my own is because Jesus has made me His own. I found I couldn’t say that for the first few days last week as I was working to memorize the verses without stopping to marvel at that glorious and extremely humbling thought. He has made me His own. This is the hope of righteousness! This is hope eternal! He is Lord and He has made me His own and He will complete what He has begun in me. Though I may not have yet completely made it my own, He has made me His own, and because He has, I can press on, I can shed those weights that entangle and run the race because He is Lord, and He is worthy of all praise. He has made me His own and freed me to do what is right and believe what is right because of the righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ alone. He has freed me to really obey, He has made me righteous in Christ Jesus and for His glory. It is God who works in me to will and to work for His good pleasure, and He will do it. Because this is true, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus, and I hold true to what I have attained in Him. And I find it extremely encouraging that God will reveal to me where my thinking needs to change and to become more mature.

I said it before and I’m saying it again, memorizing scripture is becoming a truly wonderful thing for me. I love that it is causing me to think on these things and to make them my own. Rather than a discipline to follow, it is becoming a joy, and I am so glad I was encouraged to do it. There’s so much more I could share just from thinking on this one passage, but this post is long enough as it is.

**Update: After I posted this I read this blog post, and I found it very encouraging, so I thought I'd share it.

Monday Morning

Monday morning. Thirty-five callers ahead of me on the Army pediatric clinic appointment line. And I am humbled when I feel the irritation well up over that minor inconvenience and it strikes me how surreal it is that I sit here in comfort while half a world away the people of Japan are gripped by grief, fear and devastation. I struggle to really grasp their plight as real people in real distress, and not just images on a TV screen. Whatever minor inconveniences I may face today pale in comparison to the real tragedy facing the people of Japan. I confess that I cannot wrap my brain around it.

I try to pray for the people, and I don’t even know what words to say. All I know to pray through tears is, “Please, Lord, have mercy. Please may people turn to Jesus in the midst of the horror.”

And I find myself saying stupid, trite things in conversations about it to try to make sense of something so massive that really, it would be wiser to just put my hand over my mouth and bow before holy God who is sovereign and trust Him and allow His Spirit to intercede where I do not have the words or wisdom to know what to say.

Closer to home I am pondering the sermon yesterday that challenged us, challenged me, and I am convicted that I am too much of a hermit too much of the time. I am convicted that my neighbors are lost, and I am called to live blameless and innocent in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation and walk among them as a light in the world. I am humbled when I think that God has placed our family here, in this neighborhood, and we can be a lighthouse to point our neighbors to Jesus. And I confess the fear that fills me and the shame when I confess that I do not often enough think about my lost neighbors and pray for them and get out into the neighborhood and get to know them and learn to care about them. And Saturday when I was out there I missed an opportunity to witness to a neighbor because I was distracted, and I weep because I realize how much I need God’s grace to open my heart in this area.

Studying Revelation in Sunday school the past several months, we are being reminded every week that it is the Revelation of Jesus Christ, that it is all to His glory, and that the point and purpose of all prophecy is to point us to Jesus. And tuning my heart to recognize that He is coming again, and that all these things I’m pondering are wrapped up in the fact that I aim to love His appearing, that I aim to live in the light of the fact that He is coming again, Hallelujah, what a Savior.

And last night I was reminded as we read Psalm 19 together in our discipleship class that while the heavens declare the glory of God....it is His Word that is perfect, converting the soul. Today as I think on that, I recognize that it is on meditating and studying His Word that my mind is transformed and renewed so that I may think the thoughts that turn my heart and desires to love the LORD my God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and I can present myself to God as a living sacrifice and walk in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.

Lord, please have mercy - for the people of Japan, and for my neighbors. Please tune my heart to sing Your praise. Teach me to love the LORD my God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind and all my strength, and as I learn to love You with all I am, teach me, equip me, enable me to love my neighbor as myself. Nothing is impossible with You, Lord, turn my heart of stone to a heart of flesh, soft and teachable and unselfish. I am riddled with selfishness, Lord. Change me, because I cannot change myself. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord my strength and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19

Romans 12:1-2

Saturday Morning

5:15AM: Woke up to daughter calling, “Please turn my light on, it’s too dark!” She had to go potty and it was scary in the dark.

Back to sleep.

5:45AM: “I need a tissue!” - Same daughter. Beginning to think sleeping in this morning is optimistic thinking.

Back to sleep.

6:30AM: Dog retching, my shoulder felt wet, wet spot on bed. Nothing like having the dog puke on you when you’re trying to sleep in on a Saturday morning.

Got up and had shower, noticed that the laundry hamper in the bathroom is full. Interesting that. I just did laundry yesterday, how is it full? Somebody who shall remain nameless on this blog must have cleaned his room after I did laundry and, low and behold, dirty clothes. Lots of them. Explains why the nameless someone only had one shirt that I folded from the entire five loads of laundry I did yesterday. Grrr.

I’m thinking someone probably needs to be taught how to help with the laundry today as a practical lesson.

7:00AM: Carried sheets downstairs to be washed. Made oatmeal. Normally we do fun things for breakfast on Saturdays, but with a 9:00AM basketball game, not today.

7:30AM: Pondered how last night at dinner while having dinner with my family, I glanced at my favorite 12-year-old and thought, “What’s that dirt on his upper lip? Wait, that’s not dirt....that can’t be the beginnings of peach fuzz, not yet, no way, wasn’t he just a cute little toddler only yesterday? Waaaahhhhh!” Sun was shining in the window, and when the light shines just right on his face, you can see the faintest beginning of dark hair there on his lip. Am I ready for this? Teething and sleepless nights and baby stuff were nothing compared to this....

Posted that thought on Facebook and had a young mom ask if she’s ready for her babies to grow up. Answered her: You’ll be ready when you get there. It’s not easy, but God’s grace is enough!

And you know what? God’s grace is sufficient, and more than abundantly enough, for whatever today holds. He is the One who holds all things together, He sustains my very life. He has redeemed me and saved me and equips me to do the work He has prepared for me to do. And He chose to place these kids with me, and He knows them better than I ever could. I can trust Him to draw them to Himself. Because when she’s scared in the dark, or he needs to learn responsibility, or he is growing up so very fast, I can trust God to grant me the wisdom to be the mom He has called me to be, and I can trust Him to draw them to Himself and open their hearts to the gospel. And I fall on my face and thank Him for protecting me from the many and loud voices that are teaching error and plead for mercy and grace to have the discernment to be wise, and to teach my children how to be wise. When I feel so inadequate to this task, and I do so often, I can trust Him and know that He is ever interceding for me as High Priest, Savior and King. I can feast on His word and fill my mind with the wisdom He has provided and be ever mindful of my responsibility to talk to these children of these things as we rise up and as we sit down and as we walk along the way, and I can even trust Him with the many times when I fail or get swept up in the tyranny of the ordinary things and I can trust Him to knit it all together and grant me the grace to remember Him, to worship Him, in the midst of this Saturday.

It's Not a Joke?

Well, this is one book I can safely say won't make my "Books I'm Reading" list. My first thought when I saw it was, "This has got to be a joke. Seriously?" It's a Christian vampire Amish romance saga. I just about can't type those words together without laughing. Or crying. Sigh.

HT: Everyday Mommy

Sort of related post: I Told You I Cannot Write Short Posts

Not Just an Intellectual Exercise

The benefit of memorizing scripture is that as you meditate and ponder on it for weeks, it becomes part of your thinking. And then a situation arises where your emotions and your flesh are telling you, screaming at you to act and think in one way, but the Holy Spirit gently brings to remembrance that very passage that you come to see He has been orchestrating all events so that you would be memorizing for just such a time as this, and you see that God’s Word requires you to act in a way that is 180 degrees in opposition to your emotions and flesh and worldly wisdom and the lies the evil one would woo you to believe. Maybe someone steps on your pride or says words that hurt, or a driver cuts you off and you feel the blood boil, or the kids are acting up and your emotions run high, or a neighbor acts selfishly, like the unbeliever he is, and you're tempted to respond in the flesh rather than to remember to be at peace with all men as much as it depends on you, or any other number of hurts, stresses or frustrations set in. At such a time as this, the great question is, will I obey, will I submit, will I say, "No," to foolish pride, will I listen to truth and shut my ears to lies?

And with tears you pray and cry out to God, at the end of yourself, recognizing that His word requires you to do nothing from rivalry or conceit but with humility to count others more significant than yourself, and to look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others, and to walk in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, to not be one of those who seeks her own interests but to seek those of Jesus Christ, to do all things without grumbling or questioning that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life. And you know this is truth. You know this is who you are in Christ, and you cry out to Him for mercy because you know that right now, you cannot do it. Your emotions and your flesh are screaming at you to be angry, or to lash out with angry words, or to pout, or to take a small slight and magnify it into something it wasn’t intended to be, or to hold a grudge, or to be hurt and to feed that hurt by rehearsing a list of grievances you could so easily fill up your mind with.

But the mercy of grace, the wonder of the gospel is that I can’t do it. But He can. Jesus Christ is ever interceding for me, when I don't even know how to pray, He is my advocate and Redeemer. By the power of the Holy Spirit living in me, if it kill me, I will obey Him. I will crucify the emotions and flesh and lies, and I will submit to His Word, though it be with tears and difficulty, I will mortify this flesh and live in the light of the gospel of Christ. I will love with His love and forgive as He has forgiven me. He is master, I am slave, bound to Him by the precious blood of Christ, shed for me, shed to forgive me of my sin and reconcile me to God. And by His grace, He will do it. And there I bow and worship Him and find freedom and peace.

Some Kid Music We've Enjoyed At Our House

I discovered the GO FISH guys when a friend came back from a MOPS convention and told us about this fun group she'd heard. This won't be everybody's cup of tea, but I have to tell you that my daughter and I will sometimes crank these guys up really loud in the car or dance around in the kitchen with them. She likes them, and I do too! I really enjoyed their Christmas album this past Christmas.

Enjoy....

Thankful Thursday

I was opening up the window to try to air out the house a bit - two sick boys at home today. Well, one boy probably could have gone back to school, but tummy still hurts him this morning and he was still pretty puny last evening, so I thought another day at home wouldn’t hurt. On the roof outside the window was a beautiful bluebird. I love it when the little bluebirds come back! Brilliant blue feathers and a rusty red belly. So, I’m thankful for the beauty of God’s creation and the smile that little bluebird brought to my face as a reminder that Spring really is coming.

I’m thankful it’s not terribly cold and I can open the windows for a little bit. It’s getting chilly, so I’ll have to close up soon, but the fresh air is nice.

I'm thankful for good books to read.

I’m thankful for hot tea, especially Constant Comment. I’m going to go have some now.

Happy Thursday!

Status Update March 2011

Thanks again to Lisa for the status update blog post rescue format.

Sitting....on the back porch. Well, by the time I am typing this I won’t be on the porch anymore because I don’t have a lap top. I know...how very late 1980’s early 1990’s of me. Anywho, it’s such a pretty day I just needed to be out and enjoy the sunshine while we have it, so I brought my notebook (the spiral-bound paper kind) and pen out and here I sit (sat). Thermometer in the car only read 55 degrees, but with only a slight breeze and nice, sunny spot on the porch, I am just peachy keen.

Drinking...a jumbo cup of sweet tea from Chick-fil-A. That’s real sweet tea, not Sweet-N-Low this time. Splurged and went through the drive through with my girl for lunch. I’m a Chick-fil-A girl. I’m a sweet tea girl, too, but you already knew that.

Hearing...the booms as the tanks do their training thing over on post. One of the more disconcerting surreal interesting things about living this close to Ft. Knox. No, I haven’t seen the gold.They don’t let normal people anywhere near that building.

Listening..to Boo playing down on the lower porch and yard. Nice to hear outside play again. Spring is on the move...hoping the warming trend holds. Also listening to Roscoe-the-hyper-dog whine because he can’t come outside with us. He’ll be really glad when Drew finishes the fence he’s building out back.

Wishing...my middle boy felt better. Stomach bug. Cleaning freak, germophobic, sympathy-stomach-lurching mother. Poor kid. He’s feeling pretty puny today. Been pushing ginger ale, jello and crackers on him all day. Ginger ale and jello tolerated okay, crackers not so much. Poor guy.

Thankful...for my darling husband. It’s never good when you hear frantic footsteps at 4:30 in the morning, slamming bathroom door and then shortly a puny, “Mom......” My stomach immediately lurched and I poked Drew and said, “I don’t think I can...” He could and did, and I’m thankful. That’s not the only reason I’m thankful for him, but at 4:30 this morning, you betcha.

Also thankful...for automatic washer and dryer. Come on, y’all. For all the complaining about laundry, it could be much harder than it is, you know.

Thinking...about how even though our church is without a senior pastor at the moment, how blessed we’ve been by the men who have stepped in to open God’s word and teach us over the past 5 months so far. From lay men in our own congregation who are apt to teach (and God has richly blessed us there), to seminary professors (a decided benefit to living where I live so close to Southern Seminary), to men from our state association, we have heard challenging and encouraging and enriching Bible teaching that is making us think. Good stuff.

Pondering...last Sunday’s sermon. 2 Timothy 4:6-8 was the passage we examined, and I am challenged that, by God’s grace and by the power of the Spirit working in me, I want to be able to say at the end of my time on earth that I fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith. I am mindful that this is something I must do more than ponder about but must invest in now, today, as I walk in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, and take seriously the charge and calling to strive alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ for the faith of the gospel. Have I mentioned how meditating on the book of Philippians is challenging me? It is.

Waiting...for my copy of John MacArthur’s new book Slave to come in the mail. Looking forward to reading it. I am sure it will be challenging as well.

Glad...spring is on its way. My bulbs are poking little green sprouts through the formerly frozen ground. Can’t wait to see the flowers bloom!

Enough...rambling for now. My daughter is busy slathering bubble stuff all over her little legs, and I should go check on my puny boy. Must go be parental.

Happy March!

Now That It's Over.....

Some random thoughts following my stint on jury duty, in no particular order of importance:

Serving on the jury was actually very interesting. Not sure if enjoyed would be exactly the right word, but now it’s all said and done I’m glad I had this opportunity to serve my community in this way. If you had asked me if I’d be saying such a thing back in December when I received the summons, that would have been a big, fat, “No.”

I’m really thankful that I made a new friend as a result of this opportunity/duty. I went out of my comfort zone and asked my neighbor, who I had met briefly but had not yet gotten to know super well but who has a daughter in the same preschool class as my daughter, if she might be able to help out and watch my girl one day each week for the past two months after I learned the judge would not excuse me for lack of childcare options for my 4-year-old. My friend graciously said she could do all the days I had scheduled, and I’ve gotten to know her better and it’s really nice to have a friend up the street. May I be as willing to be a friend as she was to me.

Drinking strong coffee to stay awake in the afternoon after many hours in a long, long day and hearing lots of frustrating cases causes me to have that crazy undefined anxiety in my stomach and mind later in the evening when I finally get home and try to unwind.

I just realized I have a new-found respect for what my husband does every day in working hard all day and then coming home and engaging with the family. I only had one long day a week with jury duty and I found it so hard to shut off that part of my brain when I got home and be worth anything to my family that evening.

One of the hardest things for a blogger to do is to not talk or blog about some things that are a major part of two months of her life because she’s been sworn to secrecy “for all time.”

If you ever want to know what your community is really like, serve on jury duty. It’s quite eye-opening.

If you are thinking about doing something illegal while in a car, make sure you have working lights/headlights/etc.

On the other hand, disregard that....if you are doing something illegal in a car, I personally hope you ARE caught and have to see your day in court. In other words, don’t do illegal things.

Many criminals are not very smart.

There are some very, very, very depraved people in this world. And there are some very lost people who make unwise choices or have unwise choices made for them by people who have influence over them before they even have the maturity to learn anything different. But what I have perpetually reminded myself is that it is only by God’s grace that I am not walking the same road. Jury duty has helped me to be more aware of the need to pray for my community and to be a lighthouse who will pray for my neighbors.

I live a very, very sheltered life.

I am thankful, so very, very, very, very thankful for my sheltered, ordinary, ‘boring’ life. There are some things much worse than sheltered and ordinary and ‘boring.’

Though my children looked at me like I was a little off my rocker, I came home one evening, looked them straight in the eyes and told them that if any friend of theirs ever got involved with, talked favorably about, even hinted around about flirting around with, or talked about being friends with someone else who used meth or some other illegal drug....that person is not a friend. Period. No questions asked, do not pass Go, you are no longer friends, flee, flee, flee. Both boys told me they didn’t even know what meth is, but yes, ma’am, after I told them a little about what I’d learned. I am not naive enough to think that they do not need the reminder over and over again repeatedly, either.

I now feel really uncomfortable having Sudafed in the house, even though the doctor prescribed it for my sinus troubles.

Methamphetamine is a huge problem. Huge. And heartbreaking.

Paperwork done right and well is important.

Some people really like to hear themselves talk.

I’ve never liked ‘group projects.’ Jury duty is sort of like a really important ‘group project.’ Thankfully, most days we had a good group that gelled well together. I actually felt a little sad saying good-bye to the others today, and I think I may miss seeing them each week. But only a little.

I would not make a very good lawyer. Too complicated, too many things to remember at once, too many messy situations to sort out and try to apply the law to, too much stress over long periods of time. It was all I could do to be the secretary and keep up with the testimony enough to take legible notes for the case file and deal with this stuff one day a week.

Being quite certain someone committed a crime and being able to prove it are two different things.

Often there is a whole lot more to a story than what may eventually become public knowledge. I will remember and apply that next time I become opinionated about the barest part of any story (not just regarding criminal things, but any news story) and the editorializing that follows that I read in the paper or see on the news.

I don’t really like not getting a lunch break until 2 PM and then not finishing for the day until 7PM and then having to drive home in the low visibility that comes from a winter rain storm that is beginning to turn to snow later in the evening.

If you want to avoid certain people engaging in illegal behaviors, don’t be driving around in the middle of the night.

People who do the kinds of things that get their names known to a grand jury often run with other people who do the same.

It’s heartbreaking how many people go right back to criminal behavior once they are out of jail.

It is really good advice to avoid all appearance of evil. It is wise and it is biblical, and it is one of the best ways to avoid having to ever have your name listed on some future grand jury’s list of cases for their day.

It’s also wise and biblical to choose your friends wisely. Walk with people who are doing bad things, you’ll get tarnished and burned or even sucked into the vortex of their activity eventually. Walk circumspectly and avoid keeping evil doers as close associates and you’ll be much less likely to fall into that trap.

To me, hearing Jesus’ name being used as a curse word is as disgusting and disturbing as the reprehensible behavior we were exposed to that brought forth the blasphemy from a peer in the room. Arguably even more so.

I am burdened to pray for quite a few of the individuals whose cases crossed our path these past two months. I may never know the end results in their lives, but I’m praying for them nonetheless.

Whether people want to admit it or not, we do all have a sense of right and wrong. We know, whether or not we act on that knowledge, that there are things that are just wrong. This is one great argument for a benevolent Creator, in fact the Creator who is the great I AM, the only wise God, and it is what Romans 1 tells us. We are stamped with His law and made in His image, no matter how diligently we sin to deny that law and to tarnish that image. He is Lord and one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father. Pray for the grace to believe, repent and bow now.

A couple of cases in particular may haunt me for a while. That’s all I can say about it except that I am praying that the truth, whatever it really is, will out in the end, and I am certainly praying for the individuals involved.

I pray I will be a lighthouse in the midst of the darkness that is our culture. I pray for a boldness I have not often enough exercised to speak the word without fear.

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful that it was my last day of my two month jury duty. The judge said today as he was dismissing us that he hoped it had been an eye-opening experience and that we can appreciate better what a necessary service it is to our community. It was definitely an eye-opening experience, that’s for sure. I’m thankful I got to participate, though, and I’m thankful to be finished today, too.

I’m thankful for the rain we are receiving today.

I’m very thankful for men of God who faithfully open His word and teach it well. I’ve been listening to John MacArthur preach on the Lordship of Christ, and it has been refreshment for my soul and mind.

Even more than that, I am thankful that I have God’s word translated into my language and that I can hold in my hands and read and study it. More and more, I am growing weary and distressed with books about Christianity and faith that are not biblically sound, and there are so many of them capturing our attention, ladies. May we be satisfied in Christ, and to seek to know His word with intensity and devotion. It is His word that is the word of life, dig in and feast there, my friends. It is so worth the hard work and time to read and study the Bible. It is in saturating our minds with the truth that we can recognize the error that is so prevalent in Christian books and blogs and thinking anymore as the Holy Spirit opens our understanding and love for Christ and turns our thinking to a biblical and God-honoring way of viewing all things. Let us seek not to be looking for the next emotional high or method or some new thing, but let us ground ourselves in the riches and depth of God’s word and learn to be satisfied in what He has revealed to us. He has spoken to us in His word. Let us drink deeply at the well of the word of life.

Random Mondayness

First box of Girl Scout cookies for this year entered our house the other day. Cute little girl bravely came up to the door and asked if I would like to buy some. I had already ordered some from a friend at church, but I bought one from her, too, since she was brave enough to come to the door herself and not get her daddy to do the asking. Yes, I know this is what the marketing geniuses that are the Girl Scout cookie people are counting on. I don’t even really like Girl Scout cookies.

I’ve enjoyed the fact that my husband got today and Friday off from work. One benefit of working Active Army Reserve on post - he usually gets the Friday before a Monday holiday also. Kinda sorta makes up for a year in Bosnia, six months in Iraq, etc. and etc. Boys had to go to school, holiday being used as a snow make-up day for one of the eleven (!!) snow days we’ve had this winter.

Though I do like the snow and winter, I’m really, really, really ready for spring now. Our little corner of the globe wasn’t all that warm the past several months and the past few days of warmer weather have whetted the appetite for more. Apparently some of my little bulbs are thinking along the same lines - I’ve seen a few tentative sprouts peeking up out of the ground this week. Looking forward to planting some tomatoes and herbs, too.

Bought my little girl a size 6 dress today. And it fit. A tad big, but only just a tad. Could we slow this time down just a little for just a little longer? Sigh.

Sidewalk chalk is a fun thing. So is Play-doh...to a point.

Enjoying reading Anne of Green Gables again. I think I’ve always been just a tad in love with Gilbert Blythe myself. C’mon, Anne, forgive him already! I love it when she finally does.

Had a date night with my husband the other day. Found a babysitter we and the kids just love. Drew and I went to see The Eagle, and liked it. I like when the hero is really a hero, honorable from the beginning. Definitely would not be called a girl movie, but then, I’m not really a ‘chick flick’ kinda girl anyway, my love for Anne aside. At least not the modern versions of chick flicks, that is.

Really enjoying the Christian History class I’m getting to take on Sunday nights at our church. Discussion of Paul’s address to the Athenians in Acts and the meaning of ‘Logos’ in John 1:1 has really helped me to have a much deeper understanding and awe of just how awesome our God truly is. Wish I could go into more detail here, but, just incredible stuff.

Am more than ever thankful that our God is mighty to save and that the good work He has begun in me He will bring to completion at the day of Christ Jesus.

Tomorrow and Thursday are my last days of jury duty. Woo-hoo! We were joking the other day amongst ourselves that if there is ever a drought around here, they should just call our group back to serve again. It has rained or snowed almost every single Tuesday during our term. We’re supposed to be getting rain tonight.

I think I have come to the conclusion that while I still enjoy a little coffee with my creamer and sweetener, I think I really just like tea better. Especially when trying to lose weight, coffee isn’t too hard a thing to cut out. Girl Scout cookies are also not too difficult a thing for me to forego.

However, I have also come to the conclusion that I cannot have candy in the house. I can’t stay out of it, so it undermines my healthier eating efforts. So, sadly, the chocolate has to go for a while.

Laundry never ends, but the satisfaction upon folding the last piece of it for one more session is still a big one. I have miles to go before I sleep on that one today, however, and I hear that the washer has stopped, so I must go and take care of another load now.

Happy Monday.

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for warmer weather. It was about 70 degrees yesterday and high 60’s and windy today. We’re expecting rain tonight, but I’m sooooooo thankful it is not snow.

I’m thankful for the good time my son and daughter and I had walking around the neighborhood yesterday as my boy was trying to sell candy bars for a fundraiser.

I’m thankful for the neighbors who were kind when they chose to open their door to this kid selling candy bars and were nice to him. It’s sure I’ve bought my fair share of neighbor kids’ fundraiser items in my time.

I’m thankful for sidewalk chalk. What fun.

I’m thankful for the lively imagination of my little 4-year-old daughter. She makes life sparkle around here. Actually all three of our kids make our life sparkle in some way.

I’m thankful my son was able to spell all of his spelling words when I quizzed him today. You have no idea......

I’m thankful for Philippians 2:5-11. Read it, you’ll see why.

I’m thankful my husband got home safely from last weekend’s business trip, and I’m thankful for Thursday evening....the first evening of the week when no one in the family has anything we have to do in the evening.

I'm thankful for my husband, who loves me in spite of my faults. He demonstrates unconditional love toward me, and I am blessed to be his wife.

I’m thankful for the healing that time brings. I accidentally walked down the baby aisle at the grocery store one day over the weekend and had a small little twinge when it suddenly occurred to me what was happening during this weekend last year, but God’s grace has brought peace and acceptance and, yes, even joy and that little walk down the baby aisle resulted in a time to thank God for His blessings, of which there are so very, very many.

I’m thankful to be able to put dinner on the table for the family for whom I am also thankful. Chicken quesadillas and fiesta rice tonight. Must go get it onto that table right now.

Hints of Spring

The snow is melting! The snow is melting! Dance of joy, the snow is melting!

Waiting for the day I can use this Narnia quote: "This is no thaw. This is Spring." Probably a little premature at the moment, but it's nice to see the white stuff disappearing for now. Don't know about y'all, but we've been having winter around here, and our little part of the globe hasn't felt very warm in months. This Florida girl is cold. Supposed to get into the 60's later this week. That will feel positively summerish after the winter we've been having.

It's been cold, I say. Cabin fever has ensued in a big way around these parts, so hope is springing at any hint of spring.

Thoughts From This Weekend

Our church had a Family Conference this weekend that was just absolutely excellent. I love my church family. I really and truly do. I’m very thankful for all the hard work that went into making last night and this morning possible, and the speakers were just all so good. The sessions on discipline and family worship this morning were especially helpful to me. Wish my husband had not had to be out of town this weekend for work, but I took good notes and can’t wait for time to sit down together and discuss and pray together about what I’ve learned over the weekend and how we can implement it in our home so that we can be even more diligent about building a Christian home that has the fragrance of Christ and glorifies God.

The session on discipline was a breath of fresh air and conviction as I realize this is an area I have been needing some reminders in. It is the root of that issue I mentioned in an earlier post that I discovered with one of my children. I realized while rereading that post that I made the situation sound more dire than it actually is, but it is something that needs addressing. It is serious, but I realized that without context and detail, it sounded worse than it actually is, and I have now edited that post. It’s a matter of learning how to be organized and first time obedience and taking responsibility for things that need to be done. And what I realized is that we’ve been lax in training in these areas, and in consequence I think we’ve exasperated our boy. Anyway, very thankful for the practical, biblical sessions this weekend.

Last night the elementary age kids had a camp-in at the church led by our student pastor, and my middle boy had a great time. My older boy got to volunteer with the preschool childcare so that I could go to the conference sessions. That is not really ‘his thing,’ but I’m so glad of the way he did it cheerfully and without complaining anyway.

Anyway, that’s a really long lead up to get to the little story I was actually writing this blog post to share. As I was checking my son in for his camp-in, the college student who was volunteering with that area kept calling me, “Mrs. W_________.” Inside I always feel so funny being addressed that way, because inside I still feel like I’m right there with that college girl as a peer. But I’m not. I’m old enough I could have had a child close to her age had I gotten married and started just a little bit earlier, so it’s all kinds of appropriate that she address me in that way. I’m also not one of those that feels the need to be all hip and cool and make her call me by my first name. I actually find it pretty refreshing that this kind of respect still exists in some corners, even if I don’t internally feel old enough to be “Mrs. W_________,” and think it’s good not to discourage it. The fact is I am that old, and we really should encourage the respectful attitude that sweet young lady exhibits every time I’ve ever had any dealings with her.

I applaud her parents for teaching her well, and I know her parents and I’m sure they did. I also am glad to know there are still young people who understand respect and courtesy and exercise it genuinely. May I teach my kids to be respectful from the heart, as well. I don’t want them to just behave well outwardly and legalistically, my goal and hope for them is that they will want to do well and be respectful and courteous for God’s glory and because they have learned to love and fear Him. I want it to be a heart issue. This needs to be my aim in training them and it is my heart’s cry in prayer for them as well.

Thankful Thursday on a Friday

There’s no time that isn’t a good time to be thankful, and I’m thankful for that. I forgot all about Thankful Thursday yesterday. I even got around to writing a rather lame blog post yesterday, blog posts of any sort being a fairly rare occurrence anymore it seems, but I forgot about Thursday and thankfulness going together in a blog post. So, I figure I’ll be thankful today.

I’m thankful for good books, new and old.

I’m thankful for strawberries, one of the few things I find to really like about February, this most wintery and drear of months. Good thing it’s the shortest month. But, oh, how I love those first strawberries of the season, and how excited I am when they appear at the grocery store.

I’m thankful for Psalm 116:15: “Precious in the eyes of the LORD is the death of His saints.” A sweet lady from our church family went home to be with Jesus this week. Mrs. ‘Lib’ was a precious lady and I will miss her sweet smile and welcoming hugs. She and her husband brought us a plate of cookies the day the moving van arrived at our new house here to welcome us to the neighborhood and the church. I feel I didn't get to know her long enough, but I'm thankful for the privilege of knowing her a little bit for a little while. She will be missed, and though tears fall as I type this, I’m glad to know her voice is joining with the great Hallelujah Chorus of Heaven now, and she is whole and healed in the presence of her Lord.

I’m thankful for Lamentations 3:22-24: “Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. ‘The LORD is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘Therefore I hope in Him!’” And for 2 Corinthians 12:9: “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” And for Philippians 1:6: “And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” And for James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

The reason I am thankful for all of those verses is that today I am having one of those days when I realize I am failing in some areas as a parent. But I am thankful that though I am failing, my Savior will never fail me or my kids and He will give me the wisdom to know how to do this mom thing well and for His glory. I am thankful for the mercy of His allowing me to recognize failings and take steps to correct them. I'm also realizing the need to sleep on emotional posts before posting them as this is now the edited and toned down version of the previous post which because of lack of context and details presented a more dire picture than I intended.

I’m thankful for the privilege of prayer. And I’m going to end this post now and go get on my knees and petition the throne for the wisdom to parent well and for His glory right now.

Old Books Are Like Old Friends

“You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.” - C.S. Lewis

“No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.” C.S. Lewis

“A children’s story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children’s story in the slightest.” - C.S. Lewis

“I can’t imagine a man really enjoying a book and reading it only once.” - C.S. Lewis

Well, I’m not fifty and beyond, but I am reading Anne of Green Gables yet again for I’ve lost count what time this will be. It’s one of my all-time favorite books and one of the reasons I can really relate to Mr. Lewis’s sentiments that I’ve shared up there. Those sentiments of his are probably why he wrote his Narnia books so well and why they are a series I have also lost count of how many times I have read as well.

For all the good books out there I have yet to read, there is something comforting and familiar about picking up a cherished old favorite once in a while, kind of like reuniting with a long, lost old friend. And I love the gentle and whimsical world of Anne’s and how I can almost see how achingly beautiful the world looks through her eyes. I love the story of how Marilla and Matthew take in the poor little orphan girl who had never been loved and immediately fall in love with her and give her a home and how she just blossoms there and finds so many ‘kindred spirit’ friends whose lives she touches. And Gilbert Blythe....watching their friendship grow is wonderful too. I can’t wait until my little girl is old enough to read this book together and I can share it with her. But for now, I’m going to curl up and enjoy it another time this winter.

“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.” - Anne Shirley in Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery

Sharper Than Any Two-Edged Sword

My little girl may just have a promising future career as a cartoon character. I’m listening to her converse with her stuffed animals. Each one has a different voice and personality. It is quite funny. Even funnier is when she tells one of them to shush. Given that she’s the one doing all the talking, that is. Sometimes I get a little scared that she might actually believe she’s having these conversations, that’s how active her imagination is.

It’s really funny until we tell her to tone it down a little, be a little quieter. Lady Dog can be quite shrill. Then it is not funny because then she inevitably will say, “It’s not me. It’s Lady Dog.” Disobedience is still disobedience, just because she’s being cute at the time doesn’t mean we let it slide. I’ve already told her that, no, it isn’t Lady Dog, it is Rachel and Rachel needs to obey when we tell her to be quieter. Next step is that Lady Dog is going to be taking a time out when a certain little someone decides cuteness and having fun trump obedience.

Then I get to thinking about my own tendency towards obedience or not. God’s word has a way of really cutting to the heart when you spend time pondering it and memorizing it. As you do, you begin to see areas that need repenting when you realize you can’t keep memorizing and saying a certain passage over and over with a clear conscience because there’s something there in your heart that needs dealing with. When I come to see that something I am doing or have done, or am not doing or haven’t done, doesn’t measure up to God’s word and I’m not walking in a manner worthy of the gospel, do I try to be cute and justify it, try to make it more acceptable, or do I own up and confess and repent? Disobedience is still disobedience, no matter how pretty or justifiable or acceptable I may try to make it.

I count it a mercy that the Holy Spirit lovingly searches our hearts and convicts us and speaks to us through His word and leads us in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake, to conform us to the image of Christ. And speaking from experience, when such a thing becomes clear and you finally surrender and do what you know you need to do, it is really freedom.

“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

Standing Firm

Philippians 1:27-30

27 Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel,

28 and not frightened in anything by your opponents. This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God.

29 For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake,

30 engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I still have.

Week 5 of the Partnering to Remember project found us in this passage of Philippians chapter one. I have been mulling over the exhortation to let my manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, and I am more and more convinced that the only life worth living is one that is devoted to and saturated by the gospel. The whole focus of Philippians chapter one is Paul’s prayer for the Philippians to be living faithfully to the gospel and the fact that all that has happened to him has served to advance the gospel. We cannot be too spiritually, too gospel minded. In fact, I find that much of the time I am not nearly gospel minded enough.

The amazing thing about the gospel is that it does not stop at the point of a person’s conversion to faith in Christ. This is not the end result of the gospel, but the beginning. It is the gospel that saves us and brings us into right relationship with God, and it is the power of the gospel that keeps us and produces the fruit of righteousness in us that allows us to live in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Growing up with a decisional, walk the aisle, pray this prayer and all is well kind understanding of the gospel, I have not always appreciated fully enough what it is to live with a gospel saturated mindset.

Spending five weeks with Philippians chapter one, rehearsing it over and over and over as I’ve sought to memorize it and think on it, I am seeing more clearly that the gospel is deeper and richer than we often present it as being. Proper understanding of the gospel is vital to justification, but also to sanctification. I am saved by grace through faith in Christ Jesus, and I am also kept by grace through faith in Christ Jesus, and it is His working in me that is leading me to a fuller understanding of His grace and to be shedding the things that weigh me down from running the race He has called me to run. It is through Jesus Christ that the fruit of righteousness begins to fill my life.

One thing I’m taking away from this section is how Paul really wanted to hear that the Philippian church was striving side by side for the faith of the gospel. We’ve been encouraged to pray daily for our church here, and we really want to see God be glorified, we want revival. I’m convinced that what the church needs to be about is this striving for the faith of the gospel - not about programs per se, or a cool and fun youth group, or about making me feel....whatever it is I think I may want to feel based on my so-called ‘felt needs,’ or about making sure the music is all I would want it to be in whatever style I think is most what I want, or about being entertained, but about striving for the faith of the gospel. Striving is a strong word. It implies work, and not ease and comfort and fun and games and entertainment. I have not fully apprehended this in my approach to church membership yet, but I want to. I want to be much more about striving side by side for the faith of the gospel than about warming a pew or going through churchy motions or being entertained. Church really is not about me and my entertainment, but very much about turning our attention to our God and worshipping Him in spirit and truth and coming in line with His will. I want to be alive in Christ and busy about His business. I am thirsty for revival, and I’m praying for this for my church, too.

I go back to verse 22, “If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell.” As I’ve been saturating my mind with this, it has come clear to me that this has not been my attitude toward my life in the flesh. Most of the time I pretty much muddle along through life, getting through the busyness of each day, but not actively, purposely thinking about fruitful labor in the gospel in the midst of the busyness. How much time I waste. Will I change? Can I change? Please, God, grab my heart and help me to change!

Something else that struck me this week was the way Paul told them that it had been granted to them that for the sake of Christ they should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake. I think this is a very hard thing for an American Christian to get her mind wrapped around. It is for this American Christian, steeped in the comfortable Christian subculture of suburban decisional Christianity anyway. I don’t typically look at suffering being something I would want to be granted. Believing, sure, but suffering? Not so much. But looking closely, it is suffering for the sake of Christ. Meaning, suffering because they are obviously being bold and obedient to speak the word without fear. I want to be bold to speak the word without fear. I want to be bold to speak the word at all. I’m not there yet, but I want to be. I don’t even face the risk of imprisonment and yet much of the time I am not out there looking for opportunities to speak the word. Why not? I think it goes back to the striving together side by side. As we as a body will be striving together we will also be bold together. I need to be really engaging with my church family, not settling for being comfortable to be part of it, but actively being busy with them in speaking the gospel of Christ to our community and in discipling those who are in the fellowship.

Anyway, these are just some of the things I’m working through as I partner to remember Philippians. Praying I will be obedient to take them to heart and learn to act on them, not just think about them, and then to stand firm in that obedience and be changed because I’ve hidden this word in my heart.

Status Report - February 2011

Thanking Lisa once again for her most useful status report format.

Sitting....at the computer desk in my kitchen with my ice cold hands. This has got to be one of the winteriest of winters I’ve ever experienced.

Eating....nothing. But I just finished having a lunch of spinach, carrot sticks, celery sticks and raw broccoli. Livin’ high on the hog ‘round here today.

Drinking.... “Sweet” iced tea, sweetened with Sweet-N-Low, but just put the tea pot on so I can make a nice cup of hot Constant Comment tea. Got to warm up these icicles I call fingers somehow.

Craving....a diet Coke. It's been over two weeks since I gave them up and gave up aspartame and Splenda, and even though the joint pain I was experiencing in my feet has subsided a whole lot in that two weeks, making me pretty sure those things were the culprits just as I'd suspected, I still crave diet Coke. Crazy.

Mistaken....when I thought my thermometer must be broken the other day. It read 96.5, and that just seemed low so I thought maybe it’s time to buy a new thermometer. When I was at the doctor’s office on Monday to try to find out why I have so much pressure and fluid in my ears, my temperature was 96 there, too. So, if I register 98.6, am I technically running a fever? No wonder I’m so cold all the time.

Lesson learned.....never, ever take Sudafed right before bed time.

Enjoying....the fact that though it snowed furiously all day yesterday, none of it stuck. Woo-hoo! Nice to see something other than white out there again. Could it be a sign spring might actually come one day?

Pleased....that after two weeks of consciously monitoring the calories I consume, I seem to have lost 5 pounds. This is huge, since I’ve not seen the scale needle move leftward in a long time.

Pondering...on Philippians 1:27-30, specifically about letting my manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ. Much to ponder and pray earnestly about in Philippians chapter one where I’ve spent the past 5 weeks memorizing. I want so much to be changed because of this concentrated time focusing on the Word and learning to pray more intently.

Thinking....what my life would be like if I truly mentally acknowledged that HOLINESS TO THE LORD should be written across it, just as the High Priest wore as I read in Exodus yesterday morning.

Wondering...why it is that just when I get serious about memorizing scripture and praying more intently I seem to get hit with a serious bout of the blues.

Thankful....that my salvation is not dependent on my emotions or ability to ‘feel it’, but on Christ’s extreme faithfulness to His promise - His finished work of redemption. Gospel living means trusting Him even when I feel nothing, but knowing, yes KNOWING, that it is only by His grace that I can live the life that is worthy of the gospel and be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God, and He will bring to completion what He has begun in me for His glory. Yes and amen.

Ending....this post so I can go exercise for a bit. **Well, exercise was the plan. It's been a while since I posted that and I haven't gotten to it yet. Still a little time left this afternoon.....