The thing about moving every 3-4 years is that there are hidden griefs beyond the obvious ones. Obviously, we grieve when we spend the first part of a move grieving the loss of friends and familiarity from the previous place we lived and trying to find our place in our new home. Then, just about the time we’ve established good friends and found our way around and it has begun to feel like home, it’s time to move again, and we go through that whole grief process again. Then when you get to the new place, you have to push on and jump in and meet new people, because you don't want to walk around bleeding the hidden grief all over the new people, you have to move on and be present here and make this place home and embrace all the good things and great people you get to know here.
I’m going to be a little raw and admit that I am still struggling with this move. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older this time and my kids are older and we’re kind of on the way toward being almost empty nesters, or what, but I am fighting like you wouldn’t believe against a gray depression and lack of motivation to really jump in and get to know people here. I’m doing it - I’ve joined the church choir, I’ve been to my first middle school band boosters meeting and I’m planning to sign up to help with an upcoming band event soon, and we are looking into joining the church as soon as we can. But, with leaving both boys behind at college in Texas, I’m struggling a bit with the beginnings of the empty next on top of having to start all over again in a new place, after leaving a place we weren’t ready to leave. I have to admit, I’m having a hard time with my emotions this time.
What brings this up today in a fresh way is that I’m dealing with one of those hidden griefs of moving as often as we do - that fresh knife-cut wound when you realize something else that had a lot of sentimental value that should have been here, somehow isn’t here. As we finish going through the last of the boxes and realize, “Hey, I haven’t seen……” and we go looking and can’t find that thing. There have been several things like that this time. We know for sure that our University of Florida diplomas and some precious art work and photos that were packed with them are not here, and we have a claim and a plea with the moving company that stored our stuff to please find those boxes. They aren’t worth any money that the company could pay us, really, but they are full of irreplaceable sentimental value, and there's a catch in my throat every time I consider we may never get some of them back. And today, as we’ve been going through the last of the bookshelf boxes, it seems that my “Omnibus” magazines - the creative writing magazine from high school where I was on staff - seem to be missing also. My husband says we will find them. I’m feeling less sure than he is, but I appreciate his understanding of my tears.
I know that this is just ‘stuff.’ I know that in the grand scheme of things, these are not really important things. But, today, right now, it’s one more opening of the wound of the grief of moving again. This move has absolutely been the hardest one we’ve done yet.
BUT, I will still sing, and I will still praise, because through it ALL, I know that God is good and He has placed us here at this time for His purpose. In some ways it’s been a great move. My daughter has had the smoothest transition she’s ever had with a move, and has already made some good friends at school and at church - people who are truly glad to see her when she comes down the hall. That is priceless. And just living here, in this particular place, we see all kinds of opportunities, especially for one of our sons - because of some connections we’ve made here, he will be getting an awesome scholarship and we can foresee some wonderful internship possibilities. And we have found a great church, where we know that in time will feel just as much like home as any other church we’ve been members of, because these are fellow believers who love Jesus, just as we do. I love the choir already, and we’ve been invited by some sweet people in our Sunday school class to an informal fellowship tonight. God is so good, and He always, always provides abundantly for His people. I know that as I keep my eyes on Him, He never changes and I am His. He will heal my broken heart, and help me to let go of things that should not hold my heart too tightly, even when I feel that renewed cut at the realization of one more lost thing, and for that I’m thankful.
Isaiah 26:3-4
"You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock."
Psalm 34:1
"I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth."
Psalm 34:18
"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit."
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