Words Are Important

I got into a discussion with someone recently on Facebook who believes that I am in violation of scripture to believe that the decision to not homeschool my children is a disputable matter. It is NOT the point of this post to debate that topic, and I won’t engage in the debate here, so please let’s not go there here. There are lots of places where that is being discussed if you are inclined. Here are a couple of posts I found interesting on the issue, also, if you’re interested:

Education and Division

Does the Bible Mandate Homeschool?

The point of this post is that in the course of the discussion, the word “pharisee” was used. I did not use the word, but at the time I agreed with it, and I still agree with the sentiment behind why it was used, that we believed that burdens are being added to the command in the law to train up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord to insist that this is a mandate for homeschooling. I think we all agree that training our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is a clear command in scripture. Where we were differing is in the area of our convictions on how that is to be done. As I said, the benefits and non-benefits of both sides are being argued all over the place and strong lines in the sand are being drawn on either side, and I don’t intend to do that here. I agreed at the time with the use of the word ‘pharisee’ because the Pharisees were known to add burdens to the law.

However, upon thinking on it some, I think to use the word ‘pharisee’ probably goes too far. I can see why it is offensive, and it is not my intention to be offensive. It could seem that by its use we mean that we think the person is a proponent of false religion. I do not believe that about the person with whom I was having the discussion. I do believe we reached a point of disagreement where a lot of sound Biblical people do, in fact, differ, but that is a far cry from false religion, and not what was meant by the comment.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that in blogging as in life, it’s best to keep the discussion focused on the issue at hand and avoid inflammatory words when possible. Especially in a post where I was trying to think about graciousness in the midst of disputable matters.

Just one of the reasons I sense a need for a blogging break.

Break

I believe I have decided I do need to take a blogging break. I'm still feeling fuzzy headed from a bad sinus infection and I think I need to spend less time on blogs and Facebook. I am convicted that I waste an awful amount of time.

I mentioned on Facebook a while back that I am finally feeling like writing again, and I can't really get to it when I'm wasting time on the computer. I very much want to get going with some ideas I have for a children's story. I don't know if anything will come of it, that's a scary thought, really. But my son asked for a story a long time ago, and I finally am having some ideas about how to write one for him.

I don't know how long I'll break...a week, two, a month? Long enough for me to get out of the habit of checking the computer every so often throughout the day, I suppose. And long enough to work through the slump I'm struggling through. Need some time in the Word and prayer, too.

See you when I get back.

Status Report - September 2010

Following my friend Lisa’s lead again, I love this post format.

Sitting....in semi-darkness, trying to type this post quickly because I need to get off the computer for the evening.

Drinking....water. Lots of water. Because the doctor AND pharmacist made a point to say that the antibiotic I’m taking needs lots of water...something about flushing out the kidneys. Alrighty then.

Reading....Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Chapter 4 this week. Perhaps I will say more after I’ve read the chapter. Perhaps.

Also reading....The Devil Amongst the Lawyers by Sharyn McCrumb. It’s another in her ballad novels series. I’ve liked the others. Not far enough into this one yet to tell if I like it yet.

Feeling....a little sad about something I’ll keep to myself.

Thankful....for the church we joined recently. It’s nice to have a home. It’s wonderful to be encouraged and challenged in the Word.

Contemplating....taking a blogging and Facebooking break. Not sure yet. I may need to step away for a bit. Part of that sadness up there, in a way. When it is no longer an enjoyable hobby, it’s probably time to take a breather and reconsider why I do it and how much time I should be spending. Today I spent way too much time on the computer and there were other things I needed to be doing that were neglected. That is not a good use of time, a precious commodity.

Weary.....that’s why I’m contemplating a break.

Grateful...beyond words for the grace and mercy I’ve been shown by the Savior. His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness.

Time....to quit for the night. Good-night, all.

The Secret Grief

I’ve found myself being weepier than usual lately. I always cry at most anything anyway, but lately I seem more watery-eyed than usual. Having a raging sinus infection doesn’t help. It’s getting better now, though the antibiotic I’m on has me feeling off. Feels like morning sickness. It isn’t, but it feels like it. Maybe after 10 days of not having any appetite at all I’ll actually lose some weight finally?

Anyway, I finally realized that what’s going on in my subconscious is that it’s almost September. That’s where the weepiness is coming from, I think. My due date was September 21. I don’t dwell on it, but it’s there in the back of my mind nonetheless. I know from experience that subsequent Septembers probably won’t be so poignant, but here we are.

I find myself in a strange place regarding this last miscarriage. I can’t honestly say that today, right now, I truly wish I were still pregnant. And I feel kind of sad to say that. The move and the settling in have been much easier than they would have been had things gone as we’d maybe not planned but hoped after the surprise. But it is sad to think about the baby we almost got to welcome home in the next few weeks. It’s sad to think about the three other babies who we also never got to welcome home or even meet. It’s sweet to think that in Heaven there are four people who worship Jesus there who we’ll meet one day and recognize as the children we only got to hold in our hearts.

So, I can’t say I’m terribly sad. I’m really happy with where we are at the moment. God has been especially good and kind to my family. He has brought us to a church home where we already feel we are part of the family, where we are encouraged and drawn in to worship Him in a real way each week. I have sensed such growth just since we’ve been here, and this is a gift from God, I know.

But if I’m a little weepier than usual in the next few weeks, please understand. I’m okay. Really and truly okay. But there’s a part of my heart that will always be a place of secret grief that holds a place for four little ones who left us before we even got to know them.

Some Things I've Thought About While on Facebook

I have found that the urge to share random thoughts throughout the day is quite addictive when you get involved with Facebook. I enjoy the interaction with friends there. However, I got to thinking that a lot of the thoughts that I randomly post as updates on my profile can tend to the negative. I don’t know why that is, but I got to thinking this week:

I started to complain about laundry, but I stopped when I realized how thankful I am to have a working electric washer and dryer, and how much easier laundry is now than in centuries past. Then I got to thinking how thankful for I am for the people who wear the clothes I was about to complain about washing. Then I realized how grateful I am that God's plan for us involves placing the solitary in families (Psalm 68:6) and for His good and perfect plan for me and my family (Romans 8:28-30). There are people in the world who do not have what I have, and it humbles me to think how much I take it for granted.

I started to complain about the extra pounds I’d like to shed, but I stopped when I thought about how many times I’d raised a fork to my mouth to ingest an unwise food choice just that day. And I thought about how often I neglect exercise and am lazy about healthy eating and choose to eat something I know is not good for me because I’d rather indulge my flesh in the moment than do what is right for the long term. (Galatians 5:22-25) Then I thought about how much food I waste, when so many people in the world do not have the plenty we have here. And it humbles me to think how much I take it for granted. May I not be so ungrateful.

I started to tell a story about one of my children, but I stopped when I realized that it might be funny to me but probably would embarrass him. Love would not be so arrogant and puffed up and rude as to share the failings of another for a laugh. (1 Corinthians 13) Then I started to think about how hurt I would be if he were to post something embarrassing about me when he is old enough for Facebook. (Matthew 7:12) And I started to think about how thankful I am to have children and to be their mom, and it humbles me to think how much I take it for granted.

I started to complain about feeling depressed, but I stopped when I looked around at all the many people and things for which I have to be thankful. And after reading the book we’re studying with our small group, I started thinking that it is arrogant to use depressed feelings as an excuse to sin and take my eyes off of Jesus. And I thought about how I forget the command to rejoice always. (Philippians 4:4-7) And I thought about God’s grace, shown to me, a sinner who is unworthy and undeserving of such mercy. I thought about Jesus who bore the penalty for the sin debt I owe and whose blood has cleansed me and reconciled me to God. When I cry, “Lord, have mercy!” I can rest in knowing that He has shown me such mercy in granting me the faith to trust in Him and hide my life in Christ, my Savior, Lord, High Priest and never-failing Advocate. (Bask in the riches and depths of the book of Hebrews!) And it humbles me to think how much I take it for granted.

I’m not promising I’ll consistently remember these thoughts when I go to type a status update in days to come. I may slip and write status updates that are more complaining than grateful. But I want to remember.

While reading Chapter 2 in the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan for our study this week, we discussed the fact that the point of our lives is to point to God. And we discussed how many people waste their lives. I do not want to do that.

I do not want to live selfishly. But I do. I believe, Lord. Help my unbelief! Help me to realize it so deeply that You change me from within. Because it really does humble me to realize how often I forget how great You are, how often I take it all for granted and how often I find I am living selfishly rather than seeing everything as an opportunity to give You honor and glory.

Wake Up!

I read two articles today that, on the surface wouldn't seem to linked. However, I think they both bear a good look from those of us who hold to the truth and inerrancy of scripture and who are concerned for the generation that follows us.

First, there is this piece by Dr. Albert Mohler, discussing the disturbing trend among "evangelicals" to discount and attempt to discredit the inerrancy of the Bible. Read it. It used to be that a hallmark of the evangelical was the belief that God's word is true and inerrant. Pay attention, friends.

Then, there is this article that a friend on Facebook linked, which discusses the fact that we are losing the current generation of teenagers in droves because so many just do not see church and Christianity as relevant to their lives. This article, in particular, struck a nerve with me - I have a son who has just entered middle school and two more children who are following quickly behind him. The article makes some valid points, and, as my friend rightly pointed out, there are many factors leading to the exodus of our youth from church and from Christianity, but I think that the experts are missing a vital, vital, vital clue to the underlying problem. They are quick to blame 'unchurched parents', and I am sure that is huge, but that is not the biggest challenge, I believe.

I believe the biggest challenge, the biggest reason that our youth find what we offer them in our 'evangelical' churches to be largely irrelevant, goes directly to the battle Dr. Mohler is outlining in his article. I talked about the book Already Gone by Ken Ham and Britt Beemer some time ago and you can see that here. That book was the result of a study commissioned by Answers in Genesis to try to get at why we seem to be losing the next generation. We all see the statistics and I don't think anyone argues that we seem to be losing them. The problem is trying to identify why. The book opened my eyes and was somewhat shocking in that what they found was that we aren't losing kids in high school or college as we thought, but we are losing them intellectually and spiritually much younger, though they may still be sitting in the pews, when they are not able to reconcile what they are hearing in the world and what they are taught at church. We err when we teach the Bible as unrelated 'stories' but are not diligent to teach the full counsel of the word, from early on. We err when we give the impression that you come to church to learn 'Bible stories' and you go to school to learn 'facts.' Even in churches that say we hold to the truth and inerrancy of scripture, where we give lip service to holding a high view of the Bible, somehow we seem to be dropping the ball in teaching it to the next generation, by and large.

The natural result of not holding that high view of scripture and teaching it well and as a whole is to eventually jettison its authority. And then you lose 'relevance.' I'm just not convinced that the problem is that youth today are bored with pizza parties and entertainment. I think it's deeper than that. I'm not saying don't offer pizza or that youth events can't be fun. I'm just saying that somehow we've got to do more and to show them that God's word is more than relevant - it is vital. Somehow we've got to reach them younger and somehow we've got to be able to articulate real, true, valid answers to the questions kids have. Sadly, by the time a lot of kids ever reach the youth group, their minds are already made up and they've already decided that the Bible is irrelevant. I don't think it's the youth group necessarily that's making them think that, I think some of them have already arrived at that conclusion before they ever get to that age. We can't tell them, "Just trust in Jesus," when they don't understand why they should. There is true truth. If we compromise on any part of it - and it really does go back to the beginning - then the foundation crumbles. We have to give them answers to evolution and science and all the other things that they are hearing in the world. And they need to be true answers, real answers. It involves knowing what we believe, and being able to give a defense of the faith. It involves being convinced that God's word is true and not compromising on this. This is one reason I am really thankful for the ministry of Answers in Genesis. They have helped me to really think out the faith and ground my suppositions on the truth of God's word and to do it thoughtfully and critically, not blindly. And it has helped me to know how to supply good, solid answers to the questions my children ask - sometimes even before they know to ask them.

My heart breaks for our generation and the generations coming behind us. My heart also breaks because I, personally, have been too self-centered and selfish and busy to get as involved in teaching as I should be. It's real easy for me to sit here at a blog and diagnose the problem, much, much harder to be part of the solution. I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that there are youth pastors and workers who struggle with and labor diligently with how to communicate the truth to kids who are so jaded and distracted by the time they ever get to the youth group doors that it's hard to win a hearing with the truth. May I wake up and first of all get on my knees and pray for wisdom, and may I get involved in the fight for the truth. I pray my children will see and know and embrace the Truth, and I pray that I will be more faithful to speak up and find where I need to be serving my Lord in proclaiming the Truth.

An Anchored Soul

I’m going through a slump, personally. I think I mentioned it earlier. I’m tired. Moving is hard. I tend to have this down time after a move. It just takes time. Sunday our pastor finished a five month series preaching through the book of Hebrews, and we were blessed to be able to learn from it during the last month. I studied Hebrews last Spring with our little group of women before we moved. Once again I was reminded that Jesus is better. He is the hope that anchors my soul. As I sat there Sunday morning at the end of the sermon, the pastor encouraged us to lash our lives to Jesus. I had this vivid mental picture of myself standing at the very edge of a deep pit, feeling hopeless until I remembered that it is not my balance and strength that keep me from falling over into the depression. It is His strength. His grace. His mercy. My life is hid in Christ, and He will complete the work He has begun in me. My life is lashed to Jesus, the anchor for my soul. I do not have to go into the pit. Though I feel tired, He is better. Life is good in His mercy.

Our church is beginning a study with the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. We will be meeting in small groups on Sunday nights to discuss and encourage each other to know God and to love Him more. It’s going to be challenging, I think. I’m looking forward to it. I’ll probably blog some about it in the weeks to come. Here’s something good from this week’s reading:

“But before we look at what is wrong and address it, we need to understand something. The core problem isn’t the fact that we’re lukewarm, halfhearted, or stagnant Christians. The crux of it all is why we are that way, and it is because we have an inaccurate view of God. We see Him as a benevolent Being who is satisfied when people manage to fit Him into their lives in some small way. We forget that God never had an identity crisis. He knows that He’s great and deserves to be the center of our lives. Jesus came humbly as a servant, but He never begs us to give Him some small part of ourselves. He commands everything from His followers.”

See, right doctrine should lead to right living. A right understanding of God is necessary, not so that I can win verbal contests, but so that I can love Him rightly.

Done

Sometimes things I'm hashing out are better left in my journal. Sometimes I probably don't need to put them here in this space. That's where the previous post here probably fits. That's why it's gone back to my journal and left this space. Those thoughts need a little more hashing out, I think.

Sharing Some Good Reading....

Blogging has brought me into contact with several other Christian women who I really wish I could live near because it really comes through in their writing that they are what I would definitely call kindred spirits. Lisa at Lisa Writes is one such blog friend. She has written two posts recently that I really hope you'll take the time to read if you do not already know Lisa.

First of all this one is full of a mother's heart for her children and the fleeting nature of time. It made me cry.

And this one about Beth Moore where she voices very well, much better than I could have, some of the concerns I've felt for a while now also and how Jesus is Better. Amen.

Go, read......

Totally Random Pictures

This not-so-little guy made itself at home in the eaves of our front porch. We've been admiring it from a distance, mind you. I'm a bit, okay more than a bit, spider phobic, but even I had to admit the creepy beauty of this one. My oldest son insists it's a banana spider. I thought he was talking about that deadly spider that hides in batches of bananas and I was sure it wasn't. After asking my Facebook friends for help and doing a little more research, I now know that there are two separate types of spider that have "banana spider" for one of many names. One is deadly poisonous, the other one which lives on my porch is not. Good to know. My oldest son is the same boy who swears every spider he sees is a black widow or a brown recluse, so you can see why I felt the need to research and not take his word for it. He is even more spider phobic than I am, so I try to keep my cool when he's around even if inside I am screaming like a frightened little girl. However, this one is LARGE. I think I shall call it....Shelob.

This is a little shopping center we drive by often. I laugh every time. For some reason my wacky sense of humor just finds it so funny to have a weight loss business wedged in between a pizza place and an ice cream parlor. You can go get your pizza at one corner, go to the other corner and have ice cream for dessert and then visit the people in the middle to talk about what you need to do to lose weight. Ha, ha!

My daughter's pink room. She requested purple and butterflies to complement her pink walls. I wasn't sure I liked it, but I'm coming around. She loves it of course.

The princess, her 'kids' and her dog. I laugh every time I look at this picture. Roscoe puts up with all Rachel's love.

Moving day. It was hot. Roscoe spent much of it on the back porch.

The reason he was so hot is that he really liked sunning himself in his sunny spot. You can sort of see that there was a shadier area, but he just likes sunny spots.

Sometime before furniture arrived. I just like this picture.

Unpacking downstairs in the basement family room. Doesn't he look thrilled? The downstairs still has work to be done, but we're almost there.

I'm really glad the boys had their DS games to play. It helped while away the days we had to sit in an empty house with no furniture, cable or internet. We would not make good Amish people....

I finally captured a picture of one of the humming birds that visits our feeder in the front yard. I love watching them, but they are hard to photograph. I haven't yet been about to get a picture of the beautiful yellow finches that have been visiting the feeder in the back yet. If I do, I'll be sure to share.

First Day of School 2010 - Some of My "Mom Thoughts" on This Day

Isaiah 26:3

“You will keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on You,

Because he trusts in You.”

It feels funny to say this is my ‘favorite’ Bible verse, because how can I truly have a favorite when all Scripture is God-breathed and He has so graciously given us His very Word. But I will say this is one verse I find myself often pondering and rehearsing, especially when my thoughts are in turmoil or my heart is disquieted.

Today my boys went back to school. Seems like we had the shortest summer break ever. We do go back awfully early here, but I’m not really complaining because they get quite a few nice breaks throughout the year to offset the early August beginning. I also would be less than honest if I didn’t mention that part of me finds much peace in the return to a regular routine. I thrive on routine, and though they may not admit this to you, my children do as well. I also am not nearly disciplined enough in the summer to enforce much routine during those off days, so the return to school brings back a sense of order for us which is welcome once we settle back to it, though, again I'd be lying if I didn't tell you about the slight sinking feeling I felt as the school bus drove off with the boys and left the neighborhood and I felt it hard not to cry as I thought about how nervous they must be about going to a new school once again. Not to mention the fact that my oldest son started middle school today. Ack! That's a whole other blog post in and of itself, my friends. I also know that this afternoon they'll be just fine and telling me all the exciting things about today, but that first morning leaving on the bus is a little wrenching, for me. They seemed fine. It never gets any easier being mom, does it?

One thing that made this summer seem so very short was the fact that our family moved during the first week of July. I feel like we wasted away much of June just feeling like we were on hold, marking time until the big moving day arrived, especially once we had the little glitch in timing which I’ve blogged about earlier so I won’t bore you with that story again here. Most of July was spent trying to settle in and unpack, a task I am sad to say is still not completely finished. It doesn’t seem possible we’ve already been here for a month. Seems much shorter than that.

I’ve been thinking about moving and my children. I ache for them a little today, okay let’s be honest - I ache a lot. We are asking a lot of our kids with how often we’ve moved. Here we are plucking them up again and putting them into their third school in two years. That is a big thing we ask of them. The Army does a pretty good job of making the move as easy as possible, but, let’s face it, moving is HARD. I fear that as adults sometimes we are so caught up in our own stresses and anxieties and griefs as we struggle to keep it all together during and after the move that sometimes I wonder if we don’t fully acknowledge what our children are feeling and thinking and facing.

I also know that moving so often will give them a unique resilience and perspective I have had to learn as an adult. I lived in the same house from the time I was a year old until I went away to college, and my parents live in that same house still. My children do not have that. But I cannot tell you how proud of them I am as I watch them embrace the challenge of walking into a new school, moving to a new neighborhood and see it as an adventure and not a negative thing. They really amaze me with how well they handle it, because I look back at the me I was at that age and I just know how nervous and beside myself I would have been if I’d been asked to do what our boys are doing so well. Our God is a gracious God to enable these boys to do what they have to do.

When we moved to St. Louis, we knew it was temporary, and with my tendency to be a hermit, I was sorely tempted to keep up a wall and not build too many friendships because I knew it would hurt to leave so quickly. I have never been one to make friends easily, even with and maybe because of never having the challenge of moving every few years. I still struggle with that, and I have a hard time dropping the walls and really connecting with others. That’s one thing that made our pilgrimage in South Carolina so hard for me because I never really found that kindred spirit friendship I so often long for. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and he is my very best friend, but sometimes you just need the companionship of other women who love the Lord and with whom you can share that bond in a real way. Having a friend to grab a cup of coffee with and share the Word with in real, sisterly friendship is a rare treasure, I am finding. The church we grew to love in those 18 months made it impossible to erect those walls with any staying power, though, and I found healing from what I called my South Carolina wilderness as I connected and made good Christian friends, and I’m glad for that. I hope my children will keep fond memories of St. Louis in their hearts forever. And I pray we will find our place here in Kentucky, too.

So, as I sit here smelling the cookies that are baking in the oven in preparation for a first day back to school treat, I ponder the fears and hopes I have for my children. I know how inadequate I am in so many ways. I wish they had a better mother at times. But I also know that I serve a great Savior. And my sweet Lord chose me for these kids. He chose me to be their mom. And He will guard their hearts and lead Drew and me to train them up in the way they should go. How I pray that we will teach them well and teach them how to think biblically, in spite of all the other voices to which they are exposed. How I pray they will be drawn to the right kind of friends and that they will be more leaders than followers, that they will be willing to stand alone if to follow the crowd means to go against what they know is right. So I put my trust in Him, and He will keep me in perfect peace as I seek to love the ones He has entrusted to me. In spite of my failings, and they are so many, may He be glorified, may these children see Him and be drawn to Him by His grace.

Assembling Together

Hebrews 10:24-25

“And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.”

I love Sundays. I love meeting together with brothers and sisters in Christ to worship our God together. I love the encouragement to worship and to live out the Christian life that comes from the simple gathering together to worship through prayer and song and hearing the Word preached in truth. I love the kindness God showed us in not calling us to a Lone Ranger kind of existence but in calling us to His family. I love His kindness in making it not optional that we meet together, too. It is vitally important to worship Him in private, but there is just something other about worshiping alongside other believers who are also worshiping Him.

One of the things that made our time in St. Louis so very sweet was the church God brought us to before we had even fully moved there. Drew and I did some research online and found Parkway Baptist and just really believed we should visit there. When Drew went to St. Louis a month before the rest of us followed, we visited Parkway together when I flew up to visit him. Then he continued to visit there until I and the kids completed the move. We never felt the need to go anywhere else. It was with that portion of the Body that we knew we were supposed to join for the short time we had there. And the really neat thing about the relationships we formed there is that they will be eternal. Even if we don’t get to have much time together this side of heaven, we will be together there.

God, I believe, is showing His kindness once again to my family. Again we did some research ahead of time and found a church here in Kentucky where we thought we would like to visit. We have been visiting Northside Baptist Church since before we moved here (got to visit on a couple of house-hunting trips), and in the few weeks we’ve lived here, I have sensed the Spirit in a very real way each time we’ve joined with the church to worship - even the Sunday one of my kids got (quite and unexpectedly with no warning at all) sick right before the sermon and Drew had to take him out. The pastor later asked if he got sick or was Dad taking him out for some discipline. That horrified my son! We’ve NEVER had to take him out for misbehavior - he likes to be at church and always behaves.

Anyway, I am thankful for today. I heard some things that really touched my heart and that I want to continue to ponder this week and in days ahead. The pastor prayed before worship that this service would not be one where we sat on “cruise control” but that we would truly enter into worship. That pierced my heart, because lately I’ve kind of felt like I’m sort of living my life on “cruise control” at times and I don’t want to settle for that. I want to live on purpose, if that makes sense. Then the music pastor talked about how easy it is to trust God when things are going well and when we ‘feel’ Him. The hard thing is to trust Him when we don’t feel anything. That pierced me again. I mentioned earlier that I’m kind of in the blues right now. They say that moving is right up there with the major stresses of life, and if that’s so, I’ve had a few of those this year. That not feeling anything is an obstacle I face sometimes. I’m there right now. I think I’ve been in a bit of a slump since the miscarriage in February that, while not debilitating and something I try not to talk much about, is something that I still find myself needing to work through at unexpected times. But what a privilege to take even that to God in prayer. What an awesome salvation that we know that our hope is not in our feelings, but in His grace. Pastor’s sermon today contrasted Mt. Sinai, the mountain of Law, with Mt. Zion, the mountain of grace and forgiveness as we continued studying the book of Hebrews. He emphasized that Jesus is the Something better - just as I studied in the spring with our ladies’ Bible study. In fact, the “sermon in a sentence” was this today: “If we do not hinge our entire hope for salvation on coming to the mount of grace in repentance and faith, then we will be judged by the standards of the mount of law.”

Friends, I am so eternally grateful that Jesus is my High Priest and that His blood is what makes me right with God. I do not trust in my feelings, or lack of them. I trust in Him. I trust in what He did at Mt. Zion in offering this sinner a grace so rich, so full, so complete that I can hang all my hope on Him and trust Him.

The choir at our church in St. Louis sang a beautiful song recently called, “Lord, Have Mercy.” I sat there just overwhelmed as I looked at the empty cross in the baptistry and thought, “He has. Oh, He has shown us such mercy. That He came and endured the shame of the cross for the joy that was set before Him and would save such a sinner as me. Such incredible mercy.”

It has been a beautiful Sunday, and I am grateful.

Thinking Too Much Again

Haven’t blogged much in a while. Moving is an interesting endeavor. Busy combined with all kinds of emotions leads to a little bit of the blues for me. It always does. Add the blues to my normal back to school nerves, and you get me writing a blog post that's more emotionally motivated than I usually like to do. I guess I just had some thoughts I'm needing to work out. Hope I don't wish I'd just kept quiet later. Anyway, been doing some thinking as I go about the business of getting boxes unpacked and keeping things I’ve already organized neat and tidy, no easy feat with three bored kids at home.

I’ve decided that there are things about the back to school time of the year that I find, well, frankly, irritating. Because it’s at back to school time that the snarkiest of the home school comments start coming back around. I’ve already written about this here and here, but, well, let’s just suffice it to say that I’m stressed enough as it is, I don’t need the homeschool pressure right now. I’m very, very glad for those who do it, I know it is not easy and it has been an uphill struggle to get to where it is today. However, it isn’t for all of us.

At this point in my life, I don’t want to homeschool. There. I said it.

I know that a lot of the comments I hear and see and read have to do with how defensive my homeschooling friends feel because of the flack they get about socialization and with how hard it has been to get the respect and legal standings necessary to do it well. I’m not dishing out the flack. I know that if homeschooling is done right it can be an excellent and extremely wonderful and rewarding way to educate children. I'm even thankful it's a valid option out there. I’m not knocking homeschooling, so don’t hear me saying I am. To each his own, do what’s right for you and yours. However, I get a little tired of the superior and persecuted attitude that pops up a lot of times in discussions about it - not in every discussion, but I'm sure you know what I mean. You aren’t the only ones who are being criticized for your choice about schooling. It goes both ways. There is a growing pressure on and judgment of those of us in the seriously, biblically Christian community about homeschooling that I am just, frankly, tired of. I am not a worse mother because my children go to school outside my home, so I really wish we could stop taking quotes out of context and implying that all kids who go to school are bullied or scarred in some horrible way.

Here’s the thing, for those who know my kids, I mean really know them, can you honestly say that Drew and I have done them a disservice by not homeschooling them? I don’t believe we have. I do believe it is our duty and responsibility to look out for what is best for them and to protect them and train them up in the way of the Lord. How we do so is between us and Him.

Here’s another thing, for all the discussion about ‘socialization’ and how bad public school is about negative socialization, can I just be very, bluntly honest about something which may be a little shocking? Most of my bitterness and emotional hurt that I still struggle to overcome did not come at the hands of my public school friends. Most of those hurts that well up in me unexpectedly at times and which I have to remember are over and done with came from church youth group and my own internal insecurities and misunderstandings. Just being honest. I stumbled across a site recently with pictures from my old youth group - some from my time and some much later, and at first I really enjoyed looking and remembering. But before I knew it, there was this empty, hurt feeling welling up in me and I wondered, “What is this? Where is this coming from?” And that empty, hurt feeling was all too familiar. I told my husband that I really like who I am now, and I really like our life together, and so much of my life has been since high school and youth group and so much of who I am has developed in the years since, so why did it take a few pictures to bring back all that emotional hurt I thought I had left behind? I did not leave behind my faith, mind you, but I did leave behind the pecking order and unkind joking and other things that marked a lot of my time in youth group. I do not mean to imply that everything about our youth group was bad. There was MUCH that was so good and beneficial for which I am thankful. But there was a lot of hurt along the way, too. My husband, wise man that he is, told me that I wouldn’t be who I was today if I had not lived through those experiences, all of them, though, and he’s right.

Anyway, my point is, you can shelter your kids from public school, but don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re sheltering them from the emotional hurt that can come from pecking orders, bullying or just the angst and unkindness of teenagers. The worst of that for me was not experienced at school. There's probably a whole other discussion we could have about the benefits vs. non-benefits of church youth groups and what we adults need to be doing about it, but that's for another time.

So, dear friends, homeschooling is a great option. It is not, however, for everyone - even some of your Christian brothers and sisters, so please understand and lets all of us, all of us, and I am so talking to myself too, please guard against pride in how we discuss the issue. And I hope I don’t regret posting this later. Not looking to start an argument.

Just tired of having to hear it all again every stinkin’ July/ August. I’ll just hit the post button and walk away from the computer now.

Some Pictures to Share

To my Mom and Dad, I thought you might like to see these:

We visited the Arch one more time before leaving St. Louis. The first time we visited the Arch it was about minus 2 degrees (we moved to St. Louis in December) and not very crowded, and this day it was at least 102 degrees and terribly crowded. It was extremely hot, anyway. Summer is like that. I like this picture, but I never seem to have pictures of the whole family because Drew is always the one taking the picture. Still a cool picture, though. Look how big the boys are getting:

She had to "touch the 'Rainbow Arch'" one more time:

I love this picture!

Princess Rachel decided to dress Roscoe up in her angel wings. He was not amused:


Our longsuffering dog:

Status Report - July 2010

Sitting....at my new computer desk in our new house! Finally have internet as of this afternoon. Two weeks without internet or TV is a LONG time. I went to the library the other day to try and check in with Facebook so I could answer a few posts and a friend request, but the policy which was posted prominently right by the computers there said no social networking, so, being the rule follower I am, I refrained, twitchy though my fingers were. I feel like I know more about what’s going on with Harry Potter than I do with the real world at the moment. We arrived at our new house last Friday and the moving truck finally got here on Tuesday. And today the cable/computer guy finally got here to hook us up. Ahhh. Mom, Dad, family.....I do have a new phone number now, too. I’ll get it to you as soon as I figure out what it is.

Eating.....homemade salsa and chips which I made last night in my new kitchen. (The salsa I made, I mean....not the chips.) Well, I was eating that right before I was interrupted and we went on some errands, but I’m back at the computer now and I’m not eating anything because I’m full from dinner now. But the chips and homemade salsa were a really good snack way back earlier this afternoon when I started this post.....the post which may take me a while to finish because I’ve been so long without the ability to blog that I just really want to say some things even if they are totally boring to anyone else. :-)

Drinking....sweet tea that I made in our new kitchen on my new stove. Sensing a trend here? By the way, I very much like the new cooktop stove we have. I’ve never cooked on one before, and I must say I quite enjoyed how evenly the skillet heated this morning and how nice the fried eggs I cooked for my middle son turned out. I’ve never gotten them to cook so nicely before. He might get them more often now. He will be pleased. Cooking may just become enjoyable again.

Surprised...that when I got on the Wii Fit Plus yesterday for the first time in two weeks it told me I had lost 3.5 pounds since last time. Woo-hoo! I guess the stress of the first movers cancelling on us and being unsettled for the last two weeks and all the stresses of cleaning the apartment and unpacking here are one way to finally get the scale moving in the right direction. That means I will have to make my salsa, chips and sweet tea a rare treat and not a regular occurrence.

Swamped....in boxes. We really have too much stuff. One good thing about moving: purging some of the too much stuff. The packers probably would have liked it if we’d purged before they packed, but we didn’t. I’ve made a lot of headway but still lots to do. The kids are going to VBS this coming week and Drew and I plan to get MUCH done during those evenings, too. The thing about moving is that by the time the moving truck finally got here we were so tired from the cleaning, packing and sleeping on an uncomfortable air mattress and not having any chairs for DAYS that it makes the unpacking a little...daunting. But we’re almost there.

Hoping....we can stay put for a while here. I really don’t want to do this again real soon. Moving is hard. It is really funny hearing Rachel get lost in her new house though. Can’t tell you how many times I hear a little voice calling, “Where’s the bathroom?” or “Where is my room again?” Poor thing. It’s hard for adults, but I think it’s even harder for a 4-year-old. She misses her St. Louis friends. It’s a little sad hearing her talk on her toy phone and having pretend conversations with them.

Laughing...at this advertisement that was stuck in our mailbox: “Suddenly Slender Body Wraps - 100% inorganic Minerals & Enzymes & Sea Extracts.” I guess if it’s 100% inorganic that means it’s all completely man-made, nothing natural about it at all? Wonder if it was proofread before copying and passed out or if they really thought inorganic would be a great selling point? Funny!!

Reading....the Harry Potter series. After a lot of thought and consideration and reading about them, I finally decided I would read the books and then talk about them with the boys. Surprised myself by really enjoying them. I’m on book 5 so don’t give me any spoilers yet! I did tell the boys I had to read them first, so they are reading them as I finish them. We have had some really good discussions as they are reading them after me.....learning to read thoughtfully. On a side note, it was a little weird this past few weeks without internet and cable when I realized at one point I knew more about what was going on at Hogwarts than I did what’s happening in the real world. It’s nice to be connected again. We had to buy a newspaper on Sunday just to find out what’s going on out there.

Feeling.....sad about friends we had to leave behind in St. Louis. I already miss you all. But I’m also excited about the adventure ahead. This seems like it will be a good place to live, too.

Thankful...for the great worship service and Sunday School class at the church we visited last Sunday; we heard great teaching from the pastor and the Sunday School teacher. Looking forward to visiting there again tomorrow and the kids get to join the kids there at Saddle Ridge Ranch VBS next week. They already know the songs from Parkway Baptist’s VBS. At least they’ll get to meet some new kids.

Sinking in....that my oldest son will be a middle schooler this year. Ack! With all the hoop-lah of moving I’ve been able to block out that little stressor, but now it is quickly upon us. I have to go on Monday and get him signed up for the 6th grade orientation and then on the 22nd get to go register him for 6th grade and my middle boy for 4th grade. How did these kids get so big? Joshua is going to be taller than me before I know it. He’s only 3 inches shorter than me now. Not that I’m all that tall, but still. When did this happen?

Ending....this post. Lots to do, but glad to get to blog again.

*Once again I thank Lisa for not minding too much when I copy her status report format. It's truly a blog-saver..... :-)

Plans

“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit’; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.’ “ James 4:13-15

“There are many plans in a man’s heart, Nevertheless the LORD’s counsel - that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

"You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3

As it turns out, the last post was not, in fact, my last post before moving. I started to say this one is, but, well, I don’t think I’ll say that now.

People who know me know that I am much more comfortable with control and order than I am with flying by the seat of my pants and chaos. However, over the years, thanks in part to my much more easy-going husband, I have learned to roll with the punches much easier than I used to.

Good thing.

I think maybe I needed a reminder that my plans are not sovereign. I am thankful for the grace in my life over the past years that has helped me to slowly loosen my grip on control and learn to face each challenge with a good and trusting attitude.

Are you wondering why I’m bringing this up at this particular season in my life?

Enter the adventure of a move to Kentucky for the Sweet Tea With Lemon household. The company which the Army contracted to move us and many others from St. Louis this summer has known for over a month that we were some of the ones to be moved and that they had a large contract with many families to be moved. Last month a representative came and evaluated our stuff and gave us a contact name who would be our agent throughout the process. Drew talked to said agent several times during the past month. On Friday he talked to the company again and was told that we were good to go for the packers to come on Tuesday. That would be today. Since I am sitting here in my dining room at my normal computer desk typing a blog post, it would seem there may have a been some kind of glitch. That would be correct.

On Monday a representative from the Army called and informed us that the company they had contracted for our move had cancelled us over the weekend and did not inform the Army until Monday morning. The day before the packers were to arrive. After Drew had been assured on Friday that all was on schedule. Our lease is up and utilities are scheduled to be shut off on the 30th of this month. The Army scrambled and now there is someone new scheduled to come on the 30th to start packing our stuff and get it on a truck to Kentucky.

Nothing like planning ahead and then having that plan yanked out from under you.

The really cool thing is that I didn’t panic when I got the phone call yesterday. A few years ago, I would have been in a full blown panic. I wasn’t happy about it, we have had to make some major reshuffles in our plans, but I wasn’t panicked. Thanks be to God for the heart work He has done in me over the years in this regard. I keep reminding myself that He is in control and it’s going to be okay. And it is.

I know that I belong to Christ, and He has a plan for my life and all things will work together for good and for His glory. I also am learning that when I keep my mind fixed on Him, He keeps me in perfect peace. So, I’m learning to hold my plans lightly. Make plans, yes, but hold lightly and trust Him to guide us through it. And that’s a good place to be.

A Thought From My Bible Reading

As it seems that I am on a rather unplanned blogging break, I think I’ll go ahead and make it an official one for a little longer. The packers come next week so things are getting exciting around here. And busy, did I mention busy? I would appreciate prayers as the next few weeks will be stressful as we pack and relocate and get all the little details of moving finished and then begin to settle into our new home. Because of all that, I do not anticipate having much brain power for thoughtful blog posts until the boxes are unpacked, or at least unloaded, on the other side of this journey. Moving is hard. Exciting, yes, but hard. There’s a reason moving is ranked up there with some of life’s most intense stresses.

Before I go I wanted to share something encouraging I found while reading through 2 Chronicles a few days ago. I need to give a little background first. After the nation of Israel divided, the northern kingdom, Israel, had a series of kings - none of whom did what was right in the sight of the LORD. In fact they led the people in gross idolatry and wickedness. Consequently the northern kingdom was taken captive by Assyria. The southern kingdom, Judah, was some better, though the number of kings who did not do right in the sight of the LORD is distressingly high. But throughout its history there did arise kings who would repent and lead the people to restore true worship of the LORD God. Hezekiah was one such king.

In 2 Chronicles 29-32 we read about Hezekiah’s reign. He followed the wicked king Ahaz who was increasingly unfaithful to the LORD, and when Hezekiah became king, he repaired the doors of the temple and brought in the Levites and priests and called them to sanctify themselves and clean out the temple and restore proper worship. After consecrating the temple, he planned to keep the Passover, which had not been done for years. While the plans were being made, he sent letters to the remnant of those who were left in the northern part of Israel and invited them to the Passover celebration in Jerusalem.

Here is what he said: “Children of Israel, return to the LORD God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel; then He will return to the remnant of you who have escaped from the hand of the kings of Assyria. And do not be like your fathers and your brethren, who trespassed against the LORD God of their fathers, so that He gave them up to desolation, as you see. Now do not be stiff-necked, as your fathers were, but yield yourselves to God, that the fierceness of His wrath may turn away from you. For if you return to the LORD, your brethren and your children will be treated with compassion by those who lead them captive, so that they may come back to this land; for the LORD your God is gracious and merciful, and will not turn His face from you if you return to Him.”

Some of the people who received this summons laughed and mocked. However, some from the tribes of Asher, Manasseh, and Zebulun humbled themselves and came to Jerusalem. It also says that the hand of God was on Judah to give them singleness of heart to obey the command of the king and the leaders at the word of the LORD. In response, a large group of people assembled in Jerusalem to keep the Feast of Unleavened Bread in the second month. They took away the pagan altars and cast them in the Brook Kidron and slaughtered the Passover lambs on the fourteenth day of the month.

But there was a problem. Many in the assembly had not sanctified themselves, so the Levites had the charge of slaughtering the Passover lambs for everyone who was not clean, to sanctify them to the LORD. It says that a multitude of the people, many from those northern tribes who came, had not cleansed themselves, but they ate the Passover contrary to what was written in the Law.

Now we come to the part I found so interesting. Hezekiah prayed for those people who were not properly cleansed to eat the Passover. Listen to his prayer: “May the good LORD provide atonement for everyone who prepares his heart to seek God, the LORD God of his fathers, though he is not cleansed according to the purification of the sanctuary.” And the LORD listened to Hezekiah and healed the people.

As I read through this account, I was struck with the mercy and grace that was shown to those northern tribes, first in being included in the call to the celebration of the Passover and then in the LORD’s willingness to accept their worship. This people who through their entire history had been characterized by apostasy and idolatry were offered grace and mercy. This remnant of all that was left of the kingdom of Israel was given opportunity to join in the worship of the God they had for so long rejected. Hezekiah could have just ignored them and focused on Judah, but he included his brothers in the north, not because of anything they had done but because of God’s covenant with His people, and they were given opportunity to be restored to their God as they prepared their hearts to seek Him.

What a picture this is which points to the grace we have been shown by God in Christ! I, who was a sinner lost in my sin with no thought for God, was given the grace to believe and repent and have been accepted and forgiven because of Christ. The atonement Hezekiah requested is ultimately accomplished through the blood Jesus shed on the cross. His resurrection is the proof of our hope. Not because of anything I had done, but because of His grace can I repent of my sin and rest all of my hope in Christ and be reconciled to God. He has cleansed me, who had no way to cleanse myself, and He has made me clean and holy to stand in His presence, clothed in His righteousness. What riches His grace bestows on this forgiven sinner!

No matter how many times I read through the Old Testament, I am continually amazed at the revelation of Himself that God gives us through the accounts of His interactions with His people. You so often hear people say that the God of the Old Testament is all wrath and judgement but the God of the New Testament is all love. This is a mischaracterization of God and a misreading of His word. There is not one God in the Old Testament and another in the New. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is eternal, the Alpha and Omega, without beginning or end, forever the same, forever worthy of worship and praise. Yes He is a God of justice and His wrath is real and awesome, but His mercy and grace and love and patient lovingkindness are also so evident the more I read and study His word. To miss those attributes in the Old Testament is to not read it with understanding. The more I read, the more I see that Jesus is the full revelation of God in all His attributes. Amazing grace!

And with that thought, I leave the blog until I get set up again in our new home. See you on the other side of our move!

Status Report - June 2010

Joining Lisa in sharing a status report this month:

Sitting.....in my dining room at my messy computer desk.

Drinking....Irish Breakfast Tea. Yes, I am living on the edge this afternoon.

Thinking.....that I should probably clean up the computer desk, but energy is at a severe low at the moment. Hence the Irish Breakfast Tea.

Saying.... “No” to the little voice in my head that keeps telling me to bake some chocolate chip cookies this afternoon. Do you have an insistent little voice like that too?

Enjoying...the new Wii Fit Plus my husband bought for my birthday. I’m exercising more with it than I do when I manage to get myself to the Y, and that’s good. This is why I’m not making cookies this afternoon. I really want to see some progress on the weight loss goal finally.

Doing....a little better about moderating my time on Facebook and computer in general. It does reduce certain agitation when I’m on the computer less.

Reading.....Ashamed of the Gospel by John MacArthur.

Deciding....whether to go ahead and read a popular series of older children’s books that I really had little desire to read and which everyone but my children and I seem to have read. The boys want to read them, but I said I’ll have to read them first and decide if they can and what I’d want to talk to them about. The boys have been really good about not whining or pulling the, “But Mom, all my friends have read them,” card. They just asked is all.

Disturbed....by how dark many of the selections in the young adult fiction genre seem to be. Doesn’t anyone write about anything besides vampires anymore?

Wishing....my boys liked The Hardy Boys as much as I did when I was their age. Sigh.

Thinking...we could have gone ahead and visited the pool earlier today. That storm I thought was coming amounted to little. Now I don’t really feel like swimming.

Trying...not to panic as I realize how soon the moving date will be here and feeling a little overwhelmed with hoping I’m not forgetting anything important that needs doing before then.

Pleased....with how very well-behaved the kids have been so far during this first full week of summer break. We had several not very fun errands yesterday, and not one kid complained. We did have lunch at Chick-fil-A to break the yuck of the rest of the errands. I’m not heartless.

Needing.... to take my oldest boy clothes shopping. These kids are growing too fast. I realized he really needs Sunday shirts, shorts and short-sleeved shirts. Pretty much a new wardrobe. None of us like shopping, but it must be done and soon. When he came down wearing the same shirt on Sunday that he's worn for the last few weeks I realized we might be having a need.

Sad....that we will have to leave before our Sunday School class finishes the book of Revelation. So far we’ve just finished chapter 4. We have a very gifted teacher who LOVES God’s word and I really am sad to miss the rest of this study.

Irritated...that I got a summons to appear in court soon in the case of my broken car window and stolen purse. Just one more inconvenience this person is causing by her crime. I’m glad they caught someone, though. I’m just hoping when I call the day before my scheduled date they’ll tell me I don’t have to appear. That would be nice. I get so intimidated in those kinds of settings.

Tired....of feeling tired a lot of the time. I’m really hoping that consistent exercise will boost my metabolism and help that a little.

Thankful....that I can rest in knowing that God will lead us to the right church once we do move in a few weeks. I’m so thankful for the Body of Christ.

Wondering...how such a hermit like me ended up with a daughter who’s first words every single morning are, “Where we go today?” She’s crying right now because I do not have anywhere planned to go at the moment.

Happy....to see the sun coming out this afternoon. I think it’s time to take the kids out to play.