What's On My Nightstand - September 2010

It's that time again at 5 Minutes for Books for the What's On Your Nightstand carnival. I haven't done a "What's On Your Nightstand" post in a while, and once again I'm a day late, but I thought I'd post a short one this time.

Just finished:

Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss. I think this is one of my all-time favorite books. It's definitely one I keep coming back to and re-reading. I don't know how many times I've read it, but it gets better every time. It's fiction, written as a journal started when the main character, Katy, is sixteen years old and follows her through her life. I want to learn to be the kind of woman who desires to love Jesus as much as she does in the book. I remember when I first read it that I loved it, but I wondered that it wasn't stronger on the gospel. When I re-read it for the umpteenth time this time, I was struck by how in the world that could have been my take away from it. This book is FULL of the gospel. I think in my immaturity it bothered me that when young Katy talks to her pastor about her doubts about her salvation he doesn't tell her, "Pray this prayer and you'll be alright," or something along those lines. As I've matured in grace I have grown in my understanding that presenting the gospel is so much more than: Pray this prayer, check this box, raise your hand and you're in. The gospel is so much more than a ticket out of hell or merely the simple entry point to the Christian life. A life that has been surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and cast all her hope on Christ experiences a lifelong growing in His grace (sanctification) as we grow ever deeper in the knowledge and grace of our Lord. It is a 'stepping heavenward' as we learn to surrender to the truth of His word and live in the light of that Word daily, in all we do. And this book beautifully illustrates what that is like in a simple, surrendered life. Friends, I love this book. I want to have the kind of desire to grow in love for Jesus and never lose that deep desire to know Him and to know and obey His word. (The edition I have has a forward by Elisabeth Elliot, but I couldn't find that one at Amazon)

Crazy Love by Francis Chan. We've been reading through this one with our small group at church. We are actually on Chapter 8 as a group, but I went ahead and finished the book this week. I have taken some things away from my reading of this book that I want to remember, but I hate to say I don't believe I can recommend it as highly as I would have liked to. I hope to write a blog post soon about my thoughts as I am coming to the end of the study.

Currently Reading:

Our Awesome God by John MacArthur. I've read this before but it has been a long time and I wanted to read it again as we finish up our Crazy Love study and as I finished reading Stepping Heavenward again and remind myself again what an awesome God we serve. It is an incredible thing to know that God has revealed Himself to us in His word. To love Him more deeply, more radically, we've got to know Him. We've got to worship the God who is, not some god of our own imagining. This is my heart's desire.

The Brixton Brothers: The Case of the Case of the Mistaken Identity by Mac Barnett. One of the most unexpected benefits of having my son grow older is that he is finally at the point where the kinds of things he's interested in reading are also interesting to me. He introduced me to the Shadow Children books, which I blogged about a while back and which sparked some interesting discussions with him and his brother that were very good. This book is a spoof of the old Hardy Boys books, and as someone who loved, loved, loved the Hardy Boys books, I'm finding it very funny. My son doesn't have as much experience with the Hardy Boys, having only read a few, but he agreed with my evaluation that it was spoofing them very well. He enjoyed this book so much I thought I'd read it to see if it was worth getting some more from the series for him. As far as older kid books go, it's not too bad. I can see why he liked it. I'm not devouring it like I did, say, the Harry Potter books, but it's not bad.

On the nightstand to be read next:

When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy by John Piper. I tried reading this once before, but I have to confess to you all that I find Piper to be hard to read for some reason. I want to read this one, though, so it's what's up next. My music pastor's wife used something she learned from it during a talk she gave at a recent women's event, and it reminded me to get the book back out and try to read it again.

Other than that, I need to get to the library again sometime soon. I usually have some kind of fiction book going, but right now I seem to be delving into weightier things (except for my son's book, that is).

Don't forget to see what books everyone else is posting about over at 5 Minutes for Books.

Those Pesky Emotions

I think I’m allergic to Kentucky. I was allergic to southern Indiana, too, but I do believe it’s worse here. I was on some allergy medicine that the doctor told me isn’t his first choice because he doesn’t think it’s the best for treating the kind of allergy I seem to have but because we were going through the military healthcare/pharmacy system he had to prescribe that brand first. (Just a glimpse of what’s to come for all of us with socialized medicine. Unnecessary aside, moving on....)

Anyway, after almost a month on this medicine I finally quit taking it. Sure I could breathe better, but I was irritable, depressed, crying over things that normally wouldn’t have me collapsed into uncontrollable tears, unable to think clearly, and starting to have some vision trouble so finally I googled the medicine and found that these can all be side effects of the medicine I was on. I didn’t realize just how irritable I had been, however, until I mentioned this weekend that I’d been feeling less irritable and my husband rather quickly said, “Yes, you’ve been much better.” No hesitation there. Oops. I’m glad I’m married to such a long-suffering kind of guy. I’m also glad he advised me to quit taking the medicine before I drove my family and anyone else who has to be around me crazy.

I hate that the medicine affected me that way, but even more I hate that it took me a month to realize I was acting in response to how I felt rather than being self-controlled and patient in spite of feeling irritable and depressed. I don’t want to be ruled by my emotions, ‘real’ or allergy medicine induced. I say ‘real’ in quotes because, let’s face it even without medicine, sometimes our emotions are not based in reality. And really, I shouldn’t ever be making decisions or actions based on them. The sad thing is that I didn’t even notice that’s what I was doing until the cumulative effect of a month on the medicine made the side-effects so obvious I couldn’t ignore them anymore.

The temptation, however, is to blame my sinfully acting irritably solely on the medicine. That would not be wise. The fact is, most days I don’t need to have a month’s worth of allergy medicine in my system to feel irritable at times. I’m still responsible to submit how I feel to the Lord. I’m thankful He allowed me to recognize something that was triggering the things that made it harder to be obedient, but I don’t want to lay all the blame on the trigger. The truth is that I have enough sinful attitudes all on my own that I need to be submitting to Him daily, too.

So, I’m back to not being able to breathe again and feeling stuffy and full of sinus-pressure-headedness, but I feel like me again and I don’t feel nearly as depressed or as full of foggy thinking, and hopefully I’m learning to recognize a little sooner when the irritability and depression I’m feeling may have a real cause and need attention, and I’m thankful for the grace my husband showed me as I worked through all that. For that I’m thankful.

Discernment and Devotionals

My younger son is playing Upward flag football this year. At halftime, while the players are meeting with their coaches, a devotional is given for the parents and friends on the bleachers. During the devotional yesterday, the person leading the devotion asked us, “What does God want?” He then proceeded to tell us that we find the answer in Genesis, that it tells us in Genesis that God was lonely and wanted to create man to have a relationship with him.

My jaw dropped, I whipped my head around to look over at my husband and saw that he and the friend he was talking to had both raised their eyebrows. I was making mental notes to talk to my older son afterward since he was sitting there at the end of the bench listening to the devotional, too.

After the man was done speaking and the game started again, my older son slid down the bleacher and sat next to me and said, “I don’t think that was right. God wasn’t lonely, was He?” I was overjoyed to hear him say that. We talked about how, no, God doesn’t NEED anything. He has perfect fellowship within the Trinity, hard as that is for our minds to grasp. We were created for His glory. Yes, we get to have relationship with Him through Jesus Christ alone, that is a glorious benefit we receive through faith in Christ, and He does love us. But God was NOT lonely. And reading Genesis will not tell you that He was.

I also told my boy that’s why it’s SO important that we read the Bible for ourselves and know what it says so we can discern when someone tells us something that isn’t right. I told him one of my favorite things that I’ve heard Alistair Begg say when preaching is, “You’re sensible people. Go and read it for yourself and make sure that what I am saying is true.”

I’m thankful that the man sharing on Saturday wants to share the gospel with the people sitting on those bleachers. He is also not the first person I have heard try to explain it that way. I just wish that we in the evangelical church would get over ourselves and stop trying to make it all about us humans and realize that it really is all about God. All about His glory. I wish we would see God for how truly awesome He is. We are created to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. And I really wish we would read our Bibles and be like the Bereans and know what it says and speak it clearly. Just because it's a short devotional doesn't mean we can be careless with our theology. Bad theology from a “Christian” or “church” setting is more dangerous to my children than the things they hear out in the world, if you want to know the truth of the matter, because they expect to hear the truth in those settings and it is presented as being biblical.

And I am so very thankful that God is working in my son’s heart and granting him the discernment to recognize error. May we be faithful to teach him God’s word and to encourage him to read it for himself so that he will grow in the knowledge and grace of the Lord who is saving him.

Sunset Tonight

The heavens declare the glory of God......







As we were driving home from small group tonight, I was stunned by the beauty of the sunset. I exclaimed to the boys and then said, "That is awesome....but it doesn't even compare to how beautiful Heaven will be because God will be there." We will be able to worship God in purity and holiness there. He is so kind when He declares His glory in giving us this barest shadow of a glimpse of beauty in His creation. How much more beautiful it will be when we will worship Jesus in glory and see Him face to face.

Exactly!

This at Pyromaniacs today is SO well- said. This is eerily similar to the situation we found in SC and why we joined an independent Bible Church eventually there. I am thankful we found the church in St. Louis that we did and that we have found the church we did here in our new town that is NOT like the churches Mr. Turk describes in his article, and which I pray will remain NOT like the picture he paints. It is growing harder to find solid churches in the SBC in many areas due to exactly the things he discusses in this article. Well said, Frank.

A Funny

We did an Answers in Genesis VBS one year (I HIGHLY recommend that curriculum, by the way. Can't say enough about how much I appreciate that ministry). Anyway, I found the music CD from that VBS the other day and we've been listening to it tonight. One of the songs has this line in it: "I've got DNA, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made." My daughter is going around singing: "I've got knee an ache, I'm really, really wonderfully made." It's quite funny.

Thoughts From Sunday Morning

Psalm 63:1-8

“O God, You are my God;

Early will I seek You;

My soul thirsts for You;

My flesh longs for You

In a dry and thirsty land

Where there is no water.

So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,

To see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,

My lips shall praise You.

Thus I will bless You while I live;

I will lift up my hands in Your name.

My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness,

And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed,

because You have been my help,

Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.

My soul follows close behind You;

Your right hand upholds me.”

This was our confession, read together as a church this morning. This is my confession, read often. I pray I will seek my God early, early each day and early in each situation, seek Him, abide in His word, see Him as the only One that can satisfy my thirsty soul. The land we inhabit is a dry and thirsty land, but He is the Living Water who can, and does, satisfy the soul fixed upon Him.

Ephesians 3:14-21

“For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height - to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

This was part of our lesson in Sunday School today as we are studying through the book of Ephesians together. I pulled out this passage to look at right now because I’ve been thinking about how deep God’s grace and love are. As I mature along the walk of faith throughout my life, the more I see how deep this love is. I pray I will know Him and continue to grow to love Him and never forget who I am in Christ. The width and length and depth and height! To know the love of Christ which passes knowledge, that I may be filled with all the fullness of God. Immediately following that prayer, Paul reminds us that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think. Having come to realize that I can’t, in my own strength and thought and power, even love God purely and as He deserves to be loved, what a joy to know that He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all I that I ask or think.

Because I can’t fool God, He knows when I’m merely pretending or putting on a mask. He also hears when I come before Him and confess to Him that I have placed other things, other people, other desires as higher than Him in my affections. I can tell Him that I long to glorify and enjoy Him forever. I can confess my weakness and tell Him that I want to treasure the kingdom of Heaven, to love Him as the greatest treasure of all. And I can tell Him that I want this confession to be true of me, and I need Him to help me to desire Him when I do not, when I say:

“One thing have I desired of the LORD,

That will I seek:

That I may dwell in the house of the LORD

All the days of my life,

To behold the beauty of the LORD,

And to inquire in His temple.”

Psalm 27:4

And He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Christmas in September

I’m listening to Christmas music. In September. I’m not crazy, I’m just a choir member. At first, I wasn’t ready for Christmas music. I’m really not ready for Christmas, not ready to even start thinking about it yet.

I finally figured it out, though. It’s not so much Christmas that I dread about Christmas. It’s the shopping and hustle and JUNK, the whole secular-who-needs-to-even-mention-Jesus-to-have-Christmas part of the season that depresses me. It’s feeling pressured to find the right gifts and not really succeeding at that. It’s feeling the pressure to spend more money than I should on those presents. Gift giving/receiving is clearly not my love language. :-)

But the worship and the wonder of the Incarnation? That part of Christmas I never get enough of. And the Christmas music we’re singing this year is ALL about Jesus. This I’m ready for. The chills I get when we sing, “Fall on your knees....” or when we sing, “Oh come, oh come, Emmanuel,” or when I start pondering the depths of what Emmanuel, God With Us, means to fallen humanity. When I ponder the wonder of the fact that after hundreds of years of silence, God spoke into the darkness, and He Himself came to redeem fallen mankind. Jesus is the Light of the world. He is the way, the truth and the life, only through Him can anyone come to the Father. That part of Christmas, I celebrate all year long in my heart.

So bring on the Christmas music. I’m rejoicing in wonder at the love, the mercy, the grace, the hope of my Savior.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.” John 1:1-5

“He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. he came to His own, and His own did not receive Him. But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:10-14

"Now" and "Not Yet"

I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few weeks about the tension between the “now” and the “not yet” of the Christian life. We’ve been reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan in small groups with our church. I’m not necessarily endorsing Francis Chan per se by sharing this, I mean, everything we read and hear we need to be like the Bereans and search the scriptures and not get so excited about any teacher or author that we aren’t careful to judge their words by the Bible. I hate that I have to say that, but anymore you really do....we tend to idolize Christian teachers and authors and bloggers. Not the point of this post, moving on.....

Anyway, as I said we’ve been reading that book. It is challenging me. Especially Chapter 4, “Profile of the Lukewarm,” and Chapter 5, “Serving Leftovers to a Holy God.” Just reading the chapter titles gives you a tiny glimpse of the challenge I’m facing in reading and pondering as I read.

I saw more of myself in the lukewarm profile than I want to be there. That’s hard to face. But I must face it. And in facing it and in wrestling with it and in seeking to repent where I’m needing to repent, I am gaining an ever clearer understanding of the depth of the mercy and grace of the gospel. As I was discussing the hopelessness I was feeling one evening while reading Chapter 4 with my husband, in tears I said, “The only hope I have is that when I stand before God, Jesus will stand as my Advocate and High Priest. It is in His righteousness alone, cleansed by His blood alone, that I can hope to stand, because there is nothing, nothing, I can offer Him that is anything more than filthy rags.” I can’t even love Him as deeply as He deserves and I long to love Him. Even in that I need Him, oh, how I need Him. How I need His Spirit to fill me and turn my desires and bend my will and help me to desire Him more than anything else.

And, friends, that is the sure hope of the gospel. In Christ alone do I find rest. In Christ alone am I made righteous. It is true that on my very best day, my very best effort to worship and praise Him and love Him and obey Him is tainted by some sinful thought or motive. And that’s on my very best day. It’s a horrifying thing to realize how often the hypocrite in me rears its ugly head in pride, even when I want to do the right thing for the right reasons. How tempting when I come to understanding in some area to look around and say, “I’m so glad I’m not like those people,” when really I need to be on my face before Jesus in humble gratitude for the way He is opening my eyes each step of faith along life’s walk with Him. How I fear the hypocrite in me that taints everything, even victories and good things, with pride and sinful motives, even when my desire is to be humble.

But that is the now. It is not the ‘not yet.’ I’ve been listening to John MacArthur preach about Heaven on my iPod this week. Friends, can I just tell you that one thing I greatly long for about Heaven is that this sinful flesh will once and for all be completely put off. I will be able to worship God with full love and devotion, untainted by the hypocrite I wrestle with in the now. Then I will be made holy as He is holy. Then I will be able to worship Him with no taint of the former sinful self. Then, no longer will I see through a glass darkly, distracted by the trappings of this world. No, then I will be like Him, for I shall see Him as He is. Then I will be glorified and conformed to His image. Then I will be able to sing in purity with the Redeemed, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain. Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, who is and who is to come.” Until then, I cry out just as the hymn says, “More love to Thee, O Christ! More love to Thee!” Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief.

Romans 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.”

Philippians 1:3-6 “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;”

Proverbs 16:6 “In mercy and truth Atonement is provided for iniquity; And by the fear of the LORD one departs from evil.”

1 Corinthians 15:3-4 “For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again on the third day according to the Scriptures,”

Hebrews 2:17-18 “Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted.”

Psalm 19:14 “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.”

Psalm 27:4 “One thing I have desired of the LORD, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD, And to inquire in His temple.”

Random Thankfulness

Since the blogging break is something of a non-existent, yet sporadic thing, and I’m not sure I’ll get around to a Thankful Thursday post tomorrow, and since I’m feeling thankful at the moment, here are some things I’m thankful for today:

Thankful for breakfast with some friends today at Panera. Breakfast was more than just breakfast. It was conversation, some much needed perspective, and even more needed laughter. What a gift, the joy of laughter! I’m so thankful for the gift of Christian friends and the answer to prayer they are. God is so very kind to us.

Thankful for the blessing of my husband. He understands me better than anyone I know and he loves me in spite of that.

Thankful Handel wrote the Messiah. I wonder if we’ll get to sing “Worthy is the Lamb” in Heaven one day. Either way, I love to be encouraged to worship with those words and that music here and now.

Thankful for our church. Praying for wisdom as we will be in search of a new pastor, but so very thankful for the strong leadership who remain.

Thankful for Wednesday night choir practice. It’s something I look forward to each week. I’m even thankful we get to work on Christmas music this early.

Thankful that Fall is on the way. My favorite time of year. If only I could find pumpkin in my grocery store. I may have to learn to actually cook a real pumpkin in order to make the pie my son loves so much this year. Who am I kidding, I like it even more than he does.

Thankful for the grace of God which is sufficient, so abundantly sufficient, in my weakness.

Thankful that though weeping may endure for the night, joy comes in the morning.

Thankful that in the midst of weeping, I never have to lose sight of the peace that passes all understanding and the joy that is mine in Jesus.

Thankful for hope that is sure.

“Therefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, do not cease to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers: that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when he raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the age to come.

And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.” Ephesians 1:15-23

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.” 1 Peter 1:3

Sure Hope

Lamentations 3:21-24

"This I recall to my mind,

Therefore I have hope.

Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed,

Because His compassions fail not.

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul.

Therefore I trust in Him!"

Hebrews 6:19-20

"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil, where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus, having become High Priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek."

Hmmmm.......

A sign that the semi blog break you keep saying you’re going to take but keep coming back from like a pesky fly might need to become something more permanent:

When someone googles “why evangelicals need to be jettisoned into outter space” and it brings them to your blog, it might be time to rethink why you do this blogging thing anyway.

So many questions come to mind, not least being, “Why would someone feel the need to search that?”

Second being, “How much from my recent blogging would have encouraged them away from that sentiment if they spent any time here?”

That second question stings a lot. My friend Lisa posted yesterday about how the things we become obsessed with and the solutions we try to find for satisfying those obsessions cannot satisfy. She pointed out that the only obsession that can satisfy is to be obsessed with Jesus. I’ve been thinking a lot about that since I read it yesterday. When I started thinking about that second question, I realized that the less I am focused on Jesus, the less meaningful this whole blogging adventure becomes, the less meaningful life becomes.

I want to really know Jesus, to run to Him and lay aside the weighty sin that entangles. I want to dig into His word and spend time with Him and know Him and live like I love Him. I want to be faithful and a faithful witness. I want everything I do to be full of the fragrance of Christ, informed by the truth of His word. I want to love Him more fully, more deeply and to live in the light of His word.

Words Are Important

I got into a discussion with someone recently on Facebook who believes that I am in violation of scripture to believe that the decision to not homeschool my children is a disputable matter. It is NOT the point of this post to debate that topic, and I won’t engage in the debate here, so please let’s not go there here. There are lots of places where that is being discussed if you are inclined. Here are a couple of posts I found interesting on the issue, also, if you’re interested:

Education and Division

Does the Bible Mandate Homeschool?

The point of this post is that in the course of the discussion, the word “pharisee” was used. I did not use the word, but at the time I agreed with it, and I still agree with the sentiment behind why it was used, that we believed that burdens are being added to the command in the law to train up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord to insist that this is a mandate for homeschooling. I think we all agree that training our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is a clear command in scripture. Where we were differing is in the area of our convictions on how that is to be done. As I said, the benefits and non-benefits of both sides are being argued all over the place and strong lines in the sand are being drawn on either side, and I don’t intend to do that here. I agreed at the time with the use of the word ‘pharisee’ because the Pharisees were known to add burdens to the law.

However, upon thinking on it some, I think to use the word ‘pharisee’ probably goes too far. I can see why it is offensive, and it is not my intention to be offensive. It could seem that by its use we mean that we think the person is a proponent of false religion. I do not believe that about the person with whom I was having the discussion. I do believe we reached a point of disagreement where a lot of sound Biblical people do, in fact, differ, but that is a far cry from false religion, and not what was meant by the comment.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that in blogging as in life, it’s best to keep the discussion focused on the issue at hand and avoid inflammatory words when possible. Especially in a post where I was trying to think about graciousness in the midst of disputable matters.

Just one of the reasons I sense a need for a blogging break.

Break

I believe I have decided I do need to take a blogging break. I'm still feeling fuzzy headed from a bad sinus infection and I think I need to spend less time on blogs and Facebook. I am convicted that I waste an awful amount of time.

I mentioned on Facebook a while back that I am finally feeling like writing again, and I can't really get to it when I'm wasting time on the computer. I very much want to get going with some ideas I have for a children's story. I don't know if anything will come of it, that's a scary thought, really. But my son asked for a story a long time ago, and I finally am having some ideas about how to write one for him.

I don't know how long I'll break...a week, two, a month? Long enough for me to get out of the habit of checking the computer every so often throughout the day, I suppose. And long enough to work through the slump I'm struggling through. Need some time in the Word and prayer, too.

See you when I get back.

Status Report - September 2010

Following my friend Lisa’s lead again, I love this post format.

Sitting....in semi-darkness, trying to type this post quickly because I need to get off the computer for the evening.

Drinking....water. Lots of water. Because the doctor AND pharmacist made a point to say that the antibiotic I’m taking needs lots of water...something about flushing out the kidneys. Alrighty then.

Reading....Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Chapter 4 this week. Perhaps I will say more after I’ve read the chapter. Perhaps.

Also reading....The Devil Amongst the Lawyers by Sharyn McCrumb. It’s another in her ballad novels series. I’ve liked the others. Not far enough into this one yet to tell if I like it yet.

Feeling....a little sad about something I’ll keep to myself.

Thankful....for the church we joined recently. It’s nice to have a home. It’s wonderful to be encouraged and challenged in the Word.

Contemplating....taking a blogging and Facebooking break. Not sure yet. I may need to step away for a bit. Part of that sadness up there, in a way. When it is no longer an enjoyable hobby, it’s probably time to take a breather and reconsider why I do it and how much time I should be spending. Today I spent way too much time on the computer and there were other things I needed to be doing that were neglected. That is not a good use of time, a precious commodity.

Weary.....that’s why I’m contemplating a break.

Grateful...beyond words for the grace and mercy I’ve been shown by the Savior. His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness.

Time....to quit for the night. Good-night, all.

The Secret Grief

I’ve found myself being weepier than usual lately. I always cry at most anything anyway, but lately I seem more watery-eyed than usual. Having a raging sinus infection doesn’t help. It’s getting better now, though the antibiotic I’m on has me feeling off. Feels like morning sickness. It isn’t, but it feels like it. Maybe after 10 days of not having any appetite at all I’ll actually lose some weight finally?

Anyway, I finally realized that what’s going on in my subconscious is that it’s almost September. That’s where the weepiness is coming from, I think. My due date was September 21. I don’t dwell on it, but it’s there in the back of my mind nonetheless. I know from experience that subsequent Septembers probably won’t be so poignant, but here we are.

I find myself in a strange place regarding this last miscarriage. I can’t honestly say that today, right now, I truly wish I were still pregnant. And I feel kind of sad to say that. The move and the settling in have been much easier than they would have been had things gone as we’d maybe not planned but hoped after the surprise. But it is sad to think about the baby we almost got to welcome home in the next few weeks. It’s sad to think about the three other babies who we also never got to welcome home or even meet. It’s sweet to think that in Heaven there are four people who worship Jesus there who we’ll meet one day and recognize as the children we only got to hold in our hearts.

So, I can’t say I’m terribly sad. I’m really happy with where we are at the moment. God has been especially good and kind to my family. He has brought us to a church home where we already feel we are part of the family, where we are encouraged and drawn in to worship Him in a real way each week. I have sensed such growth just since we’ve been here, and this is a gift from God, I know.

But if I’m a little weepier than usual in the next few weeks, please understand. I’m okay. Really and truly okay. But there’s a part of my heart that will always be a place of secret grief that holds a place for four little ones who left us before we even got to know them.

Some Things I've Thought About While on Facebook

I have found that the urge to share random thoughts throughout the day is quite addictive when you get involved with Facebook. I enjoy the interaction with friends there. However, I got to thinking that a lot of the thoughts that I randomly post as updates on my profile can tend to the negative. I don’t know why that is, but I got to thinking this week:

I started to complain about laundry, but I stopped when I realized how thankful I am to have a working electric washer and dryer, and how much easier laundry is now than in centuries past. Then I got to thinking how thankful for I am for the people who wear the clothes I was about to complain about washing. Then I realized how grateful I am that God's plan for us involves placing the solitary in families (Psalm 68:6) and for His good and perfect plan for me and my family (Romans 8:28-30). There are people in the world who do not have what I have, and it humbles me to think how much I take it for granted.

I started to complain about the extra pounds I’d like to shed, but I stopped when I thought about how many times I’d raised a fork to my mouth to ingest an unwise food choice just that day. And I thought about how often I neglect exercise and am lazy about healthy eating and choose to eat something I know is not good for me because I’d rather indulge my flesh in the moment than do what is right for the long term. (Galatians 5:22-25) Then I thought about how much food I waste, when so many people in the world do not have the plenty we have here. And it humbles me to think how much I take it for granted. May I not be so ungrateful.

I started to tell a story about one of my children, but I stopped when I realized that it might be funny to me but probably would embarrass him. Love would not be so arrogant and puffed up and rude as to share the failings of another for a laugh. (1 Corinthians 13) Then I started to think about how hurt I would be if he were to post something embarrassing about me when he is old enough for Facebook. (Matthew 7:12) And I started to think about how thankful I am to have children and to be their mom, and it humbles me to think how much I take it for granted.

I started to complain about feeling depressed, but I stopped when I looked around at all the many people and things for which I have to be thankful. And after reading the book we’re studying with our small group, I started thinking that it is arrogant to use depressed feelings as an excuse to sin and take my eyes off of Jesus. And I thought about how I forget the command to rejoice always. (Philippians 4:4-7) And I thought about God’s grace, shown to me, a sinner who is unworthy and undeserving of such mercy. I thought about Jesus who bore the penalty for the sin debt I owe and whose blood has cleansed me and reconciled me to God. When I cry, “Lord, have mercy!” I can rest in knowing that He has shown me such mercy in granting me the faith to trust in Him and hide my life in Christ, my Savior, Lord, High Priest and never-failing Advocate. (Bask in the riches and depths of the book of Hebrews!) And it humbles me to think how much I take it for granted.

I’m not promising I’ll consistently remember these thoughts when I go to type a status update in days to come. I may slip and write status updates that are more complaining than grateful. But I want to remember.

While reading Chapter 2 in the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan for our study this week, we discussed the fact that the point of our lives is to point to God. And we discussed how many people waste their lives. I do not want to do that.

I do not want to live selfishly. But I do. I believe, Lord. Help my unbelief! Help me to realize it so deeply that You change me from within. Because it really does humble me to realize how often I forget how great You are, how often I take it all for granted and how often I find I am living selfishly rather than seeing everything as an opportunity to give You honor and glory.

Wake Up!

I read two articles today that, on the surface wouldn't seem to linked. However, I think they both bear a good look from those of us who hold to the truth and inerrancy of scripture and who are concerned for the generation that follows us.

First, there is this piece by Dr. Albert Mohler, discussing the disturbing trend among "evangelicals" to discount and attempt to discredit the inerrancy of the Bible. Read it. It used to be that a hallmark of the evangelical was the belief that God's word is true and inerrant. Pay attention, friends.

Then, there is this article that a friend on Facebook linked, which discusses the fact that we are losing the current generation of teenagers in droves because so many just do not see church and Christianity as relevant to their lives. This article, in particular, struck a nerve with me - I have a son who has just entered middle school and two more children who are following quickly behind him. The article makes some valid points, and, as my friend rightly pointed out, there are many factors leading to the exodus of our youth from church and from Christianity, but I think that the experts are missing a vital, vital, vital clue to the underlying problem. They are quick to blame 'unchurched parents', and I am sure that is huge, but that is not the biggest challenge, I believe.

I believe the biggest challenge, the biggest reason that our youth find what we offer them in our 'evangelical' churches to be largely irrelevant, goes directly to the battle Dr. Mohler is outlining in his article. I talked about the book Already Gone by Ken Ham and Britt Beemer some time ago and you can see that here. That book was the result of a study commissioned by Answers in Genesis to try to get at why we seem to be losing the next generation. We all see the statistics and I don't think anyone argues that we seem to be losing them. The problem is trying to identify why. The book opened my eyes and was somewhat shocking in that what they found was that we aren't losing kids in high school or college as we thought, but we are losing them intellectually and spiritually much younger, though they may still be sitting in the pews, when they are not able to reconcile what they are hearing in the world and what they are taught at church. We err when we teach the Bible as unrelated 'stories' but are not diligent to teach the full counsel of the word, from early on. We err when we give the impression that you come to church to learn 'Bible stories' and you go to school to learn 'facts.' Even in churches that say we hold to the truth and inerrancy of scripture, where we give lip service to holding a high view of the Bible, somehow we seem to be dropping the ball in teaching it to the next generation, by and large.

The natural result of not holding that high view of scripture and teaching it well and as a whole is to eventually jettison its authority. And then you lose 'relevance.' I'm just not convinced that the problem is that youth today are bored with pizza parties and entertainment. I think it's deeper than that. I'm not saying don't offer pizza or that youth events can't be fun. I'm just saying that somehow we've got to do more and to show them that God's word is more than relevant - it is vital. Somehow we've got to reach them younger and somehow we've got to be able to articulate real, true, valid answers to the questions kids have. Sadly, by the time a lot of kids ever reach the youth group, their minds are already made up and they've already decided that the Bible is irrelevant. I don't think it's the youth group necessarily that's making them think that, I think some of them have already arrived at that conclusion before they ever get to that age. We can't tell them, "Just trust in Jesus," when they don't understand why they should. There is true truth. If we compromise on any part of it - and it really does go back to the beginning - then the foundation crumbles. We have to give them answers to evolution and science and all the other things that they are hearing in the world. And they need to be true answers, real answers. It involves knowing what we believe, and being able to give a defense of the faith. It involves being convinced that God's word is true and not compromising on this. This is one reason I am really thankful for the ministry of Answers in Genesis. They have helped me to really think out the faith and ground my suppositions on the truth of God's word and to do it thoughtfully and critically, not blindly. And it has helped me to know how to supply good, solid answers to the questions my children ask - sometimes even before they know to ask them.

My heart breaks for our generation and the generations coming behind us. My heart also breaks because I, personally, have been too self-centered and selfish and busy to get as involved in teaching as I should be. It's real easy for me to sit here at a blog and diagnose the problem, much, much harder to be part of the solution. I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that there are youth pastors and workers who struggle with and labor diligently with how to communicate the truth to kids who are so jaded and distracted by the time they ever get to the youth group doors that it's hard to win a hearing with the truth. May I wake up and first of all get on my knees and pray for wisdom, and may I get involved in the fight for the truth. I pray my children will see and know and embrace the Truth, and I pray that I will be more faithful to speak up and find where I need to be serving my Lord in proclaiming the Truth.

An Anchored Soul

I’m going through a slump, personally. I think I mentioned it earlier. I’m tired. Moving is hard. I tend to have this down time after a move. It just takes time. Sunday our pastor finished a five month series preaching through the book of Hebrews, and we were blessed to be able to learn from it during the last month. I studied Hebrews last Spring with our little group of women before we moved. Once again I was reminded that Jesus is better. He is the hope that anchors my soul. As I sat there Sunday morning at the end of the sermon, the pastor encouraged us to lash our lives to Jesus. I had this vivid mental picture of myself standing at the very edge of a deep pit, feeling hopeless until I remembered that it is not my balance and strength that keep me from falling over into the depression. It is His strength. His grace. His mercy. My life is hid in Christ, and He will complete the work He has begun in me. My life is lashed to Jesus, the anchor for my soul. I do not have to go into the pit. Though I feel tired, He is better. Life is good in His mercy.

Our church is beginning a study with the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. We will be meeting in small groups on Sunday nights to discuss and encourage each other to know God and to love Him more. It’s going to be challenging, I think. I’m looking forward to it. I’ll probably blog some about it in the weeks to come. Here’s something good from this week’s reading:

“But before we look at what is wrong and address it, we need to understand something. The core problem isn’t the fact that we’re lukewarm, halfhearted, or stagnant Christians. The crux of it all is why we are that way, and it is because we have an inaccurate view of God. We see Him as a benevolent Being who is satisfied when people manage to fit Him into their lives in some small way. We forget that God never had an identity crisis. He knows that He’s great and deserves to be the center of our lives. Jesus came humbly as a servant, but He never begs us to give Him some small part of ourselves. He commands everything from His followers.”

See, right doctrine should lead to right living. A right understanding of God is necessary, not so that I can win verbal contests, but so that I can love Him rightly.

Done

Sometimes things I'm hashing out are better left in my journal. Sometimes I probably don't need to put them here in this space. That's where the previous post here probably fits. That's why it's gone back to my journal and left this space. Those thoughts need a little more hashing out, I think.

Sharing Some Good Reading....

Blogging has brought me into contact with several other Christian women who I really wish I could live near because it really comes through in their writing that they are what I would definitely call kindred spirits. Lisa at Lisa Writes is one such blog friend. She has written two posts recently that I really hope you'll take the time to read if you do not already know Lisa.

First of all this one is full of a mother's heart for her children and the fleeting nature of time. It made me cry.

And this one about Beth Moore where she voices very well, much better than I could have, some of the concerns I've felt for a while now also and how Jesus is Better. Amen.

Go, read......

Totally Random Pictures

This not-so-little guy made itself at home in the eaves of our front porch. We've been admiring it from a distance, mind you. I'm a bit, okay more than a bit, spider phobic, but even I had to admit the creepy beauty of this one. My oldest son insists it's a banana spider. I thought he was talking about that deadly spider that hides in batches of bananas and I was sure it wasn't. After asking my Facebook friends for help and doing a little more research, I now know that there are two separate types of spider that have "banana spider" for one of many names. One is deadly poisonous, the other one which lives on my porch is not. Good to know. My oldest son is the same boy who swears every spider he sees is a black widow or a brown recluse, so you can see why I felt the need to research and not take his word for it. He is even more spider phobic than I am, so I try to keep my cool when he's around even if inside I am screaming like a frightened little girl. However, this one is LARGE. I think I shall call it....Shelob.

This is a little shopping center we drive by often. I laugh every time. For some reason my wacky sense of humor just finds it so funny to have a weight loss business wedged in between a pizza place and an ice cream parlor. You can go get your pizza at one corner, go to the other corner and have ice cream for dessert and then visit the people in the middle to talk about what you need to do to lose weight. Ha, ha!

My daughter's pink room. She requested purple and butterflies to complement her pink walls. I wasn't sure I liked it, but I'm coming around. She loves it of course.

The princess, her 'kids' and her dog. I laugh every time I look at this picture. Roscoe puts up with all Rachel's love.

Moving day. It was hot. Roscoe spent much of it on the back porch.

The reason he was so hot is that he really liked sunning himself in his sunny spot. You can sort of see that there was a shadier area, but he just likes sunny spots.

Sometime before furniture arrived. I just like this picture.

Unpacking downstairs in the basement family room. Doesn't he look thrilled? The downstairs still has work to be done, but we're almost there.

I'm really glad the boys had their DS games to play. It helped while away the days we had to sit in an empty house with no furniture, cable or internet. We would not make good Amish people....

I finally captured a picture of one of the humming birds that visits our feeder in the front yard. I love watching them, but they are hard to photograph. I haven't yet been about to get a picture of the beautiful yellow finches that have been visiting the feeder in the back yet. If I do, I'll be sure to share.

First Day of School 2010 - Some of My "Mom Thoughts" on This Day

Isaiah 26:3

“You will keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on You,

Because he trusts in You.”

It feels funny to say this is my ‘favorite’ Bible verse, because how can I truly have a favorite when all Scripture is God-breathed and He has so graciously given us His very Word. But I will say this is one verse I find myself often pondering and rehearsing, especially when my thoughts are in turmoil or my heart is disquieted.

Today my boys went back to school. Seems like we had the shortest summer break ever. We do go back awfully early here, but I’m not really complaining because they get quite a few nice breaks throughout the year to offset the early August beginning. I also would be less than honest if I didn’t mention that part of me finds much peace in the return to a regular routine. I thrive on routine, and though they may not admit this to you, my children do as well. I also am not nearly disciplined enough in the summer to enforce much routine during those off days, so the return to school brings back a sense of order for us which is welcome once we settle back to it, though, again I'd be lying if I didn't tell you about the slight sinking feeling I felt as the school bus drove off with the boys and left the neighborhood and I felt it hard not to cry as I thought about how nervous they must be about going to a new school once again. Not to mention the fact that my oldest son started middle school today. Ack! That's a whole other blog post in and of itself, my friends. I also know that this afternoon they'll be just fine and telling me all the exciting things about today, but that first morning leaving on the bus is a little wrenching, for me. They seemed fine. It never gets any easier being mom, does it?

One thing that made this summer seem so very short was the fact that our family moved during the first week of July. I feel like we wasted away much of June just feeling like we were on hold, marking time until the big moving day arrived, especially once we had the little glitch in timing which I’ve blogged about earlier so I won’t bore you with that story again here. Most of July was spent trying to settle in and unpack, a task I am sad to say is still not completely finished. It doesn’t seem possible we’ve already been here for a month. Seems much shorter than that.

I’ve been thinking about moving and my children. I ache for them a little today, okay let’s be honest - I ache a lot. We are asking a lot of our kids with how often we’ve moved. Here we are plucking them up again and putting them into their third school in two years. That is a big thing we ask of them. The Army does a pretty good job of making the move as easy as possible, but, let’s face it, moving is HARD. I fear that as adults sometimes we are so caught up in our own stresses and anxieties and griefs as we struggle to keep it all together during and after the move that sometimes I wonder if we don’t fully acknowledge what our children are feeling and thinking and facing.

I also know that moving so often will give them a unique resilience and perspective I have had to learn as an adult. I lived in the same house from the time I was a year old until I went away to college, and my parents live in that same house still. My children do not have that. But I cannot tell you how proud of them I am as I watch them embrace the challenge of walking into a new school, moving to a new neighborhood and see it as an adventure and not a negative thing. They really amaze me with how well they handle it, because I look back at the me I was at that age and I just know how nervous and beside myself I would have been if I’d been asked to do what our boys are doing so well. Our God is a gracious God to enable these boys to do what they have to do.

When we moved to St. Louis, we knew it was temporary, and with my tendency to be a hermit, I was sorely tempted to keep up a wall and not build too many friendships because I knew it would hurt to leave so quickly. I have never been one to make friends easily, even with and maybe because of never having the challenge of moving every few years. I still struggle with that, and I have a hard time dropping the walls and really connecting with others. That’s one thing that made our pilgrimage in South Carolina so hard for me because I never really found that kindred spirit friendship I so often long for. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and he is my very best friend, but sometimes you just need the companionship of other women who love the Lord and with whom you can share that bond in a real way. Having a friend to grab a cup of coffee with and share the Word with in real, sisterly friendship is a rare treasure, I am finding. The church we grew to love in those 18 months made it impossible to erect those walls with any staying power, though, and I found healing from what I called my South Carolina wilderness as I connected and made good Christian friends, and I’m glad for that. I hope my children will keep fond memories of St. Louis in their hearts forever. And I pray we will find our place here in Kentucky, too.

So, as I sit here smelling the cookies that are baking in the oven in preparation for a first day back to school treat, I ponder the fears and hopes I have for my children. I know how inadequate I am in so many ways. I wish they had a better mother at times. But I also know that I serve a great Savior. And my sweet Lord chose me for these kids. He chose me to be their mom. And He will guard their hearts and lead Drew and me to train them up in the way they should go. How I pray that we will teach them well and teach them how to think biblically, in spite of all the other voices to which they are exposed. How I pray they will be drawn to the right kind of friends and that they will be more leaders than followers, that they will be willing to stand alone if to follow the crowd means to go against what they know is right. So I put my trust in Him, and He will keep me in perfect peace as I seek to love the ones He has entrusted to me. In spite of my failings, and they are so many, may He be glorified, may these children see Him and be drawn to Him by His grace.