A Prayer Request

Please be praying with a dear blogging friend, Lisa from Lisa Writes as her community was hit by a tornado last night. She and her family are safe, but there is much destruction in their town.

Some Thoughts After the Women's Retreat

Clearly I’m in blogging lite mode. Or blogging slump mode, perhaps. Facebook posts are more frequent, being shorter and requiring less thought and all.

I’ve just come home from a women’s retreat with my sisters from church. God has so blessed our church with our pastor and his wife. Mama B, as we affectionately call our pastor’s wife, is a humble, authentic servant of Jesus who He has gifted to open His word to us and teach us well. The theme of our retreat was “True Blue” and Mama B basically exposited the book of Philippians this morning as she shared with us what a true blue, authentic follower of Christ will look like. It was real encouragement, as were the other speakers, lay women from our church, who I got to learn from this weekend. May God be glorified as we seek to daily live as true blue, authentic followers of Jesus Christ. I will greatly miss this church family when we move in June.

I have been struggling recently with emotions again. Not doubt in the truth of the scripture, that is settled for me. No, the struggle that has plagued me has been more a struggle with a desire to more fully and deeply embrace the truths I believe, to live out the faith in a real way and be sure that what I say I believe is what I really, deep down believe, because what I believe will inform how I live, and I'm trying to identify the lies I may still be believing that cause doubts to creep in where I have no desire to entertain them. It has been a soul-searching time and a real struggle.

The Lord graciously allowed me to recognize something this weekend that I think I have known for a long time but have needed to come face to face with and repent and move away from. I suffer from a perverse form of pride which leads to a very low self-esteem. I know, pride and low self-esteem seem to be oxymorons, but not really. This kind of low self-esteem is really a thinking too much about me, being too introspective and perfectionistic, which leads to me feeling I have nothing to offer and that I'm just not good enough and just not lovable enough, which becomes paralyzing and certainly doesn't lead into me learning to care about and love others well, so, it’s really a form of pride.

Anyway, what I have realized is the root of this paralyzing shyness, this low self-esteem, this feeling that I have nothing to offer, is really that I have a sinful lack of belief that God really does love me with a covenant love. I know the right answers, I can explain covenant and give the correct answers to the E.E. questions, but I have a hard time deep down in my heart of hearts believing He loves me. I have a good grasp on God being holy and sinless and the Judge of all. But, for some reason, I have a much harder time really getting that He is love. That’s hard to admit. The bottom line is, Jesus said that He will not cast out those who come to Him. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. He took on human flesh and lived a sinless life and redeemed us with His blood. What amazing love He has demonstrated. I am His. It doesn’t matter what my feelings say. I am His child. He died to set me free from my pride and sin. And He will complete the work He has begun in me. His word is true. And I am seeking to see and savor Him, to offer the sacrifice of praise, to worship at His feet as Mary did, remembering that most important part of finding my satisfaction in Christ alone.

Do you ever read through the Psalms and hunger for the kind of love for God that the sweet psalmist of Israel, King David, evidenced in the words he wrote? I want to love God like that. Something else that struck me this afternoon as I was pondering all I heard this weekend and thinking about something else that I’ve been wanting to blog about for a few days was that David did not spend much time fretting over whether his faith was real or whether he was really saved. He was confident that he was God’s man. That was settled because he knew the God he served. He knew that our God is a covenant keeping God, and he rested his confidence in that. I can rest my confidence there, too. Jesus came to save sinners, and I am certainly a sinner. It is not the strength of my faith that keeps me in His hand, but it is the strength of His promise, His word, His finished work of redemption that holds me there. All the promises of God are yes and amen in Christ Jesus and it is in Jesus alone that I can rest.

We find a beautiful picture of what God does for us in the life of David. In 2 Samuel 9 we find the account of David’s kindness to Mephibosheth. After the death of Saul and Jonathan, and after David finally realized the kingship of Israel for which he had been anointed years earlier, he asks the question, “Is there still anyone who is left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” Well, there was still a son of Jonathan’s who was living in hiding, a son who was lame in his feet because of an accident that happened when those who thought they had to fear David sought to protect this son of Jonathan by fleeing with him. This son, Mephibosheth, was summoned to come before David, and he did so, falling on his face before David. Can you image the fear he felt?

But rather than the ruthlessness he could have expected from a worldly king, this king showed him unexpected kindness. Here is how the scripture records the exchange: “So David said to him, ‘Do not fear, for I will surely show you kindness for Jonathan your father’s sake, and will restore to you all the land of Saul your grandfather; and you shall eat bread at my table continually.’

Then he bowed himself, and said, ‘What is your servant, that you should look upon such a dead dog as I?’”

I cry every time I read this passage. David understood covenant love. And the reason I cry is because I am reminded again of the great covenant love God shows us. Because what David, as an imperfect man, was able to do for Mephibosheth is a mere shadow of what God does for those who trust Him in repentant faith. He loves me, dead dog and hopeless sinner that I am, not because I am so lovable, but for the sake of Jesus my Redeemer. Jesus took my sin and paid the penalty I owe. I do not have to fear since He has exchanged the filthy rags of my pride and perfectionism and hypocrisy and sin for the royal robes of His righteousness. I am a new creation in Him. Nothing in my hands I bring, simply to His cross I cling.

And while in myself I have nothing to offer but to cast my dead dog self upon His mercy, in His grace He has raised me up to newness of life and filled me with His Holy Spirit to eat at His table and to grow in His grace as He produces His fruit in me so that I may serve His kingdom and fall on my knees at the foot of the cross in wonder, worship, love and praise. And I do not have to listen to the lies of the enemy that would try to paralyze me by doubt. I am saved by God’s grace to glorify and enjoy Him forever.

Hallelujah! What a Savior! What amazing grace!

I Just Had to Share This

This is an incredible story. Our youth pastor and his wife know this family, and we've been praying for them through this ordeal. On March 13th, Laurie Coldwell suffered a brain aneurysm and fell into a coma. At that time we were all praying for survival after our youth pastor asked for urgent prayer on behalf of his friends.

Now, if you click on the link above you will see a news story that features Laurie's 7-yr-old daughter who saved her mom's life by calling her dad when mom fell that day. This video clip will make you cry. As a friend of mine said on Facebook today, it is really neat to see this family we've been praying for but have never met in real life and to see what God is doing in their family. From their Facebook updates, they are using every opportunity they can to share Jesus with people they meet along the way in all this.

Thanking God for the mercy He has shown and continuing to pray for the Coldwell family.

What I'm Reading Now

Just started reading a little book called Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ by John Piper. Here are a couple of quotes that lead me to know it will be worth reading:

"We are all starved for the glory of God, not self. No one goes to the Grand Canyon to increase self-esteem. Why do we go? Because there is greater healing for the soul in beholding splendor than there is in beholding self. Indeed, what could be more ludicrous in a vast and glorious universe like this than a human being, on the speck called earth, standing in front of a mirror trying to find significance in his own self-image? It is a great sadness that this is the gospel of the modern world.

But it is not the Christian gospel. Into the darkness of petty self-preoccupation has shone 'the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God' (2 Corinthians 4:4). The Christian gospel is about 'the glory of Christ,' not about me. And when it is - in some measure - about me, it is not about my being made much of by God, but about God mercifully enabling me to enjoy making much of Him forever."

And this:

"Christ does not exist in order to make much of us. We exist in order to enjoy making much of Him. The assumption of this book is that to know the glories of Christ is an end, not a means. Christ is not glorious so that we get wealthy or healthy. Christ is glorious so that rich or poor, sick or sound, we might be satisfied in Him."

I read that and my heart cried out: This is what I'm looking for! This is how I want to be. Satisfied in Him, enjoying Him, no matter my circumstances, no longer obsessed with trivial things but seeing Him for who He really is.

We've just finished our study through the book of Hebrews, and what a wonderful time it was. Hebrews is a book that makes much of Christ, and our group enjoyed studying His superiority and learning how He is infinitely better than anything this world has to offer. How I want to continue to go deeper and grow stronger in my unshaken assurance of His grace and might. He is worthy.

I think this is going to be a good book. May God use it to turn my eyes to Him and to understand His word and apply it more and more each day.

God is So Good

Psalm 24:1-2
“The earth is the LORD’s, and all its fullness,
The world and those who dwell therein.
For He has founded it upon the seas,
And established it upon the waters.

We had a wonderful day of worship today when we met together at church. My Sunday school class is working through the book of Revelation, and our teacher truly has the gift of teaching. What a blessing this class is. Today we were reading about the church at Ephesus and how it had a sound orthodoxy but had left its first love. I was convicted that I am very prone to that. I know proper theology; when I don’t know the answers, I know to look for them them in the Bible; and when I'm unsure, I know to rest in the authority of God's word. I want to live a holy life, but I lose sight sometimes in the midst of the tyranny of the everyday that I want the passion of my life to be to see and savor Jesus Christ. I want my motive to be to worship Him in spirit and in truth. I want to consciously see Him for the beautiful savior He is. So the lesson was very appropriate to my heart today.

Then in the worship service, the music lifted our hearts to our Savior in a real way today. And pastor led us in worship through the preaching of the Word. Again, this sermon was very appropriate to my own need today, though I didn’t realize just how much at first. His sermon was titled, “Now a Word From the Owner,” in which his main scripture focus was Psalm 24:1-2, but he used many other scriptures to support his points that God is the Creator, Sustainer and owner of everything, and we are stewards charged with being faithful with His provision and making much of Christ in the lives we are given. The Lord really spoke to my heart today and I once again want to be faithful to remember that I am His, I am bought with a price, and He will guide me and sustain me in this life until He brings me safely home to be with Him forever. What a good God we serve!

I’m thankful for that sermon. It was great before I even realized that it was great heart preparation for what we found after church.

Someone broke out the passenger side window and stole my purse, which I had been stupid enough to leave in the car, while we were in church this morning. The look on my son’s face as he stared in disbelief at the shattered window made my heart stop until I got over there and saw what he and Drew were looking at. And then I realized my purse was gone. My friend loaned me her phone and I called the bank to cancel my debit card - someone had already tried it at the nearest ATM but had been locked out when they didn’t know the PIN number. Another friend came over and hugged me and prayed with us that whoever did this would be found, but more importantly would turn from crime to Christ. I confess I wish I had more of her attitude, I’m ashamed that wasn’t my first thought. Drew called the police, some friends graciously offered to take our kids to lunch, some sweet men from the church stayed with us until the police had come and taken our statements and examined and photographed the car, and then those same sweet men helped us sweep out most of the glass and sweep it up from the parking lot.

I am very thankful, too, that while the police were still there, Drew called about another credit card and found that the person had just 15 minutes before tried to use it at a couple of nearby stores and managed to buy $87 worth of merchandise, then got the card locked when they were dumb enough to come back and try to get cash out but, again, didn’t know the PIN. So one of the policemen was able to zip off quickly and talk to those stores. Maybe this will enable them to catch the person - apparently they’ve been trying to for a few months.

All in all, we were able to cancel everything before they got any more money from us. It could have been much, much worse. My keys were in the purse, too. They could have taken the car. Drew changed the locks on the house this afternoon, and I’ll have to get a new driver’s license and debit card and military ID, and we’ll have to replace the glass on the window, but thankfully I only had about $5 in cash in the purse and nothing else worth much of anything. Bet they’re wishing they’d picked someone with money to rob.

All in all, God protected us and provided for us in so many ways today, with friends who stood with us and helped us, a worship service and sermon that prepared our hearts to look to Him, and bank card protections that blocked the person from cleaning out our checking account or maxing out our credit card before we found out there was a problem. And I'm thankful for the lesson learned, too, that because I feel so safe most of the time I forget often that we live in a city that still has a pretty high crime rate, and we need to be careful not to do dumb things about which we know better. Not that my leaving my purse gave anyone a right to break my car window and take my purse, but it wasn't a wise thing for me to do, either.

God is so good, so kind, all the time.

Resurrection Sunday

Jesus is risen! He is risen indeed! Hallelujah! What a Savior!

They Are New Every Morning

"Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed,

Because His compassions fail not.

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul,

'Therefore I hope in Him.'"

Lamentations 3:22-24

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

2 Corinthians 12:9

"Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Hebrews 4:14-16

I don't know about you, but after the last few days I've had, sometimes even wishing I could have a 'do over,' I find these truths quite comforting. Rather than spinning up to worry about some things that I am very tempted to fret about, I can rest tonight, and I can get up tomorrow, Lord willing, ready for a new day. Amazing grace!

That Mom

I was that mom today. You know the one. If you were at Schnuck's this afternoon, you really know the one. I'm talking about the mom with the screaming banshee of a kid who was displaying her sin nature as loudly as possible for everyone to witness (the kid, not the mom). Anyone who thinks we don't have a sin nature should spend a little time with a 3-year-old. Just sayin'. I'm talking about the mom who is trying to get through her grocery list while dragging said screaming banshee while everyone in the store is tempted to think what a brat that kid is, why doesn't she do something about it already?

Things to remember:
1. Going the grocery store with a really long list right after preschool and right at lunch time is probably not the best idea.

2. Later, when I am no longer that mom, but maybe a little nostalgic for those days, I want to remember that I was that mom once. And when I see that mom from the other side, I want to think that maybe that mom is not a bad mom and maybe that kid is not a brat, really. Maybe that mom is a really good mom who is trying to raise her child not to be a brat and is choosing to persevere through a really embarrassing moment in order to teach her beloved child that screaming and pitching a fit is not appropriate and will not get her what she wants, nor will it make her a happy and productive person. Maybe that mom is trying to raise her child to not be that teenager one day, and it's better to persevere through the temper outbursts now and teach this kid that her strong-willed nature must be kept under control so she can be a decent teenager rather than one out of control. That's what I want to remember when I'm no longer that mom.

3. And maybe, just maybe I can remember to be that mom who has been there who can smile sympathetically at that mom and reassure her that you only get to be that mom for a short time, and for every embarrassing and frustrating and difficult moment there are a multitude of sweet ones to counteract it, so make the most of it.

By God's grace I pray that I will be that mom to the praise of His glory and parent in the Spirit not in the flesh. By God's grace, I pray that I will be patient and persevere and train up these blessings in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and that He would overcome the failings that I bring to the table. By God's grace I pray that when I find myself in the position of being that mom at times that I would remember His grace and that He would grant me, please, the wisdom to parent that child well. By God's grace I pray that my children will grow up to love Him and serve Him, in spite of my failings as that mom.

Then being that mom will all be worth it.

Deceitful Heart

“The heart is deceitful above all things,

And desperately wicked;

Who can know it?

I, the LORD, search the heart,

I test the mind,

Even to give every man according to his ways,

According to the fruit of his doings.”

Jeremiah 7:9-10

How true this verse is. How I fear and hate the inner Pharisee that is so skilled at covering over a bad attitude with a spiritual veneer.

I sing in the choir at church. For a few weeks now, I’ve been struggling with an attitude I know isn’t pleasing to the Lord, mixed with some genuine tiredness in response to some very real stresses we’ve had (and are still having) recently, some genuine convictions I am struggling to understand, and probably a need to just take a break from choir for a little while. It all came to a head this week with a presentation we had this weekend in preparation for Easter. I’ve mentioned before that I have struggles with artistic portrayals and theatrical depictions of Jesus. I just do. It stems back to some earlier experiences I’ve had, and I still struggle with whether my concerns are legitimate or just me being hyper sensitive spiritually or even worse, legalistic.

Well, when we first began discussing this choir and drama production, that familiar qualm came back and I wasn’t sure if I would sing in this play or not. I went to practice, learned the music, and struggled over the decision, trying to determine how much of my reluctance is legitimate, and how much is just tiredness and, worse, how much may be deeper sinful attitudes I struggle with periodically. Trying to come to terms honestly with what’s really happening in my heart here.

Long story short, I chose to sit out for a little while, mainly because I felt it would be better to sit out if I couldn’t sing without having every little thing affect my attitude, but I didn’t really tell many people why. I still don’t know how serious my concerns about actors playing the role of Jesus and artistic license with the portrayal and the play on emotions that is part and parcel of such a performance should be. I still don’t know if that should be a concern or if l am thinking too much, but I am beginning to have a growing conviction that more of my discomfort with it than I am yet comfortable admitting may have been an excuse I used in my own mind to justify some less spiritual attitudes I was struggling to overcome.

This morning I sat in the audience and did get to worship in a way that is hard for me when I’m singing as part of the performance, and for that reason I am pretty sure I made the right decision to sit out this time. I'm not sure I would have been as able to heed the heart work that the Holy Spirit did in me this morning had I not been sitting quietly in the pew today.

What has struck me most and foremost this year about the crucifixion is just how clueless the crowd and the soldiers and the religious leaders and Pilate and Herod and everyone involved were about just Who Jesus really was, and how clueless we still often can be today about just Who He IS. And it struck me how clueless I am, too. How often I am just not in awe of His majesty, His worth, His holiness, His love and His amazing grace. It struck me how often I am flippant about things I should not be flippant about or lazy about prayer or just so absorbed with my little life that I forget that it is so not all about me. It strikes me to my very core when I think of Jesus on the cross praying, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” This is the essence of grace. He forgives all the ugliness and ignorance and pride and laziness and forgetfulness and uncharitable attitudes....and.....and.....and....that is in my heart. He has forgiven me so much, and too many times I am so self-centered and self-focused that I cannot even see what is real. I can’t even see how awesome it is that I even get to be in His very presence, clean and forgiven. This is what hit me in my very heart this morning. May I learn to see Jesus and savor Him and glorify Him for who He is and for how worthy He is of praise. How I long for my one desire to be to know Him and to see Him and to praise Him. How I long for my one aim to be to please Him.

How ashamed I am and how painful it is when I come face to face with the hypocrite within who will try to cover over sinful attitudes and legalism rather than face them and repent. How thankful I am for the grace which brings those attitudes to light and will not leave me in the Pharisaical mode but lovingly brings me back to the foot of the cross and shines His light on my heart, unveils my eyes from deception, and reminds me that He has washed me clean with His blood and clothed me with His righteousness and that He is ever interceding for me at the throne of grace.

How very, very thankful I am for grace.

Palm Sunday

Psalm 118:25-26
“Save now, I pray, O LORD;
O LORD, I pray, send now prosperity.
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD!
We have blessed you from the house of the LORD.”


Jesus entered Jerusalem to the shouts of, “Hosanna,” and the people waved palm branches as, seated on a donkey, He passed by on the streets of the holy city. They were ready to welcome Him as King. Or so they thought.

They wanted salvation from the tyranny of Rome. They wanted a temporal salvation tied to this world. They wanted an earthly kingdom.

Their view of God was not nearly high enough.

They did not even realize that He came, not for some temporal, earthly salvation from Rome, but He came to save them from a far more insidious enemy. He came to save them from an enemy they weren’t even aware they needed to be saved from.

He came to save them from the tyranny of their sin. He came to redeem them from the bondage of sin that is part of every one of us down to our DNA. He came to free us from our sin nature that resulted from the first Adam’s fall.

He came to die. For that is the wage our sin merits. By grace, He came to offer Himself in our place; the spotless, guiltless, sinless Lamb who came to pay the penalty for undeserving sinners such as we are.

So, as they hailed Him that Palm Sunday, they had no idea that less than a week later He would hang, bloodied and dying on a Roman cross, the true Passover Lamb, after they cried, “Crucify Him!”

And less than week later, when He gave up His spirit saying, “It is finished,” the curse of sin was broken. The price was paid. He did what He came to do.

Less than a week after that Palm Sunday, the temple veil was torn in two and the Holy of Holies was opened to those who would place their trust in the true King, Jesus Christ whose blood paid the ransom for their souls.

As we sing, “Hosanna,” on this Palm Sunday, we remember that it didn’t end with the triumphal entry. Praise God that Jesus completed the work He came to do, so that a week later, He rose triumphantly from the grave. To God be the glory!

**Originally posted on April 1, 2007

Some Thoughts About LOST

My apologies to those of you who are not LOST watchers. I am one. My blog. I had some thoughts I needed to write about it. Feel free not to read if you find that boring.

Though I’m fairly certain it is not the point the writers of LOST are trying to make, I think last night’s episode is a great argument for how bad theology leads to bad decisions and much heartache. Anyone else wish you could have taken Richard aside and explained the real meaning of that cross last night?

And for those of you who, like me, are reformation Christians, anyone else a little concerned that the character who had a more biblically accurate view of the nature of fallen mankind is the ‘bad’ guy (MIB) and the implications of what that means for the worldview of the show? It seems to me, depending upon just who Jacob is supposed to be in this weird show, that the writers just may be subscribing to an openness theory that I do not like - did you catch how Jacob was surprised by Richard’s suggestion that if the ‘good’ did nothing to intervene, the evil certainly would. He had not adequately thought through the implications of his little game he is playing with people.

Something else that just occurred to me: Do you think when the doctor threw the gold cross on the ground, calling it worthless, do you think we were supposed to only think of it as monetarily worthless and a slap in the face of Isabella's gift, OR was there a deeper message being implied by the writers that faith in the work that was done on that cross is worthless? Maybe I'm just reading too much into it, but you have to admit that this show has been laden with all kinds of religious symbols from all kinds of religious systems and I can't keep myself from wondering if the message we are meant to get from it is that it is all worthless? I sure hope that's not what they are saying, but it did occur to me. If so, I am profoundly sad. Not disappointed, because you may remember that I mentioned at the beginning of this season that I was pretty sure I might have a major problem with the direction this show is going to go and that I am quite sure it is not being written from a Christian worldview. Last night confirmed that thought. So, not surprised, not expecting anything different, not ever expecting to get my theology from a TV show or expecting Hollywood to get it right, just commenting on what I saw.

Yeah, yeah, I know.......lighten up, Beck, it’s just a TV show. Whatever.

Dinner With Kids

Dinner with the children was.....interesting...tonight. My husband was away tonight. It is Spring Break. Kids are getting a little loopy.

We had dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and fish sticks for dinner tonight because it is easy and kid-friendly. Well, the kids had that and salad. I had salad and a quesadilla.

Anyway, dinner with boys is sometimes an adventure. I looked over at one boy’s plate, and he had a dinosaur in halves with ketchup on each half and another dinosaur looming over it in dinner mode. The other boy was having paroxysms of giggles over the word “poop.” My daughter was walking two fish sticks around the table and having them say, “Nice to meet you,” to each other.

I found that I was suddenly not very hungry after all.

Obviously the parental job of civilizing these kiddos needs some more attention.

Can they go to bed now?

Duct Tape

Have you ever been out in public with a three-year-old and wish that you had put duct tape on her mouth before she said something you understand because you know the thought process behind it and how her little brain works, but the strangers who hear it and have no way of knowing you or what you think about important things will not understand and will most definitely misinterpret in a quite unpleasant way, wondering just what you are teaching her at home? And you know you most definitely are NOT teaching her what they will mistakenly assume from the weird way she worded her comment, and then later you still feel terrible days afterward and you beat yourself up because you finally figure out what you should have said that you were too stunned at the time by her comment and with the mortification of wondering why in the world she came up with THAT comment and why in the world she had to make it in THAT way at THAT very inopportune moment to be able to think clearly on your feet, instead of just wishing the floor would just open up and swallow you right now, so that you could say it at the moment you needed to say it? Yeah, me too,

It's Not Easy Being Green

I’ve never considered myself to be a ‘granola’ girl if you know what I mean. I’m not in a panic over so-called global warming or overly concerned about mankind’s ability to destroy the environment. In fact, I think we have been blatantly lied to about much of the hysteria and worry over the environment. Here’s my thinking on environmental concerns. Man was given stewardship of the earth by our Creator as we see in Genesis 1:26. I believe we should care for the world we’ve been given because it is God’s creation. I do not believe we should worship the creation, however. It is not “Mother Earth” or "Mother Nature." God is sovereign over all, including the environment. That is not to say we should be careless about the environment, but it should be kept in perspective.

All that being said, you’re probably going to think I’m a little weird when I tell you I’ve recently discovered the benefits of making my own laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent and household cleaners with more natural ingredients. In fact I made my first batch of laundry detergent just this week, so this a whole new thing for me, and so far I am quite pleased with the results. I like that by doing so I put less chemicals into the environment, but that isn’t the main reason I’m doing it. The main reason I’m doing it is I was listening to a friend talk about how much she enjoys doing this, and how much better she feels knowing that she doesn’t need unnecessary chemicals that are not very healthy for her family in order to keep her home clean. I liked what she had to say, and I must say, I really am pleased with my efforts toward using more natural cleaners so far. Granted, if you just like that Tide or Gain smell and don’t feel like your clothes are clean without the scent, you probably wouldn’t like the homemade stuff. I do. My clothes actually seem cleaner to me now. Plus, I really like the significant cost savings that are a huge benefit of making my own cleaners. It’s going to be big savings, and that’s the real reason I am excited to have found the homemade, natural alternative to commercial cleaners. I wouldn't say that what I’m doing is really about being ‘green,’ because it’s really more about healthier alternatives that also will help the budget. I like that I can be industrious and save my family some money. Makes me feel just a tad like the Proverbs 31 woman.

One thing I don’t like about so-called ‘greener’ living, however, is that in order to find some of the ingredients I need, you have to shop at health food type stores or websites. Ya’ll, there are some kooky beliefs out there. And you really find them when you ‘go green.’ For example, I was looking for something called Castile soap. We were shopping at a local department store that I really like to patronize but won’t name at the moment, and found some lavender scented Castile soap in a bottle that had a lot of tiny little writing all over the bottle. Excited to have found one of the items I needed at a store I frequent, I purchased a bottle. When I got home, I actually read some of that tiny little print. Oh, dear. It was someone’s very wacky religious philosophy that sounded like they’d been spending a little too long in mindless meditation exercises and had travelled so far within that they had really jumped off the deep end into their inner Oprahfication, claiming that oldest lie in the world that all religions are the same. Needless to say, I will not be buying THAT brand of soap again. I poured the soap in a bottle I had and threw away the creepy bottle it came in, and still feel really bad that I actually paid money to a company that is peddling that kind of spiritual poison. I didn’t want that garbage in my house.

So, my point is: read labels before purchasing. Well, that’s a side point. I guess my main point is: in the effort to be healthier, be careful that you do not allow an even worse poison into your home, heart and mind than the chemicals you may be trying to avoid ever were. There is a lot of bad thinking out there, much of it in the ‘green’ or ‘health’ movements. Know the truth. It is the truth that will set you free. That truth is Jesus. Not just who you think Jesus is, either. Just because someone mentions His name on their wacky little bottle, don’t make the mistake of thinking they are talking about HIM. Read the Bible. I plan to write more on that soon. Know Jesus. Know what is true and what is false. Guard your heart and mind. Because no matter how clean and healthy you make your body and your home, it is in the heart and mind that you must be clean as only a repentant, surrendered relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ can make you. All the ‘green living’ in the world is of no value if you do not have that.

Sad, But True How Some People View Government

This is funny in a scary sort of way. I guess what makes good satire is that there is so much truth to it....

**This comedian is funny, but I don't necessarily endorse everything I've seen on Youtube from him.

Status Report of Sorts

Drinking coffee....with hazelnut creamer and Splenda. It’s the first cup of the afternoon. I foresee a second in the near future.

I had set the coffee on to perk as a motivator for me to finish the chore I was not wanting to do.

Chore is done now, coffee is being enjoyed. While enjoying, I am working mightily to tune out the umpteenth whining fit being pitched by my stubborn little three-year-old. Can I just say I’m feeling a little weary in the temper tantrum trenches these days? It’s not like we EVER give her what she wants when she screams and whines. You’d think she’d figure out a better way....but did I mention she’s stubborn? Good thing I am too, because this little girl is needing to learn that she can’t scream and manipulate her way through life. She’s choosing the hard way to learning it this week. There have been consequences for her behavior. She has not liked them. I’m hoping she will come to not like them so much she will learn to quit with the temper tantrums already. Responsible parenting is hard. It would be so much easier at the moment to just give in and have some peace, but oh, what a whirlwind that would reap down the road. I’d rather the difficulty now than to have to reap the consequences of irresponsible parenting when she’s older.

People keep telling me her strong-willed streak is something for which I’ll be thankful when she’s older. I pray often for wisdom and mercy to parent her well. I pray that for each of the kids.

But I digress from my original reason for sitting down to write a blog post.

The dreaded chore I just finished was to go through Boo’s clothes and take out the 3T’s she has outgrown and pack them away for give-away. I can see we will need to go shopping before spring gets here....we’re a little low in the warmer weather clothes department.

I am having a really hard time packing away Boo’s clothes. Actually, it isn’t the packing them away that is hard. It’s the giving them away that is hard. To be able to take that bag of clothes out to my car and actually get rid of them is to finally admit that Boo is, in all likelihood and unless God overrules that thought, our last baby. And she is quickly becoming not so much of a baby anymore. Intellectually I am okay with this. Emotionally I thought I was until I was sitting in the locker room at the Y this morning and thinking about things and started to cry. Well, for the most part emotionally I’m okay with this. I’m doing a lot better than I did after previous miscarriages, thanks be to our gracious God.

But to actually give away those clothes is to finally admit that the baby season of my life is probably over.

So, there’s that bag sitting there in the hallway that I’m not sure I’m quite ready to take away yet. It can wait a little bit, I guess.

And then there’s the temper tantrum trenches. Maybe I’m nearing the end of that season, too.

Being a mom is hard. It’s good, but it’s hard sometimes.

Memorable Quotes

“Although my memory’s fading, I remember two things very clearly: I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.” - John Newton in the movie Amazing Grace

The longer I walk with Jesus, the more this is my heart’s cry. What amazing grace we have been shown.

“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am.” - John Newton

I relate to this, too. I am not yet what I want to be, but I have a great and mighty Savior, a compassionate High Priest who is able to save to the uttermost those who are His by faith, He will be faithful to complete what He started in me.

“Do you intend to use your beautiful voice to praise the Lord....or change the world?” - said to William Wilberforce in the movie Amazing Grace.

I believe that with his successful lifelong effort to end the slave trade in England, he chose to do both.

Saying It Is So Doesn't Make It So

My three-year-old is a stubborn little thing. We had an interesting “conversation” this morning in the car on the way to the Y. As we drove along, she asked if we were going to Awana tonight. I told her, that, no, it is Friday. We go to Awana on Wednesday. Upon which she began crying and yelling that it is Wednesday, it is not Friday, and we are going to Awana. And she got progressively more upset about it and more insistent that it was Wednesday. I told her I wasn’t going to continue the conversation. She can yell as loudly as she wants that it’s Wednesday, it won’t make it so, and I had no intention of getting myself all worked up trying to reason with a 3-year-old who was being unreasonable. Which is pretty much what 3-year-olds do, act unreasonably when they do not get their way, that is. They aren’t capable of adult reasoning and it is foolish to try to engage in it when she’s like that.

The thing is, adults can be just as unreasonable. We live in a day and age when tolerance (as defined by our postmodern culture, not in the truest sense of the word), political correctness, pluralism, and niceness (defined as don’t you dare ever talk as if you are sure about anything or as if there are absolute rights and wrongs) are valued much more than truth. There is a bumper sticker I see often that sums it up. I’m sure you have seen it, too. It says, “COEXIST,” and all the letters incorporate symbols of various religions, worldviews, etc. That bumper sticker breaks my heart. Sure, we should be kind to people, no matter how different we are from each other, and yes, I hate that there are people who kill in the name of religion. That is shameful. That is the fruit of ‘religion’ which is devoid of a true knowledge of the One True God.

But the problem with the coexist idea and pluralism and ‘that’s fine for you, but my truth is different’ type of thinking or ‘all religions lead to the same end’ or any of that kind of thinking is that it just isn’t true. You can scream it, yell it, discuss it, have conversations about it, insist that it is so all you want, but it does not change the fact that there is only one way to God, and it is a narrow way. Ultimately to buy into the “all roads lead to god” or “all religions are just as valid and have just as much truth and lead to the same end,” you actually buy into a form of idolatry or atheism. Because to buy into that line of thinking is not to believe in the true God, who has revealed Himself and has said that the way to Him is very narrow. It is not through man-made religion, man-made thoughts about who God is, man-made ideas about how to approach God, it is only through His way, through relationship with Jesus Christ. And not just your or my idea of who Jesus is, but HIM, as He has revealed Himself.

Jesus said that He is the way, the truth and the life and no one comes to the Father but through Him. The fool has said in his heart there is no God. I heard a great sermon on that verse, by the way. The pastor said a clearer translation of that is that the fool says, “No, God.” As in, even if You are there, I don’t want You.

So, for all the voices telling us that all religions are the same, all roads lead to the same end, soft or loud, no matter how they say it, it does not make it true. Just because they want it to be so doesn’t make it so. People want to settle for “god-to-me” rather than submit to the only wise God who is the Lord, and as Christians, we have a calling to speak the truth into that darkness in love. And in doing so, we are called “intolerant, hateful, arrogant, etc.” But it does not make our message any less true or any less necessary. We have the only hope of reconciliation with God. We have the hope our culture desperately needs to hear, no matter how much it keeps telling us that tolerance is the thing and pluralism is more important than discovering the truth. Insisting that we can believe whatever we want as long as we are sincere doesn’t make it true, just as my daughter insisting that today was Wednesday didn’t make it any less Friday. What we believe matters. It matters in that it determines how we live and behave here and now, and it matters for eternity.

“The fool has said in his heart,

‘There is no God,’

They are corrupt,

They have done abominable works,

There is none who does good.”

Psalm 14:1

“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”

John 14:6

What's On My Nightstand - February 2010

Here it is the end of February, well past the fourth Tuesday, when my Nightstand post should have been written. I forgot it. So, I'm late to the party, as usual lately, but I wanted to go ahead and participate anyway. Not that the reading stack is all that large this month, but here it is, such as it is:

Currently Reading:

John Adams by David McCullough....very interesting. I am enjoying learning more about this remarkable man and his role in the founding of my country. I'm also enjoying learning what a remarkable woman his wife, Abigail, was. It takes me longer to read nonfiction than fiction, however, which is one reason for my short list this month.

For Bible Study:

Hoping for Something Better by Nancy Guthrie....we have arrived at chapter 6 of our study through the book of Hebrews, and every week just gets better and better. It is extremely encouraging to hear from members of our group how this study is stretching them, challenging them, causing them to rethink things they've been taught all their lives as they examine what the scripture says. I love it!!! On a personal note, this study has really been a blessing to me as I am walking through my recent miscarriage and its physical and emotional aftermath. It is such a glorious blessing to experience how intact, solid theology can help to navigate life. Jesus is the hope that anchors my soul, and I am so grateful for the grace He extends in letting me grow deeper and deeper into the truth as I walk through life and as He teaches me to apply that truth daily.

For Group Study with our Sunday night women's group at church:

Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss...yes, still. We will be continuing through April with this one. Again, what a blessing it has been to examine my thinking in the light of biblical truth.

Next up:

The Complete C.S. Lewis Signature Classics....Includes Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters, The Abolition of Man, The Great Divorce, The Problem of Pain, Miracles, and A Grief Observed. I'm looking forward to reading this one, which has been sitting on my nightstand for a few months now just waiting for me to get around to it.

Well, that's it for this month. Be sure to check out 5 Minutes for Books to see what the other participants are reading this month.

T-Shirt Theology

I saw someone wearing a T-shirt at the Y on Monday, and I’ve been puzzling over it ever since.

On the front was the word, “Missing,” and there was a picture that I assume was supposed to represent Jesus. On the back it said, “Last seen on Calvary.”

Um. I have a problem with that. On several levels, I have a problem with that. When I first saw the front of the shirt, my immediate thought was, “No, He’s not missing. I know where He is.” And when I saw the back of the shirt I thought, “Well, that was certainly not the last place He was seen.” Hello? Resurrection! At least 500 people saw Him after the Resurrection and He was seen by His disciples ascending into Heaven. So, to say that He was last seen on Calvary is just wrong. Then you get to the whole graven image thing and start the discussion about how I have a problem with pictures of Jesus and artistic license and representations of Him and all that, and, well, interesting T-shirt, to say the least.

I began puzzling out what the intended point of the shirt was. Benefit of the doubt solution: I think probably it was some kind of statement about how we are taking Jesus out of the culture (think taking prayer out of the schools, Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas, that kind of thing), and I get the point, but it is carelessly made. I guess it could also be trying to say He isn’t in the tomb any longer - He is risen, but, if so, it is an extremely clumsy and inaccurate way to do so. I’m just not sure what the point was supposed to be so it is confusing and irritating.

I know it’s just a t-shirt. I’m sure someone is probably reading this and thinking, “Lighten up!” But it seems to me that in an effort to be pithy or whatever, that we get too cute sometimes. Bad theology leads to wrong belief and wrong behavior. Our theology informs our actions. (Which reminds me, I have more on a related subject later as time permits.) If we want to be a light, we need to be clear, not confusing. I have no idea what that t-shirt was supposed to mean. I’m wishing I were better at thinking on my feet and had asked that woman what her shirt meant. You wear a provocative shirt like that, seems to me you’re begging to be asked. I have thought since that I’d really like to say, “Could you explain the meaning of your shirt, because I know how to find Jesus if you’re really looking.” But I didn’t think that quickly. More’s the pity.

Bad theology is irritating. Not only that, it’s dangerous. Even on a t-shirt.

***Totally Unsolicited and Shameless Plug: Carla has some better t-shirts to offer if you're interested. :-)