Forty is Not a Bad Word

Psalm 139:1-6

1 O LORD, you have searched me and known me!

2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

3 You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

4 Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.

5 You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

Though "40" seems a surreal number to apply to myself, that day has come, and it is today. Some women get all morose about that number. I don't think I'm one of them. Today, I am thankful that it is the anniversary of the day the LORD chose to give me breath, as someone reminded me. I am so thankful for the 40 years He has given me, and even more thankful that in His amazing grace He has chosen to allow me to walk so many of them with Him, saved by His grace, forgiven because of His blood shed for me, growing in His grace, surrounded by His mercy, blessed to be hid in Christ, belonging to Him for His glory. With such high and wonderful thoughts, how could "40" be anything less than joyful today? Thank You, my Jesus, for another day, and another birthday, at that.

Camping!

We got to go camping over the weekend at a state park about an hour from home. It was a first ever for me, though Drew has taken the boys before and he used to go camping as a kid with his family. We went with two other families we are friends with from our church, and I'm so thankful our friends, J & D, invited us all along! All in all there were 17 of us on three campsites, counting adults and kids and we shared the evening cooking duties among us and just had a really good time together all weekend. The kids got along great, and I know they had a fun time. The only thing I don't like (besides the nasty showers, which were decent at the beginning of the weekend but pretty gross by the last day) was missing church on Sunday, but we had a really nice family worship time that morning, and really enjoyed the little Bible study we did with the kids. All in all, I really enjoyed our first family camping outing - having friends along made it perfect, too. I'm still not sure camping will be my vacation of choice, though. I could not WAIT to take a real shower in a clean bathroom and get the smoke smell off me once we got home. Lots of work before and after the relaxing, but it was definitely worth it.

Just like less is more in blogging, and I haven't gotten the hang of that, I'm sure less is more with picture sharing, too. However, I had a hard time narrowing it down, so even though there were LOTS more pictures I wanted to share, here are a few - still more than a decent sized blog post should allow, I'm sure. Enjoy or not.....

One of the cool things about Drew being active duty rather than just Reserves now and actually working on post and being stationed at a real base is that we get privileges on post. One privilege is that we were able to rent a cute little camper from Ft. Knox at a very reasonable price. And I do mean LITTLE. Imagine all 5 of us sleeping in there. But it had a microwave, so Joshua and I got to have tea, which was a good thing, let me tell you. And it made for some cozy family bonding time. I am extremely thankful for how well the kids behaved and got along for the most part this weekend. Made it a fun weekend.



Rachel was glad to have her best little friend along....sometimes a little too glad. She wanted to be wherever W. was no matter what. But he doesn't seem to mind.



Me trying to read my Bible before the day got going. Not sure why I was standing, but Drew thought it was interesting enough for a picture. Also the very last moment I needed a sweater. We had beautiful weather all weekend. After all the rain we've had recently, we really couldn't have asked for a nicer camping weekend, though the lake was closed to swimming due to flooding, and it did heat up A LOT Saturday afternoon and Sunday.



Our family went off for our own little nature walk on Saturday. I'm so thankful for the people in this picture!



Because the boys got to do some things she wasn't old enough to do, Drew took Rachel horseback riding. She wasn't too sure about it at first, but then she loved it. Drew said the boy helping her was really good with her - talked to her the whole time and she got more comfortable and really LOVED "Shorty" the horse. I'm glad she got some bonding time with her daddy, too.



Rachel with "Shorty."



I just love this picture! Rachel and Daddy.



Of course, we had to have bacon one morning - Michael's favorite thing.



The older kids got to do some archery one day. Being at a state park was cool because they had all kinds of neat, free things for the kids to take advantage of throughout the weekend. This is Joshua in the yellow shirt.


Michael in the middle.



S'mores on the last evening.





The kids really all had a great time playing together. Lots of fun!

Thankful Thursday and Thinking About Prayer

Hmm. I just realized as I went to post this that it's been a whole week since I last posted here. Time just flies. Blogging may continue on the lighter side this week as well.

This is, I think, the third post in which I’ve mentioned the ladies’ retreat we had a few weeks ago, but I have to say something about it again in this Thankful Thursday post. I have been concerned for a while now that I’m not very focused in my praying. One thing I’ve made it a habit to do is that when I say I’ll pray for someone I try to pray right then because I don’t want to forget. I tend to say little conversational kinds of prayers throughout the day, but, when I sit down to pray in a focused way, I tend to be a bit ADD in that I no sooner start to pray then I’m thinking about the 1 million chores I need to be doing or my mind is wandering all over the place.

One thing I’m thankful for is that on the ladies’ retreat, our speaker gave us a little outline that has worked for her in organizing her thoughts as she prays. Basically it begins with bowing to worship, taking cares to the Lord and laying them at His feet, confessing and asking Him to search your heart, praying through Eph. 6:10-18, thinking on an attribute of God from the Scripture and thanking Him, praying for others, reading the Bible and praying about how you need to respond to and obey His word that you’ve just read. Taking the basic format, I’ve been making myself a prayer notebook with an outline that works for me and helps me focus during my quiet time in the morning which I’ve typed up and put in page protectors in a little notebook, along with a list of people I pray for every day, and then I’ve broken up other prayer concerns and assigned them a day of the week when I will be praying over them - things like my family and church (those are on the every day list), my country and leaders, neighbors, friends, extended family, and some other things (certain days of the week). I’ve also started listing out scriptures as I’m reading the Bible that I find I can pray for people on my list.

One thing that I thought of today is to print out a list of my Facebook friends and blog friends for one of the weekdays. Each week I’ll take a few friends from those lists and pray specifically for them, and when I actually know of specific needs I’ll remember them, too. I got to thinking what a special way that could be to take a hobby and make something meaningful of it. As to the blog friends list, if you’ve interacted with me in a somewhat regular way, you are probably on that list. If you want to be on that list, please leave me a comment or send an e-mail and I’ll be happy to add you. I’ve also added to my list the bloggers I read regularly, whether I have actually interacted with them or not.

So, I’m thankful for the encouragement and practical organizational tips the speaker at our retreat gave me to help me to become more organized and diligent in praying. For all the talk about prayer these days that tries to make prayer out to be some contemplative, wispy, unmindful thing, I don’t want to be caught up in seeking after some elusive, hyper-romanticized experience. I want to pray and love God with my whole heart, soul, mind and strength. I want to be grounded in God’s word and fellowshipping with Him in a way that truly honors Him and is biblical and will teach me to grow in Christ as I submit to Him and love Him more and be living for His glory throughout the day.

Thankful Thursday

I’m thankful for the ladies’ retreat we had last weekend. I already wrote about it, but I received some very needed and practical encouragement about daily prayer that has stuck with me this week. I noticed something, too, and I must thank God and give Him glory and praise for the work He is doing in me. I have written before about how I struggle with my temper and impatience. I noticed this week after thinking and praying purposefully through Ephesians 6:10-18 each morning that though my circumstances haven’t changed at all, looking back over the past several days I’ve been much more even keel in how I responded to frustration this week. Friends, that is all God’s amazing grace, and to God be the glory, great things He is doing as He is working in me to conform me to His image. God is so very kind to us!

I’m thankful for a sweet time of prayer together with my fellow choir members last night. Rather than practice, we spent the entire rehearsal time praying for our church.

I’m thankful for a sunny afternoon walk with my daughter today, and I’m thankful that she is coming around about my hair. She still doesn’t like it, but she is dealing better with it today. I said on Facebook that you don’t take a walk with a 5-year-old if you’re looking for a heart-pumping workout. But if you want to look at weeds and see them to be beautiful yellow flowers and enjoy the magic of dandelions and remember that S-T-O-P spells stop at every single stop sign and enjoy amiable chatter, then a walk with a 5-year-old is just the thing for the first sunny afternoon in ages.

Did I mention sunny afternoon? Yes, I was thankful to see the sun again. It’s been a gray spring so far.

I’m thankful for my parents. They taught me, and continue to teach, much about loving Jesus and His word, and I am so grateful. I’m thankful I got to Skype my dad yesterday and tell him happy birthday.

I’m thankful for music. I ordered the soundtracks from Tangled and Enchanted because I just really like those movies and the music. Had a great time listening to them in the car with my oldest son and youngest daughter today as we drove to son’s trumpet lesson. Son tolerated it and read his book, daughter laughed out loud as song after song that she recognized from her favorite movies came on.

I’m thankful for my husband and his love for me. He says he likes the hair. I’m quite sure he doesn’t love it, but he does love me, and I love him, too.

My Daughter Hates My Hair

I got my hair cut today. I was thinking I needed a change, but I didn’t actually go in today meaning to make a radical one. However, the more I thought about it and talked to my hairdresser, the more we thought maybe it was time to try something different, something shorter. I have this really coarse, really thick, really difficult hair. So we’re thinking try it short.

Boy howdy.

It’s short.

I think I like it, but it will definitely take some getting used to. Ask my daughter.

I had to go straight from the hairdresser’s to Rachel’s preschool, so I didn’t get to go home and mess around with the hair and make it look less....severe. I usually like my styling better, you know. Anyway, she almost wouldn’t come home with me. Her teacher said, “Rachel, your mom’s here,” and Rachel looked at me, eyes immediately filled with tears, and said, “You cut your hair.” Teacher looked up and said, “Oh, wow! You did! It looks cute!” Rachel said, “I don’t like it.” And proceeded to cry. Loudly. All. The. Way. Home. In the car, into the house, “Please put it back, grow it back, Mommy.” She wouldn’t even look at me. This is the child who, when her then-favorite toy, Pink Bear, lost its nose wouldn’t look at it and covered it up in a blanket for MONTHS, even after I glued the nose back on and you couldn’t tell it had ever come off. We have issues.

So. My hair is short. I think I like it. I think I’ll get used to it. I think my daughter will too. She’ll have to. It grows fast, but not that fast. Good thing I don't get all my self-esteem from the 5-year-old's opinion.

I think I’ll e-mail my husband and suggest he look at my blog before he comes home and tell him if he loves me at all, to please lie if he hates the hair. I can handle the rejection from the 5-year-old...I think. Honey, just lie.

Rachel did come in here to find out what I was doing and wanted to take a picture with me...so there's hope, right?

Full to Overflowing

It's been a busy, but oh so good weekend.

Our church had a ladies' retreat this weekend, to which I almost did not go. A friend asked if I was going, and I waited until the very last minute to turn in my registration - and I only did that because my husband all but insisted that I go. He said I needed it and I am always glad when I go. He was right. Again. I told my friend on the way there that I was the least prepared - spiritually, emotionally, physically, and every way - than I'd ever been for any retreat I've ever attended. But....it was good....good for me. I needed the fellowship, and even more importantly, I needed the encouragement I received from the speaker and the encouragement she gave in reminding us to rest in our Savior, Jesus Christ, and to seek Him first with all our heart and then to serve out the overflow of His love as we spend time in prayer and feasting on His word daily.

Last night we had a Sunday School fellowship. Again, I almost didn't go because I had just gotten home from the retreat and thought I just wanted a night at home. But, again, husband all but insisted that we go. He was right. Again. Are you sensing a trend here? It was a relaxing evening of enjoying the company of friends we got to know a little better, and I have not laughed so hard or so long in a very long time.

What a blessing the reminder to rest in Jesus and savor His word and the joy of laughter has been. What a balm to a sinking heart that was struggling with the blues for quite a while now. I needed this weekend.

And top it all off with a lovely day with my church family today. I said on Facebook this afternoon that every Sunday I find that I want to say something about how full my heart is after meeting with my church family and how words are never enough to describe what I want to say. There is something very powerful about gathering together to worship the Lord corporately that words just really cannot express fully. And when you think about it, that is only a glimpse through a glass darkly of what heaven will be like when the Body of Christ made up of the saints from all the ages and all people groups worship Jesus and know Him fully and see Him face to face. What a glorious day that will be.

For now, I am grateful for the blessing of being part of the Body of Christ here. May I love Him more and more, and may I serve for the joy of knowing Him and the power of His resurrection and may I learn to serve from the overflow of His merciful, gracious love that has redeemed me to be part of His people. May I remember that God will use me here where He has planted me and it is good.

And I am grateful for my husband who lovingly encourages me to quit being a hermit and enjoy what he so wisely knows I need.

From My Recent Reading: A Quote From Octavius Winslow

I’ve been slowly reading my way through Soul Depths and Soul Heights by Octavius Winslow. The following quote from chapter 7, “Hoping in the Lord,” is one of the reasons I have really appreciated this book. It is not a quick read, but it is good and worth thinking through. In light of the fact that we need to be discerning as we read and listen to any writers or speakers but especially those who claim to be Christian, I so much appreciate Winslow’s exhortation to have the Word of God as our ground and proof for truth.

“A few practical deductions will close this chapter. It follows from the preceding exposition that it is of the utmost importance, of vital moment, that we make sure of the nature and foundation of our hope. There are false hopes of heaven, as there are false hopes of earth. It was a most holy prayer of the Psalmist, which every believer should, in a daily examination of his real state before God, breathe - ‘Let me not be ashamed of my hope’ (Psa. 119:116). Oh, what multitudes are cherishing a spurious hope of heaven! building their hope, not upon the Rock Christ Jesus, but upon the quicksand of their own righteousness! Look well, my reader, to the nature and foundation of your hope for the future! In settling the question of its reality, assume nothing as true which has not God’s Word for its ground and its proof.

It is written: ‘Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.’ It is written: ‘If any man be in Christ Jesus, he is a new creature.’ It is written: ‘Without holiness no man shall see the Lord.’ It is written: ‘He that believeth not shall be damned.’ Heaven and earth shall pass away, with all their greatness and grandeur, but God’s Word shall never pass away! Look well, then, to your hope after death. See that it is built upon Christ alone - a divine Redeemer, a personal Christ, a sin-atoning Saviour-Christ, the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last, yes, the all and in all of your hope of glory.”

Quote of the Day

My husband and 12-year-old son are preparing to build a swing set in the backyard. Son is looking at all the pieces of lumber and reading the very long set of instructions. He looked up and said, "This is a lot different from Legos."

I thought that was hilarious.

Math Makes Me Cry

My husband and I were talking today about how long it looks like we may get to stay here if the Army decides the way we think it will regarding his career path. Yeah, that sentence is clear as mud....I don’t know how else to express it.

Anywho...he was saying a certain time frame looked likely (no promises just thinking out loud, this is the Army you know), and I started doing the math on how old the kids will be, because that’s basically how I measure time these days. Then I choked up and started to cry while we were on the phone together, because it doesn’t really seem all that long, but when you start putting the kids’ faces on it, it makes you realize how fast time flies, and my little girl is turning 5 on Wednesday, and she’s the baby. That means the older ones are not babies, either. In fact, the oldest boy is almost as tall as me and entering that awkward stage boys do when their voices get all crackly and they still are kids but....not so much anymore. He really, really doesn’t want Mom to hug him anymore, and that makes me cry, too. He still likes Legos, though, and our read-aloud-together time in the evenings. The middle son still likes hugs, but don’t tell his friends, okay? I’m hugging our youngest girl every chance I get, because, well, did I mention she’s turning 5? It’s really been five years already?

I have much joy over the people they are growing to be, and I find that I enjoy them with every stage they grow through, and I find joy as I pray for them that the Lord will continue to draw them to Himself and teach them to have a heart for Him. I pray, too, that my husband and I are teaching them well and using the time we have well. I don’t want to waste the short time we have, but I also know that one thing I grieve deep down in my quiet heart is that too often in the busyness of the everyday we don’t always remember how short those everydays really are, and I know we've missed some things we should have been more on top of, and I know we've been impatient over things that really aren't all that important, and we've made mistakes along the way, and we've been, in short, sinners who have had to confess such to each other and to our children at times. In those moments, I pray for mercy and grace and wisdom, and I pray for the wisdom to use well the time we do have. And our God is so kind, so good, so very, very kind to us. And I am grateful.

So, math makes me cry. Anybody have a tissue?

Allergy Season

Working with a couple of sweet two-year-olds this morning while their mommas went to their MOPS meeting, when one of my little friends looked up from the paper he was coloring, grinned right into my face.....and sneezed. Not just a little sneeze, either. I do not think I’ve ever had so much sneeze sprayed all over my face and right into my eyes before. My inner germophobe began silently freaking out. I looked at my co-worker and said, “I’m sure it’s just allergies, right?” She smiled sickly and said, “Uh-huh.....” And then we looked at my little friend’s gunky nose, and my coworker and friend said, so reassuringly, “That doesn’t look like allergies to me.” And then we both laughed, because, what else are ya gonna do at that point?

We spent the rest of the morning assuring ourselves it’s just allergies. ‘Tis the season, after all. Meanwhile I contemplated whether dousing my face and eyes in Purell would blind me or not, and whether it might be worth it. Kidding. Sort of.

Yeah. Hand me a nice big bottle of vitamin C and the orange juice. I’ll be guzzling it straight from the jug....

Don’t you just love that sense of baited anticipation that follows such an event? Wonder what the incubation period is for this particular strain of Kentucky crud....

Confessing Our Faults and the Self-Esteem Culture

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16

A group of us at our church had a conversation recently where the question was asked, “Why is it that we find it so hard to be real with each other?” We walk through the halls at church, “Hi, how are you?” “Fine, how are you?” You may have had a horrible morning, screamed at the kids, everyone fuming on the way to church after the hustle of getting out the door, but you pull into the parking lot, put on your smile and mask over the hurt inside. We talked about how you don’t want to just dump everything onto everyone who asks, “How are you?” and you probably shouldn’t air all your dirty laundry for just anyone to see. But the question we discussed was, why is it so hard to find anyone with whom you can take off the mask and be honest? In the church, shouldn’t we be a family who bears with one another and helps each with burdens? Why are we so often not able to do that? Is it the fault of the one with the burden, too afraid to let anyone know they don’t, in fact, have it all together? Is it the fault of the one whom someone would want to ask for help - are we not being the kind of person someone can trust with that? Or is it a combination of both? How do we move beyond superficial ‘how-do-you-do’s’ to finding the kind of community that can be real?

I don’t have a complete answer for the how part, yet. I do have a little bit of thought on the why, though.

As I said during that conversation, part of the reason I don’t often open up and share is because when I do, someone either jumps all over my ‘wrong thinking’ or tries to ‘fix’ my problem. In my experience, most people are uncomfortable with honesty. When asking, “How are you,” we really don’t mean, “How are you,” we mean, “Good morning” or “Hello.” If someone, in a moment of desperation, begins to answer our implied, “Good morning,” by answering our spoken, “How are you,” and begins to tell us how they are, we get uncomfortable. TMI.

I am not saying we need to be the energy-draining person who is always down, always complaining, always sharing too much information with people we don’t know well. But we do, each of us, need the kind of friendship where we can open up and share one another’s burdens - and joys - honestly with people we have come to know well. And we, each of us, need to learn to be the kind of people who can be that kind of friend and genuinely ask, “How are you,” and mean it.

I’ve been thinking about something, and I hope I can say this without being offensive, but it’s on my heart today. One thing I’ve noticed is that we in the church do not really understand how to hear confessions of sin from each other or how to respond to them in a gospel-understanding way. One thing I’ve noticed repeatedly over the years is that if you ever do share a failing, people are really quick to reassure you and let you know that you are a really good person, you are really okay, stop being so hard on yourself, etc. You know something? As well-meaning as those attempts to boost my self-esteem are, they aren’t what I need. For example, whenever I say anything about failing in a test of patience with my kids or about messing up in an area of mothering, I get people telling me I’m a great mom, it makes them sad when I say I’ve failed as a mom, etc. I know that is well meant, but I wasn’t expressing a lack of self-esteem. I was expressing an area of sin in my life that I regret deeply and want to change. I wasn’t beating myself up unnecessarily. I wasn’t saying I thought I was an abject failure as a mom in all areas generally and woe-is-me. I was honestly admitting my fault. I know that God is in control and I am not. I am extremely grateful that He can take my faults and forgive my sin and capture my children’s hearts in spite of me.

But you know what? I am not a great mother inherently. I am not even a very nice person. I can play a pretty nice person outwardly, but you have no idea the sinful struggles I have in my mind and heart as I seek to daily die to myself and live for Christ. By God’s grace, I am a better mother than I could ever have been if I were not in the process of being sanctified by God’s grace, and I am daily learning to trust Him for the strength to parent well. But I don’t really need the guilt trip laid on me that by admitting my fault that I’m somehow being too hard on myself. Because the lectures telling me that I’m a great mom really only make me feel like now, not only did I blow it in losing my patience with my child, now I’m blowing it for admitting I have struggles, too. Saying I blew it doesn’t mean I’m despairing over my general mothering skills. It means I’m being honest and saying I sinned, today, in this very specific incident, and I know that this is an area where I tend to fall to temptation and I would welcome someone to come alongside me and pray for me and even to share that they, too, struggle with this issue. I know my heart better than people from the outside looking in do. By God’s grace, He is sanctifying me so that, by His grace He is growing His fruit in my life and overcoming the sinful me and pruning me and growing me in His grace to be the mother my kids need me to be and to be the person He would have me be. I know, desperately, my daily need for His grace, and my daily need to be preaching the gospel to myself and my children.

So, when we confess our sins to each other, we need to learn how to hear that from each other, and rather than seeing it as a self-esteem issue, which it isn’t - trust me, a big part of my problem is that I already think too much of myself - let’s learn to see it is a grace issue. Let’s learn to, instead of bolstering up self-esteem, let’s learn to come alongside with something like, “Wow. I’ve been there, too. May I pray for you? And will you pray for me?” And wouldn’t it be wonderful if then you and your friend could even search the scripture together and see what God says about this thing you’re dealing with and seek to hide God’s word in your hearts together so that you might not sin against God and so that you can spur each other on to good works. And as a sister in Christ, wouldn’t it be awesome if we would learn to preach the gospel to each other, rather than try to shore up a lagging self-esteem?

Status Report - May 2011

Sitting.....in the kitchen, smelling the ham and bean soup that is simmering for dinner. Mouth is watering. Corn bread will complement it nicely.

Sipping....Earl Grey tea, hot. A delightful afternoon treat.

Thinking....how strange it is that right when I’d decided to take a blogging break for a while, I all of a sudden felt like blogging again.

Resigned.....to the thought that I will probably never get the hang of short blog posts. I must learn that less is more. Somehow.

Pondering....how wrong it is that I get most of my news from Facebook lately. I may need to take something of a break from that time distraction. Social media doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but time wasting sure is.

Wondering....how it is possible that my baby is going to be five next week. Also wondering if I have the energy to survive the birthday party that will be at our house on Saturday.

Excited.....that The Lady and the Tramp DVD I ordered from Amazon was shipped today. I think I’m more excited to see my little girl open it than she will be to receive it. Lady Dog is her special toy - goes with her everywhere. Finally she’ll get to see the movie. I find it irritating that Disney locks away certain movies in the vault. Marketing genius, but I wanted Boo to get to see it before she doesn’t care anymore.

Thankful....for my church family. I’m constantly at a loss for words to describe how full my heart is on Sundays and after. I love how the gathering together on Sunday spurs us on to worship and serve throughout the week. May I have ears to hear and eyes to see!

Praying...for those who have been so drastically affected by the tornadoes. My heart is heavy as I hear of the damage and loss. May God have mercy, and may those who can help have strength and wisdom and compassion and resources.

Glad...there are only five weeks left of the school year. Looking forward to summer with the kids.

Realizing...that working with preschoolers on a weekly basis isn’t really my gift. I like kids, but didn’t so much love the job. Now to find where I am supposed to be serving.

Once again, I’m thankful for Lisa’s status report format.

Justice in a Fallen World

I did not know that Osama bin Ladin had been killed until I turned on Facebook this morning. Sad that I get my news from there a lot of times. Anyway, when I turned on the news this morning to check it out (because just because it's on Facebook doesn't mean it's true), I found myself very disconcerted at the dancing in the streets with people treating it like the kind of celebration over a football victory or something. I pondered a while over why I found it disconcerting, and my brother summed it up well for me when he commented on my FB query, "Why it's so disconcerting: because it is so similar to how that part of the world reacted to 9/11. We have shown that we are not above that level." I agree with my brother on that.

Later I listened to Albert Mohler's episode of "The Briefing, " and I appreciated his thoughts on it, which are even better spelled out on his blog today. So, while I am thankful for our intelligence services and military and the fact that a threat has been removed, I sincerely wish my fellow countrymen would treat it more soberly in the eyes of a watching world rather than give fuel to those who already hate us. Anyone who thinks this will end it isn't paying attention. And I'm really not looking forward to how this will be spun for all the political capital possible in the upcoming election cycle, either.

What I Want My Daughter to Know

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

I’ve been pondering something for a while now, and I’m pretty sure I will not be able to write all I want in a short post. Short posts do not seem to be a skill set I have developed yet. I know I haven’t adequately said all I want to here, but I’ve tried to get some of my thoughts organized.

I don’t know if it is that I am relatively new to parenting a girl, my two oldest being boys, or if it is something that truly is growing in our culture, but it seems that there is a whole culture of the ‘princess’ and extreme ‘girly-girlness’ that is not sitting well with me. I briefly mentioned it a while back in passing, but I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit.

First of all, I’m going to state up front that I am glad my girl enjoys dressing up and wearing dresses and pink, and I think it is healthy to engage in ‘dress up’ play and using her imagination, and I want her to embrace true femininity. I like that she is girly. So, this is not going to be some feministic rant about boys and girls being the same or any such nonsense. Boys and girls are different, by God’s design they are different, and I celebrate this. I want my girl to embrace and celebrate who God has designed her to be, and I am not trying to squash her creative playfulness while she is little.

What I am seeing, however, is an extreme version of ‘girliness,’ that too much emphasizes glitter and glam, and what it boils down to, in my opinion, is teaching our little girls that they are so special that the world revolves around them and that they should get whatever they want right when they want it. We are teaching our girls to be so self-centered and spoiled that it turns my stomach. Too much focus on being a princess can be a bad thing, I think. Maybe what I’m saying is I want my girl to be a little more balanced. Much more important than being a princess, I want her to learn to be a girl who honors God.

For instance, it’s okay that pink is her favorite color, and I don’t mind dressing her in pink often, but when she pitches a fit on a given morning because I insist she wear an outfit that is perfectly nice and pretty but doesn’t happen to be pink, then we have a problem. I have a daughter who was born with a sin nature. What she needs is for me to be teaching her that showing disrespect to her mother by throwing a tantrum over little things is not honoring to God. She does not need me excusing her behavior by simpering and saying, “Oh, she’s just such a princess, such a girly-girl,” and then bowing to her whim. She does not need to be appeased, she needs to be taught to obey.

Because she is so interested in princessy things, I recorded the royal wedding yesterday and we enjoyed watching some of the highlights together. It was an absolutely beautiful wedding. She ooh-ed and ahhh-ed over how beautiful everything was, and then I sat her down and we talked about how being a girl who honors God is much more important than being a princess. A woman can be exquisite and classy and beautiful and all that, but if her heart doesn’t belong to Jesus, all the rest is empty. She will be five in a couple of weeks. I am quite sure she doesn’t yet understand what I’m getting at, but I pray that with careful training, she will, one day, understand. And I am realizing that I have not been diligent enough to be driving home the point that how beautiful she is inside is much, much, much more important than how pretty her hair or clothes are.

I have a daughter who is very strong-willed. This is a gift from God, I am convinced of it. But it is a challenge as a mom, I won’t lie. I have noticed recently that her extreme interest in girly-girl pinky princess things is leading to some things that I am realizing I must constantly and immediately address. She is very easily frustrated - typical for her age, but not something to be excused. Lately, when she doesn’t get what she wants or can’t find something she’s ‘needing’ right now, she immediately ratchets up to a screaming fit. I have been taking her aside, every single time, and sitting her down and telling her that her job right now is to obey her mother and father and to learn to be respectful of us and others. This is God’s command for children, to honor their parents. She needs to learn that the world does not revolve around her and to treat others as more important than herself. She needs to learn to ask, gently, for help rather than immediately screech because her will is thwarted. She does not need me to simper and say, “She’s such a little princess,” and excuse away selfish behavior.

Anyway, I was shopping for new Bibles for my kids the other day, and I ran across some Bibles and devotional books that are marketed to girls as princess Bibles and princess devotionals. I will admit to you that I am not a fan of audience-specific Bibles, anyway - youth, boy, girl, women’s, men’s, etc. - and we can discuss that at length another time perhaps. But as to the princess Bibles, I really do not think this is wise. Search Amazon for ‘Princess Bible’ and you’ll see some of what I’m talking about. I don’t doubt that some of the topics covered are probably good - hiding God’s word in our hearts, manners, etc. are all things little girls need encouragement to practice, no argument from me. But I’m not so sure that as Christians we really want to cash in on the princess mentality. (And ‘cash in’ was an intentional word choice.) There is something that, for me, is inherent with the princess mindset that is very self-centered and shallow. I think Disney’s Little Mermaid, Ariel, sums up the knee-jerk reaction I have to the ‘princess’ mindset.....she is spoiled, self-centered, disobeys the direct word of a father who loves her and wants her best, and gets everything she wants at great expense to others who are hurt directly because of her actions - and this is the ‘happily ever after’ ending we are conditioned to want for her.

I want more for my daughter than for her to be a princess. I want more for her than a focus on shallow, worldly, outward things. I want her to know that a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. I want her to know that the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom. I want her to understand biblical modesty, and that her true adornment is a heart that is seeking truly, diligently after God. I want purity and true beauty to be her passion. I want her to learn to love others and be interested in their needs and in caring for them. I want love for Christ to motivate her. I pray for her that she will understand that being a girl who honors God is so much better than being a princess. And I pray for wisdom to train her well in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. And I pray that God, in His mercy, please draw her to Himself and that she will find her fulfillment, satisfaction, and beauty in loving and obeying and enjoying Him forever.

What's On Your Nightstand - April 2011

I use the “What’s On Your Nightstand” title because that is the name and theme of the blog carnival, but honestly, my books aren’t usually on my nightstand for very long. It is more like they are scattered throughout the house, or, more likely, following me around the house as I take them from room to room in the hopes I’ll have a moment here or there to stop and read. So I use ‘nightstand’ to really mean ‘stack of books I am currently reading at any given time.’

Since I don’t always remember to participate in the monthly posting of ‘What’s On My Nightstand,’ I also have a page you can visit where I’m keeping an ongoing list of books I’m reading. If you’re interested. Or care. On to the list for this month:

Recently finished:

The Crocodile Bird - Ruth Rendell. (F) I like Ruth Rendell, she’s one of my favorite authors, but probably isn’t for everyone. She is quite adept, somewhat frighteningly so in my opinion, at exploring obsession and sometimes even functional madness, or maybe just social dysfunction, in her characters.

Deliver Us From Evil - David Baldacci. (F) Another author I generally like.

Currently Reading:

The Bible (ESV) (NF)- I don’t usually list my Bible on here, though I could because I read it every day and it is the most important to me. I’m listing it today, though, because I bought my kids new Bibles for Easter this year when I found the ESV and the HCSB versions on sale at our local Lifeway store. My son had requested a new Bible a while back because he had been using an old one of mine that is falling apart, and he wanted an ESV. He’s been reading through the Bible on his own since January and it has been super cool to be able to ask him every so often, “So, where are you now?” and be able to talk about it with him. Way cool. Anyway, I bought myself an ESV also that is small and easy to carry to church. I am really enjoying reading through it in this translation, especially since it is the version I used to memorize Philippians.

The New Pilgrim’s Progress - by John Bunyan (with updated text by Judith E. Markham). (F) I’m reading a slightly adapted version that makes it a little more understandable for modern readers. I kind of got sidetracked from it when I went to the library and am now reading the next book I’ll list, so this one is a carryover from last month.

Sutter’s Cross - W. Dale Cramer. (F) I had read about this one on someone’s list recently of books that they had reviewed - I’m thinking it may have been at Discerning Reader, but I’m not quite sure now. Anyway, I’m not a huge fan of Christian fiction generally - we can discuss that another time perhaps - but I’m enjoying this book so far. Got it from our local public library, which has quite a few Christian fiction selections just there on the shelves with all the fiction, not separated out, which is kind of nice. I may stumble across more that I like if I’m not aware it is a genre book. :-)

Soul Depths and Soul Heights - Octavius Winslow. (NF) This is not a ‘sit down and read it quickly’ book, but I am appreciating it much as I work through it chapter by chapter and ponder. Good stuff.

Waiting in the Wings:

I find myself in the predicament in which I often find myself, having too many books to read and not enough time to get to them all. I have two books that will be next on my agenda once I finish what I’m already working on, and I’m anticipating both with joy.

Holiness (abridged) - J.C. Ryle (NF)

Slave - John MacArthur (NF)

Happy reading everyone! Check out the other lists at 5 Minutes for Books.

Resurrection Sunday

Jesus Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!

"Now when the Sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome brought spices, that they might come and anoint Him. Very early in the morning, on the first day of the week, they came to the tomb when the sun had risen. And they said among themselves, 'Who will roll away the stone from the door of the tomb for us?' But when they looked up, they saw that the stone had been rolled away - for it was very large. And entering the tomb, they saw a young man clothed in a long white robe sitting on the right side; and they were alarmed.

But he said to them, 'Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He is risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid Him. But go, tell His disciples - and Peter - that He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him, as He said to you." Mark 16:1-8

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence." Colossians 1:15-18

"And they sang a new song, saying:

'You are worthy to take the scroll,

And to open its seals;

For You were slain,

And have redeemed us to God by Your blood

Out of every tribe and tongue and people and nation,

And have made us kings and priests to our God;

And we shall reign on the earth.'" Revelation 5:9-10

Finding Joy In Saturday

I’m thinking today about the day before the Resurrection. I mean that Sabbath day before Jesus rose on the first day of the week. Last night at our Good Friday service our pastor spoke about the times when it seems God is silent, and it was a good service. Now, I know that God is not silent, I know that we have His word and this is how we hear Him speak to us. But there are times we may feel very much like He is not moving. This, I believe, is why we must not trust our feelings. Maybe we’re praying fervently and we feel like our prayers are not reaching beyond the ceiling. Maybe we find ourselves in a period of soul depth and wonder if God even cares. Maybe we read His word and feel like we’re hearing nothing. I’m stressing feelings for a reason, bear with me, please.

Our pastor last night spoke about the passage when Lazarus died. (John 11) He talked about how when Jesus heard that His friend, the one whom the messengers described as, “he whom You love,” was ill. The Bible says very clearly here that Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. And yet, He stayed two more days where He was before going to them. We talked about how it is quite likely that by the time the messenger got to Jesus Lazarus may have already been dead, because when Jesus got there Lazarus had been in the grave for 4 days.

Martha and Mary and those with them must have desired Jesus to come immediately, must have earnestly desired that. Yet He waited. He was not working on their time table. He had His own purpose in mind, and He will do what He purposes to do. He said plainly in John 11:15, “And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, that you may believe. Nevertheless let us go to him.” Though they wanted to see Lazarus healed from his illness, Jesus’ purpose was higher - it was that they would believe. It was an eternal purpose, specifically that they would believe that He is the resurrection and the life. See John 11:25. When you think about it, what a blessing that He gave them this gift right before He, Himself, went to the cross. He clearly demonstrated to them that He is Lord over life and death.

So, though the people must have felt during those four days that Jesus wasn’t acting, He had a great and mighty purpose in His silence. I take great comfort in this. How I feel in any given circumstance pales in comparison to the knowledge that God is in control, He does care for His own, He has spoken, and He is sovereign. He is not silent, His purpose will be accomplished, and how I feel is not where I need to focus. Sometimes the answer I seek is not God's purpose for me, and just as He had a great purpose in allowing Martha and Mary to go through the valley, I must trust Him in the midst of my own valleys. Rather than seeking to feel like God is speaking, I must rest in the security of His word and trust Him, in spite of feelings, and I must trust that He is working all things together for our good and for His glory.

I said I was thinking about the day before the Resurrection of Jesus. I cannot imagine what the disciples must have been feeling during that quiet Sabbath day. Specifically, I think of Peter. Can you imagine the agony of soul depth he must have experienced as he thought back and remembered how Jesus had told him that Satan had asked to sift him, but that Jesus had prayed for him? Can you imagine the agony of soul depth he was experiencing as he remembered Jesus’ eyes looking intently at him in the courtyard with the echo of the rooster’s crow fading? The Bible says he went out and wept bitterly. Have you ever wept bitterly at realizing just how enormously you’ve sinned? Have you ever come to that kind of poverty of spirit where you have been brought so low that you know that nothing you could bring would ever atone for your failure to love Him and obey Him and honor Him?

The thing is, we can call Friday, “Good Friday,” and we can find joy in Saturday, because we know what Sunday means. We know that Jesus, in suffering the cross, had a high and glorious purpose that those dismayed disciples couldn’t see on that Sabbath.....yet. If you think about it, though, Jesus had graciously prepared them, even for this. He had told them, more than once, that on the third day He would rise again.

And, glorious truth, He did! Jesus, for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross. His glorious purpose was to do His Father’s will in reconciling a people to Himself. You hear a lot of sentimental talk about how Jesus was thinking of you on the cross. You know what? I think we don’t really understand, I’m not sure we can fully understand, that His thought, as evidenced by His prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, wasn’t simply a sentimental kind of love for us, but His thought was ever to do His Father’s will. Jesus’ consuming passion was to fulfill the will of the Father. It was the Father’s will that Jesus would die to redeem to Himself all who would place their faith in Christ. Yes, He loves us. Oh, what love! He loves us with an amazing and redeeming love. But to think of His love as a gushy, sentimental love doesn't go nearly far enough in comprehending. He loves us with a binding, covenant love. He doesn’t love us because we are lovable, or because there is anything in us that was seeking after Him. He loves us and endured the wrath our sin deserves because it brings the Father glory to show such grace and mercy. He loved us while we were yet sinners, while we were enemies of God, He loved us and provided the way of salvation. He demonstrated what He was thinking about us when He prayed for us, that those who would believe on Him would be one just as He and the Father are one. And it is a thought that brings me to my knees in wonder and awe to think that He has opened my eyes and drawn me to Him in His grace and mercy, and that He has broken the curse of sin and set this captive free to love Him and obey Him. We love Him because He first loved us! Oh, the wonder of His matchless, amazing, incomprehensible love! It is almost more than I can comprehend that He would love me, such a sinner, and forgive my sin and make me whole.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus! His grace and mercy are emphatically displayed in the cross. Let the things of this life grow dim and let me ever seek first His kingdom and His glory. And because He suffered the cross and rose again, my song can now be, “Nothing in my hands I bring, simply to Thy cross I cling.” All my works are as filthy rags, and it is true that nothing I could do or bring could ever atone for my sin. But praise God, Jesus is the Lamb who takes away the sin of the world! Praise God that He loves us with a covenant love that clothes those who turn to Him in repentance and faith in His righteousness and that He is ever interceding for His people as our Advocate and great High Priest. And when we are tempted to feel that God is silent, let us think again what an amazing thing it is that He came, God With Us, that He endured the shame and mockery that are so scandalous to think of, and let us look again at the wonder of the cross and the power of His resurrection.

Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Unreal

Wow. I just tuned in to the news and am just stunned by the damage in St. Louis. Hard to believe it when I think how many times Drew has flown in and out of that airport. Praying for all of our friends in St. Louis today, and I'm thankful that from what I'm seeing on Facebook most of the people I know there seem to be doing okay this morning. I hope you're all safe! We love you guys.

When You Can't Think of a Blog Post....**Updated at bottom

You could spend all afternoon trying to redesign your blog header. And yes, I'm so graphic artistically untrained this did take all afternoon. I'm sure I could probably write a whole post about how that was wasted time, but, it is what it is now. I finally decided the other one I amateurishly designed was too busy or big or something....so I worked on this today. I think I need an opinion. Here's whatI came up with first this afternoon:

The type at the bottom is small - it's just what I have up there now without the blue background for the 'with lemon.'

Husband came home and I asked his opinion, and he said, "It's nice but you can't see the 'with lemon.' Can you just retype that part or put color behind it or something? I got prickly because the program I'm using is really amateur, seeing as I'm cheap and got it free online, and it's not super easy to use. It is not a matter of just retyping. It's a matter of redoing the whole thing. Then I repented the prickliness, because if you're going to ask an opinion, you better be willing to take the constructive criticism. I did want an honest opinion.

So, is it better the way I first did it,or the way it is now with the blue behind the yellow words? I feel like it emphasizes the 'with lemon' a little too much. Then again, since I'm still kind of plumbing the depths, so to speak, I am feeling a little more lemony than sweet at the moment. But I don't exactly want that to be what the blog header is saying when you first step onto the blog front porch.

Any thoughts? I promise that even if I feel prickly, I won't take it out on you. :-)

Update: Here's another one I think maybe will work as a compromise between the two since I like it w/o the blue better:

What do you think?

*Update again: Okay, I changed the font for the 'with lemon' part and added orange underneath the yellow. I think I like that one best. But I'll put the other one with the blue here so you know what it was and can still vote for it.

Okay, the header up there is, hopefully, the last change. Trying to decide now if I like this one better or the one I had up right before it with the Lemon in the same font as the Sweet Tea.

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for other bloggers who write ‘Thankful Thursday’ posts, because, to be honest, I’d forgotten about thankfulness and Thursdays....again....until I pulled up my Google reader and saw what others had written today. I am humbled and ashamed when I think about how often I forget to stop and think about thankfulness, especially on Thursdays which seem to be one of my busiest days.

I’m thankful that faith is not dependent on how I feel. Again.

I’m so very thankful for the righteousness that comes from God, the only true righteousness, that depends on faith, not a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but the righteousness that comes through faith in Christ. What an amazing thing. And that is not just words, it is life.

I’m thankful for the book of Philippians and the Partnering to Remember project and the encouragement to hide God’s word in my heart. I’ve started going back and writing out notes on what I’ve memorized, and hope to be able to use it to encourage someone else as opportunity arises.

I’m thankful for periods of ‘the blues’ and for opportunities God uses to draw me close to Him and into His word for the only encouragement that will truly satisfy a sinking heart. And I’m thankful that no matter how low I feel, I will ever find the Rock of Ages upon which faith rests and is sustained. Thanks, Octavius Winslow, for that thought.

I’m thankful for joy that is deeper than momentary, or even longer than momentary, blues. The joy that is rooted in knowing Christ Jesus, the security that I may be found in Him and that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection. The joy that is found in knowing that my hope is sure because it is anchored in Jesus, and I am clothed in His righteousness. Hallelujah, what a Savior!

I’m thankful for reminders, painful ones, that sometimes I feel blue because I’m thinking too much of myself and not enough of others, and more importantly, not thinking highly enough of God and seeking to love Him and seek His Kingdom with all my heart, and that I need to repent and pray for grace and mercy to retrain my thinking and to think biblically and lay aside weights of selfishness and pride that will not only hinder my race, but strangle me, so please, God, have mercy and may I fling those weights aside and run with endurance and live in obedience a life that is worthy of the gospel!

I’m thankful for my husband, who is encouraging me to get moving with my writing. I'm also thankful for my parents' encouragement to write and keep writing the blog, too. I think I’ve been stalled because I’m scared. I’m scared because as long as I stall and only think about writing, I haven’t actually failed at it. Once I start, if I find out I can’t, well, it’s been part of me for so long....

But I’m thankful for my husband’s patient encouragement when I tearfully told him about a deep and secret hurt and fear yesterday regarding my dream to write. He believes I can do it. I don't know why, but he does. And he understands my insecurities in a way no one else can, but he loves me and is cheering me on. He even helped me find my ‘lost’ notebook of unfinished scribblings so that I can, finally, get busy. Even if the only thing I ever write is the story my little boy requested so long ago and only he ever reads it. Even then, at least I will have written it, if I just will get to it, and it will be worth it to be able to write this story before he is too old to care anymore.

I’m thankful for spring and greatly hopeful that it really will be warm consistently here again one day.

Happy Thursday!